Not Enough: Is love ever enough? (The Enough Series Book 1) (7 page)

I head
upstairs to the master suite to drop my bag off and take a soak in the built-in
hot tub. With plans to find my past and punch it in the face tonight, I need to
relax. I found out from scrolling through social media last night that Ryan is
in the area, and I am hoping to confront him for the first time since we split.
I kept this tidbit of information from both Austin and J because they would not
approve. In fact, if J knew he wouldn’t have let me leave the house.

I think the only way for me to get over the past is to
confront it. I haven’t spoken to Ryan since the morning before he left me and I
have a few things he needs to say to him. Ryan has called a few times over the
years, but I never considered speaking to him until now, and he will be lucky
if speak is all I do.

The master suite of the cabin is a slice of heaven with a
king size four-poster bed and all natural wooden decor. The interior designer
went with rich reds and browns to decorate the room. It is truly a slice of
heaven. I turn the corner to bathroom only to run squarely into a hard body
causing me to scream in fear.

Through my screams I finally hear, “Hey baby girl it’s just
me. It is just me.”

After I realize the deep voice belongs to Bode, I stop
screaming and punch him repeatedly in the chest. “You scared the shit out of
me. I texted you three times. Why didn’t you tell me you were here?”

He grabs my hands stopping my assault on his chest. “J and I
figured you wouldn’t come if we told you. Besides I haven’t been here long.”

It is becoming clear now, he is here because J knew what I planning.
Time to see if Bode will admit to it, “So why are you here?”

He cocks his head to the side and gives me a knowing grin, “I’m
guessing you know why given the pissed off look on your face.”

The truth is I am pissed, but I am also a little relieved to have
some backup, not that I will tell him that. “Contrary to what you and J believe
I can take care of myself. You two don’t need to hold my hand everywhere I go.”

I can tell that last remark pissed Bode off. “Rylee, I am not
here to tell you what you can and cannot do, but I will be damned if I sit back
and let you walk into a room with that asshat alone. I saw what he did to you remember.”

Now, I feel guilty. I should have known they are just looking
out for me like always. But, that does not mean I couldn’t have been included
in the plan. “Fine, but I will be confronting him, one way or the other, his
hold over me has to stop. Now, I am calling J to tell him how much I am
enjoying his overprotective streak.” He just laughs and pulls me into a hug.

“I missed you beautiful. You should see me more,” he says
with a chuckle. Bode is all ego and I adore him. He is as tall as J and has the
body of a surf god, probably because he is a professional surf god. He wears
his blonde hair near shoulder length and has the lightest blue eyes you will
ever see.

“I missed you too,” I say as I back out of the hug leaving a
hand on his tight bicep. “But, I am still calling your best friend.”

I call J ready to yell at him for overstepping again, but
instead find myself thanking him. He told me that he wouldn’t have sent Bode if
I had agreed to let him come. He said he knew what I was up to the minute I
told him where I was going because he had seen the posts from Ryan as well.

Surprisingly, he was supportive of my quest but warned me not
to go alone and I agreed. He also told me he did not raise his suspicions to
Austin that I was here for Ryan. He figured that part of the story would be
best coming from me.

Once I got off the phone, I felt better about having Bode
here. They are both right that it would be dangerous emotionally for me to
confront Ryan alone. Ryan knows me well enough to inflict serious damage if he feels
like it.

Ready for the calm before the storm I turn on the hot tub and
discard my clothes. Just as I go to lay my pants on the dressing table, I hear
my phone beep with an incoming text. I pull it from the pocket of my pants to
see a text from Austin:

Austin: *I miss you* 3:58 pm

I smile at the sweet simplicity of his message knowing he means
it.

Me: *I miss you too* 3:59 pm 

After a long soak in the hot tub, I hop out and turn on the
shower so I can rinse the chlorine off and ready myself for tonight. While I am
in the shower, I can’t help remembering my hands on Austin as I asked him to
imagine us in the shower. The thought ignites a fire between my legs and I am
forced to relive the dongs as well just to calm myself down. If only Austin were
here, he would definitely appreciate the irony.

Stepping out of the shower chuckling to myself, I hear Bode
at the door. “Hey Ry, I know where your boy is when you are ready.”

