Authors: Julie Blair
Jamie settled into the overstuffed chair. She was exhausted but she was free, and that’s all that mattered. It wasn’t too late to find her dreams again. It wasn’t too late for happiness. She closed her eyes, smiling as she chewed the ultimate comfort food. The week was ending a whole lot better than it had begun.
“I wish you’d just moved in with us.”
“I’m a little old to be crashing on someone’s couch.” Jamie stuffed a big bite into her mouth, moaning as she chewed.
“You need more sex if pizza makes you moan like that.”
“Ignoring you,” Jamie mumbled around the mouthful of cheese and pepperoni.
“Hmm,” Penni said, bouncing on the sagging couch. “I know you took this house on short notice but it could use some sprucing up—has that definite eighties look. And what’s with all the boat pictures?”
“A retired merchant marine and lifelong bachelor—brother of one of my patients. They had to move him into a care facility and didn’t want to sell right away, so I’m renting it.”
“Ahh. So what’s the wicked witch gonna do?”
“Don’t know. I’m hoping she’ll move out and sign off on the house if I make it worth her while.”
“You shouldn’t have to make anything worth her while.” Penni’s voice rose with anger. “I am so pissed that, on top of everything else, she was cheating on you. God, I want to—”
“Stop,” Jamie said, picking up another piece of pizza. “She’s not worth your time. She hasn’t been worth my time either in too long, but I couldn’t see it. I don’t know why it took me so long to realize how self-absorbed she’d become and how unhappy I was.” Jamie shook her head. How had she been so blind? “I thought if I just tried harder it would work.”
“That’s kind of what you did with your father, too—kept trying hard to earn his love. He was as self-absorbed as Sheryl. You know, I always thought it was odd that he never came to any of your games.”
Jamie pressed the cold Corona against her hand. The stitches itched. “Guess I got some mixed-up ideas about love, huh?” Jamie picked at the label. “It’s weird. I’ll never forgive him, but what he did…I feel like I’ve been set free.”
“It’s about time.” Penni patted Jamie’s knee. “What’s going to happen to Marjorie?”
“I don’t know and I’ve decided I don’t care. That’s up to the DA. As soon as Pete gets that house transferred into my name, I’m going to throw her out on her ass. And I’m thinking about making some changes with my business. I don’t want to be owned by it any more.”
Penni sat on the arm of the chair and hugged Jamie, planting a sloppy kiss on her cheek. “I’m proud of you. You’re starting to remind me of a feisty pitcher I once knew.”
“I’m starting to feel like that person again. Ready to conquer the world, bag the babes…well, one at least.”
“Is she thrilled you moved out?”
“I didn’t tell her.” Jamie held up her hand to stop Penni’s protest. “I need a minute to catch my breath. It’s been a hell of a week.”
“Oh, for heaven’s sake. You’ve been in love with her for twenty years. This is your chance for happiness. Grab it.”
“I wish it were that simple. I still need to figure out how to tell her about Sheryl.”
“Damn, I forgot about that. Don’t suppose you could tell her you ended your relationship without naming names.”
“I can’t be dishonest with her. I feel guilty enough I haven’t already told her. I’m scared. I hope she understands.”
“She loves you. She’ll understand. Time for pints and spoons,” Penni said, jumping to her feet. “Race you to the freezer.”
*
Jamie tried both sides of the bed, looking for a spot that wasn’t lumpy or caved in. Plucking her phone from atop the paperback on the nightstand she dialed and waited for the voice she needed to hear.
“I miss you.” Carla had left for San Diego last night. “I hope it’s okay to call.”
“It’s better than okay. I miss you, too.”
“How was your day?” Jamie closed her eyes and drank in the voice that felt like home.
“A lot of fun. We went to a dog show this afternoon. I might want a friend to live with.”
“Lucky dog.” Jamie envied the pup that got to curl up on Carla’s bed. Maybe she should tell her about Sheryl now, and then she’d have time to think about it before they saw each other.
“And the girls took me to dinner and a movie for my birthday.”
“Wish I’d been there. I could get used to romantic comedies.”
“You mean I’ve converted you?”
“Might take a few more but I’m coming around.”
Tell her
. “Um…How’s Lissa?” Jamie clenched her jaw. No, that would be chickening out. She needed to do it in person.
“Great. She teased me about going back to that bar.”
“You didn’t go, right?”
