Miles From Home (13 page)

ON FEBRUARY 14, I wake up in a puddle of water. At first I thought it was just the result of my ever-weakening bladder, but as I’m walking towards the bathroom a gush of water releases. I’m frozen and I’m not sure what to do. I panic and walk out into the hallway, yelling for my aunt.

Sixteen hours later I’m exhausted and looking into the eyes of the most beautiful creature I’ve ever seen. I lean down and kiss her on the forehead. I can smell her sweet baby skin, and in that moment, I know what true love really feels like. She looks up at me with her crystal blue eyes, the ones that she shares with her father.

“Hello there, Ellie, I’m your mom,” I tell her while it’s just the two of us.

“I’ve been waiting to meet you,” I say, gazing at her perfect little face. “I’m new at this so be patient with me, and I promise I will always love and cherish you.” I nuzzle her in the crook of my neck.

My aunt walks into the room holding a big bouquet of flowers and balloons. She walks over and leans in to kiss Ellie on her cheek.

“She is so beautiful, Maggie. She looks like you when you were a baby,” she tells me. “And she must have her father’s eyes.”

I smile and nod.

“Yes, she does. Do you want to hold her?” We both sit and gaze at this beautiful creature while she sleeps.

My hospital stay is short and after two days, I’m discharged just in time for Aunt Virginia to pick up my dad at the airport. I’m really looking forward to his visit a little more than the last time now that things are better between us, and I can’t wait for him to meet his granddaughter. I see my aunt’s car as it pulls into the driveway while I’m holding Ellie. I can hardly wait to see his face when he sees her.

“Here’s your granddaughter, Ellie,” I say. He looks down at her, smiling.

“She’s so tiny, so perfect. I remember when you were that small, I was afraid to even pick you up. I was afraid you would break,” he whispers.

“She won’t break. Do you want to hold her?” I hand Ellie to him.

“She has your curly hair, Maggie,” he says, stroking her little head.

“I know, I think she looks so much like Mom,” I say, looking down at her. I watch him as he talks and laughs while he holds her close. I realize then how much I want him to be in our lives and I can see he feels the same.

Over the next few months my routine mainly consists of diapers, feedings, and sleeping when I can and Aunt Virginia is always willing to help me out, especially when she sees that I need a break.

Some days I think back to when I had my life all planned out. I was determined to see my dream come true, but that’s all changed and when I look at Ellie, and I know I wouldn’t change it for anything. I still haven’t given up looking for Sam, but still nothing.

Today we celebrated Ellie’s first birthday. My aunt and a few of her friends from church decorated the house and I pick up her pink birthday cake. As Ellie sits in her highchair and we sing
Happy Birthday,
she cries. I watch as she makes a huge mess sticking her fingers in the piece of cake we sat in front of her. When I lay her down for her nap after the party, I stand by her crib and look down at her. I can’t help but think of Sam, wishing he was here to see how much she’s grown. It’s been twenty-one months since I said goodbye to him on that sidewalk in Chicago and I still think of him every day.

As the days go by I begin to feel restless, like I need to do something with my life. My previous plan didn’t work the way I had hoped, so I make a new plan.

“Aunt Virginia, I think I need to do something with my life,” I say. She looks up from her book and smiles.

“What are you thinking about, Maggie?” She takes her glasses off and looks at me.

“Well, I’ve been looking up some online college courses and I think I want to go to nursing school,” I reply. “I already have my associate’s degree so I wouldn’t have to take too many classes in order to prepare for the program, and I can take those online.”

“You know your mother loved being a nurse. She was so torn when she decided to give it up and become a stay-at-home mom, but of course she knew she was making the right decision.” She gives my hand a reassuring pat, letting me know I’ve made the right decision too.

“But here’s my problem; it’s a two-year program and it’s five days a week. I will have to find a daycare.” I bite my lip nervously, because I know she will not let me put Ellie in a daycare.

“Maggie, there’s no way that baby is going to daycare. I’m here all day, and she will stay with me,” she says, in a serious tone.

I jump up and hug her. “Thank you, Aunt Virginia! This really means so much to me. Everything you’ve done is from your heart and I love you for that.” I quickly run upstairs to do some research on local colleges that offer the program I’m interested in.

The following week I make an appointment to see the advisor at Georgia Baptist College of Nursing and two weeks later I’m in rolled in the classes I need to complete in order to apply for the program.

As I’m walking into Ryan’s, I can’t help but notice a girl with long strawberry-blonde hair standing at the bar with her back to me. My heart immediately jumps.

“Hey, Sam!” Ryan yells out over the loud music. “We’ve got a good crowd tonight, you better get that guitar and get up there.” I strain my head around the guy who is standing in front of me; I need to see her face. I need to see if it’s Maggie and when she finally turns.

I can now see it’s not her. I feel a tug at my heart. I know it’s been more than a year since we stood on that sidewalk and said goodbye, but I think of her every day . . . still.

