Perfect Harmony (15 page)

Her threat was clearer than a Hawaiian ocean.

The door thunders closed behind her.

And now it’s just me and Melody, alone.  Together.

This is bad.  I found it hard enough to control myself
whilst Mercedes was standing right next to me, but now...

And on the night I planned to propose to Mercedes, as well. 
This is terrible.  Completely abhorrent.  And wrong wrong wrong.

So why am I happier than I’ve ever been?

Torrents of rain pelt against the window as we stare
wordlessly at each other.

“You broke into my building,” I say.

She smiles.  “Pretty brave of me, wasn’t it?”

“Pretty brave indeed.”

Melody bites her lip and I can see she’s holding back
tears.  “God, Chase.  I’m so happy to see you.  I missed you.”

“I...” I want to tell her I missed her too, but my heart
twists from her vulnerability and openness.  I can’t tell her that, no matter
how true it is.  “You shouldn’t have come here.  Not tonight.”

“You’re asking her to marry you, aren’t you?  Mercedes, I
mean.”

I swallow and give a faint nod.

She stares at me with those large eyes and I expect them to
overflow with tears.  But nothing happens - no waterworks, no recriminations -
not even calling me out for how I treated her.  She just shakes her head.

“As long as you’re happy,” she says, and I feel my heart
twist harder.

“You’re not...”

“I’m not what?”

“You’re not devastated by this news?”

She gives me a wistful smile.  “A little upset, maybe.  But
one thing I’ve learnt recently: you can’t always get what you want.  And
sometimes, what you want, you probably shouldn’t want it in the first place. 
Sometimes things just aren’t meant to be.”

“And you’re okay with that?”

“I’m okay with it.”

It surprises me - this young innocent girl, only five weeks
ago a naive virgin, could have more self-control and pragmatism than myself. 
She’s truly blossomed into a wonderful woman.  And as much as it pains me to
not be a part of her life, I find a small piece of solace in being responsible
for her metamorphosis.

If only things could be different.

“If you didn’t come because of the engagement, then why are
you here, Melody?”

She lifts her face up and her luminous eyes meet my own. 
They swim with such vivid and endless browns that I feel lost in them like I
did the night we made love.  How can a woman entrance me with only a look? 
It’s drives me mad, and it drives me wild.

“I’m leaving,” she says.  “But there’s something I need to
tell-“

“You’re leaving?” I interrupt.

She nods.

“But why?” I ask.

“I can’t stay here.  Not in the city.  There’s too many
memories and opportunities I screwed up.  Tomorrow, I’m moving to California.  I’ve
got fam... friends out there.  They know people.”

“You wish to pursue you’re singing career?”

“Yeah, but they should also be able to find me a job or
something as well.”

So that’s it - I’m responsible.  I’m the one who forced her
to resign and was disgusting enough to try and pay her off for her silence.  No
wonder she feels like she must leave - between that and my engagement news in
every gossip mag and the people on the street that think of Melody as my
mistress...

I’m forcing her to leave New York.  It’s all my fault.

Dear God, what have I done?

“Melody... I...”

The intercom buzzes, cutting me off.

Damn it.  What now?

I jam the button down.

“Sir, we have Ms. Bell down here - she wants you to... err...”

“What does she want?”

“Sir, I’d like to tell you, but the language is probably
best not repeated.  I think she wants you to join her in the foyer.”

I grind my teeth.  “Tell her she’s going to have to wait.”

I let go of the button before Mercedes can jump on the
intercom and badger me from beneath twenty-two floors.

“Melody...” I say.

The intercom buzzes again.

I sigh and grab Melody’s hand.  “Come, let’s go somewhere
more private,” I say and lead her to the balcony.  I try to ignore the soft
feel of her hand in my own, so warm and entrancing.

“Okay,” she says, not resisting.

We walk out on to the balcony and the cool air hits us like
a sheet of ice and my skin prickles.  We peer over the bustling New York
street.  The air beneath is jammed with the sounds of cars, but we’re high
enough to be truly alone.  And it’s only then I realise how close we are, and
the cold temperature mysteriously gives way to one that’s hot and stifling. 
The rain is lighter now and refreshes my skin.

