My Guardian Knight (6 page)

“One day I was headed down to stop the commotion that by now was commonplace when I heard someone shout ‘escapee’.  I drew my weapon as I turned and shot the man down off the wall exactly as I’d been trained to do.  I meant only to graze his shoulder to bring him down, but he’d taken a final desperate leap and the bullet penetrated his chest.  As I ran over to the fallen soldier, I couldn’t believe my eyes.  I stopped before him, my gun falling from my nerveless hands into the holster.  I stared.  I couldn’t help it.  On his last breath he opened his cold eyes and sneered at me.  ‘Never could do

anything right, could you, boy?’

“I was stunned.  I had single-handedly killed my own father.  

“The next day we received word that the war was over.  I was awarded a commendation for preventing an escape and was honorably discharged.  I went home to Grandma and

Misty and expected life to return to normal.”

Sebastian laughed ruefully.  “I should have known better than to think four years in the Army in active wartime wouldn’t change me.  I wasn’t happy anymore.  I was restless and pursued by the guilt of what I had done.  I tried to work out my demons by plowing Grandma’s fields and raising crops.  I succeeded and made her a pretty penny but I still didn’t feel any better.  Misty had changed in the long years I had been gone.  True to her word, she had waited for me.  But she was as miserable in our small hometown as I was.  She came to me one night and told me she was moving to a big city because she wanted to be a dancer.  Knowing it would be the last time we’d be together our emotions got the better of us and we... well, we were intimate.  She left the next morning and I left shortly after that, thinking that if I became a lawman

I could do some good for the world and somehow by performing good deeds I could free myself of my guilt.  I visited Grandma as often as I could so she wouldn’t be lonely.  But then she took in an orphan and she got along fine without me, too.  Of course I still visited, but not near as often, and the last time I was there she was ill.  I stayed with her until she passed away, and I know she knew how much I loved her, but the guilt of not being there more for her was hard to take.  So I decided to get my life in order, leave my job, and take over her small farm in Illinois.”

              Sebastian chuckled, still not looking at her.  “And

there you have it.  My life story.”

Amanda was speechless.  She had no idea what to say to him.  What do you say to a man who views himself as a failure?  She placed her hand on his arm.  “Sebastian, none of this is your fault.  You’ve done the best you could and, given the situations you’ve been in, you’ve done quite well.”

Sebastian took a deep breath and held it for a moment, releasing it slowly through his lips.  When he turned toward her, his eyes were bright.  “I don’t know what came over me.  I have never told another living soul what I’ve just told you.  Not Grandma, not Misty, not anyone.  I swore to myself I never would.”  He grasped her hand.  “Thank you for listening and not hating me for the things I’ve done.”

“Oh, Sebastian,” she said softly, feeling a deep tenderness for him.  “No one hates you but yourself.  You did what had to be done, and sometimes there are consequences that are unforeseen.  But believe me when I say that it takes a strong man to do what he has to do and still be able to function afterward.  I don’t hate you.  I admire you.”

He bent his head, clutching Amanda’s hand to his solid chest.  Needing to give him comfort, she laid her head against his shoulder and squeezed his hand.  And this was how Matthew found them when he woke from his nap.

The interminable hours on the train ticked away slowly for the trio headed for St. Louis.  For Amanda, the monotony was broken by only two things: one, searching the faces of all the new passengers; and two, conversation with Sebastian and her new friends, Justin and Sharon Mahoney.    Amanda was surprised to see the couple from the gunfight at the festival aboard the same train.  They had struck up a quick friendship and were finding that they had much in common.

Since his confession, Sebastian and Amanda felt a bond growing between them that neither of them wanted to admit.  Once they reached St. Louis, they would go their separate ways and very likely never see each other again.  Neither one wanted to make the parting more difficult than it already would be.  So why did they say nothing when the Mahoneys assumed they were a married couple?  

Amanda found herself relaxing a bit with Sebastian always there beside her, finding comfort and security in him.  This man was special, she realized more and more with each day that passed.  He had strength, in mind and in body, which she greatly admired.  But he also possessed a sensitive nature that allowed him to interact with her son on a child’s level.  He was amazing, this lawman that she had been so afraid of when they’d met.  Now, she didn’t know what she’d do without him.  Amanda had never had someone make her feel safe and secure, and she was finding that she’d sorely miss it when it was gone. 

In her dreams, Sebastian was there for her to lean on, to take comfort from, and, well, she blushed to think what else he was there for.  But only in her dreams could she let him get that close to her.  Only in her dreams could she allow herself to depend on another person for anything.  Because no matter how strong, sensitive, and understanding Sebastian was, he was still a lawman.  And she was still a woman on the run.  

Amanda glanced at her sleeping son curled up on Sebastian’s lap, one arm around his waist and the other clutching his horse.  The lawman met her gaze and smiled. 

She turned her head before he could see the tears fall.

