Authors: Anna Antonia
Damian’s voice lashed like a whip. “Where the hell are you?”
I would’ve been shocked at his show of temper in other circumstances. Perversely, I enjoyed it this time. Damian’s anger was something I could hold onto. A test to pass, to prove my loyalty and commitment to being strong for him.
To win him back from the void in his mind.
My, my how well he trained me to be his.
“Upstairs, Sir.”
“You turned off your cell phone. That isn’t acceptable, Risa. You are not to do it again.”
“Yes, Sir.”
A pause and then in a soft voice “Come downstairs. Now. If you are not here in two minutes I will be displeased. You do not want that, Ms. Kelly.”
He clicked off the line.
I straightened my shoulders and faced Elaine. “Thank you.”
She nodded once. Our understanding back on track, she apparently could afford to be magnanimous.
“It is hard. You’re still here. That says something good about you, Risa.”
I suddenly want to cry again. I missed her approval for the short time it was gone. I didn’t want her to think me weak and spoiled.
Unworthy of her son’s love.
Blubbering wouldn’t give Elaine the proper impression I wanted. The one I needed to keep no matter what.
“I better go. I have to comb my hair and fix this up.” I waved at my face with a rueful smile.
“Go and don’t be late. You’re already in trouble as it is.”
A flush heated my cheeks. She’d apparently heard more than enough of my conversation with Damian. God, did she suspect our unconventional dynamics?
That didn’t bear thinking about.
After a quick visit to the bathroom, I saw the damage was minimal. Just a little wave of a brush, powder, lipstick, and mascara and then I was on my way in less than a minute, leaving Elaine to the million tasks occupying her time from sun up well into the night. Leon appeared out of thin air just as I crossed the threshold. My personal ghost.
Silent the entire way, we arrived at Damian’s suite with seconds to spare. I braced myself to see Gretchen slinking about. Regardless of what I wouldn’t say to Damian, I had plenty to say to her.
She was gone. Traitor.
Still I was glad I wouldn’t have to face Gretchen just yet. I would’ve hated for Damian to lecture me while that bitch was in the room. My humiliation was mine and mine alone to give. Gretchen Smith wasn’t one to receive it.
Not by my hands.
Leon escorted me straight to Damian. His narrowed stare swept across us both. Suspicion darkened his expression. “You need an escort to make sure you obey me?”
“No, Sir. Of course not, Sir.”
My even reply didn’t soften him in the slightest. Damian bit out something in Russian, naturally, to Leon. He laughed. I couldn’t control my jolt of surprise. I’d never seen the man smile much less laugh.
I couldn’t help but meet his smile with one of my own. Leon was still handsome when dour and forbidding. He was positively breathtaking with laughter. If I wasn’t so desperately in love with Damian, Leon would’ve definitely turned my head.
“Risa!”
There was no mistaking the possessiveness and jealousy burning through my name.
I looked back at Damian but apparently not fast enough. He reached out and yanked me to his side. Instead of letting me go, Damian tightened his hold of my wrist.
It was the first time he’d touched me like this in months. I could’ve collapsed at his feet in joy.
Leon spoke again, but this time Damian didn’t answer. The blond man left with another laugh. I stared after him, feeling the heat of Damian’s glare like a warning.
In another life, I’d heed it.
That went away when I saw a flash of red. Gretchen. Stiffening, I was ready to drop her dead with my stare alone, when Leon blocked her from entering. Her voice, typically low and utterly feminine, raised in protest. He didn’t say another word. He simply escorted her away after closing the door.
I could’ve hugged Leon for marching her away.
“Do you want to be with him?”
“What?”
Damian’s full lips flattened into a ruthless line. “Every time you’re not with me, you’re with him. Is that why you stay away?”
Oh no. He wasn’t going to put this on me.
“I stay away because you told me to. You sent me to work upstairs. I accommodated your wishes in every way.”
He moved his hand until it squeezed my elbow. His thumb pressed into the sensitive hollow. “That’s not an answer, Risa.”
Danger pulsed. So did desire. And hope.
The small patch of skin where his thumb dug in was one of the spots Damian knew could get me in the correct headspace. It was unconscious on his part, that much was clear, but it proved to me that
my
Damian was still there.
I didn’t try to pull my arm away from him. I stood there like a good girl and let him do what he wanted. His jealousy couldn’t hurt me. Not like his restraint over the past weeks.