“It was tempting. And they’re talking about going on an Olivia cruise this summer with the girls they’ve become friends with. They want me to come with them.”
“That’s my dream vacation.”
“I can’t think of anything more fun than being out and proud on a boatful of lesbians.”
Jamie wanted to be on that boat with her. “Will you have dinner with me tomorrow night? I want to talk to you about something, and I have a late birthday present for you.” Jamie planned to wear the dressy burgundy shirt she loved with a big white bow on her chest. Her heart skipped a beat. If Carla didn’t forgive her for not telling her about Sheryl, how would she survive?
“My plane doesn’t get in until ten. Monday night?”
“It’s a date. I’m going to miss blueberry pancakes tomorrow.”
“Me, too.”
“Well, I’ll let you get back to the girls.”
“I’m headed to bed. Steph loaned me a new book from her stash. She’s thoroughly enjoying my conversion. She’s got me addicted to lesbian fiction.”
Jamie fingered a well-worn paperback that was one of her favorites—the lesbian fiction equivalent of comfort food. “Not a bad addiction. Good night, Carla.”
Jamie held the phone to her chest, her heart pounding with love. They’d settled into an easy friendship after Monday but she wanted so much more. Carla was already in her heart; now if she could just get her in her life. She crossed her fingers, praying she’d understand about Sheryl.
Carla lifted the pan of enchiladas from the microwave and set it on the table as Sara bounded into the break room and sat down next to Don. Her freezer was overflowing from all the cooking she’d done last week, her escape from emotions that were still trying to settle. It wasn’t the new life she’d expected, but she was trying to make peace with it.
“Love the table and chairs,” Sara said, “and all the dishes.” She held up one of the new glasses, and Don poured iced tea into it.
Carla set a bowl of black beans in the microwave as the staff passed around the enchiladas and salad, conversation light and punctuated by frequent laughter. It was as if the office had let out a collective sigh of relief. Jamie had taken them all out to dinner last week to celebrate the end of the Marjorie incident, as everyone was calling it. Even Betty joined them. Leaving out the personal details, Jamie simply said it was over and the clinic would be fine.
Jamie seemed fine, too, much to her relief. At moments her brow furrowed, but then the moment would pass and she’d pull herself back with a smile. She seemed not only less stressed but softer, like she’d settled something within herself. Their friendship was on solid ground, a bittersweet blessing. The memory of those two precious kisses had pushed Carla far beyond convincing herself she’d ever be in love with anyone but Jamie. She’d called Vanessa and ended things.
She folded her arms as a burst of nervousness swept through her about dinner tonight with Jamie. It was a nice gesture, but she had to keep reminding herself it wasn’t a date. Carla attributed the new openness from Jamie to their clearing the air, getting the old feelings out in the open so they could move on to really being friends. But at times she caught Jamie looking at her with an intensity that set her heart fluttering and confused her.
“Shall I go get Jamie?” Sara asked.
“No.” Carla set the bowl on the table. “I’ll get her.”
“Your ten minutes are up.” Jamie’s eyes were closed and she looked sinfully relaxed on the couch, her feet propped on the coffee table.
“I was letting it thaw out.” Jamie held up her hand. “Wanna warm it up for me?”
Carla’s heart skipped a beat. Jamie had been teasing her all week in a way that seemed flirtatious, but she must be mistaken. “How’s it feel?”
“Good.” Jamie wiggled her fingers. She tossed the ice pack on the coffee table and got up.
The back door opened and a woman hollered for Jamie. Carla was almost to the door when someone plowed into her. “Ow,” she said, holding her right temple and clutching the doorframe, trying to regain her balance.
Jamie grabbed Carla’s waist and steadied her. “Are you all right?”
“I think so.” Carla rubbed her temple. It hurt. The staff crowded into the hallway, a medley of worried faces.
“Jamie, what the hell’s going on? You ignore my calls and—”
Carla stared. Sheryl? No, it couldn’t be. She knew Jamie?
“What!” Sheryl stared at her and her expression raced from shock to anger. She whirled on Jamie, who looked just as shocked. “Do you know who this is?”
“Sheryl—” Jamie stepped in front of Carla.
“This is that woman with the lesbian daughter. What’s she doing here?”
Carla stared from Sheryl to Jamie, her mouth open. “I work here.” She stepped away from Jamie as she reached a shattering conclusion.
