She lifted her head and looked at him. When she didn’t say anything, he continued, knowing that he had to make her understand, that he couldn’t let her go back to L.A. thinking he was crazy or worse—abusing their daughter’s memory in some twisted way.
“Carving the wood was like therapy, I guess. It felt good to be working with my hands again, to be making something beautiful. It took some of the ugliness out of my life. I stopped drinking, and I started working again. At first I just made rocking chairs. Then one day I made a cradle, then another. It seemed like every time I made a piece of baby furniture, I got a piece of my life back.”
“I don’t understand,” she whispered.
“I know you don’t. Because in order to survive, you had to leave, you had to forget. The only way I could survive was to face the memories head-on every day, to think about her, to remember her. Otherwise, I felt like she would have died for nothing. Robin was here on this earth for two months. She was inside you for much longer.” He stroked her face with his fingers, feeling her soft skin beneath his calluses. “She was in us always.”
“Oh, Nick.” Lisa took a shaky breath. “I don’t want to cry.”
“She was beautiful, Lisa. Robin looked just like you. Her blue eyes, her dark hair. Remember her tiny hands, her long fingers?”
“Stop, please.”
“She used to watch you when you left the room. And when she woke up, and she saw you, her smile was so damned bright, it lit up the whole room.”
“Except for once…” Lisa’s voice broke as the tears gathered in her eyes and one slid down her cheek. “She didn’t wake up, Nick. She didn’t smile at me. And it was my fault. I wasn’t good enough. I didn’t do the right thing. I—”
“Sh-sh.” He put a finger against her lips as the tears streamed down her face. “You did everything right. She just died, Lisa. It wasn’t anybody’s fault.”
“She was in the crib, and it was too big for her, and she should have been in the cradle, but we wanted her to be in her own room, because we were so tired at night, and it was so difficult to sleep, hearing her breathe and rustle around in the blankets, and that’s why we moved her.” Lisa sobbed the last few words.
Nick tucked her hair behind her ear, feeling his own emotions threatening to spill out. He couldn’t stand the look on her face, the pain in her voice, but he knew she had to get it out, that they finally had to face it.
“The crib had nothing to do with it. The doctors all said that.”
“But how can anyone die for no reason?” she asked, crying in earnest now. “How can a little innocent baby die without anyone knowing why? It’s not fair. It’s not right. Why did this have to happen?”
“I don’t know, honey. All I know is that we loved her as much as any parent could love their child. We didn’t kill her with lack of attention, or too many blankets, or put her in the wrong position. We didn’t.”
“It could have been that. She was on her stomach.”
“She loved to sleep that way. She hated being on her back, remember?”
“Now they say that might be bad for babies.”
“Now they say,” he repeated softly. “We didn’t know it was the wrong thing to do. We still don’t.”
His voice was gentle, kind. Lisa felt it cover her like a warm blanket. Looking into his eyes now, she couldn’t remember why it had been so difficult to trust him before. “That was always the hardest part, the not knowing,” she said. “I wanted a reason, Nick, a logical explanation, and no one could give me one.”
“I felt the same way.”
“Having Robin was the best thing that ever happened to me. Losing her was the worst.”
He looked at her for a long minute. “I think having you was the best thing that ever happened to me and losing you was the worst.”
She touched his cheek. “I didn’t mean it like that. I didn’t mean that you were any less the love of my life than Robin.”
“Was I? The love of your life?”
“You know you were.”
“I wasn’t sure you did.” He smiled and grabbed a napkin off his desk so he could dry the tears from her cheeks. “I think these tears were long overdue. “”You always knew how to make me cry,” she said, her wry smile taking the sting out of her words.
“Among other things.”
As his eyes darkened, Lisa realized she was still attracted to him, so attracted it took her breath away. It seemed like only yesterday when they had been together, when kissing him was as natural as breathing air.
“Lisa?” he murmured. “I want to kiss you again.”
Her body tightened in anticipation, and she couldn’t deny that she wanted him to do just that. “We seem to be pretty good at this love/hate thing. A minute ago, you were screaming at me, now you want to kiss me.”
“A minute ago, you wanted to tear me apart, but now I think you’d like to kiss me back,” Nick replied.
“We’re both crazy.”
“At last, something we can agree on.”
Lisa smiled, and Nick lowered his head. His mouth had barely touched her lips when she heard the door opening and the sound of a woman’s voice.
