“I have a bit of past trauma,” she reveals, “and sometimes I have triggers that bring up the memories. I’m not ready to get into it all right now, but I just wanted to call and make sure you knew that I was sorry, and that I hope that one day I’m brave enough to share my story with you.” I can hear the sorrow lacing her words.
“I’m not going anywhere, Braun. We’re friends, and I have fun with you. I want us to get to know each other. Please don’t worry. I won’t rush or pressure you, but know that I’m here when you’re ready to talk. Okay?”
We chat for a while longer and by the end we’re both laughing, all tension evaporated. Back in the friend zone I shall stay.
For now.
As long as she’s happy, I’m okay with staying in the penalty box awhile longer.
Braunwyn
“E
mmerson, baby, you
need to have three more bites of your pizza and then you can be all done,” I say, as we sit at the food court in the local mall having lunch with London.
We came to pick up the Minions costumes I’d ordered from the store, as they were finally in. Talk about cutting it close; Halloween’s tonight after all. I’m not sure what I would have done had they not arrived, but thankfully I don’t have to worry about that. Emmerson is going to be dressed as Bob, while I will be dressed as Dave.
“I’m so excited to take Little Miss trick-or-treating this year. I’m sure you’ll be the cutest Minion ever,” I say, leaning in toward my smiling girl.
“Twick or Tweat” she says, clapping her hands, causing both London and I to burst out laughing at how excited she is.
“Awww, I wish I was going to be there to see you guys all Minion-ed up tonight. But, of course, as a recently-hired server at the hottest new restaurant in town, I will be indisposed,” says London. “But I’m working with Finn, so I can’t complain too much. That boy is all kinds of yumminess.”
“Yeah, it sucks. This will be the first year you’ve missed! It’ll just be me taking Emme out. Grams will be busy handing out candy,” I sigh, a bit disappointed. Every year we’ve all dressed up and gone around the neighbourhood together. Then London and I would usually polish off a bottle of wine or two while eating the leftover candy.
“Speaking of all things yummy, how’s it going with Levi, anyway? Well, once you finally stopped ‘being sick’ and actually went back, I know you said it was a bit awkward the first few times after your little episode…but now?”
“Honestly, it’s good. Like too good. I know I said I only wanted to be friends, but London, he’s just so damned perfect for me, I swear.” I smile, but don’t let it last. Every time I think these thoughts about Levi, I stop myself. I think back to Shawn and how I owe it to him to respect his memory. That I shouldn’t be thinking about another man the way I’ve been allowing myself to think about Levi.
“Stop it, Braunwyn Marie Daniels, you stop that right friggin’ now. You hear me? It’s almost been five years, Braun. It’s okay to date, to feel, to even have sex with another man. In fact, it’s time.”
I shake my head at her words. Tears start to blur my vision but I manage to keep them from falling down my face. Reaching for my hand London whispers: “Hooker, look at me,” and I smile at her calling me that, knowing how much I hate it, “It’s okay to let go. He’ll always be in your heart, your life,” she says, gesturing at Emmerson. “Just give yourself the permission to feel. No-one said it has to be instantaneous, but, Braun, you can’t stay like this. You need and deserve companionship. Sex. Love. Emmerson needs a male role model, I’m not saying it has to be or will be Levi, but, honey, it’s time to let the Levi’s of the world in. It’s time to find your ‘Knight’,” she adds, quoting Shawn’s letter. With that, the unshed tears now flow freely down my face in the middle of the food court on a Thursday afternoon, while people go about their lives.
“You’re right. I know it’s time. I’m trying, I swear.” I look over at Emmerson who is sucking on a lollipop, which I assume London gave her so I could have my little meltdown without her watching me.
“Okay. Enough for now. I’ve said my piece, but I need to add this last bit before I shut up. Shawn told you to move on, Braun, he told you to find someone. He’s probably pissed at you for taking so long.” London smiles at me sympathetically while patting my hand before reaching in her bag handing me a much-needed tissue. “I do have to tell you, though, your costume is cute but it’s kinda sexy too, clingy in all the right places. No-one would ever guess a yellow shirt paired with those fitted overalls would result in a hot little number like that. I think it’s the hat and goggles that do it. Maybe you should consider working the Halloween party at the bar tomorrow night after all?” she teases. “I can watch Emmerson. I’m sure Boss Man would love to see that costume huggin’ you all tight and right and shit. Besides, nothing says ‘hottie’ like a pretty girl with a big eyeball on her forehead.” She laughs out loud at herself before biting into her pizza. Thankful for the tension breaker, I laugh too.
