My Guardian Knight (8 page)

              They rolled down a gentle slope and Sebastian

pointed to a small cabin in the distance.  “There it is, Amanda. 

It isn’t much, but it’s home.”

Amanda thought she’d never seen such a cozy little log cabin.  She asked him to stop the carriage and he did as she asked, a bewildered look on his face.  She climbed down before he knew what she was about and turned to the kids, helping them down.  Before he could blink, she took each of them by the hand and began to run across the field toward the house, all three of them laughing gleefully. All Amanda could think was that her three wishes had finally been granted, ironically at a time when she thought her life was over.  It didn’t even matter that she could only have it for one year because it was so much more than she had ever thought she could have.  Finally, to have a good man beside her, a pretty little house, and children to love.  It was all she’d ever wanted.   Sebastian was rooted to the spot as he watched her lovely hair--which had come loose as usual--flowing behind her as she ran.  He could hear her laughter and see the gentle way she leaned down to speak to the children and start them laughing again.  He noticed the way her faded blue dress swished provocatively around pretty ankles that he was able to glimpse slightly as her dress moved to and fro.  He sighed, wondering how he would be able to keep his hands off her for the next year.

Clucking softly to the horses, he reached the porch at the same time as they did, and was surprised to see her fall to the ground in exhaustion with the children.  He jumped down and stood over the three of them, arms crossed over his chest, shaking his head in amusement.  Amanda gazed up at him with eyes full of a happiness that had never been there before, and he had to turn quickly in the guise of tending the horses so she wouldn’t see the emotion she had caused in him.

Amanda watched him take the horses to the barn and stood up, brushing grass off her skirt.  She told the children to stay close to the house and walked inside to explore her new home.  When she opened the door, a strong musty smell wafted over her.  Crinkling her nose, she opened the windows and turned around to look.  It was a pretty little room with a stone fireplace dominating one wall and a small cookstove stood in the corner.  A table and chairs graced the center of the room and the windows were dressed in lovely curtains.  There was a door on either side of the fireplace, and Amanda first went through the door to the left.  The masculine air left no doubt in her mind that this was Sebastian’s room.  It was sparsely furnished with a large bed sporting a beautiful quilt and a trunk and washstand.  Leaving quickly, she went to the other door and knew that this had been Marissa’s room, and probably also grandma’s.  There were two beds side to side, a small nightstand between them with only a lamp on it, and a pretty rug stretching across the floor at the foot of the beds. 

Very homey, she decided.

It was getting late, and Amanda knew she didn’t have much time to finish what needed to be done before nightfall, so she pushed up her sleeves and went to work.  First, she stripped the beds and hung the bedclothes on the line in the back of the house to air out.  Then she went to the root cellar and brought a few things up for a quick supper.  When Sebastian came in with the children in tow, supper was on the table and the sheets and quilts had been returned to the beds, smelling of summer sunshine.

Sebastian smiled and sat down at the table.  Amanda filled their bowls and joined him.  “I’m sorry there isn’t much tonight, but I promise I’ll have more on the table from now on.”

Sebastian eyed the bowls of soup and big chunks of cheese.  “It looks good to me.”

“I was surprised to find so much in the root cellar.  I love to cook, and there are so many canned goods I didn’t even have enough time to go through them all!”

“Grandma liked to can the food she grew during the summer.  Her recipes are all here if you’d like to try them.  This soup is great, Amanda.  I didn’t know you could cook, too,” he teased.

“Well, I only had time to throw this together quickly, but I’ll be able to do a better job of it from now on.”

The children were so tired from their eventful day that they almost fell asleep in their soup bowls, so Amanda washed them and helped them change clothes before scooting them off to bed.  She tucked Marissa in bed and then turned to Matthew, who was already asleep, his chubby cheek resting on his hand, his horse cuddled closely to him.  Turning down the light, she left the room and found Sebastian sitting in a chair before the fireplace.  “They’re both sleeping,” she said quietly, starting to clean some of the built up dust from the room.

