Permanent Resident at the Purse Table (12 page)

Rene sat in front of her computer, scrolling through her Facebook page. After removing Ava as a friend, she then switched to her profile pictures. Any sight of Ava and the delete button was pressed. She resisted the need to leave a message on her wall about what friendship was and wasn't, betrayal, and how you could lose trust in others. All of the above resided in her heart, but she didn't want to put her business in the street like that. Especially on Facebook. Then everyone would have something to say, and somehow it would get back to Ava. Who knew what would be said about her ex-friend? And she didn't want to hurt her. Necessarily.

When Toni's photo appeared on the screen of her phone, Rene hesitated. If Toni was calling about Ava, she didn't want to hear it. Against her better judgment, she answered the phone.

“Wanted to thank you again for taking care of Eric's issues along with mine.”

“No problem.” So far, so good.

“Are you busy?”

“Just getting home.” Rene slid out of her heels. “About to make me something to eat, and then chillax.”

“Well, you wanna meet for dinner? We can hang out and catch up.”

“Yeah, we can.” Rene's less-than-enthusiastic tone didn't sound like her heart was in the meeting, but being social would be nice. What were Toni's motives behind the offer? They had never been out to dinner, just the two of them, to “hang out.” Nor did they have anything to catch up on that required a conversation longer than two minutes.

“There's something I need to discuss with you, so we might as well do it over a meal.”

“What is it?”

“It has something to do with Ava.”

She knew it. “There's no need to meet to talk about Ava. I told you I'm not interested.”

“Rene, you need to listen. I know you're upset and I understand, but you will want to know this.”

Breathing deep, Rene rolled her eyes. Why did she answer the phone? “Listening.”

Toni sucked her teeth. “First off, Ava has been real depressed lately. This whole situation is wearing her down.”

“And she brought it on herself.” Rene wasn't going to let Ava slide on this repulsive incident one bit.

“Just listen.”

“Okay, dang.” Rene could appreciate what Toni was trying to do, be the liaison between her and Ava, but Rene wasn't ready for a mediation and didn't want to be forced into one.

“I'm not just talking about feeling sad or down about something, but saying comments like she can't go on and stuff like that.” Toni paused. “Are you sitting down?”

Rene remained silent, propping herself up on a bar-stool. “I am now.”

“Ava's pregnant. And says it's Ishmael's.”

Dropping the phone on the floor, Rene's expletives echoed throughout the house. “Ahhh! You've got to be kidding me!” She needed to wait for her initial reaction to play out before she picked up the phone again. Toni would have to wait. This information was something Rene needed to know, but truly didn't care to. Now there'd be a child walking around in the world looking like Ava and Ishmael. Her best friend and the man she loved. A forever reminder of the horrid betrayal. That could be the kid's name. Horrid Betrayal Alexander.

Rene's spirit fell as she realized she was putting her friend's sins on an innocent child. She digressed, yet her temples pulsated and she clutched her cell so hard, her tensed knuckles made it difficult to hold on to the phone. “Well, this just keeps getting better and better. I can hardly wait to see what happens next.”

“I know this is hurtful, but I'm worried about Ava. She feels likes she's alone, and you and God are so upset with her that she has no business on this earth.”

Keeping her sobs as silent as she could, Rene spoke through sniffles. “I know she's hurt, but this is the bed she made and now she needs to lie in it. I hope nothing bad happens to her, but you just dropped a brick in my lap and you want me to be automatically be okay with it.”
Ain't happening.
“I need time to process all of this.”

“Okay, I just thought you should know.”

“The best I can do right now is pray for her. And I need to pray for myself as well. I'll talk to you later.”

Rene sat frozen on her sofa. It was going to take all of God's power to keep her behind in that seat. Driving to Ava's apartment and finishing the butt whooping she started the last time they saw each other sounded like the greatest plan. But she couldn't hit a pregnant woman. Even if Ava was wronger than wrong. Rene wasn't made of stone. Part of her wanted to be there for her estranged friend and walk with her through this nightmare, but her pride and anger wouldn't let the rest of her emotions have any room in her mind. Or heart.

And violence directed toward Ava wouldn't be the best solution anyway. Rene could, however, take it out on the male responsible. She sent Ishmael a text: Meet me at your mom's house. NOW!

Rene then changed into fighting clothes and tennis shoes. Snatching her keys off the table, she stormed out of the house.

Ava looked at the TV with a glaze over her eyes. The noises and sounds from whatever show was on ran together, confused in her head. She picked up the remote, turned the television off, and sat still in the dark. She deserved to be alone. Not only did she let the celibacy promise slide, she engaged in sex with her best friend's man.
If I could just lose weight, I could get my own man. I'd be the prize on his arm instead of him the prize on mine.

