My Guardian Knight (3 page)

              When they reached the door, Amanda asked, “How

much do I owe you, Mrs. Mayberry?  I’d like to pay up front.”  “Oh, I couldn’t take a dime for this tiny thing!  I just

wouldn’t feel right about it.”

Amanda clasped her hand.  “Thank you so much!”  Mrs. Mayberry walked down the hallway, laughing.  Amanda opened the door, not really caring what the room looked like, only that they were lucky enough to get it.  Her first glimpse at the room surprised her.  It was a bit small, but not exceedingly so, and it was very pretty!  The hardwood floors were graced with a light pink rug that matched the walls and the patchwork quilt on the bed.  The window and a small table both wore white eyelet, giving the room a fresh, feminine feel.  She smiled happily.  

              “Isn’t this a lovely room, Matthew?”

“Yes, Mama,” he said.  “Can we go play now?”  “Oh dear!” she exclaimed in surprise.  “I’m sorry, sweetheart, I completely forgot.  Since you have been so

patient we’ll go out right now.”

With one last look at the cozy room, she followed her son out the door.  When they stepped onto the porch, Amanda caught a glimpse of Sebastian coming out of the mercantile across the road.  He was putting something in his pocket and wearing a wide grin.  She wondered fleetingly what he was up to now, but put the thought away as Matthew pulled her toward the little white church.

“Oh, Mama, it has a
swing
,” he exclaimed breathlessly, breaking into a run.  Amanda walked along behind him, smiling at his excitement over such a simple pleasure.  She felt a pang deep inside and crushed the urge to run after him and join in the fun.  Just because she had never been a carefree child was no reason she should start acting like one now.  But, oh, it would feel so good!

Compromising, Amanda picked up her pace a bit and helped him on the swing, pushing him higher and higher, living vicariously through Matthew.  How wonderful it must feel to soar through the air like that, she thought longingly.  

              His giggles and smiles made her laugh, and she

realized with a start that she didn’t feel quite so bad today.  Indeed, she had not had even one thought of Avery since she stepped off the train.  But that was dangerous.  She could not forget.

But what could it hurt, for just one day? Amanda argued with herself.  Didn’t she deserve a break from the worry and fear that plagued her every minute, day after day?  Couldn’t she take just a few stolen moments of pleasure with her son without any worries to ruin their fun?  

Amanda watched him glide through the air, laughing gleefully and kicking his feet.  His little round face was flushed with happiness, his dark eyes sparkling.  How she wished their lives could have been different.  All she had ever wanted was a good husband, children to love, and a pretty little house she could call her own.  Was that too much to ask?  Was she being greedy by asking for all the things she had always longed for and never had?  Amanda knew that, because she had no choice, she could live without these things that she wanted so badly.  But what about Matthew?  He deserved to be happy.  He deserved to have everything good in life, all the pleasures, large and small.

              “Mama, look how high I am!”

Amanda was torn from her thoughts by Matthew’s jubilant cry.  Tonight, she had a pretty little room in a small, friendly town.  Why couldn’t she pretend, for just one night, that she didn’t have Avery hanging over her head?  She smiled.  Yes, for just one night they would be a normal family.

              “Come on, Matthew,” she called, a bright smile

gracing her pretty features.  “Let’s walk to the mercantile.”  Slowing down a bit, Matthew jumped off the swing and ran to his mother.  He took her hand and skipped along beside her as they walked toward the store.  “Why are we

going to the store, Mama?”

She smiled down at him.  “I thought we’d do a bit of window shopping.  It’s been a long time since I’ve shopped for enjoyment.”

              A ghastly look crossed his face.  “You mean you used

to
like
shopping, Mama?”

Amanda laughed.  “I think you’ll find out, sooner or later, that most women do like it, to some degree.”

              “Ugh!  I’m glad I’m a boy!”

They hurried across the street to the mercantile and stepped through the door.  For a small town, the store was well stocked with a variety of items.  Amanda crossed over to the fabric, fingering the delicate prints.  They each had only three outfits to wear, and those were old and worn out.  What she wouldn’t give to be able to make a new set of clothes for Matthew.  Maybe, since Marshal Knight had been so kind to pay for their meal and they didn’t have to pay for their room at the hotel, she could buy a bit of cloth to make him a new shirt.  As she checked the price of the cheapest material her heart sank, and she closed her eyes against the disappointment.  She should be used to this by now, she told herself.  She should have known better than to hope.

When she opened her eyes, she noticed Sebastian standing outside the shop window.  With a bit of a smile, he waved and strode on down the boardwalk.  Turning around, Amanda located Matthew looking at a small display of homemade stuffed horses.

