Authors: Allie Everhart
"Is he dating someone?"
"Yeah. Why?"
She shrugs. "I just wondered." She sniffles. "It's good. It's good he's dating someone."
"Would you just tell me what the hell's going on?"
She hesitates, then says, "I'm her. I'm Amber."
"I know you're Amber but what does that—" I stop, realizing what she means. Holy shit. She's the girl? No freaking way. Kira would've told me that. Wouldn't she?
"Austin, did you hear me?"
"Yeah. So um, you're saying you're THE Amber? The one from last May? The one he wrote the song about?"
"Yeah," she says quietly. "It was only supposed to be a one-night thing so I told him I'd just graduated from college and was moving to New York. I only said it because I didn't want him trying to contact me."
"Why? Was the night that bad? Because Dylan makes it sound like—"
"It wasn't bad." She looks down at the couch. "It was amazing. The best night of my life."
"Then why did you do that? Why did you disappear like that?"
"Because I wanted the memory of that night to never change. I didn't want to date him and then break up with him later and tarnish what we had together that night."
That makes absolutely no sense, but maybe to a girl it does. Actually, no, it doesn't make sense to a girl
or
a guy. It's completely illogical.
"Amber, you need to tell him. Dylan's been looking for you for months. He never got your last name so he's just been searching for Ambers who live in New York. You know how many hours he's spent trying to find you?"
She sniffles, and this time I don't think it's from her illness. Her eyes are red like she's about to cry. "I didn't know he was looking for me. I knew he wrote the song but..." She sniffles again. "I didn't mean to hurt him. I really didn't. After that night, I thought he'd forget all about me. But then Kira told me about that song and I...I didn't know what to do. I had no idea that night meant as much to him as it did to me."
Listening to her, I'm getting really angry. Angry that she let Dylan suffer for months, knowing he wanted her back. If she didn't want to date him, she could've at least called and told him. I'm also angry at Kira. Why didn't she tell me this? She knows Dylan has been looking for Amber, and this whole time, Kira's been living with her and never said anything.
"This is bullshit," I say, getting up. "I can't believe you'd do this to him. There's no way I'm keeping this a secret." I huff. "But don't worry. I'm sure when he finds out what you did, he won't want to date you."
Maybe that was mean to say, but it's true. Dylan won't want to date her after finding this out.
"Austin, I told you, I wasn't hiding this from Dylan in order to hurt him. When I found out he wanted to see me, I just couldn't do it. I was worried if I saw him again, I'd want to be with him."
"Yeah? So what's wrong with that? Isn't that what you both want?"
"I'm dating Matt. And I was dating him when I found out about Dylan."
I sit down again. "No offense, but I don't really see you and Matt lasting as a couple. I'm not trying to be mean. I'm just being honest."
"I didn't ask for your opinion," she snaps, tossing the pillow aside. "You don't even know Matt. Or me. So you shouldn't be making comments about us."
"Fine. But I know Dylan, and I know he really liked you. Hell, maybe even loved you. The way the guy talks about you, you'd think—never mind. The point is, you never should've lied to him. If you didn't want to see him again, you could've just told me and I would've relayed the message."
"But I DO want to see him again."
"What?" I stare at her. "You just said you didn't. Make up your freaking mind."
She lets out a long sigh. "I know you won't understand this, but that night was like a fairytale to me. A fantasy. Something I know I'll never have again. So I don't want to ruin it by dating Dylan."
"How would dating him ruin a memory? That doesn't even make sense."
"Memories are always ruined when the people who are part of them screw up and do something that makes you no longer like them—or worse, hate them."
"I doubt that would happen. Dylan's a good guy. He treats girls well. He doesn't cheat."
"That doesn't mean it would end well if we were dating."
"It already HASN'T ended well. You're both miserable. And who says it would have to end? Shit, maybe you'll date for years. Maybe you'll end up marrying him. Have five kids. Who the hell knows? But you'll never find out unless you give him a chance. Actually, forget that. None of that's gonna happen because he'll be too pissed at you when he finds out."
