Out of the Ashes (6 page)

“Yeah,
almost
, thanks to you.”

“You can’t be with her, Logan. You’re only going to hurt her. I get that you’re torn up inside about losing Cara, but how do you think you’ll feel having to lose her all over again? Let her go. Do both of you a favor and walk away.”

“I can’t. Cara is the only thing I have left.”

She places her hands on her hips. “So you’re choosing to be selfish? You’d willingly hurt her so you don’t have to feel this way anymore?”

“I’m not trying to hurt her. I’m trying to remind her that she loves me. That’s not a bad thing.”

“For her it is.”

“Is this about her mother? Because I don’t care about the imprint. That’s not what’s making me feel this way.”

“Yes, it is. If you were—” she pauses and looks around to make sure we’re still alone, “—a Phoenix you’d know that.”

“So that’s it. It’s all about me not being a Phoenix. Not being good enough for Cara.”

Un. Freakin’. Believable.

Chapter Six

Cara

Mom’s waiting at the door when I get home. Her fiery red hair is no match for the anger coloring her face. “Where were you?” She pulls me into the house where the others, minus Linette, who is probably reaming Logan out right now, are standing in a line looking like they’re about to burn the house down.

“I needed some air.”

Mom throws her hands up. “That’s why I offered to take you to the falls.”

Garret steps toward Mom. “You did what?”

She waves him off. “Oh get over it, Garret. She’s my daughter. I’ll decide what’s best for her.”

To my surprise, he lets it go.

“Thanks, Mom.”

“Don’t give me that, Cara. I still want an answer.”

“She was with me,” Linette says, walking in the door behind us with her car keys in hand.

Logan is with her. No way is this going to end well. She saw Logan and me about to kiss and she’s probably here to tell everyone else about it. I should be glad Linette is about to put an end to this imprint, but my eyes plead with her not to say anything.

“Cara needed to get out and I offered to take her to the falls since I couldn’t be here for the meeting.”

Logan’s eyes widen. He’s obviously as shocked as I am that Linette is covering for us.

“You couldn’t be here because of
him
.” Garret motions to Logan. “Yet here you both are.”

“Wait a minute,” Monique says. “Does this mean you, Cara, and Logan were all together? Do you really think that’s a good idea?”

“I don’t,” Mom says. “You know how I feel about this, Linette. I never would’ve agreed to let you watch over Logan if I knew you’d allow him to see Cara behind my back.”

“I know I should’ve talked to you first, but when Cara called me she sounded frantic. You remember how caged up Jeremy felt after his rebirth.”

“Don’t remind me.” Jeremy leaves the interrogation line and flops down on the couch.

“What about Logan?” Monique asks.

Logan waves his hands in the air. “Did you all forget I’m standing right here? I can hear every word you’re saying.”

“Jer, take Logan into the kitchen please,” Mom requests.

Jeremy grumbles, but he gets up.

“No. I’ll take him,” I volunteer.

“Awesome.” Jeremy slumps back down.

Mom glares at me. “Cara, I don’t think it’s a good idea for you and Logan to be alone together.”

“What do you people think I’m going to do to her?” Logan looks back and forth between the group.

I can tell Garret wants to pummel Logan, so I reach for Mom’s hand. “Can I talk to you for a moment?” I pull her toward the kitchen. The breakfast dishes are still in the sink, which means the meeting must have gotten intense. Mom doesn’t strike me as the type to let a mess pile up.

“What is it, Cara? We need to figure this all out, and—”

“Something happened,” I blurt out. “When I was talking to Logan at the falls, he said I kept saying things that I said to him in my first life. That has to mean something, doesn’t it? Like maybe on some level I’m remembering things?”

She sighs and turns on the faucet. She scrubs a plate, rinses it, and hands it to me to dry. I guess we’re doing the dishes. “I don’t want you to get your hopes up. Being around Logan is going to make everything harder for you both.”

Even though I don’t remember things, being near Logan does make me feel somehow connected to my past life. And after he told me about his mom, I
did
want to kiss him. Of course I can’t tell Mom about that. She’d freak out.

“Maybe not. I feel different around him. He said he’s not trying to make me remember as much as he wants me to see that we belong together.”

Mom drops the dish, letting it clatter against the bottom of the sink. “We’ve discussed this already. He’s not a Phoenix. You can’t be with him.”

“I’m not saying I want to be with him. I don’t know what I want. I think that getting back to my old life might be the best thing for me. And Logan’s part of that life.”