My tie feels tight around my neck.  I fidget with it, until
my neck hairs bristle against the breeze.

I realise I’m still holding her hand and my heart crashes in
my chest, the blood thumping in my ears.  I look up at her and see the
moonlight flow over the horizon and splash against her face, illuminating one
side ever so slightly, as the other sits in the dim glow of my penthouse
spotlights.  She looks more beautiful than I remembered.  Even more so - I’ve
never thought beauty like this could even be possible - that it could be
contained within one woman in all the world - it fills me with disbelief.  But
I can see such beauty in front of me, and my legs quiver and my heart aches.

I feel her fingers tremble, entwined in my own.  She
breathes lightly and I realise just how nervous she is.

I drop her hand.

She wants me.  And I want her.

But it cannot be.  It pains me and sends me insane, but we
do not belong together.  We can’t.  Maybe I care for her deeply and she cares
the same for me, but that’s not important.  Love destroys and love wreaks havoc
in the lives of those it enslaves.  I will not let such a destructive emotion
have its way with me, even for a moment.  Otherwise, I risk her loving me.  And
worse: I risk loving her.  I’ve learnt my lesson of love a long time ago, and I
will not make the same mistake again.

Sex and money.  Those are what’s important in this world. 
At least with sex and money, you know you cannot trust anyone.

But my body shakes as I spend every second resisting the
urge to touch her.  Grabbing her and kissing her and tasting her.  To have her
and I as one again, deep in that sensual warmth, enveloping everything until
reality itself dims.  It’s so safe and tender and complete.

I dry swallow and take a deep breath.

“So why are you here?” I say coldly.

The rain begins to pelt harder, as lightning crashes against
the sky and a sheet of bright light illuminates Melody’s wounded face.  She
holds her head high and a clap of thunder booms in the distance.

“Do you love her?” she says.

“Who?” I say, taken aback by the loaded question.

“Who do you think?”

“I told you,” I say, “love is immaterial.  Marriage is about
power and consolidation of that power.  It’s-.”

“-Like a business deal,” she says, finishing my sentence
with a smile.

“Like a business deal,” I repeat.

“But to go the rest of your life without love... you could
deny yourself such a feeling?”

My heart feels like it’s going to explode in my chest.

“Stop obfuscating the facts,” I say.  “Why are you here?”

Melody sighs and peers down at her feet.  Thin tendrils of
her thick brown hair hang towards the floor and bounce in the wind.  “I’m...
well... you see... I’m... God, this is so fucking hard to say!”

“So say it,” I say.  A heavy droplet of rain drips on to her
cheek and curves around her sensuous and full lips.  Her tongue darts out and
licks the surface, ever so lightly, but all I can think is how sweet it must
taste.

This is too much.  I have to get her out whilst I can still
control myself.  As each moment lingers, my craving for her intensifies.

I don’t know how much longer I can last.  Or how much longer
she can.

God, how have I even lasted this long?  So close to such
forbidden lustful fruit.

How did I allow myself to get into this position to begin
with?  I should never have seduced her in the first place.

“We can’t do this,” I say.

“What?  Talk?”

“You know it’s more than that.  This was wrong, right from
the beginning.  The longer we spend here, right now, together... it delays the
inevitable.  This should never have happened.”

She lifts her head and her eyes are overwhelmed with
sadness.  She nods and my heart aches with guilt.

God, how I loath to break her heart.  I never thought I’d
find another woman who would make me feel this way, not since Sylvia.  It’s
been over a decade, but I thought I was free of this deep pang in my gut.

“What I did to you...,” I say.

“You didn’t do anything.  Nothing I didn’t already want.”

I shake my head.  “Your first time with someone - it should
be special.  Significant.  It should be with someone you love.”

“Chase... I...”

“It should be with someone that loves you.”

Her face is crestfallen.  A tear rolls down her cheek.

“It shouldn’t be with someone like me.”

She gives me a sombre smile.  “You’re not so bad.”

