Mirrored 1 : In Spades (19 page)

“I’m a girlfriend fucker, not a mother fucker. Remember?” He threw me a grin, hoping to lighten the mood. That didn’t help. He walked away and into the house without giving Krissi so much as a hello.

Krissi was a whirlwind tornado, ready and willing to come back through and stir up my entire world. She was my first kiss, my first love, my first everything. The day we broke up, I was destroyed. She took my heart with her. I wasn’t sure for a long time if I’d ever get it back. But I did and this woman wasn’t taking it again. I had fallen back into love, harder than I ever imagined. Then there she was, coincidentally running into me. Running over me would be a better phrase for the way that she was. Krissi Adams was pure confidence in sky high, red stilettos and a tight form fitting dress. She was damn close to perfect with her cascading dark hair and milky chocolate brown eyes. As much as I tried to divert my eyes, put up a front like she didn’t faze me. I just couldn’t. I felt like I was betraying Ava for the staring contest that I was partaking in but her beauty was blinding. She wouldn’t trick me this time, though. I know now what lay beneath the surface of her tan, smooth skin. Believe me, it wasn’t pretty. I refused to let this woman invade my thoughts for another second. I would not hurt Avalynn that way.

“Can I help you with something Krissi?” I questioned sarcastically. I was ready to end this conversation and get the hell out of dodge.

“Actually, I’m glad I ran into you. I was just coming past to say hi to Gram. I haven’t visited with her in a while and I heard her health was declining.” She sounded sincere.

“Go on in and say hello though. Her health is fine. She gets around just as well as she ever has. I need to get going.” I opened the car down and began climbing in when I heard her heels moving in the gravel behind me.

“Please talk to me Dax. I really miss you. I made a mistake. I love you. I want you in my life.” She was pleading with me, chocolate brown eyes piercing down to my soul. Many good memories flooded my mind, but the bad outweighed the good for me.

“I can’t do this, Krissi. I’m engaged. I am in love. Good luck with everything.” I tried to be as nice as possible back. I didn’t necessarily hate her any longer. I just wanted nothing to do with her. I knew that even a friendship would be poison shared between Ava and I and I wasn’t willing to take that risk when everything was going so good in my life.

Krissi had a steady stream of tears flooding down her face. I felt a little bit bad and had to force myself to get in the car and close the door. I looked straight forward towards the house and prayed that she would walk away, move on, like I had to do. I heard the squealing of her tires moments later. I sighed in relief, happy that she had given up so easily. I couldn’t risk this tearing apart what I had. I was doing so well with my life and I was finally happy, content even. Everything was going perfect and even I wasn’t stupid enough to fuck it all up over past memories. I forced any semblance of a feeling that I held for Krissi out of my mind. I didn’t want to leave any space for her. Every thought of mine was now occupied by Ava, how it should be.

Gabe finally came back out to the car and silently headed towards Ava’s place. I didn’t speak to him or tell him how the conversation went and he respected my need for silence. All I wanted to do was be at home with my family.

Chapter 14:Ava

I woke up and found myself lying on my cold, hard floor. I had a cold wash cloth draped over my forehead and no memory of what had happened. I slowly blinked my eyes to adjust to the light. I sat up, my head feeling dizzy.

“Just sit up slowly Ava-bug, you had a pretty nasty fall there.” My mother’s voice rang out and I was sure I was dreaming. There was no way this was real.

I turned my head to where the voice was coming from and saw my mother cowering in the corner of my entry way, bright blue eyes staring back at me. She looked like an angel, dressed in all white. Was I dead? Did something happen? I began to panic, taking deep breaths in and out.

“You’re fine baby girl. Just calm down. I know this is a lot for you take in. I want to explain everything. Are you ok to talk?” She sounded as sweet as cotton candy. Her voice was pure pleasure to my ears. I honestly never thought that I would hear her voice again. Especially sounding so alive and well. My brain was working overtime and I couldn’t get my tongue to agree with my mind. I nodded my head and raised myself up on my feet. I was no longer dizzy. Instead, I was in shock.