"I'm sorry," she mutters, then closes her eyes and sniffles again.
I'm not trying to make her feel bad, but what she did was fucking mean. So maybe I do want her to feel bad. She made Dylan feel bad for months.
We sit there in silence. I need a moment to calm down. I'm so freaking angry. I was already angry at Kira, but then I found out about Amber and now I'm angry with both of them.
"So how did this happen?" Amber asks.
"How did
what
happen?"
"What happened to Kira? She wouldn't tell me."
"What do you mean she wouldn't tell you? You were at the hospital that whole time and she didn't tell you?"
"No. She said she'd tell me later. But I'm guessing it happened when you went walking with her?"
"Walking? No, we were at the gym."
"What gym? The one on campus?"
"No.
My
gym."
"
Your
gym?" Amber coughs, then wipes her nose on the sleeve of her sweatshirt. "What are you talking about?"
"Kira belongs to my gym. It's across town. She takes the bus there every morning. We usually meet there at five-thirty or six."
She shuts her eyes and whispers, "Oh my God. Kira. No."
"What? She didn't tell you?"
"No." She opens her eyes. "Kira told me she was walking. She used to always like going on early morning walks with her mom. She never said she was going to a gym." Amber rubs her forehead. "So she's been going to the gym twice a day. No wonder she hurt herself."
"Twice a day? What do you mean she goes twice a day?"
"Kira always goes to the gym after class," Amber says, sniffling.
"What gym?"
"The gym on campus. You didn't know that?"
"No. I thought she was just going to
my
gym."
I'm getting that nagging feeling again and it's even worse than before. Why wouldn't Kira tell me she works out at the campus gym? And why was she working out twice a day? I've been pushing her hard for weeks. One workout a day was more than enough.
"I should've kept a closer eye on her," Amber says. "I knew she'd do this but she kept telling me she wouldn't."
"Do what? What do you mean?"
"She wants to train as if she's still competing. But she's not supposed to do that. She's only supposed to do moderate exercise, like walking or jogging. I thought she was walking every morning, but now you're telling me she's been going to your gym. She lied to me."
"She lied to me too," I mutter. "So what does she do at the other gym? The one she goes to in the afternoon?"
"I'm not sure but I think she does mostly cardio. Don't tell her this, but sometimes I'd sneak into the campus gym to spy on her, just to make sure she's not overdoing it. I'd usually see her on one of the bikes, or on the elliptical, so I wasn't worried. She's allowed to do that stuff. She can also lift weights as long as they're not too heavy, but she's only supposed to lift twice a week. They told her she's not supposed to do any more than that. What does she do at the other gym?"
"Okay, hold on. Who's 'they'? Who are you talking about?"
"Her doctor and her physical therapist back in Michigan. The ones who took care of her after the accident."
Part of me doesn't want to hear this because I have a feeling it's going to be bad, but I need to know.
"What accident? Tell me what happened."
"She fell. It happened at a gymnastics meet. It was really bad. So bad it ended her gymnastics career. Gymnastics is all Kira's ever wanted to do. She trained for hours a day, for years. And then one day, in one moment, it all ended." She pauses. "You sure you want to hear this right now? It's been a rough day and if you want to—"
"Just tell me. Tell me everything."
She proceeds to go into detail about the day Kira fell. She tells me how Kira slipped off the balance beam and landed wrong and broke her leg in several places, requiring immediate surgery to set the bones back in place. Then she tells me about the months of rehab, and how Kira finished physical therapy just a few weeks before moving here. She was encouraged to stay active in order to continue strengthening her leg, but was told not to overdo it.
And yet the past month, that's all she's done. Pushing herself in the gym. And I've been there helping her do it.
"But of course she didn't listen," Amber says, "and now she has two stress fractures."
"What else could've happened? Do you know?"
"They said if she put too much force on her leg she might need surgery again. Her mom told me that leg bones take a really long time to heal. And even after your leg feels better, it's still healing, which is why Kira's not supposed to do anything too strenuous. What does she do when she goes to your gym in the morning?"
