Noah (24 page)

In other ways
,
I've felt like I'm suffocating under all of these
new choices I have to make. It's made me realize that Caleb wasn't
the only reason I never made a decision. It was also because it was
nice having someone else make the decisions for me. I spent so long
letting Caleb dictate my life that now, when I need to make the
decisions for myself, it's a little terrifying.

Now I'm the one in the driver's seat and if I run off
the road it will be solely my fault. I love it and fear it at the
same time.

As I sit
here
,
happy with
the decision I just made, I wish I could call Noah and tell him all
about it. He's the first and only person I want to share this with,
but I haven't spoken to him since that night he dropped me off. He
needed the space. Even though I was in pain and needed him more
than he could ever know, I broke his heart in all of this, too.

During everything I was going through with Caleb, I
never once truly considered Noah's feelings. I was selfish...and he
deserves much better than what I gave him. So I've kept my
distance, honoring his wishes. It's been hard. I've missed his
chocolate kisses. I've missed living across from him. I've missed
hearing his low, sexy voice call me shorty every day. I've missed
his beard, and his eyes, and his sexy smirk. I've missed the way
his lips feel against mine.

I've avoided his place of work. Every time
Bootylicious comes on my playlist I skip it. When Kendall comes
home from work we avoid talking about Forbidden Desires, Inc.
altogether. I don't know if she does this for him or for me, but I
think it's for him. The few times I've tried to pull information
out of her about how Noah is doing she changes the subject.

She has asked me about Caleb, but then it's me
changing the subject. Not because my heart hurts to talk about him
because it doesn't. I'm actually feeling surprisingly great about
the decision I made to leave him. I don't want to talk about Caleb
because if I do, I'll have to admit all the mistakes I made in the
relationship. Our relationship was a two way street–where he made
mistakes, I made mistakes, too.

In the end we were better off apart.

I'm just lucky I got the chance to tell him all of
this and apologize for the mistakes I made. I didn't tell him about
Noah. He doesn't deserve to know about that, but I did tell him I
had my own faults and secrets, and in the end I don't hate him. I'm
actually grateful for him cheating on me with Paula because if he
hadn
’
t
,
we both would have made the biggest
mistake of our lives.

When I left the apartment with the few things I owned
we both made empty promises of staying friends and keeping in
touch, but in the end he knew as well as I did that we'd reached
the end. We weren't friends before our relationship and we wouldn't
be friends after.

I'm ashamed that the end of our six-year relationship
wasn't sad for me. I didn't mourn what we had or wish things were
different so we could be back together. Breaking up was the right
thing to do.

Instead I mourned Noah and what could have been with
him. I still want it with him. I've never been more sure of
anything in my life. I knew it when I was fourteen and I know it
now. I just need to give him the time and space he needs and when
the time is right I'll lay it all out for him and hope his feelings
haven't changed.

Setting my computer on the cushion next to me I stand
up and walk over to the small kitchen in Kendall's apartment to
make myself some tea. The happy mood I was in just a few minutes
ago is gone and in its place is the depressed and moody Skye I've
been all month whenever I think about Noah. My heart aches for him.
My soul longs to be with him right now.

I wonder what he's doing right this moment?

"Hey," Kendall calls
as
she walks out of her bedroom and into the
confined space with me. She's dressed in a dark gray pencil skirt,
sheer white blouse, and has thick black frame glasses on. She looks
like she could be shooting a sexy
Coach
eyewear commercial.
"I've got to leave in a few minutes for work. What are your plans
for the night?"

I smirk at her and lift up my cup of tea. "The usual.
I'm having a huge party."

"I hate leaving you here alone. You should go out
more."

"The only other friend I have here in the city isn't
talking to me and I don
’
t want to make any new friends at the moment."

She rests her hands on her hips and suggests, "Come
with me to work. You can keep me company on this rainy Tuesday
night. It
’
ll be slow
tonight and you know I'm mischievous when I'm bored. You'll keep me
out of trouble."

I look down at my wrinkled t-shirt and baggy sweats
and groan. The only time she ever asks me to work with her I'm
dressed like a bum. "I
’
m
not dressed to go in there and I don
’
t want to run into Noah. He wants space and I want
to continue to give it to him."

"God, I wish you two would just figure out what it is
you want. You're both miserable and you both know you're meant to
be together, so just figure your shit out and be together," she
huffs and my insides smile at the small bit of information she's
given me. While I don't want Noah to be miserable, I'm happy to
hear anything in regards to how he's doing. "He won't be in tonight
anyway. There was another arrest last night and he spent all night
and morning dealing with it so he took tonight off. Levi is walking
me out tonight."

"Oh, Levi
,
huh? Have you made any progress with that?"

"No," she groans and leans against the wall. "I flirt
with him and make it known that I'm interested, but he's either
oblivious or not interested."

"Maybe he's gay."

"No. There's no way he's gay. I've caught him eyeing
a random ass here and there. He's definitely into women. I'm
probably too skinny for him. I knew my tall, frail frame would turn
a guy away sooner or later."

"Hey, stop that." I walk over to her and rest my
hands up on her shoulders. "You're beautiful and perfect the way
God made you. You may be skinny, but you've got curves where it
counts. If Levi is not into you then that's his loss. Find a new
guy to get under and forget about him."

"You sound like a cheesy affirmation calendar."

"I doubt those calendars would be recommending
sleeping around, unless it's a dirty calendar." I wink at her and
move back over to take a sip of my tea.

"Are you sure you can't come with me? I promise he
won't be there."