“I hope you burn your tongue,” I taunt back, sniffling. “No,” I shake my head, “I know it would be fun and I will work a big event like the Christmas fundraiser or Valentine’s, I promise, but I took this weekend off. I have a huge paper due and it’s Grams’ birthday tomorrow and Emmerson will be up later than usual tonight with Halloween and all the excitement, so we’re going to have a lazy Saturday doing whatever Grams wants. Besides the last person I want to see me in this crazy costume,” I motion to the bag, “is Levi.”
Levi
“T
wick or Tweat!”
I hear a sweet little voice calling from outside my front screen door. I’d left the inside door open so I could listen for the kids while I get shit done around the house. Working so much, I have to admit I’ve most definitely neglected the place, so today I’ve been on autopilot giving the place some much needed attention.
I love Halloween. It’s such a fun holiday, especially for kids and bar owners. Our annual costume party is always a huge hit, so I decided to take tonight off because with the party happening tomorrow, I know I’ll be pulling a late night. Thank fuck I seem to have found a few competent people that have been working out so far, allowing me to finally take a night off here and there.
“Coming, just a sec,” I holler, grabbing the bowl of candy as I run from the kitchen where I was cooking dinner. As I reach the front door, I stop, needing to do a double-take.
Braunwyn Daniels is standing there, just as surprised as I am, right on my doorstep. Blinking in disbelief, I open my eyes again to see that Braun is indeed actually here on my porch, and fuck me if she isn’t dressed up like one hot Minion. That’s when my gaze lands on a cute little kid, also dressed as a Minion. The kid-friendly version.
Candlelight flickers over their faces, illuminating their features, and I catch a whiff of Braunwyn’s vanilla scent through the smell of the wax melting inside the jack o’lanterns on my doorstep.
“Levi! Oh, wow, hi. Um, we were just trick-or-treating. Uhhh, is this your place?” she asks, breaking me free of the surprise-induced shock that had left me speechless.
God, I’m a tool. Where the hell is my game?
“Hey, yeah, this is my place. Welcome.” I step outside. She nods in that familiar way that I have come to really like. I wonder if she knows what she’s doing and what it does to me.
“And what’s your name?” I ask the shorter Minion.
“Emme,” she answers.
“Hi, Emme. Nice costume,” I say, and turn my attention back to Braunwyn for a moment. “Yeah, the other day, I couldn’t believe how close we lived.”
“It is super close.” She looks at me with confusion crossing her face. “Did you know we were this close all along? Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Well, I kind of did. That was the whole point behind me wanting to drive you home, remember?”
“Yeah, right, that was the reason, pure goodness of your heart. I thought you had that Boy Scout look about you,” she teases.
“Oh, I’m no Boy Scout, believe me. That’s the last thing you should call me when it comes to you.” I attempt to flash a serious tone and a wolfish grin so she gets my point. The hitch in her breath confirms it.
Point made.
“The good thing is at least now you know it isn’t a big deal for me to drive you home after work.” I pause. “And the
best
part is, you can’t argue with me about it. I have to say I’m pretty fuc—” I remember the little girl “—
happy
about my victory.”
Braun glares at me and tries to show her annoyance at my bringing up our little fight, but a slight smile graces the corners of her mouth.
“Well, maybe you should have said it a little nicer, rather than blowing it up the way you did. Maybe you could have been like this: …” She clears her throat then attempts to make her voice deep before letting out the worst guy impression ever.
“‘Hey, Scrappy, I, like, live less than a block-and-a-half away from you, so driving you home is on my way and it would absolutely be my pleasure. Can I please give you a ride?’” She loses the baritone voice she can’t pull off for shit. “See how nice that is? I probably would have given in without a fight.”
We both laugh knowing she’s full of shit as the attempted imitation of me continues, but all I want to do is pull her in close to me because she’s so damn cute and feisty.
The kid starts laughing at Braunwyn’s gruff impersonation of me. I catch Emme’s eye.
“Braunwyn sounds just like me, doesn’t she?” I ask the kid.
“No. She sounds like she has a cold.”
I chuckle, agreeing with her, then turn back to Braun.