A big part if he really had been my first. God, I can’t believe I had sex and I don’t remember it.

“You’re going to hurt him. You know that.”

“I’m going to tell him that I can’t be his girlfriend.”

Mom sighs with relief.

“But I do want to be his friend. He was important to me, and I think he should be in my life. I mean, if I stop seeing him all together, what will I tell people? It will look suspicious.”

Garret steps into the kitchen.

“No, it won’t.”

“Were you eavesdropping?” Mom flings the sponge into the sink, clearly annoyed.

“This concerns all of us, so I have a right to know what’s being said. Cara, the best course of action is to tell everyone that the accident in the chemistry lab gave you amnesia. That way, you won’t have to worry about not remembering your friends.” He pauses, his gaze never leaving mine. “Or not being Logan’s girlfriend anymore.”

Amnesia is the closest to the truth, so I can see how he got the idea. Maybe it would work. “Does Logan know?”

“Of course not.” Garret crosses his arms. “I’m not allowing him to be in on all of our decisions. He’s not one of us.”

“Yes, you’ve made that clear.” Mom glares at Garret and then places a hand on my shoulder. “What do you think? It sounds like a good plan to me.”

I nod. “It does, but I have one problem.”

“You can’t date him, Cara.” Garret’s voice is firm, fatherly. But he’s not my dad. My dad is dead, thanks to a Hunter.

I stand up straight. “I have to be the one to tell Logan what’s going to happen. I owe him that much.” I look at Mom, knowing she’s not going to like this next part. “And I want to tell him alone, without a bunch of Phoenix eyes staring at us.”

“Cara—”

I raise my hand. “No. I’m agreeing to go along with this plan, to stop being Logan’s girlfriend, but I insist that you let me tell him.”

Mom nods. “Okay.”

“What?” Garret lowers his arms. “You can’t—”

“Last time I checked, my husband’s name is Phil. You don’t get a say in this, Garret.” Mom pushes past him and marches out of the room.

Garret stares at me for a moment without saying a word. Then he steps toward me, pointing in my face. “Understand that what you do affects us all. You may have taken down a Hunter during your rebirth, but there are more out there. And since we have the dagger now, they’re going to come for us to get it back.”

I understand that all too well. Thanks to me, the one weapon the Hunters seek out is in our possession for the first time ever. “I’m only asking to talk to him, Garret. I don’t see how that will bring a Hunter to our doorstep.”

“That’s because you don’t have a lot of experience with Hunters.” He turns on his heel and walks out of the kitchen.

My hands are shaking and my throat feels like it’s going to close. My body temperature rises, and even though I can control it now, I don’t want to. I need to burn off some steam. I get up and walk to the fireplace in the living room. Placing both hands on top of the log, I allow flames to erupt from my fingers. It’s too hot for a fire, but at least this way I won’t burn down the house. I let go for a moment and a burst of fire shoots into the ashes. Feeling better, I exhale and smother the fire before anyone notices smoke coming from our chimney.

Monique pats my shoulder as I walk by her. “It will get easier.”

I walk over to Logan, who smiles as I approach. “I need to talk to you. Alone.” I address Mom, fully aware that she’s not going to like what I’m about to suggest. “We’ll be in my room.”

“With the door wide open,” Garret says.

I glare at him and motion for Logan to lead the way. I can feel the eyes on us as we head upstairs, and I’m relieved when we turn the corner and enter my room. Logan steps aside and closes the door behind us.

“Are you trying to get Garret to break down the door?”

He steps toward me, and my walls immediately go up. He thinks we’re going to pick up where we left off at the falls. “Logan, no.”

“What?”

“We can’t.”

He exhales hard and runs a hand through his hair. “She always gets to you. It was no different before either. Why does she have to try to drive a wedge between us?”

“It’s not her.”

“Oh really? Because at the falls, you were about to kiss me. If I hadn’t been taking it so slow, you would have.”

“You’re right. I would have, but it would’ve been a mistake.”

“How can you say that? What makes you so sure that this is wrong?” He takes my hands in his. “Nothing about this feels wrong to me.”

“They’re going to tell everyone that I have amnesia from the accident.”

“Let me guess. That was Garret’s idea, right? It’s his plan to keep you away from me.” Logan forces a laugh. “Rather ironic story, since it’s mostly true.”

“I don’t know whose idea it was. I wasn’t here for the meeting.”