“Come sit down with me for a while,” he asked.  She sat beside him, feeling a bit nervous and shy now that the children had gone to bed and they were alone.  “I want to thank you for coming with me, Amanda.  For the first time since Marissa was taken from me, I don’t have a knot of guilt eating at me.  I know she’s safe in bed where she belongs and I can take care of her.”

“I should be thanking you, Sebastian.  You’re saving me from Avery and, even besides that, you’re giving me everything I’ve ever wanted.  Now I have a little girl to care

for, too, and a pretty little house.”

He glanced around.  “I’m glad you like the house.  When I was growing up Grandma and I lived in a much smaller place.  We both liked to have room, so I built her this house.  It isn’t anything fancy, but at least we both had a room to ourselves.  When I left she refused to use my room for anything.  She said this was my house, and my room would always be waiting for me whenever I was ready to return home.  It’s been a long time, but here I am.”

“I think it’s a lovely house, Sebastian, and I thank you for sharing it with me.”

He stared at her for a long time, and after a while she began to fidget.  “Have I ever told you how pretty you are?” he asked softly.

              “Me?” she asked stupidly.

His grin lit up the room.  “You pull your hair up so tight in the morning and by evening it’s curling softly around your face.  No Amanda, don’t fix it.  I like it that way.  It makes you look--sweet and feminine.  I have this need to touch it, to see how soft it is,” he murmured.

Amanda was lost in his eyes.  She felt more than heard his words and she was mesmerized by the hushed tone of his voice.  He reached out and almost reverently touched her hair, sliding his hand down the side of her head tenderly to rest at the nape of her neck.  Unable to resist any longer, he pulled her toward him and touched his lips to hers, sucking in his breath at the surge of electricity that shot through him.  She felt it too, for her eyes were wide with astonishment.  He tried it again, welcoming the shock to his senses as their lips met softly.  He deepened the kiss and it never even occurred to Amanda to try and stop him.  No, it felt much too good.  His other hand came up to caress her arm and he licked her bottom lip with the tip of his tongue.

Amanda broke away with a gasp.  She turned away from him, trying to bring her breathing under control and failing miserably.  She looked up at him as he began stroking her back reassuringly.  “Are you okay?” he murmured.

She nodded.  “Sebastian?” she asked hesitantly.  “What just happened, well, has never happened to me before.  Am I supposed to feel so--”

“Unsettled, shaky, breathless?”  At her nod he grinned.  “You are supposed to feel all that and more,

Amanda, much more.”

“Even though I have a child, I’m not--well, what I mean to say is that I haven’t really--”

He put a finger to her lips.  “I know you aren’t experienced in the ways of love, sweetheart, and even though we are ‘married’ now I want you to know I don’t expect that from you, although I feel an irresistible attraction to you.  I won’t take advantage of you.  In fact, I think I’ll sleep out here tonight.”

“No, I’ll not deprive you of your bed!  We are both adults and I trust you.  We can share.”

This seemed to shock him beyond all reason and she laughed.  “I do believe I’ve scandalized you, Sebastian!  But really, it would be silly for either one of us to sleep on the floor when there is such a
large
, comfortable bed in the other room, don’t you agree?”

“It just so happens I do agree.  Why don’t you go on and change while I check on the children? I’ll be there soon.”  Amanda stepped into the room and sighed, wondering what she had gotten herself into.  She hurriedly shucked off her clothes and donned a high-necked, faded pink cotton nightgown and climbed between the covers.  Oh, the bed was so comfortable she could hardly keep her eyes open and she let them droop.  So when Sebastian entered the room he thought she was asleep, but as he began undressing she shamelessly opened her eyes a slit to watch him.  He took off everything but his underwear and turned toward the bed.  Amanda almost sighed aloud at the strong muscles outlined in his body.  When she felt him crawl under the covers beside her she used the guise of sleep and curled up to him, sliding her head onto his chest.  She could hear his steady heartbeat and his not so steady breathing as he brought his arm around to snuggle her against him.  Never had she felt so safe as she did now in the cocoon of his embrace.  Sighing contentedly, she let herself drift off to sleep.

