Nobody Knows (9 page)

“Yeah, I need to go right now.” Drew straightened up. “I don’t trust myself to stay any longer.”

“Me neither.”

The rest of my afternoon was spent on the phone to my mum, telling her my good news, then trying to work out how to pretend nothing had changed between Drew and me when we were around other people.

As it turned out, I didn’t get enough time with Drew for pretending to be a problem. I was late to the pub and after I fought my way through to the backstage area, there were only a few minutes until they started their set.

“Ellie!” Mack threw his arms around me. “Drew told us you got the illustrator job. Congratulations!”

Joey patted my arm. “Proud of you, Ellie. Let me know when I can buy a copy of the book.”

“Yeah, me too,” Mack added.

A vision of two long-haired rockers intently reading a book about a lost bunny sent me into a fit of giggles. “I’ll definitely let you know.”

“Are you ready to go?” Jason leapt to his feet.

The guys confirmed they were indeed ready, but before they headed for the door, they all paused, exchanging understanding glances.

“This is it,” Jason said. “Our last small gig.”

Mack nodded. “I can’t believe how much things are going to change.”

“Or how much they’ve already changed,” Joey pointed out. “We can’t walk down the street without someone following us.”

“And this is only the beginning. From now on, we’ll be playing huge, sold out venues, and fighting women off with a stick.”

“Speak for yourself!” Mack laughed. “I’ve got a woman, and I don’t plan to swap her!”

“What about you, Drew?” Jason asked. “Are you ready for groupies sneaking into your dressing room?”

“We’ll have security for that kind of thing.” Drew’s eyes narrowed. A strange bubble of tension surrounded them, and then burst as if nothing happened.

What the hell?

“I’d welcome any groupie who wanted to enter my room.” Joey grinned.

Some colourful banter followed, but I blocked it out, wondering what was up with Drew and Jason. I shot Drew a questioning look, but he shook his head, as if to tell me it was nothing. Rubbish. It might only have been for a split second, but I saw it. I just didn’t know what
it
was.

Razes Hell’s last pub gig was exceptional. They played as if they’d never perform again, and the crowd was right behind them. It took forever for us to get out because so many fans wanted photos, autographs, and the chance to speak with them. It was almost ten when we got back to the hotel, and we wanted to eat before we went out again, so we rushed to the hotel dining room before it closed for the night. Surprisingly, it was still quite busy. Perhaps everyone had the same plan to eat late before hitting the town.

Dinner was the first chance we’d had to relax all evening, but I still couldn’t completely loosen up. I hadn’t forgotten the weirdness from before the show. The tension hung in the air, and I wondered if Mack and Joey were oblivious or ignoring it for the sake of keeping the peace. What made things worse was that I couldn’t figure out what caused the frostiness between the brothers. They weren’t fighting, yet their conversations were strained even though nothing obvious had happened to trigger the hostility.

“Should we all be sitting so close together?” I asked, trying to force myself to eat the spaghetti bolognese in front of me. My throat had closed up and I felt sure I’d puke if I swallowed another mouthful. “I mean, you’re not supposed to be seen together off stage.”

“It’ll be fine, Ells,” Drew said. “This place is packed. We have no choice but to share a table.”

He gave my knee a reassuring squeeze which helped a little. I moved my foot closer to his in lieu of being able to hold his hand.

“This was a big night. You can’t share that kind of moment and not feel a bit closer.” Jason leaned across the table and reached for my hand. “Lighten up. We’re supposed to be celebrating.”

I forced a smile, and pulled away before Drew’s insecurities had a chance to spring up again. I could already feel his irritation levels rising.

“You know,” Jason began, “we’re lucky to still have Ellie in our lives. Most people would have run away screaming by now.”

“Most people haven’t known you as long as I have. Whatever happens, I’ll always remember you when you were two little guys playing basketball in the back garden.”

“That’s how we met, right?”

“Yes. We played a lot of basketball that summer.”

“And had lots of snowball fights in the winter.”

“What’s with all the reminiscing?” Drew asked, his voice cold.

“I’m just thinking about how far we’ve come. We’ve been through a lot, the three of us. Not many people would stick with us the way Ellie has.”

“Not true. Anyone who calls themselves a friend would stand by you through anything.”

“Like when I was using drugs?”

“Yes. Like then.”

Beside me, Drew stiffened, and another weird look passed between the brothers. “Ellie’s pretty special that way.”

The strain hit a peak as Jason’s eyes narrowed and locked onto Drew’s. “Is that why you’ve been sleeping together?”

My stomach jolted, and my gaze shifted from Drew to Jason, and back again. The boys didn’t take their eyes off each other.

What just happened?
One minute we were reminiscing about the old days, the next Jason spat out our secret as if he was talking about the weather. Mack and Joey stopped eating; Mack watching us closely, Joey staring at us open-mouthed.

“I knew it,” Drew said. “You’ve been throwing out weird comments all night. You knew.”

“I knew. I was waiting to see if you were ever going to tell me.” He turned to me, anger dancing in his eyes. “Why didn’t
you
tell me?”

“We didn’t...”

“How did you find out?” Drew asked.

“I saw you kissing outside your hotel room.”

Again, my stomach lurched. Whatever reasons we had for keeping him in the dark suddenly seemed insignificant. There wasn’t only anger in his expression, but hurt too, and my insides twisted that we’d made him feel that way.

“Jason, I-”

“You don’t need to explain.” Drew took my trembling hand.

“Like hell you don’t! You lied! Both of you lied to me!”

“Keep your voice down,” Drew said sharply, as heads turned in our direction. The excited chatter in the room dulled to silence.

“Keep my voice down?” Jason repeated, not lowering his tone. “Why? Don’t you want people to know you and Ellie have been screwing each other?”

