Lulu in LA LA Land (13 page)

Authors: Elisabeth Wolf

But it's their private, personal schedule!

LULU

When did YOU become a Girl Scout? I know you once told your friend, Sharon Lime, when Dad was taking a tennis lesson, and she snuck a picture of him and sold it to
Starz
magazine.

Alexis is struck silent. She's been whacked into total embarrassment by her little, messy, salsa-stinking sister.

LULU

OK, here's the deal. You're gonna cancel ALL of Mom and Dad's Sunday appointmentsâhair, nails, gown and tuxedo fitting, interviews, the works! Everything goes, EXCEPT, of course, the Academy Awards.

ALEXIS

(stunned)

What?! You're living up to your name and going totally lulu!

LULU

(ignoring the remark)

Anything they need to do to get ready, we'll have covered hereâ¦

(waves her hand around)

â¦at the Spa-tacular.

ALEXIS

How do I tell Linc and Fiona that their appointments are canceled?

LULU

Your script doesn't call for telling them anything. Your role is the snobby, high and mighty assistant. If you happen to run into Mom and Dad, you say nada! To them, you play the boyfriend-and-shopping-crazed teen daughter. That should be easy for you.

ALEXIS

Shouldn't I remind them about your birthday?

LULU

Don't be a goof. Think in character, Lex! Would a way-cool, busy teenage sister bother about her little sister's birthday?

ALEXIS

Good point.

LULU

Thanks. I know.

Alexis examines the many-page schedule.

LULU

Oh, and I'll make sure you get co-producing credit, OK?

Alexis tosses the schedule booklet back to Lulu. It makes her uneasy just to hold it.

ALEXIS

Look, Lu, I'm more than a little worried about what you're asking.

LULU

It's a great part! You're lucky to have landed it. Right now, concentrate on your acting.

(pause)

All good roles are challenging, Lex. Now I've gotta go.

(heads toward door)

Geez peas! No wonder Mom's always busy. Directing means putting tons of little puzzle pieces together to make one great picture.

Almost at the door, Lulu turns back to Alexis.

LULU

Just so you stop worryingâ¦I'm gonna reach Stab and ask him to call Linc's and Fiona's real assistants, Lilac and Leif. He'll tell them to get to Chateau Marmont ASAP to keep snooping reporters away from him and Glamazon. Oh, and he'll warn them not to bring their cell phones so they can't be tracked by the paparazzi.

ALEXIS

That's supposed to make me STOP worrying?!!

LULU

That time I met Stab, he said I could call him.

ALEXIS

Lu, how do YOU even know Hollywood stuff, like producing, directing, scripts, credits, paparazzi?

LULU

You think I'm a geeky nerd, but that doesn't make me completely spacey about the family businessâ¦because, well, I've been part of this family my whole life.

Lulu pushes unbrushed hair from her face then exits.

SCENE 4: GET IN TOUCH WITH MY PEOPLE

INT. HARRISONS' POOL CABANAâSATURDAY MORNING, 8:00 A.M.

Lulu zooms into the pool house where she's arranged a secret meeting with Elana, Johnny Walker, Hernandez, and Chip.

LULU

(cheery)

Hey, guys! Good morning!

ELANA

NiÃ±a, is this gonna take long? I can make coffee.

LULU

(clearing throat)

No, not long. Ahhummmâ¦ Sorry to beg you all to come here so early, but I wanted to let you know I've taken over my birthday!

Lulu stops to watch her pals glance at one another.

LULU

You see, Alexis and I are now co-producers of my party. And, now that I'm involved, there'll be some changes. I want to have my OWN people. It's key to the success of the entire project.

JOHNNY

Hey, this is really cool. Lulu is channeling Fiona.

Muffled chuckles ripple through room.

LULU

Actually, I'm just tapping into another part of the real Lulu.

Walking up to each person, Lulu hands out cards with dried flowers pasted on the front.

LULU

I was up very late hand-making theseâ¦

All are quiet while they study their handmade invitations.