“Work here?” Sheryl’s voice rose as she stepped around Jamie and got in Carla’s face. “You’re a liar. Jamie would never hire you after what you did to me.”
“Sheryl, stop it!”
“You’re just a loudmouth bitch who can’t control her daughter.”
“Sheryl!” Jamie held Sheryl’s shoulders and backed her toward the desk.
Carla bolted out the back door of the clinic, afraid her legs would give out as the pieces fell into place with heartbreaking clarity. That high-handed, homophobic woman was Jamie’s partner. How was that possible and why hadn’t Jamie told her? Anger followed close on the heels of the shock.
It wasn’t until she reached her car that she realized she didn’t have her car keys.
I’ll walk home before I’ll go back in there.
She was halfway across the parking lot when a hand grasped her arm. Yanking free, she whirled around.
“Are you all right?” Sara asked, concern and understanding on her face.
“Yes. No. I need my car keys.” Carla folded her arms. Her head hurt and she couldn’t stop trembling.
“Carla—”
“Please, Sara?”
“I’ll be right back.”
Carla paced, trying to ignore the raised voices coming through the open window. She felt ambushed, unsure of everything she thought she knew about Jamie. Sheryl’s identity explained some things but left too many unanswered questions. As soon as Sara rushed back with her keys, she was in her car and out of the parking lot, tears blurring her vision. Why had Jamie deceived her?
*
“You hired that bitch?” Sheryl’s voice was venomous.
“Yes. No. She’s not a bitch. Arrgh.” Jamie ran her hands through her hair and tugged. “It’s none of your business.”
“How dare you hire the woman who cost me my promotion!” Sheryl glared at her with hard eyes.
Had she ever seen real warmth, real love in them? Jamie started for the door. She had to get to Carla.
“Don’t walk away from me.” Sheryl grabbed her arm, the red nails a stark contrast to Jamie’s white shirt. “You cancelled my credit cards. Do you know how embarrassed I was yesterday at Macy’s?”
Jamie stared at her. Credit cards? This was about credit cards? “They’re my credit cards, and you’re on your own.” Sheryl’s face drained of anger and filled with surprise. “You better look for a place to live. Maybe your…friend…will let you move in with him.” Jamie wanted to laugh as surprise transformed to anger again. Did Sheryl’s emotional spectrum even include love?
“Please, Jamie,” Sheryl pleaded. “It’s just a misunderstanding. We can work it out. You don’t want to walk out on ten years, do you?”
“Yeah, I do.”
“I admit I made a mistake, but please don’t punish me.” Sheryl’s eyes filled with tears.
“I have to go.” When Jamie got to the parking lot, Carla was pulling out. She bent over, hands on her thighs, and dropped her head.
Damn it, I should have told her.
“Can I help?” Sara asked, coming up next to her.
“Is she all right?”
“Physically, yes. But she’s pretty upset, Jamie. Go after her. Don and I will cover your patients.”
Jamie sprinted to her office and took her car keys from the drawer, ignoring Sheryl’s tears and pleas. She’d cared for the wrong woman for too long. Please, forgive me, she repeated, as she drove to Carla’s.
Jamie walked up the flagstone path, her heart pounding like a teenager on her first date. Would Carla understand? She rang the doorbell and waited, rolling up the sleeves on her shirt, arranging her hair with her fingers. Her breath caught when Carla appeared in the doorway. She was responsible for the bruised expression and the red, puffy eyes. “Can I come in?”
“Why aren’t you at work?”
“You’re more important to me than anything.” Jamie searched Carla’s face for the love she needed to see. Her stomach tightened at the guarded expression. She had to fix this. The rest of her life depended on it.
“Not important enough to tell me the truth?” The hurt made her voice sound flat.
“I’m so sorry, Carla. I need to explain. Can I please come in?” Carla didn’t move or say anything, and Jamie was afraid any hope of a future with her would end right here. “I’m not losing you. Not again. Not over this.” She walked past Carla. Melissa’s voice was coming from the stereo and she hoped it was a good sign. She stood in the entry and reached for Carla’s hands, but she crossed her arms.
Jamie stepped close enough that her breasts touched Carla’s arms, close enough to smell the perfume she loved. “I messed up. I should have told you, but when you first told me the story I was too embarrassed. And then I just didn’t know how. I was afraid you’d think less of me or, worse, you’d leave.” Jamie held Carla’s arms. “I love you.”