When Amanda awoke the next morning the sun was just peeking over the horizon and there was no sign of Sebastian.  Rising from the bed, she cherished the happy feeling that still warmed her heart.  She didn’t remember a time when she had looked forward to the start of a new day, but she did today.  It would be a lovely warm summer day and she would enjoy it to the best of her ability.  Donning her favorite blue dress, she made her way into the dusty kitchen and took out the eggs she had brought from town. As she was putting the plates on the table two sleepy children sat down and Sebastian came in from outside, his hair wet and smelling clean as the outdoors.  She smiled at him, immediately noticing the absence of the badge that proclaimed him to be a U.S. Marshal.  His gun belt, however, was riding on his hip as always, gun intact.

“Don’t be alarmed if you see some men ride up today, Amanda.  I’m expecting quite a few deliveries this week, so there will probably be a lot of people coming and going.  If they stop here at the house just send them to the barn.  I have so much to do to get it ready I’ll more than likely be spending my entire week there and in the stable.”

              Amanda glanced up, fork poised halfway to her

mouth.  “What stable?”

Sebastian grinned.  “The stable I’ll be building at the end of the week.  Have I never told you what I plan to do with this old place?”

“I thought you were going to farm it.  You said you were very good at it.”

Shrugging, he said, “I don’t like farming.  Of course I’ll plant enough for us to eat and to bring in a bit of extra money, but it’s not where my heart is.  I want to raise horses.  I want to breed them and train them and maybe even race them.”  “What a wonderful idea!  Did you hear that, kids, we’re going to have horses!  Sometimes you really amaze me, Sebastian Knight!”

“Well, I’d better get started if I want to have it finished by the end of the week.”

              Matthew jumped up.  “’Bastian, can I help you?  I

want to get ready for the horses, too.”

              “You bet you can help me, Squirt!”

              Amanda watched her two men strut out the door and

laughed.  “Can you believe them, Marissa?”

The little girl stared up at Amanda with wide blue eyes.  How hard it must be for the poor little girl to have lost her whole family and have a new one thrust upon her.  Holding her hand out, she said, “Why don’t we get you dressed, Marissa, and after I have everything cleaned up you can help me make a pie for dessert tonight.”

Her eyes lit up and she shyly followed her new mother into the bedroom.  As Amanda slipped a little yellow dress over her head, she said, “Grandma used to let me help her make pies, too.  Papa says Grandma went to Heaven.”  She paused thoughtfully as Amanda brushed her hair and tied a yellow ribbon in it.  “Amanda, do you know where Heaven is? 

I need to tell Grandma I love her.”

Fighting tears, Amanda hauled the little girl close to her.  “I’m sure your grandma knows just how much you love her, honey.  We can only go to Heaven when God calls us there, way up in the beautiful sky.  But if you talk to your grandma, I’m sure she can hear you.”

“Do you think she can?  I thought so, but at the orphanage Prissy said she couldn’t.  Prissy is the oldest and thinks she knows everything, and she told me I was being a baby for thinking grandma could hear me.”

              “Now don’t you worry about Prissy.  You just do what you think is right, and if it helps you any, I believe she can hear you.”

Smiling, Marissa took one of her little dolls out on the porch to play and Amanda got to work on the neglected cabin.  She took the rugs out and gave them a good shake before pinning them to the line to air out.  She swept and scrubbed the wood floors until they shone.  She cleaned all the soot from the fireplace and cookstove and washed the grime from the windows so that the sun brightened even the farthest corners of the room.  When the house was gleaming, she brought Marissa in and together they baked bread and peach pie and threw together a small lunch to take out to their men.  They stepped into the barn, pausing so their eyes could become accustomed to the dimness, and called out for Sebastian and Matthew.  When Sebastian saw them he smiled and mentioned that he knew of a perfect place for a picnic.  The children ran excitedly ahead as they crossed behind the barn to a small creek that ran through their property.  Dropping down beneath a large oak tree, they waited for Amanda to hand out the cheese sandwiches she had made with the freshly baked bread.  Munching happily, they all lounged against the tree and enjoyed the lovely day.  It was with reluctance that Sebastian headed off back to work and Amanda returned to the house.