“Because you were with me, where you’re supposed to be.” He steps into me and breathes deeply. “God, I love the way you smell.”

I turn my head to the side, not wanting to focus on any of my Phoenix traits right now. If I were human, none of this would be happening. “We have to go along with this. It’s the only good explanation for why I can’t remember my friends.”

Logan gently turns my head back toward his. “So I’m supposed to be the boyfriend who patiently waits for his girlfriend to recover from amnesia?”

“No.”

“Then what?” He wrinkles his brow. “Are they planning to send me away or something? I don’t want that. Home is with you, Cara.”

No. Stop saying such sweet things.
My heart can’t take this.

“Logan, please.” I close my eyes to keep from seeing his face and the way he’s looking at me. He loves me, yet all I feel for him is…I don’t even know what it is. Guilt? Heartache? “We have to break up.”

“How do you expect to remember anything, remember us, if we break up?”

I open my eyes, and with the way he’s looking at me, I’m afraid he’s going to grab me and never let go.

“God, I sound like such a pussy. Don’t do this to me, Cara. I promise I’ll take it slow. I won’t even kiss you until you kiss me first. I’ll do whatever you want, but don’t leave me.”

I can’t stand the way he’s hurting. I’m afraid of what he might do if I push him away completely.

“I want us to be friends.”

Logan looks down at the ground. “If you were anyone else, I would…Why did Linette have to show up when she did?”

I can’t help thinking Linette’s timing had something to do with fate. Logan and I can’t be together, and the universe was letting me know that.

“Are you saying you don’t want to be my friend? Because I’ll understand if it’s too hard. If you want to walk away.”

He steps toward the door and for a moment I think he’s going to leave, but he stops. “I won’t give up on us. You want a friend? Fine, but understand that it won’t end there. I can’t hide my feelings for you. I won’t act on them, but I won’t hide them either. And sooner or later, you’ll realize you feel the same way about me.” His eyes linger on mine before he walks out of my room.

I go to the window and watch him and Linette get in her car and drive away. My heart sinks in my chest, and I have no idea what it means.

Chapter Seven

Cara

“So you don’t remember anything? Nothing at all?” Rachel curls her legs up under her on my bed.

“Sorry.” I fidget with my pillow, waiting for her to give me an earful about how I forgot my own best friend.

“Whatever. How can you apologize for something that’s not even your fault?” She reaches for my hand. “Besides, I’m too damn lovable for you not to see why I’m your best friend.”

She smiles, and I smile back. It’s obvious why Mom likes her so much, and why Jeremy is totally crushing on her. He’s already found excuses for barging into my room three times. Rachel’s not complaining either.

“So, if you’ve forgotten everything, then I guess that means I can get a green light to date your brother, right?”

Did I stop them from dating before? “Um, sure. He’s obviously into you, and you’re my best friend, so why not?” She’s not a Phoenix so things wouldn’t work out long-term for her and Jeremy, but I don’t think either one of them is interested in anything serious right now anyway.

She pulls me into a hug, which is almost as odd as being hugged by a stranger. “This amnesia thing does have its perks.” She lets go and claps her hands together. “Oh my God! I just realized that you can fall for Logan all over again.”

I look away. “Yeah, about Logan. We sort of broke up.”

“What? Tell me he didn’t dump you because of this. I’ll kick his ass right back to New York!”

“
I
ended it. It’s too hard to be with him when I can’t remember…”

“That you love him?”

I nod.

She nudges me with her foot. “I bet sleeping with him would jog your memory.”

“Sleep with a guy I don’t remember?”

She shrugs. “He’s friggin’ hot, Cara. You’re lucky you saw him before I did.”

“I thought you were into Jeremy.” Is this why I didn’t want her dating Jer? “You’re not going to corrupt my brother, are you? Because he’s younger than us, you know.”

“Oh, don’t start that again.” She rolls her eyes. “Figures you’d remember
that
of all things.”

Jeremy knocks on my open door.

“Well, hello again.” Rachel flashes him a smile.

Jeremy completely ignores me and walks over to Rachel. “I was about to put in a movie if you want to come watch with me.”

Stealing my best friend? Nice, Jer.
Rachel looks at me for approval.

“Whatever,” I say. “Don’t let me stop you.”

She squeezes my hand in what I’m assuming is a thank-you. “Lead the way, Jer.”

Jeremy gives Rachel a hand, helping her off my bed.

“Hey, didn’t you need something?” I ask him.

