My Heart is Yours (3 page)

“Aaaa! Derek!” Sam’s voice carried in from the
living room. Derek swung Sam over his shoulder. “Aaaa! Derek, put
me down!”

“You know what.” John said to Jason. “You just won’t
admit it.”

Before Jason had a chance to answer, Juliana came
into the kitchen laughing.

“So, Julie-” Chris began.

“Alright, my name is Juli
ana
, okay?”

Derek walked in and waved to everyone. Jason smiled,
but it wasn’t real, just tolerant. He was never too fond of
Derek.

“Sam!” Derek yelled into the living room.

“What?” She yelled back.

“Come on, get in here!”

Sam walked into the kitchen and smiled at Jason.

“Hey, there’s no chair left for me.” She shrugged
and walked over to the table, figuring she would just plant her
butt right on the kitchen table.

Derek grabbed her hand and pulled her onto his lap
before she got too far. Sam smiled and rolled her eyes.

Juliana glanced over at Jason.

“Have you seen my journal?” Sam asked.

“No.” John said.

“Nope, sorry.” Chris said.

“Haven’t seen it, blondie.” Shawn said.

“It’s in your room, on your desk.” Jason told
her.

“Thanks Jason.” Sam said, jumping off of Derek’s lap
to go retrieve her journal.

Sam’s room was small, but not too small. “Medium
sized”, she called it. She had a twin size bed, covered in dark
blue sheets, light blue pillowcases, and an old white quilt with
blue flowers scattered over it. That was her birthday present for
her thirteenth birthday. Her mom had made it for her. She suddenly
remembered with overwhelming clarity when John F. Kennedy had been
assassinated. Her mother wouldn’t get out of bed for over a week.
She had taken the quilt out of Sam’s room and clung to it
desperately. As if it could make everything better. Somehow that
seemed like a lifetime ago, though it wasn’t even a full year
ago.

Sam looked at the quilt and smiled, remembering when
she had walked in on her mom, Michelle, making it for her. She’d
tried to hide it and told Sam to go help her father with
dinner.

Her journal was on her desk, on top of papers,
folders, and textbooks for school. Sam was in mostly advanced
classes. Juliana and Derek were, too.

Lovingly, Sam stroked her journal. It was blue, sort
of turquoise, with lilac, dusty rose and sea foam green butterflies
on it. It wasn’t a spiral notebook, because Sam liked the other
kind better.

Her adoptive parents were killed four months before
her sixteenth birthday, and they didn’t have a lot of money (even
less than usual) because they had to pay for the funeral. So Sam
wasn’t expecting any gifts. But everyone, Craig, John, Matt, Chris,
Shawn, and Jason chipped in to get Sam this journal. It was fancy,
so it must have been expensive.

She had already had a journal at the time, but this
was for when she finished that one. She started that journal four
months after she turned sixteen. She’d been writing in it for about
two months at the time. Her first entry had been about the dreams
that she’d been having.

Sam thought about that. Her parents had been dead
for ten months. She wiped away a tear that was running down her
cheek.

Later that night, Sam was sitting on the couch
reading
Lolita
by Vladimir Nabokov.

“Hi!”

Sam jumped and dropped her book to the floor.

“God, John you scared me. I lost my page.”

“Sorry. You’re so jumpy, Sam.” He said.

“I am not.”

John shrugged. “So, what are you doin’?”

“Reading.” She answered.

“You read too much.”

“Do not.”

“Yeah, you do.” He ruffled her hair.

Sam shrugged and pulled their soft, brown wool
blanket back over her.

“Hey John?” She looked up from her book.

“Hmm?”

“Last night, when I had that headache . . .”

“Yeah?”

“Did someone carry me into my room?”

“Yep.” John said.

Sam waited for him to expand on his response.

“Who?” She asked. “You?”

“No, Jason did.” He went over to turn on the TV and
stood there looking for the channel he wanted.

“Jason?”

“Yep.” He stopped the dial on the news. The reporter
was talking about Martin Luther King Jr. winning the Nobel Peace
Prize.

Sam reopened her book and stared at its pages, not
seeing the words. She was thinking about Jason. She didn’t think
Jason was even strong enough to carry her. She smiled. Somehow the
thought that Jason carried her into her room made her feel very
content, very safe.

“Sam?” John was staring at her.

“What?” She jumped and turned to him.

“Are you blushing?” He asked.

“What? No!” She tried to hide her face with her
hair.

“Yeah, you are.” John scooted over to her on the
couch. He smirked and nudged her shoulder with his.

