Read Murder With Peacocks Online
Authors: Donna Andrews
Tags: #Women detectives, #Humorous stories, #Reference, #Mystery & Detective, #Weddings, #General, #Mystery fiction, #Murder, #Langslow; Meg (Fictitious character), #Women Sleuths, #Yorktown (Va.), #Women detectives - Virginia - Yorktown, #Fiction
Or come to Yorktown at all, for that matter.
Friday, July 8
I spent most of the day supervising the cleaning crew Mother hired to get ready for Sunday's tea. And then trying to keep Dad from tracking in garden debris. And cleaning up after the kitten, whom I really would have to return before everyone got too attached to him. And sorting out wedding presents. The sheriff's office had been very cooperative about testing all the packages before we opened them, but they had failed to grasp the importance of keeping the cards with the presents. In some cases I had to figure out not only who sent the present but also whether it was for Mother or Samantha. I made a note to stay and supervise their inspection of the next batch.
Despite all this, I was ready early for the Brewsters' party, largely because Mother was out for the evening and I could dress without any nuptial or decorating interruptions. I went over to see if the Brewsters needed any help. When I walked in, I wasn't surprised to find Dad and Reverend Pugh parked by the buffet, discussing orchids. They had finished off a huge bowl of shrimp cocktail and were starting in on the bean dip.
"I thought we'd all agreed to avoid nibbling," I said with some irritation. Dad froze, holding a stick of celery loaded with bean dip. The reverend shoveled in another mouthful. Well, if it hadn't already killed him, one more bite wouldn't hurt.
"After last weekend's poisoning, you know," Dad said, putting down the celery--which had already lost its load of bean dip to his lapel.
"Oh," Reverend Pugh said, reluctantly moving away from the bean dip.
"You promised," I said, fixing Dad with a stern glare.
"I suppose it's all right for someone else to be poisoned instead of me," Dad said, indignantly. "I suppose I should have let Pugh eat some of it and waited to see if he keeled over."
From the way the rector was eyeing the ham croquettes, I expected he was about to volunteer to put his life on the line again for the good of the party.
"I suppose that's why Mrs. Brewster asked us to guard the food," he said, brightly.
"Guard, not devour," I said. The two nibblers made a quick retreat. I concentrated on figuring out which neighbor would either have some shrimp around or be able to get some in time to replace what they'd eaten before Mrs. Brewster noticed.
I shouldn't have bothered. With the exception of a few dozen oldsters like Dad and the Pughs, who left early, most of the crowd wasn't seriously interested in food. In fact, most of Samantha's friends focused on getting drunk as rapidly as possible and crawling off somewhere private with the most presentable person of the opposite sex they could get their hands on. Not only did I have to dodge the ever-present Scotty, but apparently not all of Samantha's male friends went for the bleached blond anorexic type. By the time the third keg was being opened, I dodged a particularly persistent (and intoxicated) suitor by literally crawling out a bathroom window.
As I turned up the driveway toward home, I heard a shout.
"Meg! Wait up!" It was Michael. I waited for him to catch up with me.
"I'm surprised," he said. "Not even midnight and you're home from the party. I thought you were supposed to be a night owl."
"Oh, not you, too. Officially I'm still a little under the weather from the poisoning. Unofficially, Samantha's friends can be a real drag. Where's Spike? Lost again?"
"At home, as far as I know. I dropped by on the chance either you or your mother would be here. She said you had found the jacquard and I should come by to pick it up. What is jacquard, and what am I supposed to do with it when I've got it? I presume it's something to do with the shop?"
"Jacquard? Oh, I suppose she means those five bolts of blue fabric you and Dad retrieved from Pam's. I think I shoved them in my closet; hang on and I'll haul them down. Mother must still be out at her cousins'," I added, seeing that the house was dark.
"I can do the hauling if you show me where they are," Michael offered.
"Ordinarily, my stubborn independent nature would compel me to insist on doing it myself. But after a week like this one, I'll even let people open doors for me."
"I gather the other bridesmaids are fully recovered from the shower, then?" Michael asked, as we climbed the stairs.