“You know, I can’t remember what it was.” He winks at me and leads Rachel out of the room. She gives me a quick wave.

Maybe giving her the green light wasn’t such a great idea. I grab my phone from the nightstand, though I’m not sure why. I don’t have anyone I want to call. According to my memory book, I’m friends with someone named Rob, but I forgot to ask Rachel about him and I have enough guy drama in my life already. Calling Logan is probably not a good idea. He left in a hurry yesterday, and I haven’t heard from him since. The thought of hanging out with Mom and talking about more Phoenix stuff isn’t appealing at all, and no way am I watching Jeremy and Rachel grope each other all through a movie. I sigh and press three on my speed dial.

“You shouldn’t be calling him, Cara.”

I pull the phone away at the sound of Garret’s voice. Sure enough, the display shows a picture of Logan and me kissing.

“You still have Logan’s phone?”

“Yes.”

“Why? I thought he was new to Ashlan Falls. Who is he going to call?”

“He has friends back home. Someone named Anton sure calls him a lot.”

“And you think Logan is going to spill all our secrets to that guy?”

“You’re too trusting.” Garret clears his throat. “Listen, I need you to tell your mom and Jeremy that we have to call an emergency meeting tonight.”

Another meeting? Seriously? I stifle a monster-sized groan and say, “What for?”

“I heard over the police scanner that there was another stabbing not too far from here. We’ve been operating under the assumption that there was only one Phoenix dagger, but it looks like we were wrong. There are definitely at least two.”

Crap. I have enough going on right now. I don’t want to have to worry about Hunters on top of it.

“That’s not even the worst part.”

“You’ve created enough suspense. Tell me already.”

“The Hunters are on to us.”

“How do you know?”

“Because according to what I heard on the scanner, they left a note on the victim. A note with your name on it, Cara.”

A personalized note from the Hunters? I can’t even form words right now.

“I shouldn’t have told you that over the phone. I’m sorry.”

Garret hasn’t been the type to apologize lately, not with all this Hunter business. That means things are worse than I thought. Somehow the Hunters got my name. They’re coming for me.

“I should go,” I manage to say.

“Cara, tell your mom I’ll be there soon with the others. We’ll figure this out, but you should stay put for now. No going to the falls, and no trying to contact Logan. Stay home. Got it?” For once his voice isn’t all authoritative. It’s laced with concern, and that freaks me the hell out.

I hang up because I can’t promise to sit here after what he told me. If the Hunters know about me, they could very well know where I live. I’ll be damned if they’re going to get me in my own house. What if they come here looking for me and find Jeremy instead? Mom’s at work, so she should be safe, at least for now.

I scramble out of bed, phone still in my hand, and race downstairs. I knock on Jeremy’s door. He’s playing the guitar, really poorly too. I knock again, louder this time. The music stops, and Jeremy’s footsteps sound on the stairs. I still don’t know what to tell him or how to get him out of the house.

He opens the door and looks me over. “Hey.”

“Want to get some fresh air?”

He motions behind him and lowers his voice. “I’m kind of busy. Rachel thinks it’s hot that I play guitar. Mom said I was pretty good in my first life, but I—”

“Suck in this one?”

He shoves his hands in his pockets. “You’re lucky you get to tell people you have amnesia. You don’t have to worry about playing catch-up with your first life.”

Yeah, I’m so lucky that I have Hunters on my trail.
“I was going to go for a walk, but I thought maybe you could come with me. Show me where things are.”

He exhales long and hard, not masking his disappointment. “Sure. You did the same for me, so I guess I owe you. Just let me say good-bye to Rachel.”

It feels like forever before Jeremy and Rachel emerge from the basement, which means there was a good-bye groping or two. I give her a wave, and she returns it with a wink before she leaves, telling Jeremy she’ll take a rain check on the movie.

Jeremy motions for me to lead the way. “You hungry? We could go to Monique’s.”

I don’t want to be anywhere near the other Phoenixes right now. If I’m a target, everyone around me is at risk. The only reason I’m going out with Jeremy is to get him out of the house, because it’s probably the first place a Hunter would look, but he’s still in danger just being with me.

“I’m not that hungry.” Jeremy’s face drops, and he rubs his stomach. “Maybe after we walk for a while I’ll work up an appetite.”

He leads the way, pointing out everything we pass. I’m not really listening. I know I should so I can get around town on my own, though I can’t help thinking that if the Hunters know about me, they know about Logan. He was with me when I went through my rebirth, when I killed Nick. Nick has to be the one who told the other Hunters about me, and he knew Logan and I were together. I’ve become a liability to everyone, and I have no clue how to protect them.