HERNANDEZ

This is muy
bonita
. And
mi familia
? I can bring my girls?

LULU

Of course, Hernandez. I personally invite you all to my birthday party tomorrow at eleven a.m.

(pauses)

Lately, I'd lost sight of who my friends are. I forgot who teaches and helps me. I forgot who makes me laugh and makes me safe. You're all the greatest friends an almost-eleven-year-old could have. So, please, and por favor, come tomorrow as my honored VIP, five-star, numero uno guests!

JOHNNY

(stands up)

I shall be there, Miss Lulu, with bells on.

Johnny makes a long, sweeping bow.

LULU

Johnny, awesome, but ummmm, please don't wear anything with bells.

JOHNNY

(winking at Lulu)

Ooooh, you got me!

All chuckle.

JOHNNY

I'm going to bathe Watson and find him something snazzy to wear. We'll arrive looking like a million bucks!

LULU

Well, that reminds me. It's a spa party. I don't really know what that means, but prepare to be pampered.

CHIP

You mean diapered, like Watson?

More giggles from the gang.

LULU

Ya know, spa stuff. Like oiled, scrubbed, and polished. So just wear comfy clothes.

CHIP

I surf Sunday mornings. OK if I come sorta sandy?

LULU

The sandier the better!

HERNANDEZ

(gets up)

OK. I gotta go because I want to make the grounds look perfecto!

LULU

Everything already looks perfecto, Hernandez. Please don't worry about it. And, Chip, that goes for you too.

Watson trudges in looking disheveled and smelling stinky as usual.

LULU

Actually, Johnny, the pooping pug needs some work.

Everyone reacts to the odor then gets up to leave.

LULU

Does anyone have time to get to Mr. Garza's truck today? I have an invitation for him and Miguel.

Chip, Johnny, and Hernandez all offer to deliver the invitation. They plan to meet at the truck for a delicious midday lunch. Lulu hands the invitation to Chip.

LULU

(to Chip)

Please tell them not to bring anything. Just come to celebrate.

Chip gives a little salute then, quietly, into her earâ¦

CHIP

You make a really cool mini director. You can cast me in your projects any time!

(pauses)

Hey, I have a script I might want you to read for me.

Lulu gives Chip an overly dramatic wink. They both crack up.

ELANA

(to Lulu)

I love my invitation. The painted sky and the pressed-down flora. I put this in a frame.

LULU

Gracias, Momny. See, they were all different.

Lulu holds out other invitations painted with different backgrounds. One is pressed petals in the shape of a peace sign, the other a bluebell.

ELANA

Who are those for?

LULU

Oh, well, ummmm, they're harder to deliver. One's for Petal, but she's so busy.

ELANA

Give me that one. I do it for you. She's driving back and forth to the casa all day for your parents.

LULU

Well, that's just it. I don't want my parents to know anything about this.

ELANA

No problemo. I take care of it. Who the other invitation for?

LULU

Sophia.

ELANA

(serious look)

Ahh, that one, niÃ±a, you gotta do by yourself.

SCENE 5: BUGGING SOPHIA

EXT. HARRISON PROPERTY, OUTSIDE THE ENTRANCE GATEâSATURDAY

Lulu has set up a bug stand right on Stone Canyon Road. A white tablecloth covers a small table. On top of the table are various-sized jars, each containing bugs. A large hand-drawn sign in front advertises the sale of caterpillars and ladybugs. Lulu sits behind the table reading a book but looks up each time a car zooms by, which isn't too often in her exclusive neighborhood. Drivers don't even touch their brakes when passing her bug stand.

Finally, a car cruises over and stops. It's Officer Gale from Bel-Air Patrol. He gets out and approaches Lulu.

OFFICER GALE

Good afternoon, Lulu!

LULU

Hi, Officer Gale. I'm safe. I'm not sticking too far into the street. Did someone complain about me?

OFFICER GALE

(radio crackles inside patrol car)

Elana.

LULU

She knows where I am. I promised not to get out of camera range.

