My Love Break (19 page)

Risa’s breathing quickened. Her full mouth curled into a kissable pout. “I don’t think so. I’m going out tomorrow night. Maybe I’ll find some fun that way.”

My humor froze. “Fun. Is that what you’ll call it, Risa?”

She leaned back against the chair. Her smoky gaze threatened and exhilarated me in equal measures. I didn’t tolerate disobedience in any form, but Risa’s was less defiance and more of a dare.

Or a perilous tease.

“That is what I call it. I’ve worked especially hard without a break these last few months. I deserve a little R&R.”

“Considering I was in a coma for much of that time, I don’t see how much of it can actually count as working.”

Risa’s demeanor sharpened. She jerked forward. “That’s low, Damian. I was by your side every day and night the entire time.”

“Not every day.”

I was being a bastard. True. I didn’t like her taunting me with the threat of other men. I had to repay her in kind and I knew just how to do it.

“No. Not after you sent for Gretchen.”

I propped my chin on one hand. Risa couldn’t hide her agitation. The devil rode my shoulder hard.

“Did that bother you?”

“Why would it bother me?”

“Because Gretchen displaced you. Perhaps you allowed yourself to become possessive.”

Risa clenched her jaw. “Just like you’re doing right now?”

“Exactly.” Did she think I’d deny it? “Now tell me more.”

“I think we’ve said enough.” Risa stood up, tossing the blanket onto the chair. “Good night.”

I grabbed her wrist before good sense prevailed. “Sit back down.”

“No, I don’t think so. I won’t let you diminish me, Damian.”

“Risa,” I drawled. “Sit down. I won’t tell you again.”

“No.”

I stared her down, waiting until the exact moment where she either squirmed in discomfort or picked up the gauntlet.

“What are you doing, Damian? Let me go.”

There. It. Was.

I yanked her hard into my lap. “I’m doing whatever I please, Risa. Whatever I please.”

She placed her hands on my shoulder. The fingertips pressed deep and then soft. It was the touch of a woman who didn’t want to be anywhere else.

“Go ahead. Tell me to let you go.”

Risa stared at my mouth. Hunger swept across her lovely face. “I can’t tell you that.”

Intimacy in truth. Something I didn’t experience often enough. Risa deserved a gift in return for the one she’d just given me.

Cupping her chin firmly, I said, “Good. Now listen to me—you will stay in tomorrow night. I will have a chef prepare you a delicious meal. You will eat all of it. If you do not, expect to explain to me why you chose to disobey a direct command. After dinner, you will exercise if you wish. However, you will limit your running to one mile. No more than that, Risa. Understood?”

Risa’s hands crept higher on my shoulders. I didn’t have to slide my hand between her legs to know she was wet. I could see the lust in her eyes. She was born for this, for a man like me.

No. For
me
.

“Yes, Damian.”

My God. Were sweeter words ever uttered? 

I picked up the discarded bag. Soon I had a chocolate brownie in my hand. “Open up, Risa.” She leaned forward and took a dainty bite. Smiling, I prodded, “That’s no good, little girl. More.”

She swallowed her bite and then took a bigger one. I watched, content at long last, as Risa polished off the entire brownie. I took the included napkin and gently wiped her mouth clean.

We were getting closer. I acknowledged I stopped flirting with the line between employer and employee. I could turn back now and tomorrow we could continue as we’d been.

But I didn’t want to.

I wanted this.

I wanted more.

“Did you like it?”

“It was delicious. Thank you so much for thinking of me.”

“So polite. I should bring you brownies more often.”

“It wasn’t the brownie. It was being here with you.”

I thought of how comfortable she was on my lap. It made me wonder if she’d had someone control and protect her the way I wanted to. Jealousy didn’t suit me, but I was powerless to the emotion.

“Why do you take to this so easily, Risa?”

She looked away. “Maybe because it’s you. Doesn’t it feel right for you too?”

“It feels more than right. It feels perfect.”

It wasn’t an exaggeration. Risa felt so damned good. Her lush bottom pressed perfectly against my hard shaft. It was like Risa was made to be right here on my lap.

Madness.

Once again her gaze threatened to swallow me whole. Risa trembled even as she obviously tried to hold herself perfectly still. I traced a finger down her soft cheek.

“Does my telling you that scare you, Risa?”

She shook her head, mouth pursed into a kissable pout.

I gave her a stern look. “This won’t do, Risa. When I ask you a question you are to answer me with your words.”

She jerked against me. “I’m very sorry, Sir. I won’t repeat my mistake again.”

“You better not. I want to hear your words, Risa. Now give them to me.”

She licked her lips. If I stared hard enough, I’d be able to see the fluttering of her pulse. I focused on her neck and wondered what her fragrant skin would taste like.

