I smiled. I loved that his mind worked the same as mine. “I like the way you think.”
***
As always, the hospital was cold. We’d barely made it through the front door before I was pulling my gray cardigan out of my purse.
Caroline was seated in a chair with a book in her lap. Deep purple circles surrounded her normally bright eyes. Glancing into Luke’s room, I saw Jim sitting in the chair next to his son. I couldn’t see Jim’s face, but his body was hunched forward with worry.
Kyle stopped me when we were just out of earshot from Caroline, and he pulled me in close. “Remember to stay near the waiting room, nurses, and Luke’s parents. Don’t go anywhere and call me immediately if you sense anything.” His apprehension was apparent in his voice.
I kissed him gently on the mouth and then smiled reassuringly. “I’ll be fine.”
I watched Kyle walk down the hallway back toward the elevator before making my way over to Caroline. When I took a seat next to her, she smiled softly at me.
“Any change?” I reached for a soda that I had thankfully grabbed from the mini fridge in the hotel. Caffeine was calling my name.
Caroline’s eyes brightened slightly. “The breathing tube was removed late last night, and Luke’s vitals have improved. We are still waiting for him to wake up though.”
I took that as very good news.
Luke will fight his way to wake up.
“Luke is very strong, Caroline.”
I smiled, remembering how persistent Luke could be when he was determined. In college, Luke had never settled for a B. He had fought off sleep and studied to be the best. He wanted to help people and cure them. Nothing would stand in his way. Knowing school was a touchy subject with his family, I steered clear of that topic.
“He’s a fighter at heart. When he does wake up, he’ll be begging us to sneak him out of this hospital to get some real food.”
Caroline laughed and patted my leg affectionately. The love for her son crossed every inch of her face.
“I could see him doing that.” She paused and searched my face. “How are you doing, Lily? I hope my bringing you here hasn’t caused you too much stress. You look so tired.”
“I’m okay, Caroline. It’s Luke who I’m worried about. His love for the water combined with the daredevil in him has always frightened me. Still, I never thought something like this would happen.”
She let out an exasperated breath. “Me, too. From the time he was a young boy, I always feared that daredevil part of him.” She hesitated, emotions displaying across her face.
I took a sip of my beloved caffeine, trying to give her a moment to rein in her feelings.
“You know, from the moment I met you, I always thought that my son would marry you.”
I choked on my soda and turned to meet her gaze, my eyes wide. “Excuse me?” I croaked.
“Come on, Lily. He’s been in love with you for three years. Surely, you’ve seen it.”
I did not want to lie to her. I also did not know how to explain the circumstances. “Actually, I didn’t find out until recently.”
Now, her eyes widened in surprise. “Wow. He never told you?”
“No.” I shook my head. “A part of me wishes he had, so I could have told him that I didn’t feel that way. The other part is glad he never said anything because I would have been afraid of losing our friendship from not reciprocating those feelings.”
“But you love him,” she stated, not questioned.
“Yes,” I admitted. “It’s not the same way he loves me though.”
“I see.” She pondered thoughtfully. “And he knows this?”
“I told him as soon as I found out his feelings. To be truthful, he isn’t in love with me either. He loves me the same way I love him. We were there for each other at the lowest points in our lives, as all friends should be, and he’s confused that line of love. He thinks he’s going to lose me, but he’s not. I’ll always be there for him…as any friend would be for another.”
Caroline patted her hand over mine sympathetically. “He’ll come to that realization in time. And I’m happy to know that he has a friendship as strong as yours. We should all have those in life.”
“Thank you…and I hope he does, too,” I murmured the end as a prayer.
“So, this Kyle…do you love him?” she asked carefully, trying not to overstep her boundary.
I nodded and smiled. “Yes.”
“And you love him in that way?”
My smile widened. “Yes.”
“That’s a lot of yeses,” she teased lightly.
Yes, it was.
Happily, my mind wandered to Kyle and our love for each other. Now, the only thing missing was my dear friend.
As Jim exited Luke’s room, I excused myself with Caroline and left to visit Luke. Jim gave me a hopeful smile and a gentle pat on the back, almost as a thank-you-for-being-here gesture.