“Look, Mama, isn’t this the prettiest horse you’ve ever seen?”  His eyes lit with wonder, he held the black animal out for her inspection.

              “It is indeed, sweetheart.”

              “Can I have it, please?”

Again Amanda checked the price, and again she was sadly disappointed.  How could she tell him no?  “I’m sorry, Matthew.  We have to make our money last until we reach St. Louis, remember?”  The look on his face nearly tore her heart out as he tenderly laid the black horse back on the shelf, arranging its legs into a more comfortable position.  “How about a piece of licorice?” 
She
asked with false brightness.  “Okay,” he said softly.  “I like brown horses better anyway.”

They stepped to the counter and she ordered him one licorice and one piece of rock candy.  The mouthwatering aroma of apple dumplings was coming from a room behind the counter, and Amanda commented on it.  

              “We sell ‘em, ma’am.  Twenty five cents a piece.”

              Amanda beamed.  “May I have two, please?”

Paying for her purchases, she asked Matthew to choose which candy he wanted and put the other away for later.  They walked across the street, Matthew happily chomping on his rock candy.  Amanda looked for Sebastian, but didn’t see him anywhere.  She told herself she didn’t care whether he was around or not, but she had been alone so long that his company was more than welcome.

Amanda sat down at one of the tables on the porch and sent Matthew to ask for coffee.  Mrs. Mayberry brought the tray out herself, setting out two coffee cups and one cup of milk for Matthew.  She placed three plates in the middle of the table.  “Is that nice gentleman joining you for dessert?”

“Well, I had hoped so, but I haven’t seen him around lately.  Has he returned to the hotel?”

“No, that he hasn’t.  I’ve been at the reception desk all evening and I’ve not seen him.  He’s probably sightseeing about town.”

              Amanda hid a smile.  “I’m sure he’ll turn up soon. 

Thank you for the coffee, Mrs. Mayberry.  Would you like to join us?”

              “Oh my, no thank you!  You’re a sweet girl for

asking, though.  Mighty sweet.  Well, you enjoy yourself.”

Turning to Matthew, Amanda tucked a napkin in the collar of his shirt and unwrapped his dumpling, cutting it in half and placing the smaller piece on her own plate.  As she was finishing, a shadow fell across the table and she looked up in surprise.  Sebastian smiled down at her.  “May I join you?”  “Of course,” she smiled in return as he sat down.  “I ordered coffee for you and we brought you an apple dumpling fresh from the oven.  It’s nothing much, but I wanted to pay you back at least a little for everything you’ve done for us.”  His electric blue eyes darkened and the smile left his face.  His voice was a soft caress as he said, “You don’t have to pay me back for anything, Amanda.  Whatever I have done, I have done because I want to.  Seeing the pretty smile light your face is pleasure enough for me.”

Amanda struggled to breathe, her heart pounding in her chest.  No one had ever made her feel so disconcerted, or so happy.  He touched her hand, his warmth engulfing her and she wondered vaguely if this were what it felt like to be close to a swoon.  She was in such a peaceful state of mind that she didn’t have the heart to reprimand him for using her given name.

              “Mama, I’m still hungry.  Can I have more?”

Sebastian watched her as she pulled her hand away, slicing her dumpling in half and again giving away the larger piece.  No wonder she’s so thin that her dress hangs on her, he thought to himself.

“Were you able to find a room for the night?  I’ve heard that there’s a festival tomorrow and I want you to know you’re more than welcome to take mine.  I can sleep on the lounge in the lobby.”

Amanda had entertained the thought that Sebastian had been responsible for their luck in finding a free room, but she dismissed it now.  “That’s very kind, but Mrs. Mayberry is letting us stay in the housekeeper’s room.  It’s quite lovely.  How is your room, Marshal Knight?” she asked, eyeing the badge and reminding herself that he could be the enemy.  “Please don’t call me that.  After I reach St. Louis, I won’t be a lawman anymore.  I’m to drop off some official papers at the jail there and then I’m a free man.  Mr. Knight doesn’t suit me, either.  It makes me think of my father, and that is a rather unpleasant memory.  So, if you could do me

this one favor, call me Sebastian.”

She acknowledged his request with a smile and a short nod.  “What do you plan to do after you leave St.

Louis?”

              He stared past her, a faraway look in his eyes. 

Quietly, he said, “I’m going home.  With any luck, I’ll be able to raise horses.”

              Matthew piped up at that.  “I like horses, ’Bastian.”

“Oh, that reminds me.”  Sebastian reached into his pocket and pulled out a little package, which he handed to the boy.  “I saw this and thought you might like it.”