“Nick. Are you here?”
Lisa pulled away, surprised and embarrassed by the unexpected appearance of a beautiful redhead in the doorway.
Nick turned his head. “Suzanne.”
Suzanne looked shocked as her gaze moved from Nick to Lisa. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to interrupt. Who—”
“This is Lisa,” Nick said. “My ex-wife.”
“Your ex-wife? First a sister, now an ex-wife? Next, I suppose you’re going to tell me you have a kid? “
Chapter 14
“If you’d told me three days ago, I’d be on a plane to San Francisco with a handsome stranger, I never would have believed you,” Maggie said to Jeremy as their plane began its descent into the San Francisco Bay Area.
“The mysteries of life are infinitely frustrating for those of us who try to make sense of them,” Jeremy said with a smile.
“You have such a way with words. I can see why you’re a writer. What kind of screenplays do you write?”
“Mysteries. Thrillers. Psychological horror.”
She nodded, somewhat dismayed by the enthusiasm in his voice. Although they’d talked forever last night and Jeremy had shared a bit of his history, he was still a stranger. And she was still neurotic enough to imagine that he could turn out to be a charming serial killer.
“I’ve become obsessed with obsession.” Jeremy’s eyes darkened along with his topic.
Maggie licked her lips. “What—what kind of obsession?”
“Oh, lots of things, like what makes a man become obsessed with a woman so that he can’t think of letting her out of his sight, letting her talk to other people, see friends, go out by herself.”
Maggie felt her pulse begin to race. “What did you come up with?”
“I think it’s about control. A man like that has to control everything and everyone. He can’t stand the thought of someone who is supposed to be loyal to him having anyone else in her life.” He paused. “It’s an interesting subject, don’t you think?”
“It’s kind of frightening, especially for a woman.”
“Would you let a man do that to you? Would you cut your ties with friends and family for him, so that everything you did, said or thought about involved him?”
“No, never. That isn’t love.”
“What if he’s a great guy otherwise? I’m not talking about someone who abuses his wife, just controls her. What if he buys you pretty things and tells you you’re beautiful and says he adores you and can’t bear to share you with anyone? What if he’s incredible in bed, and you’d do just about anything if it meant another night of great sex?”
Maggie nervously waved a hand in front of her face. “It’s hot in here, don’t you think?”
Jeremy grinned. “I’m scaring you, aren’t I? I’m not talking about me, and that was a hypothetical you.”
“I knew that.”
“You are so gullible, Margaret Mary Scott.”
Maggie sighed at the sound of her real name on his lips. She had had no choice but to tell him who she was. She’d needed ID to check in at the airport, and she certainly didn’t have a driver’s license with the name Crystal on it. She’d been rather sorry to see Crystal go. Crystal had had a lot more fun than Maggie usually did. Of course, the way Jeremy was looking at her now told her he had some fun still in mind for Margaret Mary Scott. If she dared.
“I’m not all that into control,” he added. “In fact, sometimes it’s more fun to let a woman take charge.” He touched her thigh with his hand, causing a shiver to run down her spine. “After all, I’m the one following you at this very moment.”
“And why exactly are you following me?”
Jeremy took her hand and squeezed it. “I’m intrigued.”
“And that’s why you’re on a plane to San Francisco with a woman who lied to you about her own name? A woman who thinks her dead husband might still be alive? ”
“Hell yes. I haven’t read a story this good in years, and I haven’t written one lately, either.”
“You think this is a good story?” Maggie asked, not sure if she should be offended, shocked or pleased. It wasn’t a story to her—it was her life.
“I think it’s a great story. But I have to admit that I’m here not just because I can’t wait to see how this turns out. I like you. I’m attracted to you. I’m hoping that at some point you might return those feelings.”
“I already do,” she said candidly. “But I’ve never had a casual affair. I wouldn’t know how. And with the possibility of Keith still being alive, I need to focus on finding Serena and figuring out the truth.”
“I know that.” He smiled again as he patted her leg. “Relax, Maggie. I came along for the ride, because to tell you the truth, I haven’t been able to write in a month. I’m stale, burned out, blocked, whatever you want to call it, and when I found you standing outside Serena’s condo yesterday, I felt like I’d just been hit by a blast of fresh air. I figure a trip to San Francisco with a mysterious woman is just the ticket to get my creative juices flowing again.”