Luke’s face looked much better today. His color had returned to his cheeks even though his bruises and scrapes were still evident. The breathing tube had in fact been removed along with a few other wires. Only his IV and heart monitor remained. His hands were placed neatly at his sides above the covers.
Near Luke’s bedside, I sat in the same chair his father had occupied. Wishing my dear friend would just wake up, I listened to the monitor beep for every beat of his heart.
He was too kind and caring to be on the receiving end of such horrible circumstances. The thought that he was fighting for his life while life continued around us seemed so unfair.
Once again, a beloved friend’s fate was out of my control, just like my family’s had been. All I could do was pray.
***
There was not much one could do in a hospital, except wait and wait. It was the worst feeling in the world.
Jim, Caroline, and I had all taken turns to sit with Luke, so he wouldn’t be alone. After I finished my dinner break, it was my turn, so Jim and Caroline could eat.
I sat back in the chair next to Luke’s bedside and remembered all the good times Luke and I had shared together—having pizza nights together, enjoying the beach with his friends who had openly befriended me, venting to each other when we were stressed beyond reason, helping him study and prepare for tests. They were all such great memories.
My sister had been that person for me for so long, and when she passed, I’d felt lost and alone. I missed her so, so much. I would have done anything to get her and my parents back.
I flinched at the memory of the intolerable ache I had felt at that time in my life. The day Luke had walked into my life, offering me unconditional friendship, was something I would never forget.
“Hey, you.” Reaching forward, I covered his hand with mine.
Luke was never the silent one. It was truly heartbreaking to see him so still.
“Remember that time when you came over late one night after a fight with your dad? We ordered pizza, and by the way, I only had two slices. We sat out by the ocean, listening to the waves crash. We both promised to follow our dreams…” I said to his unmoving body.
“You need to follow yours, Luke. This is just a bump in the road. It’ll wake you up and make you more alert, and then you can go back to focusing on your destination.”
I hesitated and watched his heart monitor, still beeping a steady beat. “You always said I was the levelheaded, determined one…I’m not, Luke,” I self-confessed and shook my head. “That’s you. You don’t see the way you are with your friends, your job, and your education. You’re so focused and strong-minded. It’s—”
“Do you always talk out loud to yourself?” Luke asked in a raspy voice.
“Shit!”
I jumped out of my chair, startled. “Luke! Oh my gosh! How are you feeling? Do you need anything?”
He gave a somewhat strained smile. “Hey, Lil. Other than my body feeling like I got hit by a semi…” Luke gave a lopsided grin. “I feel great. So, do I have brain trauma? Or were you talking to yourself?”
He was teasing me as if it were just a regular day and he wasn’t lying in a hospital bed. I smiled gently as relief washed through me. My vision slightly blurred as I tried to keep the tears at bay.
He is really awake. He is alive.
“No, I don’t always talk to myself out loud. I was talking to a…supposed-to-be-unconscious person.”
Luke grinned again. “Do you want me to fake it? I was lovin’ all the flattery. It was a major boost to my ego. Please don’t let me interrupt. Do continue.”
There
was my Luke. He had only been awake for a few seconds, and I already wanted to smack him.
I rolled my eyes. “Don’t let it go to your head.”
He let out a small laugh. “It already did,” he replied, smirking. “And I won’t forget it.”
I smiled. I was so happy he was awake. “I need to let your parents know. They’ll be so happy to see you.”
As I turned to leave, his voice stopped me.
“Wait!” he croaked.
I pivoted to meet his eyes, and he sighed.
“I don’t want to see them yet. You know how it’s going to be. They’ll think I was being reckless, and then they’ll try to convince me to leave school, join the firm, and live happily ever after. Blah, blah, blah.” He sighed as his brow creased with frustration. “Give me a few more minutes of peace before it starts, please.”
I stared at him for a moment, pained to see his expression. Parents were supposed to support and love their children unconditionally. Luke had been seriously shortchanged on that childhood experience. Even as an adult, parents should offer guidance or an opinion, but in the end, they should still support your decision. And it should never affect the unconditional love for a child.
Being deprived of such love and support was foreign to me because my parents had given me all of those essentials in life. It hurt me to see how much Luke had missed out on.
This was part of our connection, our unconditional friendship.