"Mostly recovered," I said. "Of course, most of them aren't worrying about saving any energy for the second party tomorrow night, Mother's tea on Sunday, and whatever nonsense we're going to have to go through with the fittings tomorrow," I added.
As we walked into my room, Michael and I were both startled to see the closet door fly open. Scotty jumped out, holding half a dozen bedraggled roses and wearing nothing but a tipsy grin.
"Meg, baby," he cried, opening his arms wide. Then he saw Michael. The smile faded slowly, and after a few moments, it occurred to him to use the roses in place of a fig leaf.
"I could leave if you like," Michael said, with one eyebrow raised.
"If you do, I'll kill you," I told him. "Scotty, what on earth are you--never mind, stupid question. Those are from Mother's rose bushes, aren't they?"
"Yes," he said, the smile returning.
"She'll be very upset when she finds out they've been cut," I said. "She was saving them for her wedding."
"Oh." His face fell again, and he clutched the roses nervously, as if he expected me to demand that he hand them over.
"You'd better apologize to her."
"Okay."
"Tomorrow," Michael put in.
"Right," Scotty said.
"I think you should leave now," I said.
Scotty slouched out. Michael watched carefully until the screen door slammed downstairs, then shook his head.Hope those roses don't have thorns," he remarked. I giggled at that.
"It would serve him right if they do. That's the material, those bolts he was standing on. I hope the mud washes out." Michael hoisted the bolts and turned to leave. "Hang on a second and I'll get the doors for you," I told him. "I want to have a vase full of water handy just in case."
"In case he brings back the roses?"
"God, no! I'd throw them back in his ... face. In case he starts singing under my window."
"Does he do that often?" Michael asked, peering over the bolts at me.
"He's never done it to me before. But it's what he usually does when someone he's interested in tells him to get lost. He fixated on Eileen when we were in high school, and it became a regular nightly routine for a while. Her father tried to set the dogs on him, but all dogs like Scotty."
"No doubt he makes them feel superior."
"There, you see?" From down in the backyard, we could hear Scotty launching into an off-key version of "Hey, Baby."
"Scotty!" I yelled out the window, waving the vase. "If you don't shut up this minute I'll throw this!"
"Is he dressed?" Michael asked, peering over my shoulder.
"Unfortunately not. Scotty! I mean it!" Scotty continued to bray, so I threw the contents of the vase at him.
"Good shot," Michael observed. "But it doesn't seem to be working. Try this," he said, fishing a small plastic squeeze bottle out of his shirt pocket and handing it to me. I aimed it at Scotty and was pleased to see that when the contents of the bottle hit him, he stopped in midverse, looked up at me reproachfully for a few moments, then sighed and stumbled off.
"Ick, what was that?" I asked, wrinkling my nose at the rank smell rising from the bottle.
"I have no idea," Michael said. "Some esoteric brew Mrs. Tranh concocts for Mom. It's supposed to repel dogs. The idea is to squirt it at any larger dogs who fight back when Spike picks on them."
"Well, it did the trick," I said, handing back the bottle. "At least for now. Oh, please let this be a temporary aberration! First Steven's Neanderthal brother and now this. I just can't deal with Scotty on top of everything else. If one more oaf comes near me ..." I said, shaking my head and leading the way to the stairs.
"Define oaf," Michael said, moving away slightly.
"The way I feel at the moment ... any member of the male sex."
"No exceptions?" he asked, plaintively. "Dad. He's totally bonkers, but he's not an oaf."
"Agreed," Michael said.
"Rob ... I think."
"You think? Your own brother and you're not sure?"
"His taste in women is highly questionable," I said.
"No argument there. Anyone else?"
"Michael, if you're fishing for compliments, I'll grant you provisional exemption from oafhood on the grounds that you helped rescue me from Scotty, and have refrained from asking what I could possibly have done to encourage him to leap out of the closet at me like that."
"Like you said before, somehow I don't think Scotty needs much encouragement."
"The wrong men never do."
"What about the right ones?"
"I'll let you know if I ever meet one," I said.
"Speaking of which, have you ever considered--" Michael began, and then was drowned out by a frightful commotion in the yard. Scotty, still unclad, suddenly burst through the azalea patch and streaked across our yard, closely pursued by all three of the Labradors from next door.