“Yeah, right. You not argue with me? I don’t believe that for a minute.
Liar.”
I mouth, adding a wink for good measure.
Yeah, you drive me crazy too, baby.
Then I sink down to meet the little girl whom I assume is Braun’s sister, who is checking out the decorations I have set up along the porch and sticking her finger in one of the pumpkin’s carved eyes.
“So, Happy Halloween. I’m Levi. Would you like to choose your candy, honey?” I ask, presenting the bowl with a flourish.
“I can pick, Mommy?” She looks up at Braun and I can’t hide the look of shock which overtakes my face.
“Mommy”?
“She’s…yours?” stumbles awkwardly out of my mouth, as if I’m an idiot. But I already know the answer to my own question; an answer my gut knew without having to be told. I knew it the minute I saw them standing there. I just didn’t want to subconsciously let myself acknowledge the fact that there is another man in Braunwyn’s life, one who will always hold a special spot as the father of her child.
One who’s not me.
The thought both pisses me off, and scares me at the same time.
Fuck
. I want to ask a couple hundred questions right now. I never saw a ring on her finger, so maybe she just lives with the father and, I guess…Grams? Or maybe he doesn’t live with them at all? Or is out of the picture? After all, no dude has ever come around the bar looking for her, and no boyfriend in his right mind would have let her take the bus by herself so late at night like that. Naw, this guy might not have a spot in her bed, but having a child is a pretty intimate adventure. I’m not sure with my type of personality I could let myself contend with another man in our lives.
Our lives?
Even if I wanted to, I don’t think it’s in me. I have so many questions swirling in my mind right now I feel myself reeling.
Are you close? Does Emme visit him? Do you all hang out? Do you still fuck? What the fuck, how did I miss this? A kid!
“Of course you can choose, baby,” Braunwyn smiles with a nod that’s just as much for her daughter as it is for me. “Yes, Levi. This is Emmerson, my daughter. She’s four-and-a-half.”
“She’s beautiful, Scrappy, just like you,” I say, as an overwhelming sensation takes over. I want nothing more than to know all there is about this woman standing before me. The questions hammer in my mind as I take the idea in.
How did I not know about Emmerson?
I stand there in shock watching this sweet little girl and her mother as they discuss which candy she should pick. All I want to do is give her the whole damn bowl if it will make her smile bright like her mom. I’m feeling a mix of emotions right now watching them.
I thought we were friends? How could she not tell me? She doesn’t trust me—at all? How do I feel about this?
All I know is, fuck me, do I ever want answers and thankfully it’s as if someone is on my side and hearing my inner thoughts because what Emmerson says next is music to my ears.
“Mommy, I hafta go pee pee.” She looks to Braun, who looks hesitantly to me. I immediately turn to Emmerson.
“Well, I just happen to have a bathroom right inside the door here, Scooby.” I gesture behind me and smile before allowing Emmerson and Braunwyn to pass.
“Who’s ‘Scooby’? I’m
Emmerson
,” she says, looking around all confused, and I laugh at how fucking cute she is. I show her to the washroom, flicking the light on and seeing Braunwyn rolling her eyes, clearly unimpressed with the name I’ve given her daughter.
“You don’t know who Scooby is? Well, Scooby just happens to be the coolest cartoon ever, and you kind of reminded me of him ’cause of how excited you got for the Halloween candy, like it was your Scooby Snack.”
“Scooby Snack. Is that wike a treat?” Emmerson looks at me totally confused, poor kid; I just assumed she’d know Scooby-Doo.
Don’t kids watch the good ones anymore?
“I tell you what. While you’re in there, I’ll set up my TV so I can show you exactly who Scooby is. Sound good?” She nods her head before closing the door.
“Just call if you need me, Emme. Scooby-Doo and Scrappy too, eh?” Braun says, looking at me and shaking her head.
“What? You’re your own little team. It fits,” I shrug. “Come on, can’t have Scrappy without Scooby, I think it’s perfect.
“Oh yeah?” She shakes her head, attempting to hide her smirk. “Calling me argumentative again?”
“Nah, more like beautiful laced with a hint of feistiness, just enough to drive the rest of us wild,” I whisper, eyes locked on hers.
Fuck, she’s pretty.
Looking over at me, Braunwyn gives me one of those smiles I crave as much as I’ve been craving more time with her, especially since the last time at the bar.