Just the thought makes my toes curl.
"The difference is now...I love you more than the air I breathe and I feel so very empty without you in my life. So no matter how down and dirty we get...no matter how hard or fast we go...it will always be making love, baby."
I sit up fast and flip my leg over Nix’s. I straddle him and grab his face between my hands. I behold his lovely green eyes as they look at me with unfettered love and desire. "Oh, Nix. I love you so very much. More than I ever imagined possible."
He gives me a brief kiss then pulls back. "I have never felt so lost as I have these past two weeks. I can't believe I never even recognized the depth of feeling I had for you...until I lost it. I'm so sorry I did that to you, Emily. I promise I will hold your heart with the greatest of care if you'll trust it to me."
I sigh and lean my forehead against his. I finally get it. I get how love can run so deep that it touches the very fiber of your being.
"Nix...you are the most amazing man I have ever known. I'm lost without you, too. My heart is yours for however long you want to keep it."
"How about forever?" he says, rubbing his nose along mine.
"You got a deal."
Nix leans his face toward mine and we enter into a kiss that defies logic. It's deeper than a canyon, higher than the stratosphere and hotter than lava. It speaks of the promise of love to come and a gratefulness for what we've found together.
We strip each other quickly, murmuring sweet words of love and sexy words filled with passion.
Just before Nix slides into me, I take another look at my name inked over his heart, and I know that we have both battled improbable odds to find our way into each other's lives. We are so different from one another, yet we are the same. He and I have worked hard to overcome all of the things that had previously held us back.
We have found love together, and it is beyond glorious.
Emily
6 Months Later...
I pull one pillowcase out of the hamper and hold it up to my nose. Inhaling deeply, I release a soft sigh. Nothing smells better than clean sheets out of the dryer. Working a fluffy, feather pillow into the casing, I smile over this new domesticity I've come to love.
I'm making up Nix’s bed. We finally have finished fixing the water damage to his house and he's moved back home. I say "we" finished the remodels because I'm quite proud to have helped with more than just making up his bed with fresh linens. These past several months, I've spent most of my weekends here with Nix, helping him to hammer and paint. I've come to love this house and the times I've spent here with him.
But I love all my times spent with Nix, no matter where we are.
As I finish the second pillow, the phone rings. I reach over and pick it up.
"Hello...Nix Caldwell's personal maid."
Warm laughter greets me on the other end. It's Paul. "Hey, Em. My man got you in a French Maid outfit?"
I snort. "Hardly...he prefers me to do my cleaning naked."
I hear Paul suck in a large breath and it sounds like he's choking on the other end. After a fit of laughter mixed with coughs, he asks, "Speaking of the perv...is he around?"
"Yep. Hold on..."
Putting my hand over the receiver, I yell toward the open bedroom door. Nix is downstairs in the living room trying to hook up all of his electronics. I had left him down there a bit ago, cursing under his breath. "Nix! Paul's on the phone."
I hear a loud curse this time, and something bangs to the floor. Nix picks up the receiver downstairs and I hang up.
Nix and Paul sure have come a long way since that night many months ago when Nix confessed his non-existent sins to both of us. Released from pain and guilt, Nix easily fell back into the solid friendship with Paul that had developed before their injuries.
My heart nearly swells to bursting just thinking about the way Nix easily laughs with Paul. Or the way that they tease each other mercilessly. Heck...Paul even has Nix laughing at his prosthetic jokes. It's a friendship that will last beyond this lifetime.
Pulling out the fitted sheet, I snap it out and let it float over the enormous mattress. Nix bought a new king size bed when he moved back into his home. He said he had no doubt that we would use every square inch of it and my face flushes thinking of all the times we christened it. Climbing onto the bed to tuck the sheet into the far corner, I remember just last night he had me on my back with my head hanging off the side of the mattress. I could see his bathroom door from my practically upside-down view while he showered heaven on my body. I shudder from the memory.
Before I can start to move to the next corner, I can feel the mattress dip and Nix grabs hold of my waist from behind me. He pulls my hips back until they nestle against his very hard erection. Desire pools warm and deep in my belly and I rub up against him. The move is calculated to drive him crazy but he's in a mood to take his time. I know this because he does nothing more than purr in his throat before pushing me down to the mattress and slowly covers me with his body.