With a renewed sense of purpose I blow dry my hair and put on
my subtly sexy make-up. I may not be here to win Ryan back but that doesn’t
mean I don’t want to look my best.

After putting on my black lingerie set, I throw a robe on and
go in search of Bode. I find him sitting on the couch downstairs. “So where are
we headed,” I ask.

“Well, according to a friend he is having dinner at The Lodge
and then heading to Club Blue.” Bode looks at me expectantly, and I realize I
don’t have a well thought out plan for this rendezvous.

“So where should we try to run into him,” I ask hoping we can
come up with a coherent plan.

After a bit of discussion we decide on the club since The
Lodge presents too many opportunities for a big scene. I march back upstairs to
get dressed with a sense of purpose and dread. I choose my little black dress
with the lace overlay and three quarter length lace sleeves. The dress hits
mid-thigh and shows off my long legs.

I throw on a pair of lace-up close-toe stiletto heels, a
spritz of perfume, my favorite diamond hoops, and tennis bracelet. I grab my black
clutch with a chain strap and stuff the essentials inside before going down to
join Bode.

He is standing at the bar with a drink in his hand as I hit
the bottom stair. He turns to me and I see his jaw drop. “Rylee Ash, you are
smoking baby. Are you trying to get him back or see how many fights you can get
me into tonight?”

I smile at the twisted attempt at a compliment. “Neither
doll, just making sure he knows what he lost. Plus the clothes give me a boost
in confidence,” I say with a wink.

“Well, I will venture to say he will be eating his heart out.
Lord knows I am right now.” I am not sure what to make out of his last
statement so I just cross the room and pour myself a drink.

“You look pretty smoking yourself Bode. I bet we can find you
a friend before the night is over.” His blonde hair is tied back with a few
strands falling onto his face. He is wearing his signature blue jeans and a
paisley button down shirt that only he could make look hot.

“Well, thank you pretty lady, but I am a one woman man
tonight. I am only here for you.” This is so unlike Bode and worries me. He is
either worried about me, or he has feelings I was previously unaware of. For
now, I am going to choose to believe it is the former.

“When do we need to leave,” I ask hoping for a change of subject.

“We have about fifteen minutes,” he says refilling his drink.

“Perfect, I am going to make a quick call before we head out
if you don’t mind,” I say as I head for the living room.

I need to talk to Austin to remind myself the main reason I
am putting myself through this tonight. I press his contact and stare at the
picture of the two of us before pressing call. Again, he answers on the first
ring:

“Hey baby, is everything ok?”

Just the sound of his voice makes me happy.

“Yeah everything is fine; I just wanted to hear your voice.”

“Ry, what’s going on? You don’t sound fine to me.”

“Nothing is going on, Aus. Can’t a girl just want to talk to
you?”

“You, my dear, can do anything you want but something is up,
so spill it.”

I explain the plan for the night and I can hear the anger
rising in Austin. I am not sure which he is more upset about the fact that I am
going to see Ryan or the fact that Bode is here with me. I remind him several
times that I am doing this for us, but it doesn’t seem to calm him.

“Rylee, I really wish you wouldn’t do this. Or at the very
least let me be the one there with you.”

“Austin, you know I, well you know, and once this is done I
will be free of him.”

“I wish I knew that were true Ry. Are you sure this is the
right move?”

“The truth is Aus I don’t, but it is the only thing I know to
try. I will explain the entire sordid story when I get back, and you will
understand.”

The line goes quiet except for our combined breathing before
I feel compelled to break the silence.

“I miss you Aus.”

“I miss you too Ry, please call me or text me, so I know you
are ok.”

“I will, baby, talk to you soon. Bye Aus.”

“Bye Ry and remember I you know you.”

Just hearing his voice has given me renewed courage to face
my past. I know that I should have never let Ryan have this much power in my
life, but as time went on it became easier to hide than to face him. There
really shouldn't be much to the confrontation; all I want to know is why. Why
wasn't I good enough? It is not that I want Ryan back, I don’t. I just need to
hear him tell me why.  

After being with Austin, I know that I was never truly in
love with Ryan. I was in love with the security and the feeling that I
belonged. That is what he stole from me, my sense of a permanent place in the
world.