And so, one by one, the days finally passed.  Amanda could hardly believe it when they pulled into the station in St. Louis.  She was down to two dollars and fifty cents, and she shuddered to think what would have happened to them if Sebastian hadn’t helped them so much.  She would miss him.  Never in her life had she missed anyone, but she knew without a doubt that she would miss him.  His quiet confidence always made her feel safe, and now she would have to return to doing everything herself.

And yet, a part of herself was also looking forward to her new position as governess for the Richardsons.  She always preferred being a governess rather than a maid.  There were many more privileges with such a job, and she thoroughly enjoyed working with children and giving Matthew someone to play with.

The trio left the train together, Amanda treading carefully to make sure she wasn’t being watched.  They stepped out of the station into the brilliant sunshine and she gasped at her first view of St. Louis.  She had seen big cities before, but nothing compared to these large buildings vaulting toward the sky.  It was magnificent!  

Sebastian turned to her reluctantly.  “I guess this is where we say goodbye.”

Amanda looked into his bright blue eyes.  “Yes, I suppose it is.  I want to thank you for all you’ve done to help us--”

He put his finger to her soft pink lips.  “I have done nothing.  You have allowed me to exorcise my demons and let go of some of the guilt I’ve been carrying all these years.  I can’t even begin to thank you.”

They stared at one another for so long that Matthew became restless and pulled on Sebastian’s sleeve.  “C’mon,

‘Bastian, I’m hungry.  Let’s have lunch.”

              “Well, maybe we could--”

              “No,” Amanda shook her head firmly.  “This is

difficult enough.  Prolonging it will only make it harder.”

His disappointment was evident, but he agreed with her.  Bending down, he hugged Matthew to him.  “I’ve had fun with you, Squirt.  Take care of your mother, okay?  She needs someone strong like you to help her.”

Tears shone in Matthew's eyes. “Where are you going, ’Bastian?”

His eyes met Amanda’s, shock registering with the knowledge that neither one of them had thought to tell the child they would be parting company.  His heart squeezed painfully as the boy’s arms clutched his neck, his little voice begging him not to go.

Firmly, Sebastian set Matthew from him.  “You have to be strong, Matthew.  I’ll miss you as much as you’ll miss me, but your mother and I are going to different places.  Don’t worry, maybe I can visit sometimes.  My home isn’t too far from here.”

This seemed to satisfy him somewhat, and Sebastian stood up and took Amanda in his arms.  He bent down and kissed her soft, sweet lips, turned quickly, and walked away without looking back.

Taking a moment to recover herself, Amanda took her pouting son by the hand and led him to the hotel she was supposed to report to before going on to the Richardsons’ house.  She pushed back her sadness at the loss of Sebastian and walked up to the desk with a smile.  “Hello.  My name is Amanda Darcy and I’m to work for the Richardsons.  You have an envelope with my instructions, I believe?”

“Just one moment,” the man said and disappeared behind a door.  He returned with an envelope and she thanked him.

Walking out into the lovely day, she sat down on a bench and gave Matthew a snack to tide him over until dinner.  She opened the envelope and was surprised to find ten dollars.  Tucking it quickly into her reticule, she opened the letter that accompanied it.

“Dear Mrs. Darcy,” it began, “I am sorry to tell you that we no longer require your services.  A family emergency in our hometown has called us away and we don’t know how long it will be until we return, if indeed we return at all.  I have enclosed ten dollars to compensate you for your trip and am sure you will find adequate work, St. Louis being such a large place.  Best of luck, Mrs. Richardson.”

Amanda’s eyes closed against the harsh reality that she was still without a job.  She had no money and no prospects of earning more.  Where would they stay until she found a job?  That could take days, even weeks!  How would she feed her son?  She had always been strong willed and determined, but this was the last straw.  What could she do now?  She’d come all this way depending on that job!  How could they go away and leave her with a measly ten dollars?!  Amanda stared straight ahead, aware of nothing but her own problems.  She didn’t see the many people who passed by, throwing curious looks her way.  She didn’t see the storm clouds that rushed to cover the sun, and didn’t feel the drops of rain that soon began to fall.

Sebastian walked out of the barbershop and headed to the mercantile.  As he stepped off the boardwalk he noticed Amanda and Matthew sitting across the street.  He quelled the urge to go over to them, knowing that if the first goodbye had been so gut wrenching, a second would be almost impossible.  So he continued on his way, picking up the special supplies that he would need for home that he would not be able to get in Alton.  

An hour later he noticed the storm clouds as he strode away from the store.  Unable to stop himself, he glanced across the street to where his friends had been and was surprised to find them still sitting there.  Upon closer inspection, he could see the dejected look on Amanda’s face and hear Matthew’s frightened chatter.  He had no idea what was wrong, but nothing was going to stop him from finding out!

He made his way quickly across the crowded street and waved.  Matthew ran to him and wrapped his little arms about Sebastian’s legs.  “What happened?”

              The small boy shook his head.  “I don’t know. 

