New Year (7 page)

She nodded. “Oh yes. I think I do. I watched you play in the snow earlier. He’s fun. A good diversion. He makes you relax and not take yourself so seriously
, which is refreshing. Maybe he’s just what you need for right now.” She smiled and adjusted the clasp on her bracelet. “I’m not completely oblivious to his charms, Anna. But I know
you
and I don’t believe that long term he will supply what you need.”

A slurry of hurt and disappointment and anger swirled in me. She’d done exactly what I feared—lulled me into a false sense of security
, then pounced. She’d pushed all the hot buttons I worried at on a daily basis and made me doubt myself, my love, my commitment to Jason.

I stood up. “Well, you’re wrong,
Mother, and it doesn’t matter what you believe anyway. Jason and I are already engaged. We were waiting to tell you until Christmas day, but it’s already done. So you can keep your opinions to yourself and offer me your congratulations.”

Her eyebrows rose nearly to her hairline, which was so satisfying
I almost didn’t care what I’d blurted.

“In that case, Anna
, I hope you’ll be happy and never regret your choice.”

As I stalked away, I already knew I’d made a big mistake—not in saying yes to the engagement, which I knew had been only a matter of time before I did—but in the way I’d gone about it. Instead of a loving acceptance of Jason, it had been a challenge thrown down to my mother. Wrong. All wrong. But the words were out of my mouth now, and there was no way to fix it.

I would have to talk to Jason before my mom said something. I hurried
toward the garage to try to get him away from my dad so we could talk privately.

Chapter Six

Jason

“That’s a…really nice birdhouse, sir.” I couldn’t think of anything else to add
, no matter how hard I tried. I’d already used up my stock of words during lunch, and now I was really ready for some quiet time to regroup and reorganize my scattered brain.

I picked up a chisel and set it down again, breathed in the scent of fresh wood
, and wished I could stay out here alone and do some woodworking myself.

Baby jumped against my leg, begging me to pick her up. I obeyed and found her warm
, squirmy body comforting in my arms. I scratched between her ears and continued to examine the elaborate Victorian house Mr. Stevens had created for bluebirds.

“It’s all right, Jason. I’m not much for
talking either. Pretty ironic for a former lawyer, I guess.”

“You enjoying your retirement?” I asked.

It was his turn to pick up a tool and examine it as if he’d never seen it before. “My wife will tell you I’ve gotten a little obsessed with golf. Truth is, at first I didn’t know what to do with myself without a case to prepare for, but now I’m pretty content.” He set down the screwdriver. “I’m afraid I wasn’t around much when Anna was growing up. I worked all the time. Wish I’d been aware enough to make time for what was important, but it’s too late now.”

I didn’t know if I was supposed to say
I was sorry or what, so I kept quiet and held on to the wriggling dog.

“She grew into a woman
, and I missed it. All I can do now is hope she makes good decisions and has a happy life.”

I nodded. This was the part where he’d tell me I wasn’t the guy who could give her that. But before
Stan could say anything more, the door opened and Anna came into the garage.

“Hey. How’s it going?”
Her smile didn’t reach her eyes, and tension had returned to the set of her shoulders. I assumed she’d gotten into it with her mom about something.

“Your dad was showing me what he’s been working on
,” I said. “A birdhouse.”

“Oh my God, Dad, that’s gorgeous.” She crossed to the workbench and examined the multi
-tiered, gingerbread-trimmed house. “You and Mom are getting into all sorts of new things.”

“Swinging too.
You know us retirees, always looking for the next thrill.”

I blinked. Did I really hear that?
Then both father and daughter were laughing together. So, Stan had a sense of humor. Who knew?

After a few moments of excla
iming over her father’s project, Anna caught my eye. “Want to take Baby on a walk?”

I got
the leash and hooked it onto the dog’s collar, but we barely got out of the garage before two cars pulled into the driveway. Cousin Chloe’s family and the aunt and uncle whose names I couldn’t remember were back already.

Haynes and Gulliver popped out of
one car and raced toward us. “Can we play with Baby? Are you taking her on a walk? Can we go too?”

A
s Anna hugged her aunt and uncle and everyone spoke loudly about different things, I stepped back from the noise. The gist of it all was that Holiday Wonderland had been a bust. The lines were too long. Anna’s aunt complained the flight from Florida had been terrible, and there’d been some sort of trouble getting the rental car. The uncle groused about how awful holiday traffic was, while Haynes and Gulliver continued to clamor that they really,
really
wanted to walk Baby.

Anna grabbed my hand, pulled me forward
to introduce me and Baby to her relatives. I shook hands, said. “Pleased to meet you,” but inside I was withdrawing from the situation, sort of watching from a distance. Sometimes, when there’s too much happening, that’s the only way I can deal with it.

I offered to take
the dog on a walk while Anna spent time with her family. I needed a breather and was grateful when Chloe refused her boys’ request to go with me.

“You two need to go inside now. Maybe you can play with the dog later
.”

Anna’s mom and dad had come out of the house
, and the greetings resumed. I inched away from the group. Baby pulled at the leash in my hand. She wanted to leave too.

Anna came over to me and touched my arm. “I want to talk to you when I get a chance, but right now I need to…” She gestured at the chattering family group.

“That’s okay. You go ahead,” I said. “Later.”

She nodded. “Later.” And her small smile seemed like a promise.

It felt good to crunch down the snow-covered sidewalk and breathe in fresh air. I was finished with people for a while. Baby didn’t expect anything from me but a nice, long walk and some dog chow afterward.

