Mirrored 1 : In Spades (15 page)

“He began to…hit me. At first he just abused things around me. Animals, my mother, himself, but eventually he resorted to finding ways to get mad at me and punish me. He hit me with open fist, closed fist and objects like the belt and paddle. I couldn’t make him love me again. I couldn’t turn him back into the old daddy that I had looked up to as a child. The strong man I had loved shattered before my eyes and became a devastatingly broken shell. He didn’t abuse me because he felt strong or got a sense of empowerment from it. He abused me because he was weak and he knew it. The only way to continue getting through his day to day was to face his demons with the bottle and to prey on people weaker than him. He gave up on his life and in turn, he gave up on mine. He kept my mother and I locked in our home most of the time. He ripped our family away, my mother’s friends away and anybody else that could potentially help us to escape our fate. I eventually ran away and never looked back…Until Abby came along. I had to save her Dax…I felt compelled to take her away from there. But realistically, she saved me. She saved my life. I wanted to die Dax. I would have succeeded had it not been for her. I decided to live…to give her a better life than I had.”

He held me in his arms and I felt his body shaking. He remained silent. I felt the need to console him, to shake him out of this and tell him I was okay now. I made it and Abby made it and we were okay. We had each other and now we had him. I wanted to thank him because he has made me a happier person. He has given me the passion to live my own life again, for more than Abby but for myself also. I couldn’t tell him any of those things though because I needed to get the rest out, the truth. I hadn’t ever told anyone the whole truth. Not even Faith or the Anderson’s. Maybe someday I would be able to but not now. Daxton was the only one I felt like needed to know the real me, the reasoning behind why I am the way I am.

“The day I went back to go get Abby. She was just an infant. I was 18 years old. It didn’t end well. It ended with me in the hospital, not able to remember too much at first. I have flashbacks all the time and you’ve actually witnessed a couple of my freak outs. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner what was going on. I just didn’t know how. My dad almost beat me to death and shortly after took his own life. He slammed me repeatedly into our hallway mirror and that’s why I have a hard time to this day looking into them. I hate remembering. Sadly, his words hurt me more than the physical. I was used to the physical. I deep down was still hoping he loved me despite it. But he didn’t, he couldn’t. But I would always love him.” I took a breath and sat contemplating to myself why he couldn’t love me, why I was never good enough. Daxton interrupted my thoughts and finally spoke. Causing my nerves to throb.

“Well. I love you. I know it isn’t a consolation and I also know it’s too soon. I don’t expect you to say it back or expect anything at all for that matter. We have only been seeing each other for a couple of months now but I just want you to know. I need you to know. I love you so fuckin’ much already it’s hard to breathe. It feels like my heart is trying to escape from my chest and take residence in the palm of your hands. I want to wrap you in my arms and protect you from all the things you’ve ever had to face. I want to go back in time and hurt the bastard for hurting you. I want to hunt down any asshole who doesn’t love you the way that you deserve. You may be broken Ava, but you don’t need to be fixed. You are the epitome of perfect to me. You’re all I’ve ever wanted and I feel so got damn lucky to have you in my life. Abby, too. The both of you complete me. My family. My angels. Our pasts have been both pretty shitty the majority of the time but happiness wouldn’t be so satisfying if we didn’t have to work for it. I’m not saying that I am happy about your suffering or the broken heart I faced…but I am a selfish fucker for saying that I’m glad we were lead on the paths that broke us down…because that path is what  lead me to you. “

I sighed with contentment, weight instantly being lifted off my shoulder. As scared to death as I was to admit that I was falling for Daxton too. I was and I couldn’t deny it any longer.

“I…I love you too Dax…I’ve known for a while now but couldn’t bring myself to admit it..To not only you. But to the parts inside of me waging war on myself for finally being happy. It’s hard for me to realize that I deserve this happiness, all of it. That I deserve a guy as amazing as you are. You mentioned a broken heart and I’d like to hear more about it. I want to get to know your past too. I love everything about your present. Your acceptance and love for Abby never ceases to amaze me and she loves you back. I hope you know that. It means so much to me. You are mending my soul and piecing me back together. I owe you so much but I don’t have a lot to offer. My heart, on a silver platter. Please don’t break it.” I had never been so sure than I was in this moment about him. I was meant to be here, delving down deep and releasing all of the bad memories. I needed to heal.