“What do you want me to say?”
“The truth.”
Oh God. This was the Damian I remembered. Uncompromising. Completely dominant.
Mine.
But I couldn’t give him what he wanted. Not really. I had to be strong in the face of temptation. I had to be the character his memory loss demanded of me. I had to be perfectly his, just not in the way I wanted.
“I do as you ask me, Mr. Black-Price, because that’s what you pay me to do.”
My distasteful reminder gave me the distance needed but never wanted. Damian let go of my arm. He took several steps away, mouth turned in a frown. The impression of his fingers lingered on my skin. I ached from the absence of his solid touch.
“I called you down earlier for a reason. I did not appreciate you leaving the way you did.”
Resolutely, I sloughed off the memories of his lips on Gretchen’s. I had to if I was going to make this work.
If I was going to win.
I just had to remind myself that it wasn’t
my
Damian kissing another woman.
My
Damian wouldn’t do that to me. Not after the lengths he went to keep me.
This
Damian didn’t know me.
This
Damian believed he was still dating Gretchen.
This
Damian was going to be
my
Damian.
All I had to do was keep the faith.
That was the devil in the deal though, wasn’t it?
Damian undid his tie. I flashed back to how often he’d do the same at the end of the day in my apartment or his. I also remembered how Damian would then tie my wrists behind my back with it.
My mouth dried. Desire pounded deep within me as I stared at the silky material. Everything about Damian was a potential trigger. I tore my gaze away, but the carnal images flooded me anyways.
Mouth and body open, pleasure without words, and long, shuddering moans as I came on his mouth, fingers, tongue, and cock.
But only if I was a good girl.
I shifted my stance, trying so hard to get relief that wouldn’t come.
“I apologize, Mr. Black-Price. I was embarrassed to have interrupted you with Ms. Smith. It won’t happen again.”
“You’re right. It won’t. Because the next time you leave without my permission will be the last. Do you understand?”
Fear of banishment dropped like a stone.
“I understand, Sir. I won’t give you cause to fire me.”
Damian smiled at me. It was the careless grin of a dark predator. “No, Risa. I’m not going to fire you. Not unless you make me do it. And no one makes me do anything I don’t want to do. Think on that long and hard the next time you ignore me when I call for you, turn off your phone, or avoid me to spend time with your bodyguard.”
There it was again. Jealousy. Possessiveness.
“I’m not avoiding you to be with Leon.”
“No? Then what are you doing?”
I licked my lips. Damian zeroed in on my mouth.
“When I see your tongue like that I want it licking all along my cock instead,” he said to me more than once.
I did it again. Just a test. A tease even. Damian’s jaw popped.
Oh God. By his reaction, I knew he wasn’t pleased with me.
Damian always said little girls who teased ended up getting fucked hard and put to bed without coming. I knew it personally.
“I…ah…”
“Yes, Risa?” He prompted softly. It was the voice of a thousand memories. He wanted truth. I’d give him some because I couldn’t give it all.
“I didn’t like seeing you that way.”
“What way?”
“I didn’t like seeing you with Ms. Smith. It made me…uncomfortable.”
“Liar.”
My mouth dropped open. I didn’t have to look in a mirror to know outrage sparked in my eyes. I deliberately looked at a point over his broad shoulders.
“Excuse me, Sir?”
“You weren’t uncomfortable. You were flaming pissed, Risa. More than pissed. You were jealous. Tell me why.”
I fisted my hands. “This conversation is highly inappropriate.”
“So was your reaction.”
Damian let his tie drop onto the table. I stared at the cobalt material as if it were a lifeline. Damian’s slow steps echoed the pulse strumming across my clit.
This pull and push was so familiar.
Even without his memories, Damian easily led me down the same path. Lost as I was, I’d follow him forever.
He stopped right in front of me, blocking my view of anything but him. Close enough to kiss but frustratingly out of reach.
Heaven and hell.
Imprisoned but free.
I wasn’t playing a part anymore. I yielded to him purposely.
“I apologize for my reaction, Sir. I won’t do it again.”
“There’s nothing to apologize for, Risa. After all, my reaction wasn’t what I expect of myself. In fact…”
Damian let the words hang. Silent as a mouse to his cat, I recognized this for what it was even if he didn’t. Another tease, another test. Another way of raking his claws on the underside of my belly.
