New Year (9 page)

“If you believe Jason is enough for you, then I wish only the best for you.”

Another flash of enlightenment ripped through me, and I understood what a religious conversion must feel like. I suddenly “got it.”

“The question isn’t whether Jason is enough for me, but whether I’m enough for him. I’ve been considering our future together solely from my viewpoint. As if I’m some great prize. I can be moody and very stubborn
—as you’ve pointed out, bossy, rigid, too analytical, and not all that kind.”

I paused for breath. My mom didn’t rush to deny my self-analysis.

“But Jason is
nice
. He’s got a wicked sense of humor sometimes, but he’s really sweet and caring and considerate of me. We
fit
together, and I’m honored he would ask me to spend my life with him. I know I’m not the easiest person to live with.”

“The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree,”
Mom murmured and smiled at me.

I grinned back, my heart suddenly light and my mind absolutely decided. “Honestly, I have to thank you for
forcing me to think hard, because now I know exactly what I want.”

She nodded
, the smile lingering on her lips. “It could be very difficult, you know.”

“I know.”

She plucked at the loose fibers on the corner of the rug, which, apparently, Baby had chewed. “So, I have just one more piece of motherly advice to offer.”

“Lay it on me.” I could
actually joke about it. Her ability to get under my skin had completely evaporated in an instant, and I felt liberated.

“Dig in and don’t give up. I know
how tenacious you can be. When times get hard, and they will in any marriage, just work the problem. Do you think it’s been a breeze living with your father all these years? Or him being able to stand me? Why do you think he golfs all the time now that he’s retired?”

“This is
supposed to be a pep talk?” I gave a last halfhearted spritz to the carpet and rubbed with the rag.

“My point is
, the initial rush of hormones and hearts and flowers will fade over time, but that’s okay. You’ll find things to tie you together beyond sex or romance. There’s a deep comfort in sharing your life with someone—even when you drive each other crazy. In the end, you’ve got shared memories and a person who knows you like no other. Marriage is complicated but definitely worthwhile. If you believe you’re ready for it with Jason, you have my and your father’s blessing.”

“Thank you, Mom.” I set aside the cleaning things and leaned forward to hug her, my put-together, no
-lint-on-her-slacks mother lounging on the floor with me for the first time in years.

After I drew away, she asked, “Where is Jason, anyway?”

“He took the dog out for another walk.”

“Blowing off steam,” she guessed with typical astuteness. “Patty’s questioning at dinner was a little intense, and it didn’t help that I outed your engagement.”

I almost told her the truth—I hadn’t given Jason my answer before I’d flung it at her like some sort of grenade, and
that
was the reason he’d stalked off into the night. But there was no point in stirring the pot.

I scrambled to my feet. “I’ve gotta go, Mom. Again, I’m sorry about the rug…and the spread and pillow.
Baby doesn’t act that way at home. She was probably overexcited."

She rose too. “Really, don’t worry about it. This room was due for a redesign anyway.
Those boys of Chloe’s are little hellions, at least the older one. Please, if you ever give me grandchildren, don’t have ones like that.”

Grandchildren. The idea of my mother acting like a cozy, cookie-baking grandma was inconceivable. For that matter, so was the idea of me being a mom. But that was a subject for the future. Right then, I needed to go find Jason and tell him how much I loved him and that I was truly ready to spend my life with him.

Outside it was cold enough to make my
face tingle, but the earlier breeze had died and soft, fluffy snowflakes drifted lazily through the air. The snow squeaked underfoot as I trudged down my parents’ driveway to the street, the evergreen-trimmed faux gaslights on either side lighting my way.

I lifted my face to
look up at the star-spangled sky and took a deep breath. It was Christmas Eve, a fact I’d nearly forgotten due to my single-minded focus on family tensions. I was visiting my parents with the man I loved, and there was no cause for anything but celebration about that. Now, if I could just get Jason to believe I was fully committed to us.

I turned onto the street and immediately spotted him about a block away on the sidewalk. He stood in a pool of streetlight, holding Baby’s leash while she snuffled around the edges of an evergreen tree
shining with twinkle lights.

For a moment, I simply gazed at the familiar, beloved pair, both of them mine and right there within my reach. Then I hurried down the sidewalk, calling Jason’s name.

He looked up. He wasn’t wearing his knit cap, and snow settled on his dark hair like bits of lace. Hearing my voice, Baby abandoned the exciting scent of some small animal and lunged toward me.

I walked faster, trotted, and finally ran toward them
, then came to an abrupt halt in front of Jason.

“Hi.” I was tongue-tied, unable to find the clever words I’d imagined saying to him.
Instead, I threw my arms around him and hugged hard. “I’m sorry,” I mumbled into his wool coat.

I felt his arms come around me and hug me back. His mouth pressed against the top of my head.

“I’m sorry too,” he said. “I shouldn’t have been so upset.”

I pulled back and looked up
into his wonderful, beloved face. A pale white scar etched over one cheek and thick black bangs fell across his magnetic eyes. God, it was those eyes that had drawn me in from the very beginning, that and his sense of humor, the way he’d teased me out of a hopeless mood.

“
No. You had every right to be upset. I was wrong. I didn’t talk to you before I told my mom we were engaged, but don’t think for a second I was just using you to make a point. I wasn’t. I love you.”

I gripped the lapels of his coat, ready to shake him to make him believe
me. “I needed time to think after you proposed. I wasn’t prepared for it. But now I
know
what I want. That is, if the offer’s still on the table.”