“Well, I hope I can be of help.”
Jeremy reached out and touched the corner of her mouth, and the teasing light in his eyes faded into something more serious.
“What—what are you doing?” she asked.
“You had a pretzel crumb,” he replied in his deep, mesmerizing voice.
“Oh.” She held still while he brushed the corner of her mouth with his finger. “Is it gone?”
“I don’t know. Let me check.” He kissed her first on the corner of her mouth, then trailed his lips across hers in a sensuous, tantalizing manner that made her want so much more.
He stopped as an announcement came over the PA.
“Ladies and gentlemen, the captain has asked that you fasten your seat belts,” the flight attendant said. Maggie couldn’t help but smile. “Boy, they got that right.”
He grinned back at her. “I don’t bother you, do I?”
“Not a bit. I’m cool as a cucumber.” Maggie fastened her seat belt, then looked out the window, trying to catch her breath, to slow her pulse. Jeremy seemed able to turn her on without even trying. She wasn’t used to even thinking about sex. After having been married for so long, she’d pretty much gotten over being attracted to a man every time she sat down next to one.
Today, she felt eighteen again, letting the timbre of Jeremy’s voice draw shivers down her spine, letting the touch of his hand on her thigh turn her stomach inside out, letting the scent of his aftershave direct the course of her breathing. This was foolish, crazy.
She’d slept with Keith for years without feeling a rush simply because his body was close to hers. She’d felt comforted, yes, and when they’d made love, she’d felt excited, eager. But when it was over, her mind had moved on to the laundry, and the bills, and the kids’ schedules.
Now, she could barely remember her kids’ names or why she had gotten on this plane in the first place. She kept thinking about Jeremy, with his long hair, his sexy body, his sensuous voice. She wondered what it would be like to sleep with a stranger, to make love with someone new, to run her hands down a body that was unfamiliar, to have him do things to her she had only imagined.
Good heavens! What was she thinking? She glanced over at him and caught him watching her. “You’re staring at me.”
“I can’t help it. Don’t you like looking at me?”
“Yes. No. I think I’m out of my league here. I told you, it’s been awhile since I’ve gone anywhere with a single attractive male and been…” she sighed, “single myself. I wonder if I’ll ever get used to that idea.”
“You will.”
“Have you ever been married, Jeremy?”
He shook his head. “I’ve managed to escape so far. “”You make it sound terrible. What about children?”
“I never saw myself as a white picket fence kind of guy. And I’ve never had much to do with kids. I was an only child.” He shrugged. “I don’t know. I guess I never thought much about it. I never met the right woman.” He tilted his head as he studied her. “You know, someone who made me want to drop everything and run away with her.”
Maggie’s heart stopped. “If that’s a line, it’s a really good one.”
He laughed. “You don’t have much self-confidence. I wonder why that is.” His smile faded. “Tell me about your husband.”
“Keith? Why—what do you want to know?” “Did he love you as much as you loved him?”
“I thought so.”
“How long were you together?”
“It seemed like forever.”
“Do you really think he would have had an affair with someone like Serena?”
“I’m not sure.” She looked into his eyes. “I haven’t met Serena yet. From what you told me, from what they said in the gym, she’s very beautiful, sexy, fun. I’m sure that must be appealing to a man.”
“You’re all those things.”
“Maybe I wasn’t with Keith,” Maggie said softly, knowing in her heart of hearts that that was one of the things she needed to find out. Had she driven Keith to an affair because she hadn’t been good enough—because she’d let her figure go, her hair, her nails? Had she let him down? Had he been disappointed in her? She had so many questions. She just hoped Serena could answer them.
The plane landed and braked to a stop.
“We’re here,” Jeremy said. “Are you ready?”
“Yes. Where should we go first?”
“Serena usually stays at the Crestmoor Hotel when she’s in San Francisco. She likes all that old rich class.”
“Then let’s go there.”
Jeremy stood up as the passengers began to disembark. Withing a few moments they were standing in the middle of the terminal. As they walked toward the exit, Maggie saw a bank of phones.
“I need to make a call,” she said. “Do you mind?”
“Go ahead.”
Maggie walked over to one of the phones and used her credit card to call home. As she waited for someone to answer, she glanced over at Jeremy. He was watching her again, a small smile on his lips. She would have turned away, but his look made her feel so desirable, so sexy that she hated to let the feeling go.