“I can only imagine what you’re going through. I’ve wanted to see you so many times. You were doing so well for yourself and my precious Abby that I didn’t want to disturb you or freak you out. I had to get away from there, Avalynn. I hope that once I tell you the truth, you’ll understand. I want us to have a relationship. I want to get to know you and hear all of the stories about your life. I want you and your sister to love me. I want to watch Abby grow up. I want to be her Mother, a good one, the one I never got to be with you.” A single tear slid down her cheek, but she quickly wiped it away with her finger.

I was still unsure if I was awake or not. She looked so much different from the last time I remember seeing her. It was like her soul had resurfaced into her body and she had returned as the mother that I remember previous to my dad going off the deep end. She seemed peaceful and happy. I finally got the courage to speak, my voice still slightly wavering.

“Please tell me if I’m dreaming…Am I dead?” It wasn’t what I had always dreamed about saying if I crossed paths with my Mother again but it was all I had for the moment.

“No bug, you’re very much alive and surprise, so am I. I know it’s scary. I am scared, too. I had to run, I had to hide. I was all out of options and I didn’t want you and your sister to suffer for the choices that I had to make.” She stood with her fingers laced into each other in front of her body. She seemed distant and fearful.

“I am in shock. I really have no idea what to say. What happened? Where did you go? Why are you here? How are you here? Is this real?” The questions jumbled out of my mouth, everything that I had bottled up.

“I don’t know how to tell you this, Avalynn. I am going to just skip all of the niceties and jump right in with both feet in front of me. I killed your father. I didn’t have a choice.” She quietly began sobbing to herself and slid down the wall to sit on the floor.

I gasped loudly at her revelation. My mother, a murderer? I really never would have put those two words together. I couldn’t say I was upset at her. In fact, I was a little bit relieved. I was scared at the thought that she has come back to take Abby away from me. The mother that raised me could not raise her. I knew that for a fact. Abby needed special attention, she needed patience and kindness. She needed love constantly. The Mother that I remember was a walking zombie. She couldn’t even advocate for herself, let alone a child. She was supposed to protect us, but she was scared. I understand her fear. I felt it, too. That wasn’t a good enough reason for me, though. We deserved more. We deserved the truth. I wanted answers. I didn’t know how much more I could take, but I didn’t care. I didn’t care that my lungs felt like they were collapsing in on me or that the walls were closing in. I craved her voice, her words and to know why she abandoned us in our time of need.

“I’m sorry…I don’t know what else to say…I live with the guilt every day of my life. He was going to kill us, Ava. He was going to kill us all. I loved him. I still do. The man before the monster. Not a day went by that I didn’t think about that night, the blood, the crying. I wish I could go back in time and be strong, but I can’t. I only have now. I want you to know that I love you. Please forgive me.” She was still sobbing and the only thing I could think to do was to walk over and put my arms around her. I crawled down onto the floor and cradled her head into my arms like she used to do to me as a child. I comforted her until the tears ran out. I still had a lot of unanswered questions and was unsure of how this relationship would progress, but I wanted to give it a try. I wanted to get to know the person she is and I wanted to know about the person she was. I was scared to death to involve her in Abby’s life, afraid she would run away again.

When the pain was cried out and her breathing returned to normal, I released the hold on her and got back up from the floor to stand by the doorway. I had no idea where to go from here, what to say or what to do. She stood up, also. Wiping the mascara from under her eyes on the sleeve of her white shirt, black filling the entire thing.

“Can I meet my daughter?” She asked, hesitantly.

I froze. That was not her daughter, that was my daughter. I was suddenly confused and light headed all over again. My feelings were all over the place and at that moment I needed to just take a break to breathe.

“Mom, you need to go. I just can’t do this right now. I don’t know when I’ll be able to talk more. I just can’t right now.” I whispered, my voice breaking.

