Part of Me (Jessa & Paxton #1) (27 page)

“Relax, man. We were at the
lawyer’s office. She was all the way across the table. And I don’t think you need to be worrying about Jessa – that girl can take care of herself.”

“I don’t understand. Have you guys been scheming behind my back? And how the hell did you convince Rachel to let this shit go?”

“You wouldn’t let anyone help you, man. Your two weeks were almost up and we weren’t gonna let you watch her take your dad’s house away from him,” Billy tells me.

“This is all a little fucking strange seeing how I never talked to one of you about that shit.”

“Exactly,” Billy says, his eyes burrowing into mine.

I shake my head. “I need someone to explain. Now.”

“It was no big deal,” Louis says, “Once we had the money, Jessa called the number on that letter you got and set up an appointment.”

“No… no, no, no. Got the money? Who got the money?”

“All of us,” Jimmy answers for the group. “We owe you, Pax. And don’t worry about it ‘cause you’re paying us back eventually.”

“Which will happen in less than two weeks. Clarence agreed to the fifteen. Pax is gonna make a hundred grand on the
gig alone,” Billy tells the guys.

“No
shit, huh?” Louis says, slapping Billy across the hand.

“
Pax
is gonna make a hundred grand? I’m not taking all that money. I’m not a charity case.”

“Who are you trying to kid? Those people are coming to see you, we’re just gonna be up on stage with you. And that’s all we want, we just want to play
again. You’re doing us a favor and we’re doing you one too. And Jessa… I’m sure you can figure out how to return that favor on your own.”

“Wait… what? She
put up her cash? What the hell? How could you let her do that? It’s her fucking education.”

“Pax, calm down. She’ll have her money back in a couple of weeks after
you
get paid for the show.”

I look down at the papers. The signed and dated papers that release me and Gabriel from that life. For good. Forever. I look back at the guys who don’t look anything but happy for putting up all their money for my ass. “Shit,” I mutter. “I can’t believe you assholes did this for me.”

When I head into our room I find Paxton on our bed, playing his guitar. He’s lost in his thoughts and doesn’t notice me in the doorway so I stop and listen to his guitar for a moment. It’s so beautiful and sad. When I can no longer stay away I go and sit at the end of the bed. He gives me a crooked smile as his fingers slow to a stop and he puts his guitar down. “What’s up, beso?” he asks me. His voice sounds melancholy. He’s got a lot of shit running through his head.

Vi sent me a text while I was in class letting me know that the guys talked to Pax and that he was cool with what we had all done behind his back. But I’m pretty sure he’s going to be upset with
me
. We’re not supposed to do things behind each other’s back. I knew though, that if I told him, he would never let it happen. And it needed to happen. I don’t want Paxton hurting anymore and watching his dad get hurt by Rachel would break his heart. And watching him still suffering at the hands of that woman was breaking my heart. “Why are you so far away from me?”

“Just waiting to see how bad your reaction’s gonna be.”

“I don’t like that you gave your college money to that woman. I don’t like that you had to see her again and that I wasn’t there with you, but I’m gonna let all of that slide, as soon as you get those clothes off and get under the sheets with me.”

I
stand and strip off all my clothes before climbing into bed with him, laying on my side so I can look in his eyes. “It was pretty fun, actually. The first thing Donald, Rachel’s lawyer, did was tell us he was disappointed you hadn’t made it to the appointment because his son is a huge fan and he wanted to tell him he had met you. Rachel brought the whole Dixon army with her and the looks on their faces was priceless. And I mean, she was sitting across from four people, who were holding checks from six people, who love you enough to put up every dime they have for you. What twenty year old has friends that love them like that? And plus, after I had the papers safely in my hands I got to tell those people exactly what I thought about them. I wish you would have been there, it should have been you telling them off, because I swear to God, Paxton, it felt so good.”

He laughs a
nd runs his thumb over my cheek. “How the hell did I convince you to give yourself over to me? What the hell did I do to deserve you?”

“Are you being sarcastic?”

“What? Hell, no. I’m serious - how the hell are you mine?”

“Is this a ploy to get me to admit how perfect you are? Because I really don’t think you need your ego boosted. I’m
pretty sure you know how desirable you are without me telling you.”

“You think I’m
perfect
? Jesus, beso, you got it bad.”

I push my hand into his
chest but I can’t hold back my smile. “I’m not gonna get suckered into responding to that.”

He smiles back at me, then gives me a nice, long kiss before pulling out of my mouth and looking into my eyes. “We scored the gig so I’m gonna get that money back in your bank before the month is up. Thank you, beso, for doing that for me.”

“I’d do anything for you, Pax.
I was thinking… I can put things on hold for a while… college can wait. I don’t have to go to school here. I don’t like this city anymore and I don’t think it’s healthy for you to be here. I think we should go home to your dad and to Venice.”

He lets out a long breath. “Tempting. That thought is so temptin
g. But I’ve been thinking too. You’re right - this city is such a bitch. Everything I hate is here. Every bad memory I have took place here.”

“Let’s go then, Pax. There’s nothing stopping us.”

“The thing is, beso, part of my heart and a lot of my soul is here. I left it when I let my life take me away from something that is part of me. But I want to be able to take it with me when I go. I don’t want to leave that much of myself behind. I need to make peace with my past before I go. If we leave, I need to leave here the right way.”

“We’re not going back to that house, Pax. There is no making peace in that house.”

