He understood that he had a colorful past and that it put a lot of people off. He would have accepted Chase only claiming Justin, if just to keep the little man safe. But Chase refused both of them, and that was something Taylor could never forgive.
Or understand.
Justin was the sweetest man to ever grace the earth. Taylor sometimes thought that Justin was sent down to earth by the angels themselves. He was sweet and friendly, never had a bad word against anyone, and he cared about everyone, sometimes too much. He would never turn his back on a friend or a stranger.
And those that were lucky enough to be loved by Justin were able to touch a bit of heaven.
Suddenly the anger inside of Taylor faded away as he thought about never having Justin in his life again. Taylor honestly didn’t know if he could survive it, not after having experienced the beautiful man’s love.
He’d rather be dead.
Taylor wrapped his arms around his stomach to ward off the chill working its way through his body. He shook his head slowly as he regarded Chase. The man was clueless. “You’ll never understand what you gave up by denying Justin, and that makes me feel very sorry for you.”
Taylor started to walk out of the kitchen only to be stopped when he felt Chase’s hand on his arm. He stared down at it for a moment then raised his eyes up to meet Chase’s.
“You don’t understand, Taylor.”
“I don’t need to understand.” Taylor tried to push past Chase, but the man wasn’t budging. He also wouldn’t let go of Taylor’s arm. He was sick and tired of Chase telling him that he didn’t understand. If the man would just explain things, then Taylor would know why Chase denied them. But the wolf would never give them a reason. If he didn’t care enough about them to at least explain things, then Taylor wanted nothing to do with the man.
“Damn it, Taylor,” Chase snapped as he spun Taylor around, “would you fucking stop and listen to me for a moment?”
“No.”
“Taylor, so help me…”
“What?” Taylor stepped up to Chase as anger filled him. At least the man was able to chase his misery away, even if it was replaced with anger. “What are you going to do, big man? Hit me?”
Chase’s eyebrows shot up over his forehead and then suddenly took a dive as they scrunched together over his golden amber eyes. “I would never hit you,” the man snapped. “Never.”
Taylor couldn’t let Chase know how much he was affected by the man’s mere presence. He wanted to throw himself into Chase’s arms and wail at the world, to have Chase comfort him and tell him that everything would be okay. He wanted Chase to be the strong one so that he could fall apart.
But he knew he couldn’t. Giving in to the tumultuous emotions racing through him wasn’t an option that he had. Justin was still out there somewhere, and he needed rescuing. Taylor couldn’t rest until he found his lover and brought him home.
“I can’t claim you or Justin, Taylor. It’s too dangerous.”
Taylor didn’t know what to say to that. Chase had never shared anything about his life with either him or Justin. They knew nothing about the shifter except that he was their mate. And suddenly, Taylor wasn’t sure he wanted to know.
“Fine, you can’t claim us.” Taylor yanked his arm out of Chase’s grasp and backed away. “Message received loud and clear.”
Taylor heard Chase’s loud sigh and tried not to let it affect him. He didn’t have the extra emotion to expend on Chase, not when Justin was missing. His entire world revolved around finding the man he loved.
Chase was on his own.
“We need to talk about this, Taylor.”
“No, we don’t.” Taylor had no intention of listening to anything that Chase had to say, not anymore. Yesterday, if Chase had started talking, Taylor would have been all ears. But that was yesterday, before Taylor’s world fell apart.
Now, he just didn’t care.
Taylor rubbed his hand over his face as he sniffled. Okay, he did care, but he didn’t
want
to care. Every time he looked at Chase, or even thought about him, he remembered the overwhelming fear he felt when Justin didn’t come home.
There were very few times in his life when he had been nearly paralyzed with fear. When the Teacher had discovered that he and Justin were lovers and made his demands. When the Teacher had confronted Nate and Taylor had stabbed the man in the back. And, when he sat on the bed all night long and waited for Justin to come home, only to realize that he wasn’t.