I had seen his pain, and he, even though I hadn’t told him details, had seen mine. Judgments were never passed. We just gave each other support and a willing ear to vent to.
Seeing his parents change over the past few days made me optimistic that they could have closer ties with Luke someday in the future.
I scooted the chair closer and lowered back down into my seat, placing my hand over his. I took in a deep breath, needing to gain some courage. This would not be easy for Luke. It would be a battle for him to see the light and for his parents to follow through. I silently prayed that Luke’s father had been truthful in wanting to mend his relationship with Luke because I would not jeopardize my friendship in the process by making things worse than they’d been before the accident. If it were in my power, I would nudge them to amend their relationship because Luke deserved it.
“I have always hated your parents,” I started.
Luke raised his eyebrows at my blunt admission, and I ignored it.
I continued, “You know my feelings about unconditional love and how your parents go against the grain of it, so I won’t get into that part. But I want you to trust me when I say that after spending the past few days with them, something has changed in them.”
His eyebrows rose even higher. I was sure he was in complete shock. Quietly, he listened to the rest of my speech.
My feelings just seemed to pour out. “This was their eye-opener. I know it’s a little late, but nonetheless, I think it happened. So, I’m going to ask for you to please hear them out and give yourself time to think about what they have to say. I know forgiveness can take months or years, but all I ask is that you listen when the time comes…for me.”
Just when I thought his eyebrows couldn’t creep any higher on his forehead, the word
me
seemed to do the trick.
He sat, completely stunned, for a few seconds. “That’s some favor, Lil. It’s one I never expected to hear from you. What the hell happened while I was out?”
I let out an exasperated sigh. “A lot.”
“I see that.” He looked my face over, probing for answers. “You look tired and stressed. I’m sure some of that is because of me, but there’s more, so keep talking. How was Colorado?”
“A step forward,” I answered carefully. “This time isn’t about me though. It’s about you.”
“It’s never about you, Lily. It’s always about me.” Luke shook his head thoughtfully. “Until now, I never noticed how you avoid talking about yourself. Even though you do it out of your kindness to help others, I think you need to work on your own problems. Let’s start with whatever is causing that large frown on your face.”
Only then did I realize that I was frowning, and he smirked.
Ass.
“Well, I see you haven’t lost your charming personality,” I replied dryly.
Luke chuckled. “Nope. It’s still intact. So, what happened in Colorado, Lily? If you want me to move forward in my fucked-up relationship with my family, you can give me this. You’ve never let me be a real friend to you, to just be there for you.” He stared down at me. “No more avoiding the truth.”
His eyes looked determined. Even though I wanted to talk about his family, for some reason, he wanted this from me right now.
“Maybe we can talk later when you’re feeling—”
“Talk, Lily.”
I sighed, feeling defeated. Deciding to get straight to the point, I let the facts roll off my tongue. “I made it to my family’s graves.” I swallowed, took a deep breath, and then let it out. “I sorted through most of the house, and I’m in the process of listing it for sale. I visited the rest of my family and a few others, and I made amends with my aunt.”
Luke’s eyes were filled with compassion. “Family’s graves?” He frowned sympathetically.
Maybe he needed to know me better, or maybe he needed to lessen his own pain in the moment. Or maybe it was to see that everyone had struggles in life that we had to push through to survive. I chose to believe it was the last of the three. It gave me the courage I needed to tell my story for only the third time in three years.
I prepared myself to share my profound secret that had been eating me alive for all this time. I told Luke about the drunk driver crossing into our lane and how I’d prayed for more time, hoping to save my family by turning in a different direction. I blinked back tears when I continued on and admitted that I remembered Annie screaming before the crash and how the sounds still haunt me in my nightmares. I explained why I’d fled Colorado before the funerals and how I’d ended up in Florida to write. A small smile spread across my face as I told Luke about how he and Brooke were my saviors when I was alone and at the worst, lowest point in my life. Then, I shared my recent struggles with finding the strength to face my fears of visiting my home and my family and my past. Finally, I confessed how heartbroken I was after discovering that Annie had been pregnant and that my aunt had known but hadn’t told me. With a smile, I reassured him that I had made peace with my aunt, and with all that I’d been through, I was now trying to move forward.