              That evening, just as the sun was about to set,

Matthew and Sebastian were strolling home across the prairie when Matthew caught sight of a baby bunny.  “Look at that

‘Bastian! A baby bunny! Can I pet it?”

              “If you can catch it,” he said, chuckling.

Matthew set off at a run and chased the poor little rabbit all the way back to a small copse of young trees.  By the time he came back he was winded and his face was beet red.  “Couldn’t catch it, huh?”

              Matthew glared at him as he tried to catch his breath.  “Why didn’t you tell me I couldn’t catch it?”

              Sebastian ruffled his hair as they continued on their way.  “Because some things you have to learn on your own.  I’ll tell you what: If you start bringing a carrot out each day and show the bunny you won’t hurt it, maybe he’ll learn to

trust you enough to let you pet him.”

              “But that’ll take forever!” he whined.

Sebastian stomped his boots off at the door to the cabin.  “But wouldn’t it be worth it?” he asked as the boy followed him thoughtfully through the door. 

Sebastian stopped abruptly just inside, the changes Amanda had made, along with the sumptuous smells of supper, all hitting him at the same time.  He looked around at the clean, cozily lit room, his daughter setting the table and his ‘wife’ standing over a pot at the cookstove.  All at once he felt as if he’d finally come home.  Ushering Matthew before him they cleaned up and took their places at the table as steaming plates of chicken and dumplings were set before them.  Sebastian ate quietly, gazing thoughtfully at his new family and the transformed little cabin.  A feeling of belonging surrounded him and filled a void he hadn’t realized was there. 

He smiled at Amanda, and she returned his smile sweetly.

              “Guess what we found in the field, Mama?”  

              “What did you find, sweetheart?”

              “You can tell her, ‘Bastian.  We found a
bunny
,

Mama!  Not just any old bunny but a little
baby
bunny!  It was

so pretty and I tried to catch it but it ran too fast!”

Amanda graced Sebastian with an angelic look before turning back to her son.  “That’s wonderful!  Maybe next time you can pet him.”

Matthew nodded emphatically before continuing to munch on his chicken and dumplings.  Marissa was quiet, as Sebastian assured Amanda she had always been.  “I’ll be starting on the stable tomorrow since I was able to get the barn fixed earlier than I expected.”

              “That’s wonderful!”

  “I’ll be pretty busy for the next several days and I won’t always be able to take Matthew with me.  I’ll try to watch for my deliveries so they won’t disturb you.”

Amanda smiled.  “Don’t worry about it, I don’t mind.”

“Once I get the stables up and stocked I can begin working with the horses.  I plan to train them myself but I may need to hire someone for help every now and then.”

Amanda looked worried.  “So these horses will be wild?”

“Not exactly.  There’s nothing for you to worry about, for the most part they’ll be tame, but in need of more

extensive training for a variety of different purposes.”

“I see.  Should we keep to the house, then?”  “Absolutely not.  As long as you stay on the opposite side of the fence they’ll not hurt you.”

              “Can I ride horses with you, ‘Bastian?”

              “Maybe once everything has settled down here,

Squirt.”

              “Can I ride horses too, Papa?”

Startled, Sebastian’s gaze flew to his daughter.  Although she had found out at the same time he did that he was her father, she had still always called him by his name.  Swallowing the lump in his throat, he touched her sweet cheek

with his finger.  “Of course, Marissa.”

Marissa’s bright blue eyes pierced the adults.  Sometimes a child of few words, she made what she said count.  “Papa, Matthew calls Amanda ‘mama’.  May I?”

Sebastian gripped the table tightly to control the flow of emotions coursing through him.  Clearing his throat, he said, “I think that’s something you should ask Amanda.”