Lulu points up at the security cameras perched on tall gateposts in front of the Harrison driveway.

OFFICER GALE

Sure, she was watching you from the house. But she can't sit and monitor you all day.

Officer Gale walks over to her bug table. He picks up a jar.

OFFICER GALE

So, how's the bug business?

LULU

Let's just say the bugs aren't flying off the table.

OFFICER GALE

Hey, Hernandez called me to say he was bringing you a hive of honeybees. Asked if there's a rule against beekeeping in Bel-Air.

LULU

(excited to talk about bugs)

Bees are the best! They pollinate everything we grow and eat. My best friend, Sophia, and I are gonna get their honey next spring.

OFFICER GALE

Well, I'll be ready for the 911 call when you guys go for the honey. Bees aren't good at sharing.

LULU

(giggling)

We'll be fine. We have some great bug books.

Lulu holds up a copy of
Bug
Me
that she's been reading.

OFFICER GALE

(returning a jar of ladybugs to the table)

So why are you de-bugging now?

LULU

Well, ummm. I'm trying to get Sophia to stop here. She doesn't want to be my friend anymore because I didn't invite her to my birthday party.

OFFICER GALE

Didn't invite your best friend to your birthday party? I don't copy that.

LULU

I acted like a jerk and a chicken and never told her to come.

OFFICER GALE

Got it.

(pauses)

Well, happy birthday, Lulu. I hope you two work it out.

LULU

Thank you, Officer Gale. Would you like to come tomorrow? It's at eleven a.m.

OFFICER GALE

I'd love to, but I gotta check with Mrs. Gale.

LULU

She should come too!

OFFICER GALE

Roger that. We'll both be there.

(thinks a moment)

See how easy it is?

LULU

What's easy?

OFFICER GALE

Just saying what you mean. To the point. From the heart.

A car slows down.

OFFICER GALE

Looks like you finally got a customer.

LULU

That's Sophia and her mom!

OFFICER GALE

Well, don't sit there looking like you swallowed a fly.

Eve's yellow Mini Cooper pulls up to the Harrisons' gates. The driver's window comes down. Eve pushes the buzzer to get in. While the gate slowly swings open, Eve waves.

EVE

Hi, Lulu! I'm here to work on your mom. I'm sensing she has very tense shoulders today.

Lulu bites her bottom lip then glances at Officer Gale, who casually leans against his patrol car.

OFFICER GALE

Just the facts, Lulu.

LULU

(turning to the yellow car)

Is Sophia with you?

Eve looks behind her.

LULU

I'd mucho like to talk to her! You see, I was out here selling bugs, but what I was really doing was waiting for you to come over 'cause I was hoping she'd come with you.

Sophia wiggles herself from the car's tiny back seat and steps out.

SOPHIA

Hi, Lulu. Are you selling the ladybugs we just released?

LULU

Ummmm, yes. Well, it's too soon to be their larvae already.

The patrol radio zzzuzzes and crackles. Officer Gale twists buttons on his radio to get Lulu's attention. She looks over and sees him tap the badge pinned over his heart.

LULU

(directed at Officer Gale)

Right. Got it.

(back to Sophia)

To be honest, I'm out here to tell you thatâ¦

Lulu takes a rare breath between words.

LULU

I'm sorry I was a weakling and a jerk and I let myself be bossed around by Queen Bee and, well, more than anything in the world, I want you to come to my birthday party tomorrow.

Sophia doesn't respond or move an inch.

LULU

It's not exactly the party you and I planned, but it'll be fun. And, well, if you're not there, my eleven will just be “one” without the other “one.”

Sophia is still frozen.

LULU

OK, Sophia, just say yes or I'm gonna keep bugging you!

Sophia smiles.

SOPHIA

You're pretending to sell garden insects on the streets of Bel-Air just to get me to know you're still my best friend? How could I resist that?

Lulu races over to hug her friend and hand her the homemade invitation tucked between the pages of
Bug
Me
.

SOPHIA

C'mon. Let's go release these guys. The ladybugs and caterpillars are probably starving.