Mama’s sad and she won’t talk.  She only stares and I don’t know what to do!”

              Taking his hand firmly, Sebastian walked over to

Amanda and knelt before her.  “Amanda?” he called softly.  She seemed not to see him.  “Amanda, what’s the matter?  Talk to me.”  There was still no response.  Noticing the crumpled paper lying on her lap, he picked it up and read it, barely feeling the rain that wet the words and made them run together.

“Oh, you poor girl,” he murmured, putting his arm around her and urging her to her feet.  She gave no protest but still did not return from her trance-like state.  “Come along,

Matthew.  I’m taking you to my hotel room.”

Laying Amanda on his bed, he then turned his attention to Matthew.  “Here son, let’s get those wet clothes off you.”  He took a clean shirt from his own bag and, after drying him off, slid the soft cotton over the boy’s head.  “I bet you’re tired after such a long day, huh?”

Matthew nodded, his big dark eyes full of fear.  “Is Mama okay?”

He pulled Matthew onto his lap.  “Your mother has had news that was a bit shocking to her and she’s trying to find a way to cope with it.  I promise I’ll talk to her and help her to feel better.  Do you trust me?”  Again he nodded.  Sebastian placed some blankets on the floor in the corner of the room and settled Matthew upon them, watching as he curled up and fell fast asleep.

With a sigh he set about relieving Amanda of her clothes.  His fingers shaking, he unbuttoned her bodice and stripped the wet clothing away from her warm skin.  He had hoped he wouldn’t have to put himself through the torture of removing her unmentionables, but they were soaked through and so he made quick work of ridding her of them, also.  He clothed her in another of his soft cotton shirts and tried unsuccessfully to quiet the desire raging through his body.  Although he had tried his best not to look, such a task was impossible, and he found that her body was even lovelier than he had imagined. 

He sat on the side of the bed and took her cold hand in his, rubbing until some warmth returned.  After what seemed an eternity, she opened her eyes and looked at him, actually seeing him for the first time.  She didn’t question how she had gotten there, or why Sebastian was once again in their company.  No, she was too relieved to see him to wonder why.  “Oh Sebastian,” she said softly, tears gathering in her lovely dark eyes, “what am I going to do?  I have no job, no prospects, and no money.  I’m afraid.  Oh, I am so afraid that I can’t do it anymore.  I’m tired of trying.  It’s time I finally gave up.”

Scowling fiercely, he grabbed her shoulders tightly and shook her.  “I don’t ever want to hear you talk like that again, do you hear me?  You have a little boy counting on you. 

Don’t give up so easily.”

She laughed humorlessly.  “I’m tired of fighting.  I always knew this day would come and finally it has.  I’ve no

more spirit left.  No choices, nowhere to turn.”

              Sebastian turned away, seemingly deep in thought. 

When he turned back to her, he was smiling.  “I can help you, Amanda.”

She touched his cheek.  “No, you can’t.  I thank you for trying, but no matter how much I want to lean on you I can’t--” She broke off suddenly, eyeing him thoughtfully.

He stood up, running a hand through his hair.  “It’s time for truth, Amanda Darcy.  I know, have known from the beginning, actually, that you are running from something.  Don’t bother trying to deny it, your every action gives you away.  The way you move from job to job, trying to save enough money, I assume, to move far away where you won’t have to run anymore.  I want to help you, and I need to know

the truth here and now so I can.”

“You’re right, you can help me,” she said, sitting up in bed and skirting the issue of
why
she was on the run.  “All these years, moving from one place to another, I haven’t been trying to save money so I could find a permanent hide-out.  I know that is impossible.  I have hired myself out as governess and maid time and again not for money, but in the hopes of finding a home for Matthew.  I have searched high and low for a family that I could trust to take Matthew in and treat him as their own.  But in all the time I’ve been out there in the cold, hard world, I’ve only met one person who I could trust to love him.  You.”

Sebastian was floored.  He felt as though he’d been kicked in the gut.  The only emotion he could feel took hold of him and filled every cell in his body.  Gone was the sympathy he’d felt for her being alone.  Gone was the admiration he bestowed upon her for taking care of her child in the best way she knew how.  All he could feel now was rage.  Hot, blinding rage.

He stepped back from the bed, fisting his hands so he wouldn’t hurt her.  “How could you possibly even consider dumping that child in someone else’s lap?  Look at him!” he bellowed, pointing to the small bundle in the corner.  “He loves you!  He needs you!  And, after you push him out of

your life, what do
you
plan to do?!”

Tears formed in Amanda’s eyes.  She could barely look at him, his anger was so potent.  “Turn myself in,” she whispered.

He sank into the chair by the bed, his legs suddenly too weary to support him.  “What did you do?” he demanded.

“Sebastian, there is no reason for me to tell you.  I am a wanted woman who has been running from the law for too many years.  If you take Matthew for me then, when I’ve finally been caught, he won’t have to bear the repercussions.”