He frowned. “Maybe we’re rushing and it’s too soon to be thinking about marriage. Maybe we should table the ring thing and give it more time.”

I reached up to cup his face between my icy fingers. Details of that moment still stick with me now—the scrape of stubble against my palms, the warmth of blood coursing just under his cold skin, the doubt in his eyes that I had to find a way to banish.

“Please, trust me. I want this, and I hope you do too.” I fished in my coat pocket for the little box that had caused so
much trouble, took it out, and opened the lid. The diamond chip glinted under the streetlight as I dropped to one knee in the traditional pose.

“Jason Reitmiller
, will you do me the honor of taking my hand in marriage?” I asked formally. Joking was how we rolled, but I wanted him to know I was serious, so I added sincerely, “Time seems to move so much faster than it used to. One day slides into the next, and I don’t want to be without you for even one of them.”

Jason smiled
and took my hand to pull me to my feet. He held out his left hand, and I jammed the ring on his pinky finger. It only went as far as the knuckle. He held it up to the light and wiggled it a little. “You really like this one? The diamond’s pretty small.”

“I
love
this one. In fact, I think I want it back. Can I wear it now?” I offered him my hand, and Jason slipped the ring into its proper place.

He leaned to
press cold lips against mine, and I threw my arms around his neck, clinging to him in the glow of colored lights and the beautiful winter weather. I thought I heard an angel chorus singing from above, but it was just Christmas music drifting from someone’s house.

After several deep kisses, Jason broke it off. He
leaned back and looked into my eyes. “What about your parents? How did your mom react?”

I shrugged. “She’s adjusting to the idea, but, you know what? I’m finished trying to prove myself or measure up to her expectations. This is
my
life, and I know what I want from it.”

“Baby girl’s all grown up,” Jason cracked.

At the sound of her name, Baby left her foraging under the pine tree and brought me a pine cone in her mouth. I picked her up and threw the cone away. She snuggled between us, smelling of wet fur and pine sap.

Jason gazed into my eyes over the dog’s head. “I want to fuck you so bad right now.”

His hoarse growl made my body contract and heat flare between my legs. “I want to be fucked.”

I glanced
around the quiet neighborhood. The houses stood well back from the street, and party guests were safe under their roofs. We could get away with doing it, right there and then, maybe on that low stone wall surrounding the Jameses’ property.

But Baby wiggled and whined between us
, and I had to let the fantasy go. I put the terrier back on the ground, leaned in to steal another kiss from Jason, then took his hand.

“We should go back.”

“Back to Columbus,” he said hopefully.

“Soon. Just one more day. And we’ll spend the New Year alone together.”

Chapter Eight

Jason

Makeup sex is the best. The possibility of losing the one you love makes coming together all the sweeter. After that tinsel-trimmed moment and a few kisses that blazed so hot they threatened to melt the snow around us, I wanted to lay Anna down on the ground and take her right there on a neighbor’s lawn. But we had to table the making-up portion of the evening and return to the house.

A
fter spending an evening with the family, when we were alone at last, we still couldn’t do everything we wanted, though we did plenty, kissing and touching and bringing each other off with hushed urgency.

It wasn’t until
we got home the day after Christmas that we had a chance to make up properly. We barely made it inside the door of our apartment before tearing off each other’s clothes, leaving a trail of shoes and jeans and underwear all the way to the bedroom.

After several days of abstinence, I had to remap Anna’s body with my hands and mouth. Her skin was even softer than I remembered, her s
cent richer. The way her nipples puckered beneath my fingertips fascinated me, and her kisses ate away my brain like zombie nibbles, leaving me a pulsing muscle of need and desire.

I burrowed between her legs and lapped at her pussy until she writhed and shouted out in pleasure. Her juices exploded like a musky Starburst on my tongue. I kissed the inside of her quivering thighs
, then moved up to lie on top of her.

It’s good for a dick to be forced to abstain from sex now and then. Makes plunging into that luscious
, wet warmth feel like the first time again. As I entered her, I gazed into Anna’s face, those incredible clear eyes that always seemed to look right into me and read my thoughts.

Okay. So I hadn’t nearly lost her. We’d had some tense moments at her parents’ house, then resolved the issue
, nothing all that terribly dramatic. But in the brief minutes when I’d stood on the street, Baby’s leash in hand, wondering if a “happy ever after” was really in the cards for us, it had felt like an eternity. I couldn’t imagine life without Anna—and now I didn’t have to.

We moved together, familiar yet brand
-new, a private dance, a bump and grind in the sheets. Anna’s hair fanned across the pillow. I reached out to stroke some strands back from her sweaty forehead. Her lips parted as she breathed heavily and her eyes glazed over. A second wave was rising inside her. I could sense it in her movements, and I wanted her to come again with me inside her.

I slowed and deepened my thrusts, restraining from plunging hard and fast
as I wanted to. I wouldn’t come until she did. I matched my breathing to hers, locked my gaze with hers and followed her rhythm. We moved in sync for what felt like hours, a give and take that filled my senses and my mind.

When climax came, it was almost like an afterthought. Anna gave a soft little whimper
, and her body jerked beneath me. That movement touched off my own powder keg, and I came hard, powerful shudders rolling through me.

Joy. I felt
a great resounding joy to be there with her, to be alive and well, to be living a life I’d never thought would be possible for me after the accident. I gripped Anna’s hands, our fingers laced together against the pillow on either side of her head, and held on until the last shreds of ecstasy drifted away. Then I flopped to the side, withdrawing from her and lying on my back to stare up at the ceiling.

“Merry Christmas, baby,” Anna murmured.