“You don’t scare me, Sir. It’s just that…”

“What?” I prodded with a bump of my knee. Risa let go of me. She placed her hands in her lap and curled them into fists. The melancholic smile on her face suited her posture.

“It’s just that I don’t know what to do.”

“Do? There’s nothing for you to do, Risa. Just accept it.”

“And then what? What about tomorrow? Will you hold it against me?”

Clever girl.

I busied myself with running my fingers through her long, dark hair. “Most likely.”

“That wouldn’t be fair to me, Damian.”

I loved the sound of my name on her rosy lips. More than I should.

“No, it wouldn’t. However, very little of life is fair.”

Risa uncurled one fist. She placed it back on my chest. I could feel how much it cost her to touch me now.

“What I told you in Switzerland hasn’t changed. I’m also drawn to you, Damian. You’re all I think about. How I dress, speak, even what I eat is all connected to you. I can’t help myself. All I want to do is please you.”

They were the best words I could ever remember hearing. Risa was presenting herself to me on silver fucking platter. All I had to was accept her.

“You want to please me?”

“Yes,” she sighed with a heavy-lidded gaze. “I can’t imagine doing anything else in the world.”

“Even knowing about my commitment to Gretchen?”

Her lovely face fell. Anger and something undefined etched into her brow before smoothing over. “I respect you and your wishes, Sir. I shouldn’t have said so much, but…” She waved a hand over her lap. “I couldn’t hold it in any longer.”

I heard the words locked inside. Even Risa’s disgrace was for my pleasure.

I brushed my lips against hers. They were so soft. Even without tasting her, I imagined I could spending hours just kissing Risa.

She moaned my name. It wouldn’t take much to push her over the edge. A devil prodded me to tear chunks out of Risa just to see what she’d do next.

To test. To push us both.

I licked her bottom lip before whispering against her open mouth, “Meaning you’d fuck me raw if I wished it, regardless of Gretchen? You’d become my whore just like that? You’d throw away your honor, dignity, and pride just to have sex with me? Is that what you would do to please me?”

Risa yanked her head back. Misery and shock spread in her gaze. The minutes scattered on the floor like broken glass, irrevocably shattered and never to be created whole again.

An apology itched the corners of my mouth the longer she stared at me. I couldn’t expect Risa to understand why I said what I did. Better she suffer this from me now rather than later.

I was destined to hurt her because I wasn’t free.

Even though my relationship with Gretchen was for show, even though Risa’s status as my employee wasn’t solely enough to keep me from her, there was the question of my legacy.

No matter how much I wanted Risa, I couldn’t deny this thing between us wasn’t purely sexual. I wouldn’t be content with just a little while. I’d want more and more couldn’t be on the table.

As if she’d heard the thoughts in my head, Risa’s tears finally broke free. Seeing them roll down her pale cheeks turned the knife against my dispassionate logic. Surely I could’ve done something different?

There had to be another way…

“Risa,” I whispered as I cupped her cheek.

She yanked my hand away. “Damn you, Damian Black-Price, for thinking that of me. Damn you for doing this to us!”

Risa then leapt off my lap and this time I let her go. She ran out of the room and slammed the heavy door behind her.

I’d gone too far for no reason other than to see how she’d react. I wasn’t proud of my methods but I needed to know the unvarnished truth.

Risa wasn’t a whore by nature. Yet, it wouldn’t take much to get her to throw away her personal code for me.

Not for sex. Or money. Or power. Or greed. It was something far more precious.

Love.

I couldn’t accept it. No matter how much I wished otherwise.

I’d play with Risa, tame her to surrender solely to my touch, but in the end I wouldn’t give her what she needed.

I wouldn’t love her.

Not because she wasn’t worthy of it. Not because I couldn’t already imagine myself halfway in love already, but because I couldn’t allow my life to snuff hers out. I wouldn’t have her die in an alley because of me.

This proved Risa was meant for a different kind of man. One who would take care of her as she deserved. One who would take her confidence as the gift it was. One who wasn’t born of blood and silence.

Undoubtedly I was a sadistic bastard because even knowing this, I still wouldn’t let her go.

Not yet.

Maybe not ever.

RISA

I spent the entire workday emotionally encased in ice.

Every time I allowed myself to think of Damian’s words I suffered the mortal wound again. I couldn’t function with a bleeding heart. So I took a page from Elaine’s playbook.

Unruffled and composed, I became a perfect PA. Nothing affected me. I was completely in the moment. I was Damian’s right arm. I wasn’t real.

Only when I was alone, in the bathroom or the elevator, did I feel the cracks spider across my calm.

“You’d become my whore just like that? You’d throw away your honor, dignity, and pride just to have sex with me? Is that what you would do to please me?”