Matthew tore into the paper, pulling out a brown horse like the one he’d seen in the mercantile.  He looked up at Sebastian, his eyes gleaming with excitement.  “Thank you, ’Bastian!  How’d you know I like brown best?  Mama, can I

go over there and play with it?”

Amanda blinked hard, willing the tears from her eyes as she nodded to him.  That must have been what she’d seen Sebastian put in his pocket before she took Matthew to swing.  With an iron will she gained control of her emotions and asked, “How did you know Matthew likes horses?”

              He shrugged.  “He told me on the train.”

              “When we were in the store he asked for a horse, but I--” her voice broke.  “Thank you,” she managed to whisper.  But Sebastian wasn’t paying attention to her, he was watching Matthew with a smile.  Thanking God for small favors, she hurriedly wiped her eyes and poured some more coffee from the pot Mrs. Mayberry had left.  She sipped the strong brew, idly watching the passersby.  How nice, to sit on a pretty porch while the sun bent over the horizon, watching her son play happily.  A soft breeze rustled her hair and she put a hand to it, realizing that she hadn’t combed it since she’d run out that morning.  How she must look!

Sebastian stood reluctantly.  “The train comes pretty early in the morning, we’d best turn in for the night.”

She motioned for Matthew to join them.  “I’ll meet you here in the morning.”

  He turned to walk through the door, but halted at her softly spoken words.  “Sebastian.  I’ve enjoyed your company today.”

Sensing that for some reason this was hard for her to say, he simply nodded politely and went on his way. 

              That night as Amanda lay awake in the cozy bed,

Matthew curled up beside her, she wondered about Sebastian.  Her first instinct was to steer clear of him, but she felt inexplicably drawn to him.  She knew that many people weren’t what they first appeared to be, but Sebastian was different somehow.  His kindness was genuine, she was sure.  And Matthew, who had never taken well to strangers, absolutely worshipped the man.

She only wished she knew if he could be trusted.  She’d been so overly cautious for so long, she wasn’t sure what was real and what was imagined anymore.  She knew, if she continued to travel with him, that she could be walking into a trap.  But on the other hand, she honestly could not see Sebastian doing anything to hurt them.  Or anyone else, for that matter.

Much later she finally fell asleep, content to be in a clean bed with her child nestled safely in her arms.

Amanda stepped out onto the porch early the next day to the soft songs of the birds and the sweet smell of a fresh spring morning.  She smiled as she saw Sebastian climbing the stairs.  He must have been to the train station already to check on the arrival time.  “Good morning, Sebastian,” she called, a good night’s sleep putting her in good spirits.

He grinned when he heard her call his name.  He bowed playfully before her.  “Good morning, Amanda.”  Her name from his lips was like a caress, and warmth spread through her.  

              “Have you been to the train station?”

He nodded.  “Our train has been delayed for at least one day.  It’s having some engine problems and all the other trains are booked.  Looks like we’ll be here for a while longer.”

Amanda fought down a rush of panic.  “I really need to get to St. Louis.”

He shrugged.  “I do, too.  But since we have no choice we might as well make the best of the situation.  There’s a festival today, why not enjoy ourselves?”  Yes, why not, she thought to herself.

“Would you care to join me for breakfast?”  Matthew jumped up and down.  “Can we Mama, can we?”

              Amanda nodded silently, telling herself that it would be silly to sit at two different tables in the same dining room. 

She denied the growing attraction she was feeling for Sebastian, and tried not to worry about the fact that he was a lawman.  After St. Louis she’d never see him again, so what harm could a few days of fun do?  They were sorely in need of some entertainment, and Matthew had never been to a festival. 

It was high time he had the chance.

As Amanda sat opposite him at the table, Sebastian noticed that she had taken the time to put up her honey blond hair and the dress she was wearing today was much more attractive than the loose fitting one from yesterday.  The dark blue printed with tiny pink flowers suited her well.

Sebastian reluctantly looked away as Matthew claimed his attention, talking nonstop about the little brown horse he clutched tightly in his hands.  Was this the only toy the boy had?  Surely not, for Amanda seemed like the type of mother who would indulge her child.  Of course, if money were the object, there were plenty of things that could be made from scraps around the house.  She was certainly a mystery.  Sebastian grinned.  He’d always had a fondness for mysteries!  Matthew taught his horse to prance about the table while Sebastian turned his attention to Amanda.  “I’d be honored to escort you to the festival, Amanda.  It’s been a long time since I’ve taken time away from work to relax and enjoy myself.  The way I see it, a day off is way past due and if I have to spend it alone I’ll just end up feeling sorry for myself. 

Say you’ll come with me.”