I walked past hedges and fences trimmed with holly and lights. All the houses were set far back from the road, but I caught glimpses of beautifully decorated homes. I turned at the first left and strolled past a lawn filled with a child’s fantasy of Santa’s workshop, another with a life-size nativity.

Baby pulled to the right, trying to get at a squirrel
that shot up a tree. I gave her some slack, allowing her to lead me the direction she wanted to go. Poor girl had been cooped up too much over the past few days.

I walked facing a sharp breeze
, and soon my cheeks and nose were numb.
Time to start back
, I decided. Rather than return the way I’d come, I decided to circle the block and approach from another direction. But what should’ve been the next right turn was a left only, and after that there was a three-way split. I took the path on the right. Hadn’t I been making right turns all along? Another one should eventually get me back where I started.

The wind blew harder, driving behind me now so at least my face was somewhat protected. My fingers and toes were getting cold despite my gloves and boots. I imagined that Baby had about reached her limit too, even with her thick fur coat.

I was pretty sure I was heading in more or less the right direction, even though none of the houses looked familiar. I wondered if I gave the dog her head, if she’d lead me home like a horse returning to its barn. Except this wasn’t her home. She wasn’t any more familiar with this area than I was.

Another crossroads. I glanced down and saw it was a dead end
, so I trudged on. With every step, my frustration at myself grew. A grown-assed man who couldn’t be trusted to take a dog for a walk without getting lost—it was humiliating.

Another block and another right
-hand turn, and still nothing looked familiar. Tiny shards of ice pelted me along with the wind, and I worried about Baby’s paws. Could a dog get frostbite? But she seemed happy enough, still prancing along even though her tan fur was encrusted with snow.

I stopped and looked around at the hedges and fences and fucking Christmas decorations. I wondered if I was going to have to swallow my pride, knock on the door of one of the places
, and ask if they knew where Stan and Jackie Stevens lived. Then I glimpsed a light. Another goddamn Christmas light, but this one was star-shaped and shone above a stable.

I recognized the nativity from earlier. Somehow I’d ended up nearly back where I started. I walked over to the fence and peered through at the wise men and shepherds and holy family. Baby Jesus’s mouth was a pursed little bow. He didn’t look like a kid who would grow up to be a revolutionary. Would he point me home if I prayed to him now?

Baby barked and pulled to the left, nearly jerking me off my feet. All right. I decided to trust her instincts and followed her along a route that looked increasingly familiar, although a lot darker than when we’d walked it the first time. Clouds and an early sunset had turned on the streetlights already. They illuminated the sidewalk before me all the way back to the Stevenses’ house. I hurried up the driveway toward the brightly lit house and into the garage.

God bless heated garages. I poured kibble into Baby’s dish. She crunched it up
quickly while I removed my snowy coat and boots.

The garage door flew open
, and Anna stepped through. “Where have you been? We were about to go out looking for you. What happened?”

“I got temporarily misplaced, but
I found my way back. Jesus and the nativity star pointed the way,” I cracked.

She didn’t smile. “Well… I’m glad you’re okay. But hurry up, okay? My mom’s been holding dinner
while we waited for you.”

“Right. I’m really sorry.”

“That’s okay.”

I followed her inside, reaching down and pulling up my socks, one of them damp from the hole in my boot. I wished I had time to put on shoes, but Anna grabbed my hand and led me straight to the living room. All eyes were on me
, and I squirmed inside. Whether they were judging and finding me incompetent or it was my own self-doubt, I don’t know. But I felt about an inch tall.

“He’s okay,” Anna announced and gave my hand a little squeeze. “Just got turned around.”

Aunt Patty smiled sympathetically. “This neighborhood can be confusing. We nearly turned on the wrong street on our way here.”

“Thank heavens
you’re all right. We were about to send out a search party.” Jackie set her wineglass aside and rose from her seat. “Well, I guess we’d better eat.”

After all that time outdoors, I needed to pee, but I wasn’t about to excuse myself or make them wait for even another second. I accompanied Anna into the dining room and took my place beside her.

A
s the conversation moved on, my embarrassment at getting lost faded. I was able to stay pretty quiet and concentrate on my meal while the rest of them talked about relatives and family memories. Chloe’s two little boys seemed about as bored as I was with the conversation and, after bolting their food, asked to be excused to go play. When it was only the adults sitting at the table, the topic shifted, and a spotlight shone on me again.

“
How long have you two been dating?” Anna’s aunt asked.

“Since last summer,” Anna
said.

“How’d you meet?”

“At work.” Anna didn’t say more, and I wondered if she’d told anyone how we happened to come together. It was hardly romantic and involved an embarrassing memory for her.

“
You work at the firm too?” Aunt Patty looked at me doubtfully. I didn’t look like the lawyer type, and she was probably wondering about my scar and limp. Apparently, nobody had filled her in about me, which, on the bright side, meant the family wasn’t gossiping.

“No. I work with animals. At a kennel.”

“Oh. Well, that must be nice.”

“Yes, m
a’am.” I changed the subject. “I heard you live in Florida now. How do you like it?”

“It’s too humid in summer, but the winters make it worthwhile.” She lobbed the ball back into my court. “So, are you two getting serious?”

“Nearly engaged, apparently.” Anna’s mom bit off the words crisply, and for just a second, I heard her daughter’s voice, the way Anna sounded when she was irritated about something.

I glanced at
my girlfriend. Her mom wouldn’t have pulled that bit of news out of her ass. Anna must have told her about my proposal.

Her lips were tight
. “I told you we weren’t ready to announce it yet.”