Taylor never wanted to experience that type of fear again. It was agonizing, like his entire world depended on one little man. Justin loved him. Taylor knew that. But he didn’t think Justin understood how much Taylor actually needed him. Taylor’s entire world was Justin. The emptiness inside his chest felt like a gaping hole had opened up. He wanted Justin back. Taylor felt like he couldn’t breathe without the small man at his side. He wanted his world back.
He had thought for a while that Chase might be brought into that world, but now he knew differently. Whatever hang-ups Chase had, it was enough to keep the man from claiming either Taylor and Justin.
Fine.
Chase didn’t need him.
Taylor would learn to live with that if he had to. He couldn't learn to live without his angel.
“Have you found anything?” Taylor asked as he walked into Joe’s office. The sheriff was on the phone, putting out an all-points bulletin on Justin and calling in favors from all over the state to try and locate Justin.
Nate’s eyes were filled with sadness when he turned to look at Taylor, slowly shaking his head. “No, I’m sorry, Taylor. There’s been no word.”
Taylor’s shoulder slumped. He was starting to think that he would never find Justin, and then what would happen to him? He had nothing without Justin—no purpose in life, no happiness, and no chance of ever touching heaven again.
“Thank you,” Taylor whispered.
He knew his friends were doing everything that they could to find Justin. Nate, at least, understood the things that Taylor had done to keep Justin alive, and he had forgiven Taylor. Not everyone had.
There were still people that avoided him or left the room when Taylor walked in. He tried not to let it show how much it hurt when people ignored him or pretended he wasn’t there, but Nate knew. Nate always knew. That was his ability.
“We’ll find him, Taylor.”
“And if we don’t?” Taylor asked softly. “What then?”
Taylor was pretty sure he would find the nearest cliff and gratefully throw himself right over the edge. Without Justin, he really did have nothing. No one to care for, no reason to go on living. He’d be an empty husk without Justin’s love to fill him up.
“I need to know exactly what happened,” Chase said, reminding Taylor that the man had followed him into the room.
Taylor turned toward the window, staring out into the dawning light. “Go away, Chase.”
He yelped when he was suddenly grabbed and spun around, Chase leaning down right in his face.
“Now you listen to me, Taylor Foyt, and you listen well. I didn’t claim you or Justin because it wouldn’t be safe for either of you if I did. It had nothing to do with how much I want you both. But that same danger may be the key to finding Justin. I need to know everything you know so I can bring him home.”
Taylor’s teeth rattled as Chase shook him, the man’s face scarier than Taylor had ever seen. It wasn’t something he never wanted to see again either. And it terrified Taylor that it was aimed in his direction.
“Do you understand me?”
Taylor nodded slowly. “What danger?”
The urge to draw Taylor into his arms was overwhelming. Chase's arms actually ached to feel his mate in them. And as much as he wanted to, Chase knew he needed to keep a distance between them. It would be too easy to let Taylor and Justin into his life.
And they would be in danger.
And fuck if he wasn’t sick of the danger. Chase wished it would all go away so he could claim the pair. He knew how frustrated his mates were, but their frustration wasn’t as strong as Chase’s.
The chances were too great that someone from his past would find out about Taylor or Justin and seek to hurt Chase by hurting one of his mates. Chase had tried to look at every angle, anything that would make it safe for him to claim Taylor and Justin, but he never found a solution. Any way that he looked at it, they ended up hurt.
“It’s just better that you don’t know, Taylor.” Chase turned away from Taylor’s eyes, eyes that begged for an explanation. He didn’t have one that he could give. “Just tell me everything you know.”
“Justin is gone.”
“I know that, Taylor. What else do you know?”
“Nothing,” Taylor cried out. “Don’t you get it, I don’t know anything. He left to go run some errands, and he never came home. That’s it. That’s all I know.”
Fuck!
The tension growing in Chase’s body settled in the back of his neck, and no matter how hard he rubbed, it wouldn’t go away long enough for him to piece the puzzle together. All he could think about was who might have his sweet little mate.