"That's odd," I said, "the Labs usually like Scotty." Spike popped out of the azalea patch, barking fiercely, and disappeared in the direction Scotty and the Labs had taken.
"Oh, God," Michael said. "It must be Mom's dog repellent. Though why a dog repellent should make dogs chase him I have no idea. I suppose I should go see if he needs help." I wasn't sure whether he meant Scotty or Spike, but I didn't feel much like helping either of them, so after watching Michael lope off in the general direction of the furor, I went to bed. After making a note in my indispensable notebook to borrow the so-called dog repellent from Michael before the next time Barry showed up.
Tired as I was, I had a hard time tuning out the barking noises, steadily increasing in volume and variety, that seemed to come first from one end of the neighborhood and then the other.
Saturday, July 9
Having gone to bed before midnight, I was up by eight and feeling virtuous about it. I joined Mother for breakfast on the porch, and felt suitably rewarded when Dad dropped by with fresh blueberries and Michael with fresh bagels.
"We certainly had a lively time around here last night," Mother remarked over her second cup of tea. Michael and I both started. I had thought Mother safely out of the way during Scotty's unconventional visit, the ensuing mad dash around the neighborhood, and the countywide canine convocation that had reportedly dragged the sheriff and the normally underworked dogcatcher out of their beds at 3:00 A.m. Michael had a suspiciously innocent look on his face.
"Could you hear the party all the way down at Pam's?" I asked.
"Oh, no, dear," Mother said. "But I think some of Samantha's friends must have gotten just a little too exuberant."
"Most of them were totally sloshed, if that's what you mean," I said. "But that's nothing new."
"Yes, but it really is too bad about the side yard," Mother said.
"What about the side yard?" I said. Had Scotty and the pack returned to our yard after I dropped off?
"So very thoughtless," she continued. "And not at all what one would expect from well-brought-up young people."
"What, Mother?" I asked, beginning to suspect it would be easier to get an answer from the side yard.
"Someone has torn up some of your father's nice flowers. You know, dear," she said, turning to Dad, "those nice purple spiky ones."
"Purple spiky flowers?" Dad and I said in unison, looking at each other with dawning horror.
"Oh, no!" I gasped, and Dad exclaimed "Oh, my God!" as we simultaneously jumped up and ran out to the side yard. Mother and Michael followed, more slowly.
"I'm sorry, dear," Mother said, looking puzzled. "I had no idea you'd be that upset about it."
"They were fine when I watered them yesterday afternoon," Dad said.
"A lot of the damage is trampling," I said, as Dad and I crouched over the flower bed.
"Yes, but I don't think all the plants are here," Dad said. "I think some of them are missing. What do you think?"
"I think a lot of them are missing," I said. "Whoever did this did a lot of trampling to cover it up--or maybe someone else came along and trampled it afterwards--but there are definitely a lot of plants missing, too."
"Does it really make that much of a difference whether the vandals dragged them off or not?" Michael asked. "They look pretty well ruined to me; you couldn't replant them or anything in that condition, could you? And are they really that valuable?"
"It's not that they're valuable," Dad said. "They're poisonous."
"Why does that not surprise me, in your garden?" Michael said, with a sigh. "What are they, anyway?"
"Foxglove," I said. "Which means that if it wasn't just vandalism--"
"Which I don't believe for a minute," Dad fumed, shaking a fist full of limp foxglove stalks.
"Then someone--"
"Someone who's up to no good--" Dad put in.
"Has just laid in a large enough supply of digitalis to knock off an elephant."
"Several elephants," Dad added. "This is very serious."
"Digitalis!" Michael exclaimed.
"Is it dangerous, dear?" Mother asked.
"Meg and her friends might very well have died if that salsa had contained digitalis," Dad said.
"It felt as if we were going to anyway," I said.
"I do hate to criticize, dear," Mother began. "But we wouldn't have this little problem if you wouldn't insist on growing all these dangerous plants." She looked over her shoulder with a faint shudder, as if half expecting to find a giant Venus flytrap sneaking up on her.