Amanda laughed.  “You’ve missed your calling, Sebastian.  You should have been a lawyer.  I’m sure you could charm any jury into believing anything you wanted them to.”

Sebastian’s eyes darkened a bit, and Amanda wondered at the sadness she saw in them.  “My days of trying to influence anyone’s opinion are long over.  I’m much happier just to live and let live.  I guess I’ve become the easy going type,” he said ruefully.

Amanda smiled.  “I don’t suppose being mellow is anything to be ashamed of, Sebastian.”

              “I guess not,” he grumbled, a scowl lining his face.

              Amanda frowned a bit herself.  Although she’d not known him very long, she had come to think of Sebastian as a light shining through darkness.  His bright smile and lighthearted attitude seeped through her fear and made her feel warm and safe.  The patience and friendship he’d given Matthew were priceless to her, and she’d wondered once or twice if he were even capable of a frown.

Amanda pulled herself up short.  When had she stopped thinking of him as a possible enemy and started looking upon him as a friend?  He was a
lawman
, for goodness sakes!  He could even now be plotting ways to push her into Avery’s clutches.

Her fingers shook slightly as she took a sip of her coffee.  What was she thinking?  Except for that one time, she had always been a good judge of character.  Hadn’t Miss Annabelle always asked her to sit in on meetings so she could get Amanda’s opinion of the businessmen?  And, she thought proudly, she had never been wrong.  Every man she had deemed trustworthy had proven to be so.

It was just that one time that she had made a mistake.  Such a big mistake!  But she’d been young and was so eager to start a life of her own that she hadn’t paid attention to her instincts.  

But that was a long time ago.  And even though her head told her he could be against her, her heart knew he wasn’t.  His kindness was too genuine.  His eyes weren’t hooded, but a clear, deep blue that twinkled merrily.

“Amanda?”  She jerked her head up at the sound of two voices calling her name.  Sebastian and Matthew were staring at her.  “We’ve been trying to get your attention for a full five minutes.  Where were you?”

“Were you sleeping with your eyes open, Mama?” Matthew chided.

She laughed.  “I suppose I was.  What were you trying to tell me?”

              “Your food’s getting cold.”

She looked down in surprise at a plate of steaming biscuits and gravy.  Sebastian must have ordered for her again, but she didn’t recall the waitress taking their order or bringing the plates to the table.  She must have been deep in thought, indeed!

She ate silently, savoring the good food but, more than that, the animated conversation that ensued between Sebastian and her son.  Matthew, always a quiet child, seemed to blossom under Sebastian’s attentions.  His eyes sparkled brightly and his smile seemed to light the room.  She smiled as Matthew was telling a particularly exciting story, holding his arms wide and demonstrating the wings of a bird.  Suddenly, he lost his balance and tipped to the side, heading straight for the hard wood floor.  Before Amanda could even react, Sebastian’s strong arm shot out and grabbed the boy’s shoulder, steadying him.  Amanda smiled her thanks, but the near fall didn’t even interrupt Matthew’s chatter.  She sighed, wondering what her life would have been like had she found someone like Sebastian years ago.  Would every day be spent like today, with warm conversation and smiles that were never strained, never forced?  Would the underlying contentment she felt today extend over the years, their friendship growing stronger with every day they faced together?  Would he smile at her like that every morning when she woke up and every night before she went to bed?

Amanda closed her eyes and berated herself for her thoughts.  Just because every glance from his deep blue eyes made her insides turn to liquid was no reason to daydream for something she couldn’t have.  She knew what she must do, and she would do it--eventually.  She had taken this one day from her worries to enjoy life with her son, but she could not fool herself into thinking that she could ever have a future with Sebastian.  Indeed, with any man.  How could she when she had no future herself?  When her past caught up with her, her life would be finished.  She could only pray that she was able to find a good home for Matthew before that happened.

Sebastian studied Amanda over the rim of his coffee cup while he half-listened to Matthew’s chatter.  She ate silently, smiling at Matthew from time to time, but it was obvious she was not aware of what he was saying.  She had retreated deep inside herself, for some reason or another.

The woman was an enigma.  It was apparent to him that she was unsure whether she could trust him or not.  One moment, like on the train, she seemed openly fearful and unapproachable.  Then in the next moment, like last night, she was warm and friendly.  Now Sebastian knew, had known from the beginning, that she was running from something.  As a lawman, he’d learned how to discern a situation simply by gazing into an outlaw’s eyes. The same fear and desperation was evident in Amanda.