“Hey, dude,” I say to Ryan, going behind the bar to grab my guitar. “Looks pretty busy.”

“Should be a good night, bro,” he says, handing Shelley her drinks.

Shelley is one of the waitresses and Ryan seems to think she has this huge crush on me. I’m not interested in becoming more than just friends, but I’ve seen the looks she gives me.

“Hey, Shelley.” I watch her as she places various fruit in her customer’s drinks.

“Hey, Sam. Are you singing tonight?” she asks, moving closer to me.

“Yep, I’ve got a few new songs I’m gonna try out tonight. Let me know what you think.” Then I make my way to the small stage.

“I sure will,” Shelley says, as she winks and walks away.

I’ve been working on my songwriting for the last five years and I have quite a few songs that are my own that I sing each night. I gain a fairly large fan base with our customers and each weekend the bar is packed.

By the time I finish my last set, it’s one o’clock in the morning and the crowd starts to thin out. I slip behind the bar to help Ryan and Joe finish up when Ryan nudges my shoulder and gestures to Shelley. “When are you gonna wise up and ask her out?” he asks quietly.

“Ryan, I’ve told you she’s not my type,” I reply, shaking my head.

“What do you mean not your type, look at her . . . no, look at her ass!” he says, wiggling his eyebrows up and down.

“I’m not ready for a relationship, dude. Now hand me that bottle of Jack.”

Ryan stops and turns to me. “Sam, I’m not talking about a relationship, man. I’m talking about getting laid.” I roll my eyes, I know he means well but he has no idea that my heart still belongs to Maggie.

“I know what you’re saying, dude, and if I wasn’t so focused on my songwriting I probably would. I’m just too busy to get involved,” I say, walking away.

While I’m unloading boxes of liquor, Stacy, one of our waitresses, comes back to where I am.

“Hey, there you are,” she says. “Some guy asked me to give this to you.” She holds out a business card.

“What is it?” I take the card and read it.

I look up at Stacy as she starts to walk away. “Who gave this to you?” I ask.

“Some guy. I’ve seen him in here a few times. He’s a great tipper.” She pulls a tube of lip gloss from her pocket.

“Is this some kind of joke?” I ask, while she applies it to her lips.

She huffs. “Sam, I told you some guy gave it to me and asked me to give it to you. I wouldn’t joke about something like this.” She turns to leave. I stand there staring at the card, studying the words.

Is this is for real?
I stick the card in my back pocket.

The next morning Ryan calls and he needs me to come in early. “Sam, there’s a big bachelorette party that has reserved four of the long tables and I need an extra hand setting them up. Can you be here around four?”

“Sure, I’ll be there,” I say, looking at the business card Stacy gave me last night. I can’t decide if I should give this guy a call or wait to see if he comes back in. After thinking it over, I decide to wait and I put the card in my wallet. After we get the tables set up, I motion for Ryan to follow me back to his office.

“Do you know anything about this?” I throw the card on his desk. He picks it up and studies it closely.

“No, Sam, I’ve never heard of the guy.” He hands the card back, and I consider throwing it away, but instead I hang onto it.

“Okay, I just wanna make sure this isn’t some kind of a joke. I don’t even know if I’ll call him,” I say, walking out of his office.

That night the bar is so packed that we’re turning people away, and I do my usual two sets. I’ve added a few new songs that I just finished with and the crowd really seems to be into them. After we clean up and close some of us decide to hang around and have a few drinks, Shelley sidles up next to me and challenges me in a game of quarters. I think she loses on purpose because she’s flat out drunk.

“Sam, can you give me a ride home?” she asks, tilting her head and smiling.

“Sure, Shelley, whenever you’re ready.”

“Okay, let me grab my stuff and I’ll meet you out by your car,” she says. I watch her as she walks away. Sure, she is a pretty girl with a killer ass, but I’m still not interested.

The next thing I know she’s all over me, grabbing my butt and whispering something in my ear I can’t even understand. She smells of hard liquor. “Shelley, come on. We can’t do this,” I say, trying to unlock her apartment door.

“Come on, Sam, I thought you liked me,” she frowns. I just shake my head and lead her through the door.

“Shelley, I do like you, but were friends and I’d like to keep it that way.”

She sticks her lower lip out to pout. “Kiss me, Sam. I promise I don’t bite.”

I lean down and give her a peck on the cheek.

“There, now go to bed and I’ll see you tomorrow,” I say, closing the door. On my drive home I start to think about Maggie and how I haven’t had sex since that weekend with her. Sure, I’ve had plenty of opportunities, but the interest just isn’t there. I can’t seem to get her out of my head, even after all this time. I can’t help but wonder how she is and why she never contacted me. I think back to the letter I wrote the morning before we left for Chicago; she was in the shower and I was in such a hurry that I almost forgot to put Ryan’s cell number on there. I placed it in her pink bag for her to find. I wanted it to be her decision to get in touch with me. I’m guessing that school has kept her busy or she just didn’t want to get involved.