Authors: Allie Everhart
I look up at him, sniffling, because now I'm crying. "Goodbye, as in goodbye for now? Or..." I don't even want to say it.
"I'm sorry, but I can't be with someone who can't be honest with me." And then he goes out the door.
I go back to the couch and let the tears flow. Soon I'm rocking back and forth, sobbing. What have I done? How did this happen? Everything was going so great and now it's over. It can't be over.
Austin is more than just some guy I'm dating. He's become one of my closest friends. He makes me smile and laugh and keeps me motivated when I'm sick of my classes and don't want to do my homework. He supports me and tells me I'm beautiful and opens doors for me. He's kind and caring and a hard worker and a talented guitarist and he's from a good family. He's basically everything I could ever want in a boyfriend, and I don't know how I was ever lucky enough to find him. But I did, and now I love...I stop myself from thinking it because it only makes this harder, but the thought pops in my head again. Because it's true. I love him. I love Austin. And now he's gone.
Amber appears and sees me crying. "Kira." She sits next to me. "What happened?"
"He broke up with me." I take a shaky breath and wipe my face.
"You guys broke up? Or you're just having a fight?"
"It's over. He told me he doesn't want to be with someone who can't be honest with him."
She's quiet, and suddenly I'm mad. Furious at her.
"Why did you tell him?" I demand. "Is this what you wanted? For him to break up with me?"
"No. Kira." She reaches for my hand but I pull it away.
"You had NO right to do that! He's not your boyfriend. He's mine. And if there are things I don't want to tell him, then that's MY decision, not yours. And why did you tell him about Dylan?"
"I thought he already knew. I thought you told him weeks ago."
"Why would I tell him? You repeatedly begged me not to."
"I know, but he's your boyfriend. I assumed you told him everything, including what happened to your leg." Her voice softens. "Kira, why did you keep that from him?"
"Because I didn't want him treating me like
you
do. Looking at me with pity. Watching everything I do. Reporting back to my parents. I wanted one person in my life who didn't treat me that way."
"I don't look at you with pity," she says, anger in her voice. "I look at you with concern, because you're my friend and I want you to be okay. But then you went behind my back and joined some gym across town and lied to me about it. Austin told me how hard you've been pushing yourself. Why, Kira? What are you trying to do? Hurt your leg so bad you can never walk again?"
"That would never happen."
"Fine, maybe it wouldn't. But because of what you did, you now have two stress fractures, and if you keep this up, you could break your leg again, sever tissue like last time, cause nerve damage, muscle spasms. You could cause permanent damage. Why would you even risk that?"
I don't answer, so she does.
"You want to compete again. And you really think that's going to happen?"
I glare at her. "It will, if I work hard enough."
"Kira, it's too late. To make it to nationals again, you would've had to train hours a day, every day, for the past year. With a coach. And equipment. Doing cardio and lifting weights at a gym for hours a day won't get you there. And you're..." She hesitates. "You're too old. Most elite gymnasts are 16 or 17. Even if you could train again, you'd be competing against girls who are younger than us, in better shape, working with top level coaches."
"I know all that," I spit out.
"Then why are you doing this? Why are you killing yourself for something you know will never happen?"
"Because I have to!" I yell at her.
"Why?" she asks softly. "Because it's your dream?"
"It's not just that," I say, swallowing past the lump in my throat.
"Then what is it?"
"I have to help my family." I look down at the couch. "I have to pay them back. They sacrificed everything for me and what do they have to show for it?" I shake my head, tears streaming down my cheeks. "It was all for nothing."
"Kira, that's not what they think. Your parents don't care how much money they spent, or what they had to sacrifice."
"I let them down."
"You didn't let them down. They're proud of you and how far you made it. The whole town is proud of you. That's why that guy gave you a car and money for college."
"He gave it to me because he felt sorry for me, just like everyone feels sorry for me. I was at the top, maybe could've even made it to the Olympics, and then in an instant, it all ended. But it can't be the end. Gymnastics is my life. I didn't get this far just to quit. I owe it to myself and to my family to not give up."
She's giving me her pity look again. "I know you want to help your family, but no matter how hard you work out, you're not going to compete again. You're not going to be getting commercials and endorsement money." She puts her hand on my shoulder. "It's time to accept that your gymnastics career is over."
My anger swells and I shove her hand off me. "You don't know that! You have no idea what will happen so stop telling me it's over! Miracles happen every day and if I work hard enough, I can make it happen. I have the skill. I have the talent. I just don't have the strength. But I'm getting there."
"And what happens when you get there?"
"I'll go back home and train with my coach. And I WILL compete again."
"You're going to drop out of college? Move back to Michigan?"
"When I'm ready, yes."
"Your parents would never let you do that."
"My parents don't have a say in it. I'm an adult."
"With no money. No job. How are you going to pay for your coach?"
"I don't know. I'll get a job."
"Then you won't have time to train. Training for nationals is a full time job. There's no time for anything else."
"Dammit, Amber!" I raise my voice. "Why are you always so freaking negative when it comes to this? You won't even give me a chance! You refuse to believe in me. I can do this. I know I can."
She glances down at my leg. "I'm telling your mom how this happened. The truth. Not the made-up story you told her."
"Don't you dare." I point my finger at her. "If you do, I'll just train harder when my leg is better."
"She has to know."
"No. She doesn't. And it's not your place to tell her. I'm not twelve. You don't run and tell my mom on me. Even if you did, what do you think she's going to do? Drag me back to Michigan and lock me in my room? All because I'm working out?"
"I don't know what she's going to do."
