Man From Mundania (3 page)

Read Man From Mundania Online

Authors: Piers Anthony

Tags: #Fiction, #Fantasy, #General, #Princesses, #Magic, #Epic, #Fantasy fiction; American, #Xanth (Imaginary place)

 

BUT A PRINCESS IS NOT A CROOK.

 

"I'll make an exception."

 

THEN I WILL HAVE TO HOLD YOU CAPTIVE.

 

Ivy delivered a haughty stare. "Are you threatening me,

you crock?"

YES.

So much for bluffing! "Then it's war!"

 

IT ALWAYS WAS.

 

"War, then," she said boldly. "Where do you have the

mirror?"

 

WHY DO YOU WANT IT?

 

"Why should I tell you that?"

 

WHY SHOULD I TELL YOU WHERE IT IS?

 

Oh. "You mean you'll tell me where it is, if I tell you

why I want it?"

 

OF COURSE.

 

' 'I need it to take with me when I use the Heaven Cent.''

 

The screen blinked. This news had evidently taken the

machine aback. Then the words appeared: THE MIRROR is

 

IN THE CABINET BY THE BACK EXIT.

 

Ivy looked toward the rear of the cave. There was a

cabinet. She knew the machine could not tell an untruth,

but it could tell a partial truth. "Is the cabinet locked?"

 

NO.

 

"There must be some reason I can't get it, even if I

beat you."

 

THERE IS NO REASON.

 

"I don't believe it!"

 

GO TO THE CABINET. TAKE THE MIRROR.

 

"You're giving it to me?" she asked incredulously.

 

NO. I AM MERELY EVINCING MY GOOD FAITH. YOU MAY

HOLD THE MIRROR. IT DOES NOT MATTER, BECAUSE IF I

MAKE YOU CAPTIVE, THE MIRROR REMAINS CAPTIVE TOO.

 

Ivy walked to the cabinet. She pulled open its top

drawer. There was the magic mirror! She picked it up.

 

"Maybe it's the wrong mirror!" Nada exclaimed.

"Maybe it only looks like the one you want."

 

TEST IT, the machine printed imperturbably.

 

"Show me my brother," Ivy told the mirror.

 

Man from Mundania

 

n

 

Prince Dolph appeared in the mirror. He was sitting

quite still. That was suspicious.

 

"Show me the larger context," she said.

The image of Dolph shrank as the scope of the scene

increased. Now the image showed the boy sitting on Ivy's

bed, watching the magic Tapestry.

 

"That little stink hom!" Ivy exclaimed. "He sneaked

into my room to watch the Tapestry!"

 

"That figures," Nada said. "He does like it."

Ivy nodded. "Almost as well as he likes you," she

agreed.

 

The mirror was genuine. "All right. Pewter," Ivy said.

"Now it starts. I'm walking out of here—with the mir-

ror." She started walking toward the front of the cave.

PRINCESS IVY CHANGES HER MIND, the screen printed.

"Well, maybe not with the mirror," she said.

"Ivy!" Nada cried. "Don't let him rewrite the script!"

Ivy glared at the screen. "So you're doing it. Pewter!"

she said severely. "Well, it won't work! I'm not changing

my mind!" She resumed walking.

 

PRINCESS IVY SEES A BIG HAIRY SPIDER ON THE FLOOR.

 

There was the spider, right in front of her. ' 'Eeeeek!''

she screeched, horrified.

 

"Don't fall for that!" Nada called. "It's illusion!"

 

"But it's a big hairy illusion!" Ivy replied.

 

' 'Just walk through it!''

 

Ivy realized that she would have to do just that. She

took a nervous step toward the spider.

 

The spider reared up on six of its hairy legs, and hissed.

Ivy skipped back, affrighted again.

 

"This is ridiculous," Nada said. "I'll take care of that

spider." For the naga had no fear of spiders; they ate

them.

 

NADA ENCOUNTERS HER WORST HORROR, the Screen

 

printed.

 

The spider converted into a man-high mound of cake

 

covered with ice cream covered with chocolate fudge with

 

whipped cream topping.

 

"Oh, ugh!" Nada exclaimed, retreating.

"You hate cake?" Electra asked, amazed.

 

12 Man from Mundania

 

"When I traveled with Dolph, we came to an isle—one

of the keys—made of cake and icing and all. We ate until

we got sick. Ever since, I can't stand the stuff. My stom-

ach turns at the very notion!"

 

"Well, mine doesn't!" Electra said. "Let me at it!"

 

ELECTRA ENCOUNTERS HER WORST HORROR.