And neither was she, I wished I could say.  But I can’t tell
her how it feels to be with her.  I have to lie and obfuscate and inveigle.  No
matter how searing the memories are of our weekend together.  How she felt
underneath me, and on top, her naked skin against my own, and the taste of her
in my mouth.

“The right man is out there for you.  I have no doubt. 
Maybe you’ll find him in California.”

Another tear rolls down her pale cheek.  The rain soaks her
shirt and darkens the fabric that now clings to her skin.  “Like how you’ve
found the right woman for you?” she says.

“Damn it, Melody.  This is why I had to force your
resignation.  Mercedes is the one I must marry, and it isn’t for love or
longing or want - it’s for who she is, who her family is, what it’ll mean when
our families combine.”

Melody fixes her eyes to mine, and I can see an element of
shock in what I’ve said.  But there’s also a faint hint of something else. 
Something like... hope.

“And what if I was someone important?  What if my family
were important?  Would you marry me instead?”

I shake my head.  “Even if that were the case, I could never
do that to you.  You’d never fit in my world.”

More tears stain her cheek as she turns away so I don’t see.

My hand reaches out instinctively and cups her cheek in the
way it always does.

“And thank God for that,” I whisper.  “It would ruin
everything that is remarkable about you - your cheerfulness and openness and
innocence.  I couldn’t do that, not to you.”  The metallic sound of the thunderclap
lights up the sky in a dull boom.  “I need someone who is already broken like
me.”

“No,” Melody says though choked back tears.  “You can’t
marry her.  You can’t!”

“I have to.”

“No, you don’t.  You have to listen to me.  I have to tell
you-“.

“Don’t say it, Melody.  Please, don’t.”

I can’t let her say those words.  Once she does, we cannot
go back from this.  It will destroy everything.  If she feels that way about
me, it will destroy her.

She breathes heavy and I can see she’s steeling herself; her
beautiful round face is so scared and nervous.  “You don’t understand...”

“No, Melody.”

“Chase, I-.”

I cup her face in my hands.  “Do not say it.  Do not say
those words.  I know how you feel in your heart.  How could I not?”

She stops, and I realise how close our faces are from one
another.  Our breathing is thick and fast, mingling in a warmth between our
lips.  I can feel her body against mine, the faint pebbling of her nipples
through her soaked shirt press into my chest.

The thunder crashes again, and lightning sets the sky on
fire.  I cradle her face, her full pink lips merely inches my own, opening so
slightly, begging to be kissed.  I fight the unbearable urge to take her. 
Every muscle in my body screams out to throw her against the brickwork and kiss
her and have her and be inside her.  God, I long to be inside her so much the
ache feels like I’m going to die.

I summon the last bastion of willpower I have left and take
a step back and turn to look away.

“Chase... I’m...” she chokes out.

I spin around to face her.  “Melody, don’t.  Please.  I beg
you.”

“I’m...”

“No!” I scream.

“I’m pregnant.”

Thunder erupts in the sky and shakes the earth.  Thick rain
pelts the balcony.

“I’m pregnant,” she says.  “And you’re the father.”

––––––––

––––––––

“S
ay something.”

The rain pounds my body like it’s full of ball bearings and
I shake from the bone chilling cold.  But the feeling is so distant and
nebulous; all I focus on is Chase standing in front of me on the penthouse
balcony, his mouth slightly agape.  It has only been seconds since I confessed
my pregnancy to him, but it feels like hours.

“Please,” I say.  “Please, just say something.  Anything.”

“Pregnant.”  The thunder shakes the rayless sky and a sheet
of lightning blankets Chase’s sharp face for a moment.  “You’re sure-“

“-Yes.”

“Definitely?”

“Yes.”

“And I’m the-“

“-Without question.”

His umber eyes fix on me, dilating in the dim evening
light.  He takes a step towards me, and, for only a moment, peers down at my
belly.

“But... I don’t understand how,” he says.

“That time in the dining room, when we had breakfast.  Well,
we started to have breakfast, then we went straight to desert.”

He pinches the bridge of his nose and I know he’s trying to
recall that time; in his eyes I can see him desperately trying to remember if
we used protection.  I did the same when I found out.