“You’re right. There’s not. All I’ve ever wanted was to be able to take every piece of that woman out of my life. But that was never an option. Even when I went home to Venice she was still holding onto me and Gabriel by our balls. But thanks to you and thanks to that great set of friends we got, she’s not anymore. I’m finally free of her and I just want to forget. That part of my life is over. But my life here, in this city… there are a few loose ends blowing around.

“
I didn’t want to start playing again. Which is stupid. Before I let all that other shit cloud my brain and fuck up my body, I loved it. Until I met you, nothing had ever made me happier. And I owe it to the guys, those guys who just saved my ass. I want to do it again. The right way. I need the money, but I need the closure too. If you will do it with me, before we leave, I need to do this last thing. For a while.”

“Are you sure?
” I ask, thinking if I were him I would want to run as far away from his past as possible. And I know he wants to get back to California- to his dad, his family and his friends. But he’s got a pretty great family here too – not the literal one, obviously, but the other people here who actually love him and care about him.

“
Yeah, I am. But I need something from you, beso.”

“What?” I ask, worried about the sudden intensity on his face.

“I need you to promise me that you’re not going to leave me. That no matter what happens, no matter what kind of shit comes along with this, no matter who I turn into, that you’re gonna keep loving me. That you won’t leave me.”

I recoil at his words.
Is he serious?
I pull out of his arm now and climb onto his naked stomach, straddling him, my hands clamped around the base of his skull. “Love you no matter what happens, or who you turn into? Shut the hell up, Paxton. Hell, no. What the hell does that even mean?”

He puts his hands around my neck and holds onto me just as hard as I’m holding onto him.
“No matter what, Jessa. I need you to promise me you won’t go – no matter what.”

“No, Paxton. I have no idea what you are capable of. What are you trying to make me promise you? If you decide you are going to change into a new person? If you get pulled back into whatever bullshit you left behind? If I find out that Paxton, the one in the band, is nothing
more than a man whore or an addict or an angry ass-kicking asshole, you just want me to put up with it?”

“I love you, Jessa. I’m never gonna leave you. I need you to tell me the same thing. All I need are a few simple words out of your damn mouth. Tell me that you love me. Tell me you won’t leave me- no matter what.”

“I love you. Don’t do something that will make me want to leave and I never will.”

He sits up then, his hands still secured around my neck, and pushes me into the mattress before straddling me and piercing me with his intense eyes. His lips are parted and his nostrils are flared and I want inside of him in all the worst ways. But I’m not just going to throw myself blindly into this new niche of his life that he’s dragging me into. I’m not gonna tell him that I will stand by and let him do whatever Rock God Paxton does to people and just take it.  “I can watch you fall, I can watch you hurt. I will help you if you start to break down and forget who you are, or who we are. But if you give a piece of yourself, a piece of you that belongs to me, to anyone or anything else… if you take any of you away from me, I cannot promise that I will be okay with that. If you hurt me, if you break my heart, I will not hold your fucking hand and walk you through some fucked up shit that you refuse to tell me about until you figure out who the hell you are.”

“I know exactly who I am, beso, but a huge part of me is inside of you.  If you take yourself away from me then that’s when shit is going to fall apart. That’s when everything ugly about this life will take me down with it. I need you to tell me you are not going to do that.”

I look into his pain-
filled eyes and hold onto his pleading words and I get it. I get what he’s afraid of. I understand what he’s trying to tell me he needs. “I’m not going to leave you again. The girl that freaked out and needed space… I’m not her anymore. I’m not going anywhere- ever. I. Will. Not. Leave. You. You don’t have to worry about that.”

He closes his eyes for a moment and his face relaxes. “Was that so fucking hard?” he asks, taking a hold of my face and crashing his lips into mine.

No.
God, no
. This is not hard. Intense? Yes. Scary? Yeah. But hard? Hell, no. Nothing about loving this guy and promising to stay with him is hard. Whatever is waiting for us around the corner – bring it the fuck on. He’s mine and I’m not letting go.

The End

When I started this journey last October with my first novel, I had no idea what I was doing. At this point, I am by no means an expert, but I would still be completely lost without the help I have gotten along the way.
From day one I have been overwhelmed by the kindness of strangers.

I am especially grateful for my readers
; those who have been with me from the beginning and those who are reading my books for the first time – I truly appreciate each and every one of you. Thank you especially to those of you who have connected with me personally through goodreads, email (
[email protected]
), Twitter (@
haven_francis) or my blog (
www.mynewadultromance.blogspot.com
). My face breaks out in a huge smile when I get a personal message from a reader.

Thank you to the amazing world of bloggers who dedicate a huge chunk of their lives to exposing their audience to independent authors and their books.

I’m sure you’ve heard this before, but it is SO true: the best support you can give an author is to leave a positive review on Amazon. So, thank you in advance to those of you who are willing to share your thoughts about
Part of Me
.

One of the most important lessons I have learned during my journey as an author is that I can’t do this by myself.
I was blessed to find a group of amazing women who were willing to read
Part of Me
before publication and share their opinions with me. They made this book so much better than I could have made it on my own. A HUGE thank you to my beta readers: Joyce, Krista, Krystal, Diana, Jillian, Linda, Elaine, Cara, Cassie, Natalie, Heather, Sonja, Kit, Bethany and Kathy. I can’t express what a huge help every single one of these women were.

Thank you for reading
Part of Me
. I hope you enjoyed it and I really hope you choose to continue Paxton and Jessa’s journey in
Inside of You
. For me, it is the story that defines there emotional bond and reveals the depth of their commitment to each other and I would love to share it with you. Please turn the page for more information.