 

The cake reshaped into an open coffin. The interior was

plush, and there was a coverlet and pillow inside. It looked

quite comfortable.

 

Electra's eyes went round with horror. "No, no! I don't

want to go back to sleep there!" she cried, retreating. For

she had slept for a thousand years (minus time on" for good

behavior) in just such a coffin, having fallen in as victim

of a curse by Magician Murphy. If she ever went back to

it, she would slumber the rest of the sentence, then die in

her sleep. She backed away until she almost banged into

the big screen.

 

Which was exactly where Ivy wanted her. "I think we've

had enough of this," she said firmly. "I'm not going to

let that hairy spider stop me this time! Nada—"

 

"Right." Nada abruptly changed form, becoming a

snake. If the spider reappeared, she would snap it up.

 

NADA ENCOUNTERS—the screen began.

 

But at that point Electra, responding to their agreed

signal, slapped her hand down on top of the screen and

delivered a tremendous jolt of electric current. That was

her talent, of course, and it was formidable in the right

situation.

 

The screen nickered. WRITE-ERROR! it flashed. Then

gibberish symbols raced across it. Then more words: IN-

TERRUPTS OFF! Then nothing; it faded out entirely.

 

"Come on, let's get out of here before he recovers!"

Ivy said. She hurried across the cave. Nothing opposed

her; the illusions that had been the spider, cake, and coffin

were gone. Electra's shock had thrown Corn-Pewter into

confusion, and he would have to put all his circuits in

order before he could resume revising reality.

 

They ran out, Nada resuming human form. There was

Stanley in the entrance tunnel, steaming. Had their elec-

tric magic ploy failed, the dragon would have fired a jet

 

r

 

Man from Mundania
        
13

 

of hot steam at the screen, and that probably would have

done the job. They had come prepared.

 

They rushed out into daylight while Stanley guarded

their rear. If Com-Pewter recovered too soon and started

printing barriers to their escape, the dragon would use his

head of steam after all.

 

The day remained clear, but there was now a horrible

smell, as of a hundred fat men sweating in unison.

 

Electra was childishly fleet on her feet. She led the

way—and suddenly stopped. "Ooof!" she grunted, and

sat down, gasping.

 

Ivy was next. " 'Lectra! What's the matter?"

 

Electra, still struggling for breath, pointed ahead. But

there was nothing there.

 

"The odor must have choked her," Nada said, coming

up. "Did a sphinx die nearby?"

 

Ivy stepped forward—and banged into an invisible col-

umn.

 

Then, from above, came a sound: "A-ooo-ga?"

 

"The invisible giant!" Ivy exclaimed. "He's standing

here!"

 

"Because he doesn't know what to do now that Com-

Pewter's on the blink," Nada said. "But we can help

him." She tilted her head back. "Hey, Giant!" she called.

"Go take a bath!"

 

"Baaath?" the huge voice came back.

 

"Go jump in the lake!" Ivy called helpfully.

 

The monstrous invisible legs moved. The ground quaked

with each footfall. In a moment a patch of trees to the side

was flattened. Then another patch, in the shape of a tre-

mendous footprint. Then there was a truly phenomenal

splash in the nearby lake.

 

"Move—before everything floods!" Ivy cried, helping

Electra to her feet. The girl wasn't hurt; she had just had

the breath knocked out of her.

 

They ran on down the path—and indeed, a wash of wa-

ter was coming, and drops spattered down around them

like rain.

 

Stanley whomped after them, catching up. They had

made their escape—and Ivy had the mirror!

 

14

 

Man from Mundania

 

Man from Mundania

 

15

 

* * *

 

There was whatfor to pay when they returned, of course,

but Ivy was used to that; she had gotten into mischief all

her cute life. She had recovered the magic mirror, and

that went far to stifle her mother's sharp tongue. Anyway,

Dolph had been watching their little adventure on the Tap-

estry, and would have warned King Dor had things gone

 

really bad.

 

Still, Ivy was bothered by one aspect of it. It seemed

to her that their escape had been too easy. Sober later

reflection suggested that surely Com-Pewter had known of

Electra's talent, and could have insulated himself against

it. Why hadn't he done so? Had he been careless, just this

once? It had seemed so at the time, but in retrospect this

seemed less likely. It was almost as if the machine had

wanted to give back the mirror. But that didn't seem to

make sense. Com-Pewter never did anything for anybody

voluntarily, unless he stood to gain a lot more than he lost.

What could he gain from giving up the valuable mirror?

 

Well, the deed was done, and she had the mirror. Now

she had confidence to use the Heaven Cent. For now that

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