"She wants me HERE. In college. And she knows if she took me out of school because of this and moved me back home, that I'd get a job and move out of their house, and she'd have even less control over me than she does now, here, with you spying on me." I take a breath. "Don't tell her. Please. It'll only make things worse."
"So you just want me to stand by and let you destroy yourself?"
"I'm not destroying myself. I know my limits. I promise you, I do. If it hurts, I'll stop."
"You're saying your leg didn't hurt when you were working out like that?"
"Sometimes I got a leg cramp but other than that, no. It was fine."
She stares at me a moment, then says, "I agree with Austin. I don't want to be around someone who can't be honest with me." And then she storms off to her room and slams the door.
I go to my room and lie on my bed and let the tears fall again.
So much for a fun Friday night. I was supposed to be out with Austin tonight. If this hadn't happened, we'd be out having dinner, then going to a movie, and then he'd spend the night here. But instead I'm alone, feeling hollow and empty, like I've lost everything.
I lost Austin, the only guy I've ever loved. And now I might've just lost my best friend.
Austin
"What are you doing?" I ask when Dylan answers the phone. It's just after five and I'm heading over to his house.
"Watching TV with Van and drinking a beer. Why? You want to join us?"
"Yeah. I'm heading over there."
"With Kira?"
"No. Just me. I need to talk to you."
"About what?"
"Shit you need to know."
"What does that mean?"
"I'll tell you when I get there. Don't drink too much. I don't want you passing out while I'm trying to tell you this."
"You're scaring me, bro. You sound way too serious. What the hell's going on?"
I hear Van's voice. "Did he break up with Kira?"
"He wouldn't break up with Kira, you idiot," Dylan says. "He's freaking in love with her."
"Actually, I did break up with her." I feel sick just saying that, but I'm hoping saying it will eventually help me accept it.
"You broke up with Kira?" Dylan asks. "You seriously broke up with her?"
"Yeah. Like an hour ago."
"Holy shit. What happened?"
"I'll tell you when I get there."
Ten minutes later, I'm at their house. I walk in the front door and see them on the couch with beers in their hands, watching sports news.
"You look like shit," Van says.
"Thanks," I say, taking a seat on the fake leather recliner that's next to the couch.
Dylan turns the TV off.
"Hey, I was watching that," Van says.
Dylan points to me. "The dude just broke up with his girl. Show some respect."
Van sighs and puts his feet up on the coffee table. "Women. They're always fucking shit up."
"So are
men
," Dylan says. "Your dad, for example?"
"True." He shoves Dylan's shoulder. "But I'm trying to be supportive, dumbass. If Austin dumped her, she obviously did something to piss him off." He looks at me. "Did she cheat on you?"
"No. At least not that I know of. But who the hell knows? She hasn't been honest with me so anything's possible. But I don't think she'd cheat. She doesn't have time to."
"What do you mean?" Dylan asks.
I tell them about Kira's accident and her secret workouts and how she lied to me and made me part of her plan without even telling me, and how I'm worried I hurt her and how pissed I am about that. I leave out her lie about Amber. That'll come next.
"So she really thinks she can compete again?" Van asks. "Isn't she kind of old for that? Aren't most gymnasts like 15 or 16?"
"I don't know, but her age doesn't matter. After what she did to her leg, she'll never compete again, but she refuses to accept that."
"And you refuse to date her because she lied to you," Dylan says. "I get it, man. Honesty is everything. If you can't trust a girl, it'll never last."
"It wasn't just one lie. It was several."
"What else did she lie about?" Dylan asks, then takes a swig of his beer.
"She didn't tell me something. Something she should've told me as soon as she found out you and I are friends. And definitely after she heard your song."
"What does his song have to do with it?" Van asks.
I keep my eyes on Dylan. "Kira's roommate, and best friend, is Amber."
The room goes silent.
Van looks at me, then at Dylan, then back at me. "I don't get it. We already know her friend's name is Amber. You've talked about her."
"He means MY Amber," Dylan mutters, setting his beer bottle down on the table.
"No shit?" Van jumps to the edge of the couch, spilling some of his beer. "Her roommate is THE Amber? I thought she moved to New York."
"It was a lie," I say. "Amber told Dylan she was moving to New York because she didn't want him to try to go out with her."
"Why?" Dylan asks in a voice so low I could barely hear him. "Why wouldn't she want to go out with me? I thought we..." His voice trails off, his eyes glazed over.
"Van, can you give us a minute?" I say.
"But I want to hear this."
"Then Dylan can tell you later."
"Go," Dylan says to him.
Van huffs. "I thought we were friends."
"We are," I tell him. "But sometimes your comments aren't very helpful."
"Whatever," he says, taking his beer and going into the kitchen.
Van's a good friend but he's not the best person to have around in serious situations. He tends to make jokes to lighten the mood, but that's not always a good thing. Dylan is angry and hurt and probably confused right now as he tries to process this, and he doesn't need Van making stupid comments.
"So Kira just told you this?" Dylan asks. "Why now?"
"Kira didn't tell me. Amber did. Amber thought I already knew and when she found out I didn't, she'd already said too much. So she told me."
"And she said she never wanted to see me again?" He leans forward, resting his forearms on his knees as he stares at the floor. "So that night meant nothing to her. It was just a one-night stand. And she must've hated it if she made up some elaborate story to make sure she'd never have to talk to me again."
"No. Dylan, that's not it at all. It's the opposite. I know this sounds crazy and I still don't understand it, but Amber told me she didn't want to see you again because she didn't want to ruin the memory of that night. She didn't want to date you, then have it not work out, and have it change how she remembers that night. Like I said, I don't understand it. Those were her words, not mine."
He picks up his beer bottle and holds it but doesn't drink it. "What did she say about that night?"