I think it over for a second and it's been a while
since Kendall and I have spent the night talking and I shouldn't
spend another evening in this apartment alone. "You're positive he
won't be there?"

"I'm positive."

"Okay, let me get changed."

***

"I'm sorry, sir, but Nora no longer works here...no,
I don't know where she works now but there are a few other girls
you might be interested in
…
Okay, I'll connect you with Penny." Kendall
presses a few buttons and then hangs up the call.

"You know I get at least one call every week asking
if you're coming back."

"You mean if Nora is coming back."

"Same difference. You must have been really good at
phone sex. It's made me curious."

I laugh, while twirling around in the empty desk
chair across from her. "Curious about what? My phone sex
abilities?"

"Damn straight. Give me your best line."

"No way," I squeak out. I'm a little stunned she's
asking me this.

"Please? Just one line."

She's serious about wanting to hear how I talked to
these dirty men so in my lowest, sexiest voice I purr, "You're so
big, baby. I don't think you'll fit in my tight, hot cunt."

Laughing hysterically she replies, "Oh my God, that's
amazing. I never thought you would have something like that in you.
No wonder these horn balls miss Nora."

“Well,
Nora doesn't miss them."

Looking over at the clock on the distant wall I can't
believe how fast the time has gone. The office will be closing in a
few minutes. I'm thankful Kendall is with me this time when we
close because I would never be able to close on my own after what
happened last time. If Noah hadn
’
t come when he did I would have been raped or
murdered.

"So Levi will be here in a few minutes. Do you have
any plans for seducing him tonight?"

"Not with you here
,
I don't. My new plan is playing hard to get."

Shaking my head in disbelief, I sigh
.
"Let me know how that goes for
you."

The phone rings again and keeping with the seductive
temptress voice I used earlier I decide to answer it since it's the
end of the night.

"Forbidden Desires Incorporated. What's your
pleasure?"

"I'd like to speak with Noah Reed, please." I wasn't
expecting a soft, feminine voice on the other end of the line
asking for Noah. It's caught me off-guard.

I clear my throat and ask, "Noah has the night off.
Can I take a message?"

"Um, sure. Can you let him know Samantha called and
it's imperative he calls me at his earliest convenience." I write
down her details on a post-it and stick it on Kendall's desk.

"I sure will. He'll call you back sometime
tomorrow."

"Great. Thanks."

"You're welcome. Have a great night."

"You too."

I hang up and look over at Kendall as I point to the
post-it. "Who's Samantha?"

"Jealous much? She's the assistant to the new
contractor Noah hired. It's completely professional, Skye.
Don
’
t worry."

"I wasn
’
t
worried."

"Is that why the skin on your forehead scrunched up
like that...because you weren
’
t
worried?"

Grabbing the pen I just wrote with I throw it at her.
"Shut up. I'm trying this new thing, you know...like
Hailee
Steinfeld
sings about? I'm loving myself right now."

"I'm sure you've been loving yourself a lot since
Noah and Caleb left your life. How many times a day do you do it? I
usually love myself two or three times."

She's such a pervert. "I'm not telling you that."

Rolling her eyes, Kendall starts shutting everything
down for the evening and I help her. When we're both standing by
the door waiting for Levi to show up so we can lock up
,
Kendall looks over at me
sympathetically. "I think you've given it enough time, Skye. Noah's
miserable. You're miserable, and I know for a fact you
don
’
t need any more time
to think about what you want because what you want is Noah."

"You
’
re
right, I do want Noah, but he wants distance between us–"

"And you've given it to him. Now it's time for you to
fight for your man. You want him, so show him. Sooner or later
you're going to get sick of your vibrator and need a real man to
satisfy you. Go get Noah and give your vibrating toy a rest."

"And what if he turns me down?"

"If he turns you down then at least you know and you
can start moving on with your life." She wraps her arm around my
shoulders and hugs me against her body. “And I'll be there for you
every step of the way."

"I'm scared,
Kendall."

"The best things worth fighting for are scary,
Skye."

Chapter Fourteen

Kendall was right and I take her advice. Over the
course of the next two weeks I put my plan in action. Well, it
wasn
’
t so much a plan as
it was finally being honest with Noah about my feelings for him. I
wanted there to be no secrets between us. I wanted to show him how
much he means to me. It's impossible to express just how much I
love him, but I hoped by sending him a Hershey's Kiss with a small
little note each day he'd realize just how much I care about him. I
wanted him to feel a tiny bit of how I've felt the last ten
years.

So each day I contacted him the way he used to
contact me and I tried to express my feelings to him and hopefully
show him how special he is to me. It's the only way I know how.

Noah,

When I was ten I fell climbing one of the scariest
trees in our neighborhood. You had talked me into it after an hour
of me telling you there was no way I was going up that tree. After
I fell, you picked me up and carried me a half-mile home and
wouldn't leave my side all night. You were so worried that I wasn't
going to be okay when it ended up just being a bad scrape and minor
sprain. That night is when I knew I could trust you.

I love you.

~Skye

Noah,

When you found out I was working for you and fired
me I was angry but I was also incredibly touched. Touched that you
still cared enough about me to not want me to do a job like that.
You're always looking out for me and I appreciate that.

I love you

~Skye

Noah,

Do you remember that time your dad turned off the
back floodlight when we slept out in your backyard instead of mine?
I was so terrified because it was pitch black out and you were
shaking, terrified of the dark, too. But because I was scared you
faced your fear. You handed me the wooden bat beside you and got up
out of your sleeping bag to run over to the house and turn the
light back on. You always put me first and I've never told you how
much that means to me. I don
’
t know how I would have gotten through
life without you.

I love you.

~Skye