Jeremy slows to a stop, making me look up for the first time since we left the house. “Oh great.”

Logan is walking toward us with Linette in tow. He must hate having a constant chaperone. His eyes light up when he sees me, and my chest tightens. I can see the hopeful look on his face, like one of these days I’m going to see him and remember everything. It pains me to even think about it.

“Where are you two off to?” Linette asks us.

“Out for a walk,” Jeremy says. “Then we’re hitting Monique’s for some food.”

“We were on our way there if you’d like to join us.” Linette looks at me, and I can tell she thinks she’s doing me a favor by allowing me time with Logan. After our conversation last night, I’m not sure my plan to be his friend is a good idea after all.

“What do you say, Cara?” Logan’s eyes plead with me.

Jeremy’s stomach growls, and he pats it with a smile. “You’re outvoted, sis. We’re all hungry.” He drapes his arm across my shoulders and turns me in the direction of the café.

“You know, I’m not feeling well,” I say. “I think I’m going to head home and lie down.”

“Come on, Cara,” Jeremy grumbles. “I’m starving.”

Linette sighs. “Jeremy, you go eat with Logan and I’ll take Cara home.”

Logan holds his hand up. “I’ll take Cara home. I mean, we’re friends, right? Friends walk each other home.”

Linette shakes her head. “I don’t know, Logan. Garret wouldn’t like this.”

“Garret said I needed to be under constant Phoenix supervision. He didn’t say by which Phoenix. Cara’s one of you, so it should be perfectly acceptable.”

“You know that isn’t true,” Jeremy says, leveling Logan with a glare.

“Logan’s right,” I say, surprising everyone, myself included. All eyes fall on me. I’m taking a big risk, but I can’t hide from Logan. I need to do something about our relationship, set him straight before this gets any worse. “We’re friends. There’s no reason why he can’t walk me home. Linette, you can pick him up after you and Jeremy finish eating.”

Linette steps toward me and takes my hand. “Honey, are you sure about this? Don’t put yourself in a situation you can’t handle.”

“I can handle Logan. He cares too much about me to hurt me.”

“I wasn’t talking about him hurting you.” She gives me a knowing look, and my mind goes back to the almost kiss at the falls.

“It’ll be fine. I promise.” I’m not sure if I’m trying to convince Linette or myself.

She purses her lips, clearly not liking this idea at all.

I motion for Logan to follow me, which he does without hesitation. I can feel Linette and Jeremy’s eyes on us until we turn the corner.

Logan bumps his shoulder into mine. “Thanks for fighting for us.”

“It’s not like that.”

“Then what is it like?” He reaches for my hand, and before I have time to stop him, his fingers are laced through mine.

“Don’t.”

“Don’t what, Cara? Care about you? You can’t ask me to do that.”

“Friends don’t hold hands walking down the street.” I don’t remove my hand from his. My body is defying my words.

“No, they don’t. You can tell yourself we’re just friends, but you know it isn’t true. You feel something when we’re together. I can tell.”

I do, but I have no clue what it is. My emotions are such a mess, and I can’t sort through them. “We have to keep things platonic, or this isn’t going to work.”

“Are you saying you’ll pawn me off on Linette or one of the others?” He stops and tugs my hand so I stop too.

“While I know this whole thing sucks, we can’t change it. I hate that I’m hurting you by not remembering what we had, but I can’t force those memories to return.”

“You don’t know that.” He steps into me, and the warmth of his body calls out to me. “You feel that too. I know you do. Why are you fighting it?”

Because everyone close to me is at risk of dying. Because falling for Logan means ending up like my mom, heartbroken and alone in the end. Because being this close to Logan makes my Phoenix abilities come screaming to the surface.

“The problem is you’re trying to remember here—” he touches the side of my head, “—when you should be remembering here.” He lowers his hand to my chest, right above my heart. My pulse quickens in response to his touch. “Part of you remembers me. If you focused on that, we could be together like we were before.”

“Copping a feel in public, Logan?” Rachel’s voice shatters the moment. Logan removes his hand, and I can breathe normally again.

“Your timing really sucks.” Logan clenches his jaw, his whole body going rigid with anger.

“Sorry. I didn’t want you corrupting our girl here in front of the whole town.” Rachel reaches for my arm. “How are you doing? Remember anything yet?”