"She pushes herself. Uses the heaviest weights she can lift. Always tries to do extra reps."
"Why did you LET her?" Amber yells at me. "Why didn't you stop her?"
"Because I didn't freaking know!" I stand up. "I didn't know any of this. Shit, she's in great shape. I thought she was fine. I've been training her, and I told her to slow down but she wouldn't do it."
"Training her? Why are you training her? You're not a trainer."
"I'm not certified, but I've been working out long enough to know correct form and how to set up a plan for someone."
She huffs. "So you basically helped her hurt herself."
"Fuck! I didn't know, okay? If I'd known I would've stopped her."
We're both too angry to talk so we take a moment to calm down. But I can't calm down. I'm too pissed. And also worried. What have I done to Kira? Have I been hurting her this whole time? Making her leg worse instead of better? Obviously I have or she wouldn't have two stress fractures right now.
"Why wasn't she in pain?" I ask Amber. "All those weeks she was pushing herself, why wasn't she in pain?"
"She probably was. She's good at covering it up. And she's probably been loading up on painkillers."
"Prescription?"
"No. Her parents told Kira's doctor not to give her any refills on her prescription because they were worried she might do something like this. So if she's taking something, it's probably something over the counter. And I'm sure she keeps it in her backpack so I can't find it."
"Why would she do this? Why would she push herself like this, knowing it could hurt her leg?"
"Because she wants to compete again. She thinks she can go back to being a gymnast."
"She made it sound like she could. She said it was a long shot but that she was hoping she could at least compete at the college level."
"It's never going to happen. Kira just refuses to believe that because it means giving up her dream. Gymnastics is her life, or it was before she got hurt. Did she tell you she went to nationals?"
"Yeah. And she told me she grew up doing gymnastics. But other than that, she really didn't tell me much, and when I'd ask her about it, she'd change the subject, like she didn't want to talk about it."
"Because she didn't want to tell you why she wasn't competing anymore. She didn't want to tell you the truth."
"So that I'd train her." I sigh. "I can't believe she did that."
"I don't think that's the only reason. I think she just didn't want you to know. She's not really over it. Like I said, she tries to pretend it never happened."
I'm quiet, not sure how to respond. I'm still trying to process the fact that Kira hid this from me. I've seen her every day for over a month. We've spent hours talking, more time than I've ever spent talking to a girl. And yet she never told me this. She said she hurt her leg, but acted like it was nothing.
"I hope this doesn't end things for you guys," Amber says, "but if it does, then maybe it's for the best. I don't think it's good for Kira to be around someone who's as obsessed with working out as she is."
"I'm not obsessed. And if I'd known what she was doing, I swear to you, I would've put an end to it."
She nods, but I don't think she believes me.
"Did you call her parents?" I ask.
"No. Kira did. I threatened to call them if she didn't, so she called them herself."
"Are they coming here?"
"Her mom is coming but not until next week. Her dad is at some convention in California so her mom has to stay home with her brothers. But her parents talked to the doctor and got whatever information they needed. Then her mom and I talked. I told her I'd take care of Kira." She stands up. "I'll be right back." She goes in her room and returns with her laptop. "This is hard to watch but I think you need to see it."
She gives me the laptop and clicks on a video. It shows Kira on the balance beam, doing a routine. I don't know anything about gymnastics but Kira looks like a pro, like one of those girls in the Olympics, flipping in the air and landing on that narrow beam like it's no effort at all. I watch her do another flip and then see her foot slip when she goes to land. It happens so fast she can't catch herself and her body crashes to the ground. She lands on the mat, but she hit the ground with a lot of force and at an awkward angle, causing her leg to twist and snap. I even heard the snap and can see part of the bone sticking out.
"Holy shit," I say, looking away. I glance back when I hear Amber screaming on the video, crying out Kira's name. I see her crouched down beside Kira, sobbing, quickly joined by a man and woman who I assume are Kira's parents. Kira is passed out on the mat as people run over to help.
Amber shuts the video off, and when I look at her, she has tears running down her face. She wipes them away. "Sorry. It makes me cry every time."