“Hello?”
Maggie started at the sound of a voice, feeling suddenly guilty as she touched base with her reality, the one she really lived in, not this fantasy world where she was falling in love with a handsome stranger. Not falling in love, she corrected immediately, feeling a touch of panic at the thought.
“Is anyone there?” a voice asked.
“Silvia? Is something wrong? Why are you there? Where is Lisa?”
“She’s with Nick, and everything is fine,” Silvia replied. “Roxy and Dylan took Sally for a walk, and Mary Bea is playing in the bath.”
“So everyone is okay? Mary Bea isn’t missing me terribly?”
“She’s having a good time getting to know her Aunt Lisa, and Nick is great with her. They don’t seem to mind me either.”
“They adore you, Silvia.”
“How are you, Maggie?”
“I’m—fine,” she said simply. “When do you think Lisa will be back? Goodness, did you say she was with Nick?”
Silvia gave a little laugh. “Yes. Isn’t it wonderful? I hope you’re getting lots of rest, Maggie, darling. In fact, it might be good if Lisa had a reason to stay a while longer.”
“Silvia, are you matchmaking?”
“With my stubborn daughter and your equally stubborn brother? You bet.
But they don’t listen to me. I’m just glad they have this opportunity to see if there’s any love left.”
“It’s ironic, really. I could have asked Lisa to come down before, but I never wanted to push her.”
“Everything in its own time, dear. Now, when did you say you’d be back?”
“Tomorrow. I’ll call again later.” Maggie paused as an airport announcement rang through the terminal, making it impossible for her to hear. Finally, it ended.
“Maggie, are you at the airport?” Silvia asked.
“Yes.”
“Should I ask why?”
“No, please don’t. I have to go. Tell the kids I love them, and I miss them, and give each one a big kiss.”
“I will. I hope you find what you’re searching for, Maggie.”
Maggie looked over at Jeremy’s long, lean body and had a feeling she’d found at least part of what she was looking for.
An hour later, Maggie and Jeremy stood in line to register at the Crestmoor Hotel. In a few minutes, it would be their turn, and they would have to get two rooms—or maybe one. Maggie snuck a peek at Jeremy, wondering what he was thinking, wondering what she should do. Should she insist on her own room or take a chance and have a wild fling with a sexy stranger? She had a feeling Jeremy knew how to treat a woman.
But goodness, she’d only known him for two days. He could be into all kinds of kinky things. He might want to tie her to the bed or use handcuffs or … actually, she felt a little excited at the thought, then guilty, then stupid.
This was not some fantasy. This was the real world. Men didn’t drive women to ecstasy with their lovemaking. It just didn’t happen. That was for movies or books where women wore silk underwear that was constantly being ripped from their bodies and men knew how to titillate every part of a female’s body with their hands and their mouth, and …
Oh, dear
, her cheeks were turning red. She could feel the heat.
Thankfully Jeremy was studying the line in front of them, instead of her. He had no idea how unsophisticated she was. She’d been married for almost thirteen years and had made love literally hundreds of times, but always and only with one man. There hadn’t been anyone before Keith and no one after.
She had no idea if what they did was what everyone did. She had no clue if she was good, bad or indifferent in bed. She and Keith had certainly never ripped off each other’s clothes. But the sex had been nice. She’d enjoyed touching him. He’d enjoyed touching her. Was there more? Was she brave enough to find out?
Maybe Jeremy was the perfect candidate for a one-night stand. They lived in different cities. They wouldn’t run into each other again. If it was a total disaster, she’d never have to see him again. If it was the best ever—well, she’d probably still never see him again, because if she knew anything at all, she knew that she was capable of handing him the biggest turnoff in the world—three children.
And that was another thing. How could she hide the stretch marks, the not-so-flat tummy? She wasn’t a model or an actress, the kind of woman he usually dated. What if he was disappointed? She didn’t think she could take his disappointment. It would be safer not to risk it.
“Maggie.”
She turned her head to find him watching her again, and her resolve melted away under the warmth of his eyes. He was so handsome, so appealing. And he kept touching her in little ways, a hand under her arm, against the small of her back. Even now, he brushed a piece of hair away from her eyes. He was so attentive. She could imagine him loving her in just that way.
“Jeremy,” she said huskily.