My Real (7 page)

“Do you have any other questions Emerson?” I ask, worried what might be going through her head.

“Nope. Let’s go Daddy,” she says grabbing my hand and pulls me into the hallway.

Bailey is standing downstairs waiting by the door with the look that she may bolt. Emerson walks to the basket by the door and takes out her helmet, straps it to her head, then pulls on Bailey’s hand.

“Come on Bailey, we’re going for a walk,” Em says. A smile crosses my face.

Bailey and I are walking down the street with Emerson riding a few feet ahead of us on her scooter.

“Are you still with her Andrew?” Bailey asks in an almost whisper.

“What? No! Is that what you thought?” I answer quickly.

“Well, she has a key and walked right in. Andrew, you have a daughter with her.”

“Bailey, she left me. She cheated on me and is still with the other guy. I only gave her a key because we are trying to work out shared custody of Emerson. We’re getting a divorce.”

Bailey stops dead in her tracks and looks at me with shock and horror on her face.

Shit! She thought I was already divorced. I totally fucked up.

She tries to start a sentence several times and can’t get the words to come out.

“I’m filing this week Bailey. It’s a done deal. We both want it. She wants to get it done as fast as possible because she wants to marry the guy,” I explain quickly.

“But you’re still married to her now. I slept with a married man,” she mutters mostly to herself tugging her hands through her hair.

I grab her shoulders, turn her toward me, and take a deep breath.

“Bailey, I’m so sorry. I should’ve been more specific last night. It’s just that when I heard you were single, I didn’t even think. I just acted. It wasn’t a conscious thing that I tried to keep from you,” I say as I rub up and down her arms trying to reassure her. “We are getting a divorce. I want this to work with us Bailey. I know we just spent one night together, but I hid my feelings for you for three years during college,” I continue as I pull her into a hug. “I want a chance for us to get to know each other again. Don’t let Jessica come between us again.”

“If you had feelings for me in college, why didn’t you say something?” she asks in frustration.

“I tried to talk to you over and over. You acted uninterested for weeks. Jessica threw herself at me. I was a horny teenager.” I let go of Bailey’s shoulders, taking her by the hand and continue walking. “By the time I got to really know you, I was already dating her for so long. We hit a rough patch junior year, and I was going to end it with her. She said she felt me pulling away from her and she started putting more into the relationship.”

I stop walking to pick a wild daisy from the side of the trail and hand it to Bailey. “It got better for a while so we got married. Eventually her true colors came through. It was a stupid decision that I ended up paying for,” I admit.

“I don’t know Andrew. I’ve been through so much with Dave. I don’t know if I can do it again.”

“What happened with Dave? Why did you get a divorce? You guys were so happy together senior year. I was insanely jealous of him,” I ask as we continue to walk down the road following Em toward the playground.

“We were happy. Crazy happy and everything felt perfect at the beginning. Years later, I told him I wanted a baby. I want to be a mother so badly,” she looks down sadly. “He always said he wanted kids when we dated. I went off birth control, and I asked him to stop wearing condoms. He’d always find an excuse.”

“What do you mean excuses?” I ask wanting to know why Dave would put her though something like this.

“You had too many drinks tonight. You’ll be pregnant over summer vacation if we do this now. Wait until I get a promotion,” she says in a deep voice imitating Dave. “A few months of this went by, and we slowly stopped making love all together. He was tired, didn’t have time, needed to get up early,” Bailey continues to explain while we sit down at a bench near a playground for Emerson to play.

“It really started affecting our relationship. He’d snap at me for the smallest things and it got to a point that I didn’t want to be in the same room as him anymore. I sat him down one day and talked to him about it,” she continued as she played with the flower in her hand. “He said he was stressed out and that I was putting too much pressure on him to have a baby. He said he wasn’t quite ready to have children yet.” Bailey pauses to watch Emerson play. She is pretending to be a gymnast and throws her hands in the air and takes a bow. This makes Bailey laugh for a second until she continues.

“He wanted it to be just us for a little while longer. It really upset me, but I told him I understood. I told him I was fine with waiting as long as he felt he needed. Two days later, I walked in on him and his secretary having sex, in my bed. I found out later that she was already pregnant, by him.”

She looks like she didn’t want to finish her story. I take ahold of her hand to help her get it all out. “They just had the baby two weeks ago. She was two months pregnant when I asked him about having a baby of our own. He’d been cheating on me with her for almost our entire marriage,” she finally sighs. That took a lot out of her emotionally. I can see it in her face and in her posture. I see a tear slip down her cheek and she wipes it away angrily. She takes a deep breath and sits up taller. She was always such a strong person in college. I know she doesn’t like anyone to see her get emotional.

“I’m so sorry you had to go through that Bailey, and I understand why you are upset now, but we didn’t do anything wrong. I didn’t cheat on Jessica. It’s a matter of a piece of paper. Jessica means nothing to me. The only good thing I got out of the relationship with Jessica is Emerson. Do you understand that Bailey? It’s you. It’s always been you. Please, just give us a chance.”

Bailey has tears in her eyes and she chokes out a sob. My heart is racing, waiting for her answer. It feels like an eternity passes. I glance up to see Emerson stopped playing and is staring at Bailey as well. Emerson walks up to her and puts her little hand on Bailey’s arm and tugs on it. Emerson reaches up and wipes a tear off Bailey’s cheek.