Chase jerked when he felt another set of hands brush his out of the way and then start kneading his tight muscles. And then Taylor’s aromatic scent filled his senses. Chase groaned and dropped his head forward, allowing the light touch, needing it even if it was just for a moment.
He had been denying himself the touch of his mates, knowing that he wouldn’t be able to keep himself from claiming them if they got to close. But just for a second, he wanted that closeness.
When his body started to sink into the feeling of Taylor touching him, Chase straightened and stepped away. If he allowed the touch to go on longer, he wouldn’t be able to stop himself from claiming Taylor, and then both of his mates would be in trouble.
“Thank you, Taylor,” he said to lessen the disappointment on the man’s face. “Can you answer a few other questions for me?”
Taylor pressed his lips together but nodded.
“Did he take anything with him?”
“I don’t know.”
“Didn’t you say he had a small bag with him, Taylor?” Nate asked.
“Yes!” Taylor swung away from looking at Nate when he spoke and back to Chase. “He had a small bag with him.”
“How small?” Chase asked, latching on to the bit of information. “Like purse little or overnight bag little?”
“Justin uses a backpack as his carryall. He keeps a spare set of clothes in there along with his medication, some bottled water and juice, and snacks. He always has it on him.”
“Is that the bag he took with him?”
“Yeah.” Taylor’s eyebrows scrunched together. “But it looked fuller than it normally did, like he had put something else in it. I didn’t think about it at the time because Justin always has his bag with him. He puts everything in it.”
Taylor looked up when Chase walked toward him.
“Listen to me, Taylor, is there any way that Justin could have left of his own free will?”
“No!” Taylor snapped. “Why would he do that?” Taylor suddenly bent over and wrapped his arms around his stomach. “Oh, gods.”
“What, baby?” Chase asked as he dropped to his knees and then smoothed the hair back from Taylor’s face. “What is it?”
“He left me,” Taylor whispered. Chase caught him as his legs gave out. “He left me.”
“Taylor—”
“Now, I have no one.”
Chases heart shattered, and his gut clenched at the agonizing pain in Taylor’s eyes. He had never seen anyone look so dejected or lost, and he had seen some horrors in his life. Taylor’s eyes were haunted as his entire body almost shook apart.
“You have the pack,” Chase pointed out and then regretted his words when Taylor slowly lifted his head and stared at him with something close to empty eyes. Chase’s blood ran cold.
“I. Have. No. One.” Taylor pushed from his arms. Chase knelt on the floor and felt overwhelming pain enter his body at Taylor’s words. “You drove away the only reason I had to be happy.”
Chase watched helplessly as Taylor walked out of the room.
Fuck!
It wasn’t supposed to be this way. It wasn’t…Chase growled, unsure how he expected things to be. He had pushed them away, dodging their every advance. But he had good reason, damn it.
Pushing to a standing position, Chase followed after Taylor. He knew he had to get the man to come to some sort of middle ground. They had to set aside what was going on between them and find Justin. Just the thought of the small man out there alone made Chase’s wolf howl in anger and fear.
“Taylor.”
“Boy,” Taylor said as he spun around at the kitchen sink. “First, I couldn’t get you to come anywhere near us, and now I can’t get your sorry ass to leave. If I had known treating you like shit would have brought you running to our side, I would have treated you like a doormat months ago.”
“Taylor!”
“What do you expect from me, Chase? Am I supposed to fall into your arms because you are here and willing to help?” Taylor let go of an undignified snort. “Sorry, buddy, but my days of chasing behind you are over.”
Chase was across the room in under a second, grabbing Taylor around his arms. “You’ll never understand, Taylor. But I’m not expecting you to. Let’s put our differences aside and work together to find Justin. After that, you can forget all about me, and you and Justin can live a long and happy life together.” And those words were the hardest thing Chase had ever said in his life. He didn’t want his mates to forget about him. He didn’t want them to go on without him.