“Ava, you don’t understand. I’ve been waiting for years. Watching the both of you. I need to see her. I want to hold her.” She was becoming more persistent, strength getting thicker behind her words.

“Not tonight. I can’t do this tonight.” I held my ground. I wasn’t ready to make a decision right now. I was going to hold Abby tonight. I was going to tuck her into bed and wake her up in the morning.

“I AM GOING TO GO SEE MY DAUGHTER!” She shouted and darted up the stairs. She had suddenly become crazed, mirroring the actions of a wild animal. I stood as still as a statue, paralyzed.

Finally, I realized what was going on and darted after my Mother. Losing interest in the rooms upstairs she ran back down. At the same time that she rounded the corner of the living room, Abby peeked her head up off the couch. She must have been woken up by the loud noise. She began to cry. I rushed over to console her and she yanked out of my grip. I was instantly at a loss.

“I heard. You’re gonna get rwid of me. You found a new Mommy for me.“ Her voice sounded completely lost. She was crying hysterically and I could barely understand what she was saying through the sobs. Before I had a chance to say anything she ran from the living room, straight out of the front door. I lunged to grab her, but fell short. I pushed myself to my feet and ran out the door after her.

Chapter 15: Daxton

We finally pulled up outside of Ava’s townhouse. I was beyond glad to be home. Gabe and I sat in awkward silence for a couple of minutes before I placed my hand on the door handle. I felt like things were left unsaid, but I didn’t have any words to give him. I realized when talking to Krissi that I was over her. I was head over heels for Avalynn. I was prepared to lay down myself to protect her and Abby. I would do anything for the two of them. They were MY girls. I wanted to forget all of the past. The times had changed and things were better. I wanted to make up with Gabe, but I didn’t know how.

“Gabe, I…I forgive you, man.” He looked over at me, surprise written all over his face.

“I love you, man. I’m really not into this mushy, let’s talk about our feelings shit. I hope we can repair what was broken and make up for lost time, though.” I wanted that, too. I wanted to have my big brother back. I clapped my hand to his back and gripped. I didn’t want to get emotional. I wasn’t that type of dude. I just wanted every aspect of my life to be as perfect as it possibly could. Gabe smiled and laughed. I knew that things were going to be okay between us, eventually. I could forgive him. I would never forget, though. I opened the car door and began to climb out when I heard unfamiliar noises.

Screams, coming from the left hand side of the road where Ava’s home was located. I quickly jumped from the car and surveyed my surroundings, trying to figure out what was going on. I watched as a little figure darted past me and hurriedly into the road. My heart instantly sank.

Abby was heading straight for the road and a black jeep was racing in her direction. I screamed her name as loudly as I could manage, but she didn’t even turn around. I ran as fast as my feet would carry me, finally reaching her. I heard the loud honking and the screams coming from the other side of the road. I had no time to think. I had to react. I picked up Abby’s body and lunged her across the road, where she fell into the grass on the other side. My life suddenly flashed before my eyes and all I could think about was those I would be leaving behind. Pain came and went with quickness. I couldn’t move or even think. It was in this moment, that my world went dark.

Acknowledgements

First and Foremost, I’d like to thank God for blessing me every day with amazing friends and family.

Mom- Thank you for always standing by me and supporting my dream, pushing me to take a risk. Thank you for raising me to be the person I am today and thank you for loving me, as much as I love you.

My Family & Friends-I have too many to name but I will just say Thank You as a whole. You all know who you are. You guys have no idea how much it means to me when you share and support what I do. I love you all. I will always have your backs.

Mr. Dax-Thank you for continuing to ask about my book even when I got pissed off and threatened to quit. Thank you for supporting me and complimenting me to build my confidence. You have grown with me throughout the years since Age 17.  We may never have our HEA’s but who needs that anyway. We are like an old married couple, it makes me laugh. I will always love you for the person you are. Thank you.

Faith Wright-Chicken Nugget and Cheddar Cheese forever. No matter where life takes us. Thank you. <3 I loveee you best friend. I am thankful to have you and your wonderful family in my life.