Rolling to his side, he brings me with him, the heat from his chest burning through the thin material of the shirt covering my back. His arm wraps snug around my waist and he squeezes me tight. I can still feel his hardness pressed against my butt, but he does nothing more than stick his nose in my hair and breathe in deeply. This will definitely be slow and soft, I can tell.
"How are Paul and Marie?" I ask, reveling in the feel of Nix wanting to just hold me for a moment.
"They're good. He said they'll probably be able to make it up to visit this weekend."
"Awesome. I know Marie wants to look at wedding dresses so I'll take her on Saturday afternoon into the city."
"While Paul and I can stay here and drink beer, right?"
I giggle. The idea of Nix shopping for a wedding dress amuses me to no end. "Of course you can stay here with Paul and drink beer. Your manliness is always safe with me."
Nix doesn't respond because he's now busy nibbling on my neck. His arm loosens around my waist and runs up my outer thigh, gently caressing me. I love when Nix wants to go slow but he drives me mad with anticipation.
Nix suddenly pulls his body away from me and pushes me onto my back. Leaning on one arm, he hovers over me, searching my face. "Move in with me?"
I blink in surprise. I'm not sure where this came from. By the hard evidence that had just been pressed against my body, I'm amazed this thought even popped into Nix’s head. We've never discussed anything like this before and a serious discussion was not what was on his mind just a few seconds ago.
Reaching up to run my fingers along his jaw, I ask, "Why, baby? We spend almost every night together between your house and my apartment."
His eyes are dark and serious, but he shrugs his shoulders as if not understanding his own needs. "I don't know...it just seems the next logical step for us to take...moving in together."
My whole heart sighs with love for this man. He wants to make our relationship more permanent, and he's right...this is what most people do. And while I would love nothing more than to call this place my home with Nix one day, I have other obligations.
Leaning up, I give him a gentle kiss. "I can't leave Fil. I've committed to being her roommate until we graduate next year."
Nix lays his forehead against mine and lets out a long sigh. "I know. And you're right."
Pulling his face back, he looks in my eyes again. One hand comes up to cup the side of my head, as if he's afraid I'll look away from what he's about to say. Stroking his thumb over my cheek, he says, "I just want you to know that this is forever. My love for you, that is. My heart is a complete slave to you and I just want you by my side...always."
I can't help my soft nature, and Nix knows me well enough that he will not be surprised by the sudden rush of tears that flood my eyes. In fact, the sight of them makes him give me a gentle smile.
"Nix...my world is you and it always will be."
We don't say anything further but another sweet kiss from Nix turns suddenly hot. Conversation is forgotten as our hands start roaming. Nix has the ability to make me forget myself when he's touching me. He says his heart is a slave to me, and that thought cuts both ways. But he also owns my body and I'm completely okay with that.
Just as Nix’s hand reaches the button on my shorts, my iPhone starts ringing from my back pocket. I reach back to grab it but Nix whispers against my lips, "Don't answer."
For a split second, I hesitate because Nix now has my pants open and his hand has just slid into my panties. But then I come to my senses and grab my phone. "You know I have to answer it."
He doesn't respond but starts kissing me below my ear as a finger slides its way into me. I gasp as I look at the caller ID.
Ryan.
There's no way I can talk to my brother when Nix has his finger sunk deep into me, so I pull at his wrist. For a second, he doesn't relent, in fact moving his finger in such a way that every muscle in my body clenches tight. Then his hand slides out and he gives me a mischievous grin as he kisses me on the end of my nose.
My blood is pounding through my veins and I hope the breathless way I answer the phone doesn't reveal the fact that Nix’s hand was just down my pants.
"Hey, Ryan."
"It's time," he says simply.
I look at Nix and he chuckles at the excitement in my eyes. "We're on our way."
I'm getting ready to become an aunt.
Nix
I watch Emily hold the baby and my chest constricts. Her copper-brown eyes are so soft and warm, and her lips are pursed making little cooing noises at the bundle in her arms. Little Amelia Grace Burnham. It is still incredibly humbling to me that I am at a point in my life where I am able to be moved by such a simple gesture.