The unmistakable sound of camera clicks punctured the quiet, and I felt my cheeks flame because there was nothing I could do to stop it. The words had been spoken, and countless YouTube videos of this moment would be all over the internet within minutes. I didn’t think even Derek would be able to stop this, and to be truthful, he probably wouldn’t want to.

“Jason, please.” My voice shook, panic taking hold. “Stop.”

“Was it your idea not to tell me?” he demanded, fixing his glare on me.

I shook my head. “We’re not doing this here.”

“I want some answers!”

So did everyone in the restaurant, judging by the glee on their faces. What the hell kind of society did we live in that it was okay to film private, excruciating moments for the world to see? What happened to privacy? Decency? Or at least
pretending
not to listen when people caused a scene? Now, phones were held high in the air as if we’d agreed to air our problems in public; not a single one of them trying to hide what they were doing.

I stood up, and Drew rose with me. “We’ll talk later.”

Jason got to his feet too, and grabbed Drew’s arm as we made to leave. “We’ll talk now!”

The brothers stared at each other, locked in a silent mind game, and all I wanted was to get back to my room and put an end to this mortifying piece of performance art.

“Jason,” I said. “Let’s go somewhere and talk about this.”

“We’re not talking to him until he calms down.” Drew shrugged free of Jason’s grip.

“Don’t walk away from me!”

Again, my eyes flicked between the brothers. Both of them silently begged me to do different things, their eyes willing me to choose. I wanted to go with Drew, and leave Jason to cool off but we owed him an explanation. I was stuck in the one place I purposely never put myself because I couldn’t,
wouldn’t
, pick one over the other. Dating Drew didn’t mean I would suddenly turn my back on Jason, but if I didn’t, I knew exactly how Drew would react. Frustration rose inside me, followed by blinding panic because I knew neither of them would move until I made a choice.

“Ellie, come on,” Drew said.

“Yeah, Ellie. Do as he says. Now you’re with my brother, you don’t get to make your own decisions anymore.”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” Drew snarled, letting go of my hand and turning back to Jason.

“You’re so used to trying to run people’s lives, you can’t see you’re doing it! Ellie used to hate that about you. Your need to always be in control, but I guess things have changed.”

The hurt on Drew’s face made my temper flare, and since the other diners were already getting a show, I yelled, “Stop! Jason, the reason we didn’t tell you is because up until a week ago there was nothing to tell. It’s new, and if you’d asked instead of turning this into a fight, we could have explained. If you want to talk, we’ll talk, but I’m not going to stay here and argue in front of a bunch of strangers!”

I turned and left the bar, heading for the sanctuary of my room. My legs wobbled with every step because my outburst had pretty much sealed my fate as an online sensation.

Jesus, why did Jason choose to blurt everything right out in the open? All he had to do was ask Drew privately, and none of us would have to worry about being the next morning’s headlines.

Once inside my room, I kicked off my shoes and sat down on the edge of the bed, wondering if the guys were still fighting or if they’d separated, or gone elsewhere to talk. I probably shouldn’t have left them together, but I couldn’t stand to be the centre of attention any longer, and certainly couldn’t stand being stuck in the middle of their own personal feud.

A gentle knock on the door answered my question. I figured it was Drew. Jason would have knocked a hell of a lot harder.

The happiness Drew showed earlier was long gone, replaced with weariness. Forehead creased with worry, eyes filled with the stress of the last few weeks.

I pulled him inside and slipped my arms around his waist. “Are you okay?”

“You think I’m too controlling?”

He asked the question without returning my embrace and I stepped back. “What?”

“Jason said you hate how I always have to be in control. Is that what you think?”

Unbelievable. Jason announced to the world that we’d been sneaking around together, and instead of worrying about how it might impact all of us, the only thing he heard was his brother’s anger-fuelled swipe at him.

I shook my head. “I can’t believe you’re asking me that.”

“Why not? It’s a simple question.”

“It’s a stupid question.” I walked across the room to the window and stared out into the night. The view of traffic and excited revellers made me wish I was outside with them, hiding amongst them and making the most of the last of my anonymity before I became the girl who broke the Brooks brothers.

“It bothers me, Ells. That people see me that way. That
you
see me that way.”

“I don’t. I saw you that way when I was a child and didn’t understand everything you had to do to keep your family together. But I grew up.
We
grew up.”

“What are we gonna do now?”

Tearing my gaze away from the busy streets, I turned to him. “There’s nothing we can do yet. We’ll wait until he’s calmed down and then we’ll explain everything.”

“This isn’t going to be easy. It’s not only about us, it’s about me and him and... you and him.” Drew heaved a sigh, raking his hands through his hair. “I didn’t want this. I wanted us to be about us for a while. Before it became about Jason.”

A small crack formed in my heart at his words. He looked defeated, as if Jason had won somehow. And he hadn’t. Not even close.

“It hasn’t become about him. I wish things hadn’t happened the way they did, and I’m worried about how he took it. But us? We’re still us.”

Drew shook his head. “Being with you was always going to change everything. But I wanted to be with you, nobody else involved, for as long as possible. I guess I’m selfish and I don’t want to share what we have yet.”

A surge of warmth rushed through me. He wasn’t so good at sharing his feelings, but when the words came out, he meant them.

I
felt
them.

I wound my arms around him, resting my head in that place on his chest where I could breathe him in.

“Nobody gets to share what we have. It’s ours, Drew. Just ours.”

Drew’s heart beat a little faster when my fingers ran along the waistband of his jeans; his lips met mine before I could draw a breath. His kiss was always soft and intense, but there was so much more behind it this time. Like he was trying to throw aside his fears, and I was trying to prove he had nothing to be afraid of.