Bode and I
climb into the car provided by his service and head over to our favorite
Italian restaurant on the edge of town. I have never come up to the cabin
without making it to Ambrogio's. It is a small restaurant with a rustic Italian
ambiance. There is a large, stone fireplace in the center of the restaurant
that is both practical and decorative burning bright. The dark red walls
magnify the exposed wood and high ceiling.

Bode and I are seated at a small table in the corner of the
room. The candlelight sets a romantic mood, the last thing I need right now.

Bode is quiet except for his exchanges with our server.
Something is on his mind as he tests the flavor of the wine he ordered before
accepting it. He is not being rude or anything but something is wrong. I have
known him most of my life and Bode is always the life of the party.

I want to ask what is wrong but my head is swimming in the
what ifs surrounding tonight. What if seeing Austin and confronting him causes
more problems. What if I can’t face him? What if I can’t put the past behind me
and move forward? What if I lose Austin?

My mind is spiraling down a dark path when Bode breaks the silence,
“Ry are you ok? You are looking awfully pale.” He reaches across the table and
takes my hand bringing me back to reality and out of my head.

“I’m sorry Bode; my mind is getting the best of me. I am
being horrible company.”

He squeezes my hand softly and looks deep into my eyes, “Sweetheart
you could never be horrible company. You are my favorite person in the world.”
The look in his ice blue eyes tells me he is trying to tell me something
without actually saying it. I don’t have the mental capacity to dissect this
tonight though.    

He continues to hold my hand until our food is delivered. We
eat in relative silence. My stomach is in knots and I find myself unable to
partake in the amazing food. I hate that I cannot enjoy this meal since
Ambrogio’s is one of my favorite restaurants on the planet.

I can see question dancing in Bode’s eyes throughout the meal
and I imagine it has something to do with Austin. When the bill is delivered,
he finally summons the courage to spit it out. “So what is going on with you
and the quarterback?”

Given the current situation and the lack of privacy around
us, I decide a brief answer is best. “Right now Austin and I are just friends
at my request.” He looks taken back by my answer and seems to ponder his next
question carefully.

“If you two are only friends why the sudden need to confront
Ryan?” I really do not want to get into a deep discussion about my relationship
with Austin.

I get the feeling Bode is hoping for an answer I cannot give
him. “Bode, you know me. I have lived as a relative shell of myself for the
past few years. I think it is high time I face my past so I can consider a
future.”

He seems to consider my answer in full before raising the
issue he has been dancing around. “A future with Austin,” he says with a
defeated tone. The look on his face is one of sadness and understanding.

I am confused by Bode’s budding interest. We have been
friends for years. Sure, we had a fling or two back in high school and before I
met Ryan, but it was never anything serious. “I’m not sure what the future
holds. What I know though is that Austin is the first person who has ever made
me consider having one.”

He seems to understand my heartfelt meaning and declares it
time to go. I hate there is now an uncomfortable vibe between us.

Once we are in the car I decide to text J:

Me: *Hey, is something up with Bode I need to know about?*
8:57 pm

J: *I don’t think so, why?* 8:58 pm

Me: *Just getting a weird vibe* 8:58 pm

J: *I’m sure it’s fine* 9:00 pm

Of course, asking my brother about Bode didn’t elicit any
information, but I had to ask anyway. I snap open my clutch to put my phone
back when a new text dings.

Austin: *You know* 9:04 pm

Me: *I do know and so do you ;)* 9:05 pm

The giddiness behind my smile must be obvious and Bode calls
me on it. “So who has you smiling like you won the lotto?”

I decide it is best to avoid the Austin topic for now. “J is
making jokes,” I say with a laugh. I don’t think he believes me but he lets the
subject drop anyway.

“Do you have a plan on how you will confront the asshat?” I
can’t help the giggle that comes with that question. That is twice he has
referred to Ryan as an asshat.

“No, I don’t. I guess I am hoping I can wing it. Hell, he may
not even want to speak to me.” The truth is, I have no idea how Ryan will react
to seeing me. One thing is for sure though I bet his reaction will be far less
explosive than mine will.

“Well whatever happens, baby girl, I got your back. And for
what my two cents are worth I don’t think he is worth a second of your time.”
The sincerity in his voice puts me at ease.

“Thanks, I just want to get this over with.”