He wanted to help her.  After years of chasing outlaws and dealing with every kind of scenario a marshal could imagine, oftentimes helplessly watching the guilty walk and the innocent punished, he’d had enough of trying to aid his fellow man.  All he’d wanted to do was go back home to Marissa.  But now, he had the inexplicable urge to protect Matthew and Amanda from whatever it was that so terrified her.

It was a long ride to St. Louis.  Maybe he could drag the information out of her before their arrival.

              Setting his cup down, he stood and held his hand out

to Matthew.  “Are you ready to see the festival?”

Matthew jumped off the chair, placing his hand trustingly in Sebastian’s.  Smiling at Amanda, Sebastian held out his arm, “Shall we?”

After a slight hesitation, she accepted his offer and placed her hand lightly on his arm.  For a fraction of a second she felt lightheaded, so great was her reaction to Sebastian’s touch.  That unexplainable warmth and peace stole over her as it always did whenever they made contact of any sort.

Matthew raced out the door and jumped down the steps to the ground below.  “Look, Mama, there’s lots of people down the street!  Oooh, I smell something yummy.  Let’s go see.  Come on!” he urged as the older couple followed at a slower pace.

Although she knew she should, Amanda just could not force herself to let loose of Sebastian.  He strode confidently beside her; his attention focused once again on Matthew.  She glanced up at him through lowered lashes.  Oh, but he was a sight to behold!  Just then, he looked down at her, causing warmth to suffuse her middle.  What was wrong with her?  She’d never felt like this before, as if her whole being suddenly came alive whenever her eyes met his.  

Sebastian motioned toward a small group of ponies.  “Can Matthew ride one?”

“Oh, I don’t know.  He’s never ridden before.  I don’t think it’s safe.”

              “I’ll stay with him,” he assured her.

Amanda nodded, then sighed in irritation as he walked away to help the child mount.  She had a sinking feeling that she would agree to anything that man suggested as long as their bodies were joined at some point.  It was only once the contact was broken that her sense came back to her, and with it all her fear and distrust.

She watched closely as Sebastian lifted Matthew onto the pony and held him around the waist, walking along beside them as the animal swayed back and forth, slowly plodding along.  The look of pure pleasure on her son’s sweet face was enough to make her forget her misgivings and enjoy his fun.  She leaned against the fence that corralled the docile ponies and watched.  Sebastian always kept his strong hands within inches of the boy’s waist, leaning down now and again to softly murmur instructions and encouragement.

              It was not lost on Amanda the way her son looked to

Sebastian for guidance, devotedly hanging on his every word.  She had the feeling she could have stood atop the fence and sang “America the Beautiful” at the top of her lungs and neither of them would even notice.  Sebastian confused her.  He was a lawman.  A handsome, tall, incredibly strong and muscular lawman.  He should have scared the daylights out of her.  He
did
scare the daylights out of her, when she had all her senses about her.  If only he wouldn’t touch her she would be fine.  Even the slightest brush of his hand could send a liquid fire into the very heart of her, leaving such a luscious feeling of security that she almost wished she could hold onto him forever.

She smiled as Sebastian lifted Matthew off the horse and he came running to her.  “Did you see me, Mama?  Did you see me ride the horse?!”  His little face was flushed and his brown eyes sparkled with delight.

              “I did see, sweetheart.  You did a fine job.”

He nodded.  “’Bastian says I’m a natural.  Right, ‘Bastian?”

He strode up behind the boy.  “That’s right.  I’ve seen many a man that couldn’t sit a horse as well as you.”

Beaming, Matthew skipped off in search of another activity to participate in.  Once again, Sebastian offered his arm and, once again, Amanda accepted it.  She smiled secretly at the warmth that spread through her limbs.  “It was kind of you to help him and give him such high praise.”

Sebastian smiled down at her, his deep blue eyes full of mirth.  “I told him the truth.  Half the men in the army couldn’t ride a horse as well as that boy.  He’s something to be proud of.”

              “You were in the army?”

The laughter in his eyes dimmed a bit.  “I was.  A long time ago.”

              “In the war?” she asked softly.

Sebastian turned his head, effectively shielding his eyes from her view.  “Yes,” he said curtly, picking up his stride as if trying to outrun the questions.

              “Which side were you on?”

He stopped abruptly in the middle of the street and turned his troubled gaze on her.  “Does it matter?  After five damned years can it really matter which side I fought for?”

She met his hard gaze without flinching, studying the mixed emotions hidden there.  “No,” she whispered.  “No, it doesn’t.”

They resumed their walk, a silence descending upon them.  Amanda wondered at the sadness he hid deep inside himself.  He must have witnessed horrible things, and she admired him for the cheerful disposition he could still maintain when so many other soldiers had become bitter shells of their former selves.