“No I’m not. It’s just a little warm in here.”

“You have a blanket on.” He picked up the brown wool
blanket and tossed it over her head.

Sam pushed the blanket off; her blonde hair was
strewn about her face. She looked into John’s green eyes. He stared
back into hers, which at the moment were gray. Sam actually
couldn’t think of anything to say. She narrowed her eyes and turned
away to continue reading
Lolita
.

***

“I
knew it.” John said
smiling.

“Knew what?” Sam asked, pushing her hair out of her
eyes.

“You like him.” He pushed her shoulder.

“Like who?”

“You know who I’m talking about.” A small laugh
escaped his lips.

“No, I don’t.” She sighed.

“Jason.”

“Of course I like Jason, he’s one of my best-” Sam
glanced up from her book. “No, you don’t think-” Realization
crossed her face.

“Yes, I do think!” He grinned so large it looked as
if his teeth may fall out of his mouth. .

“What?” She scoffed as she closed her book and laid
it gingerly on the scratched up coffee table.

“I think you like him
as more than a friend!
”
John practically bounced on the couch as he said this.

“You’re crazy!” Sam said, standing up from the
couch.

“Oh, am I?” John asked, also getting up.

“Yes!” Sam said raising her voice. “What could
possibly
make you think I like him?”

“What’s wrong with Jason?” He arched one perfect
eyebrow and smirked.

John was right in front of her now and she was
looking up at him, angry as hell. Partially because he could think
such a thing, partially because he was a foot taller than her and
she had to look up so high, and partially because deep inside she
knew that John was right.

“Nothing, Jason’s great. He’s . . . he’s sweet and
smart and . . . .and funny and cute.” She stopped herself and
looked up at John again. His eyebrows were raised and his arms
crossed as if to say “Oh, and this from the girl who
doesn’t
like Jason?”

“I . . . I mean . . .” Sam stumbled over her
words.

“You
mean
you like him.” He said for her.

“Shut up! I
do not
like Jason!” She ran her
hands through her hair, messing it up even more. She’d have to
spend a half hour fixing all of this damage later.

“Then why are you getting so mad at me?” He
laughed.

“Because it’s completely ridiculous you would even
accuse me of liking him!”

“He likes you.”

“He does? Did he tell you that?” Sam asked, unable
to hide her slight smirk.

“No. But I can tell.” A gentle smile played on his
lips momentarily. “And by the way, if you don’t like him then why
do you care?”

“Who said I cared?” She shrugged her shoulders.

“You’re smiling.” He reached out and pinched her
cheek.

Sam wiggled away and quickly hid her smirk.

“Well, I care so I can gently let him know that I
don’t feel the same way.” She nodded officially.

“Too bad you’d be lying to him.” John cocked a
perfect eyebrow.

“Oh my God! For the last time I
do not
like
him!” She pushed John backwards lightly and he stumbled back a few
inches.

He put his hands on her shoulders and said, “I think
you’re scared.”

“Scared of what?”

“Two things.”

She raised her eyebrows. “Which are?”

John held up one finger. “One: you’re scared Jason
doesn’t feel the same way. Which is ridiculous, because it’s
obvious that he’s crazy about you.” He held up another finger. “And
two: you’re scared of Craig.”

“Scared of Craig? Why would I be scared of Craig?”
Her eyebrows pulled together.

“Easy, you’re scared he won’t let you and Jason be
together.” Sam began to interrupt but John held up a hand to stop
her. “Craig knows you’re the smartest one in the family and could
easily get a scholarship to Harvard or Yale or Princeton or any Ivy
League school. And don’t say that’s not true Sam, because you know
it is. Craig also knows that you and Jason like each other, and
he’s scared you’ll fall in love, give up a scholarship to be with
Jason, and never have a better life than we do now”

“That’s ridiculous.” She said.

“Maybe so, but it’s true.” He shrugged.

“I hate you.” Sam said smirking ever so slightly and
starting to walk away.

“No you don’t, you love me. Almost as much as you
love Jason.” He made a kissy-face in her direction.

“Shut up!” Sam yelled, as she turned around, grabbed
a pillow from the couch and threw it at John. He ducked, but not
before the pillow messed up his oh-so-precious-hair.

“Hey, Jason.” Matt said as he sat down next to him.
They were in the park near Matt’s house, sitting in the wet
grass.

“Hey, man.” Jason said.

“What are you doin’?” Matt held out his hand.

“Thinking.” Jason put the expected cigarette in
Matt’s hand and pulled one out for himself.