“God, please fix this. I hate feeling like this. I'm a terrible friend, and deserve whatever I get, but I pray Rene can move on and be happy. Wherever she is, please let her know I love her and miss her. I need you, Lord. I can't go on living like this. I'm embarrassed, ashamed, and a hot, pitiful mess. Something's gotta give.” Ava never figured herself to be the suicidal type, but understood why people felt the way they did. Things would be easier if she stopped breathing all together.

She slumped off the sofa, feeling as gloomy as the April showers outside of her window. A glass of wine would make her feel better. Or at least support her deep sleeping habit she'd picked up the past couple of weeks. Walking over to the fridge even seemed like a daunting task. Ava couldn't shake her funk.

She frowned as she removed the bottle from the fridge. Not sure if pregnant women were allowed to drink wine, she opened the cork and breathed in a nice whiff of sweet red grapes. She remembered her prescription pain pills from her tooth extraction in her medicine cabinet.
If I take only a couple pills and drink the entire bottle of wine, my death could look like an accident. Rene would be sorry for giving me the silent treatment and my mother would realize how hurtful her comments truly were.

“Lord, what's wrong with me? I need your help.” Shedding a few tears, she placed the bottle back in the refrigerator and closed the door. Her colorful magnet that read G
OD
I
S
I
N
C
ONTROL
seemed to be magnified. The piece of paper the magnet held in place was in Toni's handwriting:

 

Dr. Glory Moses (832) 555-4545

God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Psalm 46:1

 

Ava recalled Toni saying she'd put the number on the fridge, but was equally grateful for the scripture. She hadn't paid much attention to it the past couple of days. Could this be the answer she was looking for? Could God have already known on this day she would really see the note, and the scripture would be exactly what she needed? Taking the written counsel as a sign, she called Dr. Moses' office and made an appointment. That was all she could do for now. She crawled into bed for a nap.

The next day at work, Ava stayed in her office, only coming out to use the restroom and warm up her lunch in the microwave. When she got back from the office lunch area, she saw she'd missed a call. On her voicemail, the automated attendant for Dr. Moses' office called to confirm her afternoon appointment.

She was glad Dr. Moses was able to see her so soon, but a little nervous about what emotional junk would be uprooted. By the workday's end, all sort of scenarios back-flipped in her mind. Would she be labeled depressed and put on medication? Be asked to come back? Or asked not to come back? She trotted to the restroom to wash her face. Ava breathed in deeply, found her keys, and left her office.

As she entered the CCC, she looked around to see who saw her go in the building. A handful of people huddled over to the side of the walkway, talking and smoking cigarettes. She smiled, but quickened her steps to avoid inhaling the smoke or it creeping into her hair.

“Hello, ma'am.” The animated receptionist at the counter beamed. “Welcome to the Christian Counseling Center, aka the CCC. Where God meets you right where you are.”

What was she so dang happy about? Ava threw up a hand.

“Do you have an appointment?”

“Yes. With Dr. Glory Moses at four-thirty. My name is Ava Alexander.”

The receptionist found her name on the appointment registry. “Ah, yes, Dr. Moses' office and waiting room are just down that hall to the right. I could show you if you like.”

“No, I think I can manage.”

“Have a great rest of the day.”

“You too.” Whatever the receptionist was on, Ava wanted some.

Strolling toward Dr. Moses' office, she spoke to the people who spoke to her. Two people stood by the coffee pot in the main lobby, seeming to be in a deep conversation. Another group of folks were in a circle holding hands and praying for the person standing in the middle. She didn't want to seem nosy, but listened in on the powerful prayer belted out by the solidly built brother who laid hands on the individual crying in the center of the circle.

With every step Ava took in the direction of Dr. Moses' office, peace came over her being. She needed to be there and was thankful God brought her out of her solitary hole, and into the CCC. When she reached the private waiting room, she grabbed a magazine from the table and got as comfortable as she could in the firm microfiber chair.

A tall, thin black woman with warm eyes soon opened the door and walked out. “Hello, you must be Ava.”

Ava stood. “Yes, I am.”

“I'm Dr. Moses. How are you today?”

“Okay. I'm here, so that's progress.” She forced a smile.

“Progress from what?”

“Staying in the house and sulking.”

Dr. Moses nodded. “That is progress. Let's see if we can't talk through some things today.” She motioned for Ava to walk into her office.

Ava plodded through the door and plopped down on the neutral-colored couch. A heavy sigh escaped her lips. Dr. Moses closed the door and sat in the armchair across from Ava. She then picked up a legal pad from the coffee table, flipping a couple pages over.

