Authors: H. G. Adler
Josef hasn’t said a word, although he has tried to more than once, but Rumpler had only continued to indicate that he shouldn’t be interrupted, his time is valuable, so he can’t stop to listen to what others want to say to him, everyone wanting to talk to him, and where would he be then? Rumpler opens the door to the neighboring office, a tiny little room with two desks facing each other, on top of each an immense flood of disorganized newspapers, prospectuses, letters, baskets for records and files, parts of it all covered in a thick layer of dust, a couple of chairs there, as well as a door leading to the main administration office and the foyer. Dr. Horn sits in the little room, Rumpler’s secretary, to whom Rumpler introduces Josef, saying, “I’m pleased to present a newly minted little doctor. You know, my dear Horn, that I need to take precautions, and the little doctor is gifted, the best recommendations, important ones, and I’ve seldom seen such talent, although of course somewhat inexperienced and green. I’ll be counting on you, my dear Horn, to whip him into shape. You’ll no doubt know, even though I don’t yet, how the little doctor can be of help to us. What’s your name again? Ah yes, Kramer, that’s a memorable name. And so, my dear Horn, why don’t you see what you can do, you never seem to be able to finish all your work, and maybe he can be of help to you. And you, little doctor, you must gather your wits and never forget that everything depends on trust, everything that happens is between us. Culture is a secret treasure that must be well managed, indeed, but you, my dear Horn, shouldn’t smoke so
much! Your voice has gotten husky again. Well then, shake hands, gentlemen, quickly, quickly! I don’t have time! Come along, Doctor. Horn, drop in a bit later, we have lots to talk about. Doctor, did you hear me? Everyone here has to pitch in.”
Rumpler pushes open the door to the main office. “I can’t introduce you to everyone. Dash it all, you’ll have to do that yourself. Ladies and gentlemen, I have here some help for you, a doctor. Now tell me your name again, I can’t remember them all, Kramer, so this is Dr. Kramer, who will start tomorrow. Make sure that there’s a spot for him. Everything of course is taken, each new addition an extra wheel on the wagon. Each has to elbow his way in and stake out his spot in the sun.” The office is large, yet overfull, writing desks, other tables, some typewriters, a duplication machine, an area for the municipal and the house telephones, shelves on the walls with letter files, countless folders, forms, office supplies, and papers, all of it neglected and covered in dust, as if nothing had been put in order here for years, the tables so close together as to allow only small passageways in between, which you have to snake along in order to get to the workstations or the windows, pots, coffee cups, packets of food and leftovers lying all around. At least two men and three women seem to be busy working, but soon other employees appear, and Rumpler looks proud of the office. “Look, little doctor, this is my Reich. Everyone is diligent and loves their work. There isn’t a single idle hand, everything runs like clockwork, each knowing his or her job and never wasting a free minute, this the center of the humanist spirit, and I am the father, I am the heart and soul!” Rumpler moves from workplace to workplace, his face serious as he asks each what he is doing. “Look, Doctor, it’s a work collective. Dash it all, if only I didn’t have to keep it all straight inside my head!”
Rumpler leads Josef into the next room, which is the business office, it looking similar to the main office, though a bit more tidy, there being a safe visible and some cabinets, the bookkeeper, the cashier, and an assistant working at three desks. Rumpler walks over to the cashier and wants to know what she is doing. Right now she is tallying the take from yesterday’s lecture. “Fräulein Auer, that’s taking much too long. Who reviews your numbers? Who tallies that? You don’t seem to realize that it’s not work meant for you. Who is there to correct any mistakes in your addition? It’s
just not right! Why should I just accept it as is?” Rumpler then turns to the bookkeeper. “Herr Krupka, you never do your job like you should. You are always behind on the books, what kind of accounting is that? Dash it all, if you don’t know what Fräulein Auer is doing, Herr Krupka! You need to immediately review Fräulein Auer’s receipts. There’s no supervision involved if you review it side by side, because then you’re all in it together. I will have to speak with Dr. Horn. Tomorrow I want to see a report for the current month, including tickets sold, the revenues, the classes of tickets, the courses, the cinema, the radio. Tell Dr. Horn, and please make a note of it, Herr Krupka. You never have a notepad at hand when I’m here. Fräulein Auer, take a note, a staff meeting for tomorrow, detailed reports for the current month, make sure to remind me about it! As you see, Doctor, I have to be everywhere. Fräulein, get a pad from Herr Krupka. What, you have no notepads, Herr Krupka? We got some new ones just last week, but they’re all gone already? Well, Fräulein Grenadier has some, this I know. Talk to Fräulein Grenadier in order to get a notepad. Take pride, my good man, I can’t always show up in accounting and help you, you have to take care of things yourself. If you’d like, after I get done with the radio at eleven we could tally up everything together. What’s that, Fräulein Auer, unfortunately you’re busy? No, don’t tell me, you have a new admirer? Heh-heh, an admirer! Then I guess we’ll soon have to look for a new cashier. What’s that, Doctor, you’d very much like to be the cashier? It’s a good job, full of responsibility, a great deal actually, but the work is not hard, no stenography, no typewriters, only the receipts need to add up, a little bit of adding is all that’s needed. So you don’t want to? What am I supposed to do with you? This is what is sent to me on recommendation! Well then, come along, come along!”