Daxton wrapped his arms around me and kissed away my tears.

“You have no idea how happy that makes me. I’ll never be able to think about someone hurting you and not grit my teeth. I wish I could have protected you then. The best I can do is promise to always protect you now. Your heart will never be broken by me. I’m not perfect. Far from. But stay with me. Stand by me. I’m going to fuck up. I’m going to say shit I don’t mean when I’m pissy and you’ll probably do the same. But we’ve got to work through it. The good and the bad.” He looked deep into my eyes and I mirrored his actions.

I wanted to talk with him more about his past but I was exhausted. Emotionally and physically. If he wanted to talk I would listen but it didn’t seem like he was completely ready to open up. This was all a lot to take in. I snuggled up in his arms and kissed his lips gently, signaling that my share time was over for now. I couldn’t cry anymore. I was beat. He took the hint and kissed me back, holding me gently like I could break at any moment. But I wouldn’t. I was strong when he had his arms around me. I was more than just a shell now, So much more.

Daxton brought me down into a laying position and we snuggled like that for a good 15 minutes in silence. It felt good to not have to explain anymore. To not have to relieve and release but to just let go.

“Babe. Do you have to go get Abby?” Daxton’s deep voice stirred me from my peaceful state.

“No, not right now. She’s going to come home around 7. Christina is taking the other kids to Chuck-E-Cheese and she really wanted to go. I didn’t even really ask you if you had plans today. Am I intruding?” I asked.

“No, not at all. I’m glad you’re here. I was planning on going to see my Gram today for Sunday dinner. I usually try to make it a point to go see her at least once a week. She’s getting up there in age, but still kicking ass and taking names.” Daxton sounded conflicted.

“Well. I have some stuff I can take care of at home. I can leave. No big deal. “ I gave him a reassuring smile and lifted myself out of his arms. He grabbed me back instantly and pulled me to him.

I laughed. “You’re going to have to let me up if I’m going to go.”

“I want you to come with me. I want to bring Abby too but I understand the kid is finally letting loose and having some fun. We can bring her with next time. Gram is really excited to meet the both of you. I have been telling her a lot these past couple of visits.” Daxton blushes. He actually blushes. I never thought I’d see the day.

“I’d LOVE to go. I don’t know what I’m going to wear.” I was excited. I needed to get back to my house and pick out an outfit.

“Babe, anything is fine. Seriously. Gram is not picky. You look beautiful in anything you wear. Especially when you’re wearing your birthday suit.” Daxton husks and begins kissing my neck.

“Stop it Mr. No distractions. I’ve got to go get ready.” I stick my tongue out and hurriedly jump from the bed. He groans loudly and throws his hands over his face with a loud thwap.

“You’re a drama king.” I laugh. He doesn’t. But instead throws me the sexiest smile I have ever witnessed from him to date.

“Dirty tease!” I shout and wink.

“Hey baby. No teasing here. Come get all you want.” He winks back and I melt. I run away into the bathroom and close the door. He laughs hysterically.

“You can run but you can’t hide.” He follows me and somehow gets in even though I locked the door.

We enjoyed a long, hot shower together with minimal action. Minimal for us at least. It was amazing. I dressed in a pair of jeans and cute light blue plain tee that I forgot I had packed. I didn’t want to look like I was trying too hard. I left my hair its natural wavy style and put minimal make up on. I was ready in no time at all. I was beginning to get butterflies just thinking about meeting Dax’s family. If you had asked me months ago where I’d be, this wouldn’t be what I’d say. I couldn’t have even dreamed this up.

“You look perfect.” Daxton stared me up and down, checking out all of my assets with his now blazing eyes.

“Thank you love. Are you ready to get?” I was trying to prevent my voice from shaking. I was super nervous all of the sudden.