I do that a lot lately...take stock of simple things. I look around the hospital room and there is a wealth of simplicity that speaks profoundly to me. Danny is lying in bed, her gaze resting on her daughter nestled in Emily's arms. Ryan's hand is holding Danny's. He has her wedding band between his thumb and forefinger, and he's twirling it back and forth as he watches Danny watch their daughter.
Linc is talking to Congressman Burnham. I'm still having a hard time calling him Alex like he's asked me to do repeatedly. Linc has his hands stuffed in his pockets and he's rocking back and forth on the balls of his feet. Congressman Burnham...I mean Alex...is laughing at something Linc has said, one arm casually propped on the door frame that leads into a private bathroom. Linc has a reporter-friend of Emily’s trailing him for a sports article, and she is nervously chewing on her bottom lip while she sits in the corner trying not to be noticed.
My eyes move to Mrs. Burnham. Now there's a lady I've come to know a lot about just by watching her simple gestures. Right now, she's clutching her pearls in one hand while the other rests lightly on Emily's shoulder. She's staring down at Amelia Grace while her thumb rubs lovingly across the fabric of Emily's blouse.
Having circled the room and taken in such simplicity, perhaps I'm the only one at this very moment that realizes the depth of feelings I've just witnessed. There's a girlfriend's hope, a mother's love, a husband's gratitude, a brother's mischief, a father's joy, a stranger's nervousness and my own undying humility to be able to appreciate it all.
Emily stands up and hands Amelia off to her mother.
Celia takes the baby and sits down in the chair Emily has just vacated. Her face is equally as soft and warm as Emily's was just a few seconds ago. She is a woman who has made big changes in her life—just as I have in mine—and I respect the shit out of her for it. She is now emotionally present in her children’s lives, and has even grown close to Danny. But hell, everyone loves Danny after you talk to her for about five minutes. Celia Burnham, like me, has decided that life is too short to waste moments that are simple yet precious.
Emily gives me a weird look and walks out the door. No one has seemingly noticed, so I get up and follow her out.
Looking up and down the hall, I don't see her so I walk toward the L&D lobby. Turning the corner, I see her standing at the huge wall of windows that overlooks the city street below. Her face is pensive and her arms are crossed over her belly. I walk up behind her and wrap my arms around her, sliding my arms underneath hers so mine are the ones that are crossed over her stomach now. Leaning over, I rest my chin on her shoulder.
"Penny for your thoughts?"
Emily lays her head back so it's resting on my shoulder and I squeeze her even closer. Her arms are now resting over mine, her finger tips stroking the skin over the back of my hands.
"I was just thinking about how amazing Amelia is. I've never held a baby before..."
She trails off, caught up in this new miracle of life that she has witnessed. I smile to myself although I'm sure it's apparent on the outside as well. We both just stand there, silently, wrapped up in each other and in our thoughts.
Will there be a day, when I'm doing exactly what Ryan was just doing? That simple gesture of his...twisting his wife's wedding band with his own fingers, while he gazes at her with complete love and devotion?
Such a simple act...
And I realize...there is nothing simple about my love for Emily. It is twisted and complex. It is ingrained in every cell that swims in my blood. I'd as soon lose a limb, or four, than be without her, and with a moment of clarity so pure that it rings like a crystal chime, I know that I will put a baby in this soft belly that I'm holding right now. That Emily will be the mother of our children, and those children will give us grandchildren.
I spread the palm of one hand wide on Emily's stomach and press her just a little more tightly to me. Leaning down, I whisper in her ear. "There will be a day, Emily...in the future...that our baby will be in here. And it will be the second happiest day of my life when that happens."
I can't see her face but I can feel her smile at my words. Her hands grasp onto mine. "Second happiest? What will be the first?"
Nuzzling her neck, I tell her, "The day you agree to marry me."
She startles in my arms and turns to look at me. "But...you haven't asked me yet."
Grabbing her arms, I loop them around my neck. I kiss her quickly on her lips and smile down at her. "I know."
Her eyebrows raise and she quirks her lips. "I know? That's all you have to say after dumping on me the fact that we'll get married someday and have kids together?"
"There's nothing else to say right now. I love you, baby, more than life itself. And the greatest thing about it...our happiest days are still to come."
She laughs at me then, and it is bright, and warm, and soft as the morning sun. It is one of those simple gestures that I would have taken for granted just a year ago.
But not now.
Now...it is everything to me.