              Marissa’s wide eyes met Amanda’s, which were threatening to swim with tears.  “Amanda, may I call you Mama?  I never had a mama before.”

Amanda looked up at Sebastian to try and read his reaction, but the moment her eyes met his she knew it had been a mistake.  Although he tried to hide it, she could see the emotion flare in his eyes.  Nodding slowly, she managed a smile for Marissa’s sake.  “I would love that, Marissa,” she said softly.

Not to be outdone, Matthew leaned across the table.  “Mama, does this mean I can call ‘Bastian Papa?  Does it?”  They looked at each other and read so easily the deep longing for family in the other’s eyes.  They nodded simultaneously, and Matthew jumped off his chair and skipped around the room happily.  Relieved to have the mood lightened, Amanda laughed and bid the boy to return to his seat.  The rest of the meal was conducted in thoughtful silence, with Matthew’s ever-present chatter.

That night, Amanda again changed and crawled into bed while Sebastian was busy outside.  When he came in, he smiled at her and blew out the candle.  He undressed and slipped into bed beside her, careful to keep several inches between them.  They were still and quiet for several moments before Sebastian murmured, “Amanda, I could tell you were upset by what Marissa said at supper, and I want you to know I won’t blame you if you don’t feel comfortable allowing her to call you mama.  I can only speak for myself, but the thought of Matthew wanting me to be his father fills me with pride.”

Amanda laid her hand on his arm.  “No, Sebastian, I love Marissa, but I can’t help wondering if what we’re doing is wrong.  We are four people who have never had the kind of family we wanted, and now all of a sudden it’s been miraculously bestowed on us.  What happens to Matthew and Marissa when it’s time for me to leave?  Should we allow it to become so emotional when we know it won’t end in happily ever after?”

Sebastian placed his hands behind his head and gazed up at the ceiling.  “Do we ever know what will happen in the future, Amanda?  We set out on this adventure with a plan, but there is no guarantee that everything will be how we want it.  Neither one of us planned for the children to become so attached to us so quickly, but it happened.  I think we should just let things progress as they will and take it one step at a time.  As for leaving, we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.”

Amanda nodded, glad for the cover of darkness so he couldn’t see her chin quiver at the thought of losing her new found family.  She was surprised when he leaned over and kissed her cheek softly, then moved slightly until their lips met in a chaste kiss meant to comfort.  Amanda slipped her hands up his back, holding tightly to his broad shoulders.  Sebastian deepened the kiss, literally feeling as if he were melting into her.  His hands roamed of their own free will, lightly caressing her soft skin through the cotton of her nightgown.  He nibbled at the delicate place behind her ear, causing a stream of delicious shivers to overtake her.  Loosening the braid that held her hair captive, he rubbed his lightly whiskered cheek against the silky softness, as he’d wanted to do so many times.  He inhaled the scent of her, smiling at the added aroma of cinnamon.  His hand slid over the small mound of her tummy and naturally progressed to the softness of her breast.  Amanda gasped at the contact, and Sebastian snatched his hand away, almost as if he’d been burned.  Indeed, his hand was throbbing from the short, heated contact he’d had with her and now ached painfully to be replaced.  But reality returned, and with it his conscience.  Sighing raggedly, he drew her into his arms, lying woodenly beside her.  “Go to sleep, Amanda,” he rasped into the darkness.

              Amanda’s eyes welled with tears that she refused to let fall.  What was wrong with her that he didn’t want her?  Was it something she had done or his damnable sense of honor that kept them physically apart?  Amanda wanted to be a real wife to him, whether the marriage was legal or not meant nothing to her.  But how could she tell him she wanted him without seeming like a loose woman?  Sebastian was an honorable man and would probably think less of her if she offered herself to him.  Able to bear almost anything else, she knew she could never bear to see disappointment in his eyes because of her.  She sighed, unconsciously playing with the hair on his chest until his fingers closed over hers.  She sighed again, knowing she had a long night ahead of her.