I knew my Damian was cruel. I just didn’t know how much.

After leaving him, I thought I would’ve spent the entire night sobbing into my pillow. God knew I cried for much less.

Instead, I spent it dry-eyed before sliding into dreamless sleep. When morning came I was tempted to shut off the alarm and ignore all my duties. Just the thought of Damian coming into my room was enough to get my feet on the ground.

I wouldn’t have been able to take his criticism, disappointment, or his insults.

Yes, Damian had called me a dirty slut, filthy bitch, and a cum-hungry pet many, many times. Never had I ever felt defiled by those raw endearments. For I was
his
slut, bitch, and pet.

Never was I his whore. Not like last night.

Today I was impenetrable. I fulfilled my tasks as expected, as if nothing had changed. I didn’t allow myself to acknowledge Damian’s immaculate physical presentation when he appeared at breakfast. I went over his calendar as if his mouth hadn’t been on mine scant hours before, dribbling poison into my soul with each syllable.

I didn’t acknowledge the growing weight of his regard. Not in the kitchen. Nor in the elevator and car.

I’d become an extension of him. Part of Damian, but nothing more.

We carried the day’s numerous responsibilities to the end. We went back to his building together. I went my way and he went his.

Even then I didn’t let myself break.

Instead, I took a bubble bath. I couldn’t allow myself to think of the harsh unfairness of his words. My thoughts had no freedom to tremble in the absurdity of my current situation.

“You’d become my whore just like that? You’d throw away your honor, dignity, and pride just to have sex with me? Is that what you would do to please me?”

I wouldn’t let it touch me. Not tonight.

Pink and wrinkled, I emerged from my bath as someone new. I moved through my room with purpose and intention. I dressed with care. A slinky wrap dress accentuated my small waist and rounded hips. I slicked my hair back. I darkened my eyes. I reddened my lips. I slipped on the sexiest shoes I could manage to walk in.

Dispassionately, I studied my reflection in the mirror. I looked good enough to fuck and come back for more.

Too bad the nighttime weather was still chilly enough to warrant a coat. No matter. My coat wouldn’t stay on for long.

My phone buzzed. Good. My car had arrived.

I opened the door and immediately saw the devil waiting for me.

“Have you already forgotten my command, little girl?”

I wouldn’t acknowledge the joy exploding in my heart at those two wonderful words.

I wasn’t Damian’s little girl.

Apparently, I was his rejected whore. I wouldn’t feel any guilt for what I did tonight.

“Good evening, Mr. Black-Price. I trust you will enjoy the benefit tonight. I will have my phone with me in case you need to contact me.” My lilt suggested I would get back to him. Eventually.

Damian didn’t respond. He simply stared me down.

I knew the look even if he didn’t expect me to.

It was the look of a man who wouldn’t hesitate to toss his disobedient girl over his shoulder. I didn’t wander down the dark trail snaking through my wanton imagination.

I was impenetrable.

Looking up at him, I gave Damian an impersonal nod and strode down the hallway.

“Risa, I would not be so cavalier about my wishes if I were you.”

I didn’t bother to pause in my steps. Nor did I turn around.

“Mr. Black-Price, our working relationship is just that. My personal life is my own. As well as my eating habits. I do not request your input on either.”

I wished I could’ve carried a smug smile with me. I didn’t feel joy in defiance. I felt nothing because Damian believed I was nothing.

I’d give Damian anything, but I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of my submission.

Not tonight.

Not when he didn’t want me. Not when he could reject me so cruelly to be faithful to a woman he’d already broken with months before he crashed into my life on a lie.

Damian demanded honesty but what right did he have when he couldn’t be honest with me then and himself now?

My disappointment in Damian went beyond the careless word of “whore”. My disappointment was because he refused to take ownership of his attraction to me. He wanted me and like generations of men before him, Damian blamed me for it.

I was Eve, the serpent, and the apple rolled into one. I’d give Damian anything, but I wouldn’t give him absolution for this sin.

His steps followed mine, getting faster the closer I approached the foyer. The hair on the back of my neck rose when I sensed him mere feet behind me. I didn’t falter or betray the shivers running up and down my spine.

Not with the wolf at my heels.

I closed my hand on the sleek door knob. Damian closed his over mine.

“Risa, I will lock you in here forever before I let you take one step out dressed like that.”

His touch electrified me. I refused to feel it. I wouldn’t acknowledge how my stomach tightened as did my thighs. The warmth pooling deep within me went ignored.

“What’s wrong with how I’m dressed?”

I waited for the poison words to rain down on me. Words like “disgrace” and “fault” and “whore”.

“Nothing,” he answered softly. “Except you didn’t wear this dress for me.”