And as always, I hung there, suspended on his whim. Forever waiting for Damian…
He turned his cool gaze on me. The lines of his gorgeous face were etched in stone as he confessed softly, “I don’t like you spending any time with Leon. I want you here with me. I suspect you want the same thing.”
I did. God, I did.
“Then why did you send me away?” I didn’t mean to sound as if he’d broken my heart. “Why are you avoiding me?”
He stood there silently for so long I was afraid he wouldn’t answer. Damian’s hand twitched, as if to reach out for me before he finally murmured, “I had to see.”
“See what?”
“I had to see if it would all come back.”
I died to ask the obvious question but instinct stayed me. I didn’t want to give into hope, not after swearing I’d stay by him no matter how long it took, but the weaker side of me prayed for it.
Please mean what I hope you mean. Please mean you remember something about me. About us. I’m so alone here. I miss you so much. Don’t keep me waiting.
Damian shook his head. “Risa, I’m drawn to you. I don’t know why but I am. I can’t always keep you with me, but I don’t like to be apart from you. Why is that?”
The words trembled on my lips.
Because you love me and I love you.
His stare worked to peel back my fragile layers, to uncover the secrets that would answer the question. I stood there and braved letting my emotions dart to the surface.
Damian took a step towards me. “I’ve never had a PA before. I never wanted one. But you…why you? What did you do to me, Risa, to make me want to keep you?”
Tears burned beneath my lids. “I don’t know, Sir. We just…fit…together well.”
He reached for my face. His thumb traced a rogue tear that slipped through my defenses. “Did we? I can see that. That still doesn’t answer my question. Why do I feel this way about
you
, Risa? I have been with Gretchen the longest I’ve ever been with anyone. In all this time, I never felt that way about her, and she has been the most important woman in my life.”
Bittersweet didn’t begin to cover it. I dared to place my hand over his. “I can’t tell you, Sir, but all I can ask is that you trust your feelings.”
Instead of making it all better, my words had the opposite effect. Damian pulled his hand away and stepped back.
“I shouldn’t have done that.”
“It’s all right. Really,” I assured him in a rush. “I didn’t mind.”
“No. It’s the furthest thing from all right. You’re an employee and I am your boss. I should not have crossed that line. Accept my apologies, Ms. Kelly.”
He slipped through my fingers. Damian no longer looked at me with bemused affection and unconscious tenderness. Losing our connection threw me in a panic.
“But there’s nothing for you to apologize for. I feel the same way—”
“Risa,” he cut in sharply. “It’s not going to go past this point. Not the way you’d want it. No matter what I feel for you. I’m in a relationship. Even if I wasn’t, nothing between us can happen. Ever.”
“Why?” I somehow managed to whisper through a throat tight with misery.
Damian leveled me with his stare. Uncompromising. Unmovable.
“Because I don’t sleep with my employees, Ms. Kelly. No matter how beautiful, charming, intelligent, fascinating, and tempting.”
He slayed me. What else was there to say? I couldn’t fight a man who was so rigid in his belief to be noble.
Clearly his allegiance was to maintaining his code. Strange how much that hurt, especially knowing I was once worth breaking the law for. But what could I expect? I was simply his PA.
A hollow smile settled on my lips. “Of course, Mr. Black-Price. Will that be all?”
He glared for a moment, as if he’d expected me to fight him and was now disappointed.
“You may leave, Risa.”
“Goodnight, Sir. I will be upstairs if you need me.”
I turned around and walked away from him, the tie, and a million memories in danger of disintegrating into ash.
“Risa?”
I came to a halt and turned around, careful to keep my face blank but confident I failed. Damian’s gaze glittered in the half-light. I imagined I saw regret and anger in their brooding depths.
Surely I was mistaken. My heart couldn’t handle being wrong right now.
“Yes, Sir?”
He opened his mouth. A foreign expression crossed his perfect features. Something like uncertainty. Before I could grab onto it, Damian clenched his jaw and gave me a tight nod.
“Be ready to leave tomorrow. We go back to New York.”
“Of course, Sir.”
I walked out of the room, blind to the few people around me. I clutched my chest, swallowing the tears and sobs struggling to be free.
Being like this hurt. Being without him would’ve hurt worse.