Rumpler suddenly dashes out of the business office, Josef following him into his office, where the Professor throws himself into his desk chair and motions for Josef to sit as well, as Rumpler holds his head in his hands and the telephone rings. “But Fräulein Grenadier, you can’t just send anyone off the street in to see me, I’m not in, I’m wherever you want to say I am. Ridiculous! I’m not available for just any editor. What? It’s something important? There’s nothing important, I’m just overwhelmed. Tell him to call back at seven, or tomorrow. That’s time enough. Dash it all, I already know
how important it is and that I need to talk about it on the radio. Adieu, adieu!” Rumpler slams the phone down. “Now you see, Doctor, how much I am harassed. Everyone wants to use me! They climb the heights of humankind without impunity. I’m supposed to take care of everyone, and that’s the way it goes each day, I have to bend over backward continually! Look, here I have some perfume, some herbal drops, which the doctor prescribed. I have a sore throat, I’m always hoarse, I’m too nervous, I really need a rest! Next month is the earliest I can go to Switzerland, on business, of course, for there’s something I have to do in Switzerland, that blessed land still full of humanity and freedom like in
William Tell
, though Zurich exhausts me. Dash it all, how I have to run around there, and they also want me in Basel and Bern. At least I’ll be able to get to Interlaken over the weekend in order relax a bit, but then I have to be back here, otherwise everyone will be pulling their hair out, and I have to handle everything and keep the peace. But off with you, little doctor, at least you’ve gotten a whiff of what goes on here, so goodbye, and give it your all! Yes, take it all down, you don’t know anything yet! Well then, until tomorrow, when we’ll see each other again, and you can start to write it all down.”
Josef bows lightly and wants to head through the door into the foyer, but Rumpler takes a stack of papers and says, “Take these to Herr Krupka, he needs to have a look at them. No one knows what to make of them, but he’ll know. He should be ready to report back at the staff meeting tomorrow. Note it, Doctor, note it, you’ll never remember it all. You need to write it down! Where would we be if we never wrote things down? You just need to head over there, even if Herr Krupka is not there when he should be there, or he’s settling accounts with someone, and before you know it the appointment with me is indeed forgotten. Or you tell someone else, who then forgets to arrange for it to happen. But then you have paper and a fountain pen, although it doesn’t write because you’ve no ink at home, and you’ve forgotten your pencil as well. Then here, take a pencil. What’s that, it doesn’t write? Aha, no point, then get a pencil and a sharpener from Fräulein Grenadier! I want to help you, Doctor. Make sure to come to me if you need anything, or if you hear something, sense something, even if it’s something small and particular, and make sure to write it all down! Well then, off with you now, go and tell Dr. Horn that I need to see him, he should stop in!”