“Don’t cry. My Daddy will make you all better. He’s really good at fixing things that are broken,” Emerson says to Bailey then kisses her on the cheek, turns, and skips away.

Bailey laughs and turns toward me and asks, “Can you fix my broken heart?”

“Yes Bailey, I’ll fix your broken heart,” I answer as I kiss her.

We are sitting on Andrew’s deck eating lunch after our walk. Emerson is at a little picnic table surrounded by all her stuffed animal friends and Andrew and I are sitting side by side at the adult picnic table. My heart says that everything will be okay, but my brain is telling me that I need to be cautious. This seems too good to be true.

“What the fuck is this?” Jessica screams as she comes around the corner of the house. Andrew and I look at each other as he stands and moves between Jessica and me. Jessica walks up onto the deck and looks at Emerson.

“Emerson honey, go inside and watch Mickey Mouse,” Andrew says quietly to Emerson.

Jessica waits until Emerson is inside to turn to us with a snide smile on her face. “What do we have here? You whoring around with my husband Bailey? Couldn’t take it that I got him in college, could you? Going for my leftovers now?” Jessica sneers.

“Jessica, that’s enough! You’re not going to talk to her like that,” Andrew yells back at her. I’ve never seen anyone so angry. “You have no right coming to my house and talking to Bailey like that. With all the shit that you put me through, you have no say in my life anymore.”

“Oh yes I do! We have Emerson. And I say that there is no way in Hell Bailey is going to be in Emerson’s life. I will fight you for full custody and take her away,” Jessica threatens.

“I’m not having this discussion with you Jessica. Leave now. I will drop Emerson off at the normal time,” Andrew answer slightly calmer.

“Fuck you! I’m taking Emerson now.”

“Andrew, I’ll leave,” I say as I turn to get my purse off the picnic table. “I don’t want to start a problem between you and Jessica.”

“No, you’re staying here. She is leaving,” Andrew says calmly to me then turns toward Jessica and screams, “Now!”

Jessica pales at Andrew’s anger toward her. She slowly shuffles backward toward the steps. “This isn’t over Andrew,” she says with little conviction as she turns and leaves the backyard.

“She didn’t even say good bye to Emerson,” I mutter to myself. “I don’t want to cause any problems for you,” to Andrew.

Andrew turns toward me and rubs his hands up and down my arms. “She will not be winning the Mother of the Year award any time soon. She knows that if she goes against me for custody, she will lose. She knows that it’s quite possible that she could lose all custody of Emerson. So I’m not worried at all about her taking Emerson from me.”

Andrew pulls me into him and wraps his arms around me. He takes a deep breath with his nose buried in my hair.

I feel at home in his arms, like nothing could ever touch me when I’m here. The world could be crumbling down around me, and it kind of is, and I wouldn’t care. How can I feel like this with Andrew so soon? Just yesterday, my divorce was finalized, and I thought that I’d never be able to trust another man, ever. Less than twenty-four hours later, I’m standing in the arms of this wonderful man, and I’m feeling hope. I have hope that I can actually feel love again. Why does the universe keep working against me?

“You said it yourself, she didn’t even say good bye to Emerson. She won’t get Emerson. I already have my lawyer working on it. I will not lose you a second time because of Jessica.”

“It’s not worth getting in a fight and making Emerson upset. I’m not worth it. Emerson is more important,” I say knowing that he needs to put Emerson first.

I freeze in place. Dave really did a number on her. I take her face in my hands and look her in the eyes. It kills me that she hasn’t been treated like the amazing woman that she is.

“Yes, you are. Don’t ever say that about yourself, again. Do you understand me?” I lean in to kiss her forehead. “You are an amazing woman. Don’t ever let anyone make you think otherwise.”

“I’m just staying that you need to think about Emerson and what’s best for her. I don’t what to get between you and my daughter,” she explains.

“What’s best for my daughter is a happy daddy. You make me happy,” I inform her.

She is worried about me losing Emerson, and I’m terrified of losing her. She thinks she’s not worthy of my love. I hold her in my arms until my heart stops racing with anger. She rubs her hands up and down my back and up through my hair. She leans back a little bit to look me in the eyes. Neither of us say anything.

We just stand here, holding each other, and stare. I can see my future in her eyes. I can see her living in this house with Emerson and me. I can see us getting married and having more babies. Emerson always wanted to be a big sister. I knew in college that Bailey would make a great wife, and I can feel in my heart that she will make a great mother to Emerson and any babies we have together. I can’t tell her this yet though. It’ll send her screaming in the other direction. I’ll just have to hold my emotions at bay a little while longer. I did it for years in college. I can do it a little longer.

“I want to see you tonight. Will you come over for dinner?” I ask while she is still wrapped in my arms. She pauses for a second and looks up. “You can come over after she’s in bed for a late dinner if you want.”

“No, it’s not that. I was a child of divorce, I was older than Emerson is, but it was still hard. When my mom started bringing boyfriends round, it got scary for me. I felt like I was being replaced. I want Emerson to feel comfortable around me if we are going to continue to see each other. I don’t want to come sneaking in and out when she’s not here or when she’s asleep,” she pauses again for a second. “Let’s take her out to dinner and a movie.”

“You want to take Emerson on our first date together?”

“Sure, why not?” she shrugs. “It’ll be fun.”