Daxton nodded his head and grabbed my hand to lead me out the door and into my car. He had already grabbed my keys from the hook. He looked delectable in a simple light blue  V-neck and jeans with a hole in the knee. He had on his black converse and black leather watch around his wrist. I was a lucky girl. I couldn’t help but continue to think about how sexy he looked when he dressed so simply. He led me to the passenger side and opened the door for me, pressing a light kiss to my lips before closing the door. He went around to the drivers’ side and we headed off to the very deep country of Ida. Farm fields were all you could see for miles around.

He turned on a John Mayer CD and began singing a lot with no effort at all. His voice was rich and smooth. I loved it. We pulled up at a ginormous three story grey farm house. The land went back deep into a wooded area, no immediate neighbors for miles. The lawn was well kept and had a gorgeous flower beds wrapped around the entirety of the house. Daxton came around the door and let me out, lacing my hand firmly in his own. Daxton ran a hand threw his messy hair. I brought his fingers up and kissed them lightly, smiling up at him. He practically beamed, smiling ear to ear.

He led me up the gravel and dirt driveway to the front door. He rung the door bell and a guy answered. The man looked to be in his early 30’s, stocky frame and messy dark hair that mirrored Daxton’s. His eyes were blue however, deep sapphire. He was dressed up like what you see from a lawyer or something of the sort. I felt really out of place suddenly. I glanced down out my simple attire and winced. His deep voice boomed out.

“Why pleasant surprise little brother and who is this lovely lady on your arm?.” He sounded slightly condescending but I blushed under his scrutinizing eyes. Not in a good way. I was mildly afraid of what Daxton was going to do next by the way he squeezed my hands.

“You’re hurting me Dax.” I whispered in his ear inconspicuously. I didn’t want to be rude. He promptly released his grip on my hand and began stroking it with his thumb.

“You’ve never told me you have siblings Dax. I’m Avalynn. It’s a pleasure to meet you.” I extended out my hand. I didn’t want to be rude.

“Sibling, just one. He doesn’t like to talk about me. Would rather pretend I don’t exist. I’m Gabe. The pleasure is all mine.” Gabe lifts my hand up to his mouth and kisses lightly on top. I practically hear Daxton growl under his breath. This can’t be a good sign.

Luckily, a petite older woman comes bounding around the corner at the same time. She has a salt and pepper short styled haircut and hazel eyes. She was beautiful. I wanted to squeeze her. I never had family and can’t even remember my grandparents.

“Now, now boys. Knock that shit off and go set the table for your gram.” She scowls at both Dax and Gabe. I stifled a laugh and give Dax a little push on the back. I walk into her home and she rushes over me and hugs me tightly. I was shocked at the strength she had. She looked so small and fragile.

“It’s so great to meet you finally. Ava, I presume. Daxton talks about you constantly. Where’s the little one?” She looks around my back like maybe I was hiding her.

“She was at a sleepover party and was having so much fun I let her stay for a couple more hours. I’d be glad to bring her by some other time if you’ll have me back.” I tell her.

“Oh, you’ll be back. I see the way the boy looks at you. I can’t blame him either. You’re as pretty as a flower. I can’t wait to meet Abby. Daxton just gushes about how spunky she is.” She gently squeezes my hand and leads me into her huge kitchen.

Her house is older on the outside but you can never tell by the looks on the inside. It all looked completely new and renovated. Very modern. I look around in awe and hope to someday have such a beautiful home.

“Your home is lovely. You have a great eye for design.”

“Oh no dear. This wasn’t my work. I wish I could take the credit but this was all Gabe. My grandson may be somewhat of a jerk but he is a brilliant architect and designer.” She went over to the sink and began washing her hands in a large stainless steel basin. The facet had intricately carved porcelain handles. It was beautifully done.

“If you want to wash up, we can bring the dishes to the table and dig in. I don’t know about you but I’m starved. Would you like some iced tea or lemonade? I have both chilling in the fridge.” She looks at me expectantly and I am genuinely pleased by her hospitality.

I walk over to the sink and wash up then walk over and grab a pot of green bean casserole. It all smells so heavenly. My stomach begins growling out loud. Gram laughs.
“I’ll take some lemonade but I can get it!” I respond to her question. Slightly embarrassed by my traitor stomach.