Josef opens the door to the secretary’s office as if entering a dream, weighted down with papers for Herr Krupka, stammering a goodbye as he leaves, though the Professor is no longer concerned with Josef, who simply wants to close the door, which slips from his hands and slams behind him. Josef sees Dr. Horn, who lights a cigarette with a still glowing butt. “Herr Doctor, the Professor would like to see you.” Dr. Horn doesn’t take his cigarette out of his mouth, casts a scornful look at Josef, and says through his teeth, “I’m still hard at work, young man!” Josef steps farther into the office and encounters glances that are part mistrustful and part ironic, as someone asks him where he’s headed with the stack of papers. The Professor gave him these to bring to Herr Krupka. “That’s fine. Just head on in, Herr Krupka will be pleased.” Josef enters the business office, Fräulein Auer is still bent over her receipts, though she really isn’t paying attention to them, but instead lights a cigarette that she then unconsciously lays on the table, which already has plenty of burn marks, as Fräulein Auer sits with a bottle of nail polish in front of her and paints her nails. “So you want to work with us? Great idea! Are you related to Rumpler?” Josef says no. “Well then, I didn’t mean anything by it. It’s nice here. You’ll see. Do you need something from me? You can see that I’m busy. I can take down your information first thing tomorrow.”—“No, Fräulein, the Professor asked me to bring these papers to Herr Krupka.”—“Then bring them over!” Krupka, who has just taken a bite out of a sausage sandwich, calls to Josef, “What a lovely heap. What am I supposed to do with it? What did the old man say?”—“Herr Krupka, I’m afraid I don’t know. Professor Rumpler said so much, I can’t quite remember it all. Something to do with having a look at these and a staff meeting tomorrow.”—“Well, thanks then. When are you gonna start?”—“Tomorrow.”—“Aready tom’w? You’re in quite a hurry to join our cultural bordello! Well, I wish you a lot of luck. The old man seems to like you. He never took a new guy on a tour of the office before.” Josef has nothing else to say, so he takes his leave of Krupka and Fräulein Auer, though she tells him that she has only one cigarette left and is wondering if she could borrow three from the Herr Doctor, she’ll return them tomorrow, though Josef has none on him. Then Fräulein Auer complains that she won’t be able to smoke anymore today, for she had lent some cigarettes to Dr. Horn, who either gives them back too late or not at all, and tonight she has evening
duty, so Josef should do her the pleasure of going to Frau Lawetzer and seeing if she can send over a couple. Josef doesn’t know who Frau Lawetzer is. That’s the woman in the ticket office in the vestibule, and all Josef needs to do is head over and say that Fräulein Auer sent him.
Josef goes down to the ticket office, but Frau Lawetzer is on the telephone taking a ticket order, two people also standing there waiting. Frau Lawetzer has tickets for the cinema and other tasks in front of her, and she’s nervous, saying that she can’t take an order by telephone right now, there’s a long line of people waiting and she has to take care of them. “What, you want tickets for next Wednesday? There’s plenty of time! Why are you ordering them already today? I don’t even have the tickets for then yet, ’cause the tickets for next week come on Friday.” She cannot take an order that far ahead, she’s sorry, she has to hang up now, goodbye. Then she takes care of a man who wants two tickets for the cinema that evening, but good seats in the middle, he asking if the film is a good one, for he had heard it was miserable, though all he knows is this is where his wife wants him to take her tonight. Frau Lawetzer says she has good tickets in the middle, but they are the last, and the film is certainly not miserable, for Herr Klinger books only good films. Then the man asks who Herr Klinger is, and she says that’s the man who orders the films for us. And is he not capable of making a bad choice? Why would he book a bad movie when there are good ones, though Frau Lawetzer has not seen the film herself, she hardly ever goes to the cinema, because she doesn’t like how the movie flickers. The woman standing behind the man then begins to ask about tickets, but Frau Lawetzer says, “I get dizzy so easily.” The woman says that she can’t stand around forever, they should get on with it, but then the man says that he doesn’t want to buy a bill of goods, so if he’s going to go to the Bio the film must be reputable. The woman says she has absolutely no more time, for her time has been taken up already, she is due to play bridge at the Café Conti, she’s needed as a fourth. Then Frau Lawetzer declares that the man should decide, but he has to think it over some more, so he lets the woman go first, he needs to look at the seating plan more closely, he asking the cashier for the seat numbers as he stands to the side and buries himself in the seating plan, the woman stepping up, but then the telephone rings again, Frau Lawetzer making a face as she says, “You see, my dear madame, they are always after
me, and for this I’m hardly paid anything!” She has nothing but hassle, she should have quit long ago, except that she needs the work so badly, but the woman says that she should pick up the receiver, the ringing of the telephone is enough to do anyone in, so the cashier picks up the receiver and says, “Hello, Frau Lawetzer here.” This time it’s the in-house telephone, it soon becoming clear that Fräulein Auer is on the other end, as the cashier states that she can’t be disturbed right now, her hands are completely full, well then, fine, the Fräulein should come down and help her if she believes that working the ticket booth is such a piece of cake, Frau Lawetzer would be just as pleased to loll around upstairs, reading newspapers and gabbing away. What? Cigarettes? A new employee? No, no one had spoken to her, there must be a mistake, but then Josef calls out that he’s the new employee, and Frau Lawetzer says into the telephone, “Leave me be until I have time to speak with the new employee.”