Leaning back in her seat, she crossed her legs. “So, Ava, would you like to tell me what's going on in your life? Where do you think the source of your depression originated?”

Ava chuckled. “I don't think. I know.”

“Well, tell me about it.”

“The past few weeks have been an emotional rollercoaster. I've made some terrible choices. I made the bed, and lay in it. With my best friend's fiancé. Well, ex-best friend and her ex-fiancé.”

“Mmh.”

“I know I struggle with insecurity in a lot of things, but my weight and self-image are the worst. I recently broke off a mentally abusive relationship. Then after vowing to be celibate all it took was a few glasses of wine and a few compliments from the guy, and I gave up my promise real quick. And not only have I hurt my best friend by sleeping with her fiancé, I went to the doctor and found out I'm almost twelve weeks pregnant. So more hurt is headed her way.”

“I see.” Dr. Moses scribbled on her pad for a minute.

“Yeah. I know it sounds like an episode of
Jerry Springer.
”

“Oh, don't mind me. I take notes to better understand the situation.”

Ava switched from one hip to the other. She had plenty for Doc to take notes on. “I can't stand myself and what I've become. I want to make everything right with Rene, but she's not talking to me right now. I'm at a loss for what to do.” Not wanting to come off as a crazy, weak woman, Ava hesitated sharing the whole story, but something in her urged her to spill the beans. Or pills in her case. “And last night, I seriously contemplated suicide by way of prescription drugs and wine. Having thoughts like that scared me.”

Dr. Moses looked up from her writing. “Have you paused in all of this to pray?”

“Yes. Well, I prayed for Rene and for God to help me with my insecurities.”

“Have you asked the Lord for forgiveness for what you've done?”

“Not really.” Ava folded her arms. She couldn't remember if she had or not. Besides her tears and loneliness, everything else had pretty much been a blur.

Dr. Moses put down her pad and pen and extended out her hands toward Ava. “Let's pray together.”

Ava held Dr. Moses' hands.

“Lord, we come to you in prayer right now thanking you for this life you've given us. We know we don't always make the right decisions or choices, but you love us anyway. We thank you for your unconditional love and guidance.” Dr. Moses squeezed Ava's hands. “Father, I ask right now that you would meet Ava at the point of her need. You know her heart, Lord. You know what she's feeling. Nix the plans of the enemy. He likes to fog our minds with doubt, fear, and shame, so that we cannot see or hear from you clearly.”

Dr. Moses' words were perfect. Ava wanted to pull out her phone and record every word for later.

“You have made us in your image, Lord. Please help Ava to see that she is fearfully and wonderfully made like it says in your Word. Please forgive her, Lord, for the choices she made and the consequences that are now set before her. Guide her every step of the way. Help her to forgive herself and give Rene time to heal and come to a place of peace. And if they are to restore their relationship, let it be your hand that turns Rene's heart. In Jesus' name we pray in faith, believing, and trusting in your goodness. Amen.”

Yep, she'd need to hear that again. Ava reached for a tissue from the box on the coffee table and wiped her tears. “Thank you, Doctor. I needed that.”

“You're very welcome. The Bible says in Matthew 18:20, ‘Where two or more are gathered in my name, I am there in the midst of them.' So He has heard your concerns and our prayers, and He'll meet you right where you are. But you must believe He will deliver you out of your circumstance the best way possible. Seek a relationship with Him. Seek His heart and not His hand. You have some homework before we meet again.”

Ava frowned like a teenager in class. “Homework?”

Dr. Moses laughed. “It's nothing too hard. I want you to study the following scriptures. Here, write them down.” She handed Ava a legal pad and pen. “And from now on, bring a journal or spiral notebook, so you can write down thoughts or scriptures we talk about.”

“Okay.” Ava removed the pen cap and sat at attention.

“When I was praying, I said that you are fearfully and wonderfully made. That comes from Psalm 139:14, but you can read and study verses thirteen through sixteen as well. Also, look up Ephesians 2:1–7. Highlight especially verse five, which says, ‘Even when we were dead in our sins, God made us alive together with Christ because of His grace that saved us.'”

Ava copied down the scriptures, feeling lighter in her spirit.

“If you take anything from this first meeting, and I hope you do come back, I want you to understand you don't have to feel condemned in your situation. Everything around you may be messed up, but God can turn things around in an instant. He cares about everything you care about and will lead you to the other side of your miracle, if you follow Him.”

Nodding, Ava placed the top back on the pen.

“Oh, one more scripture.” Dr. Moses sat up in her chair. “I'm sure you've heard that there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. That's Romans 8:1. Meditate on those words and see what God does.”

“So next Tuesday same time?” Ava tore the sheet from the legal pad.

“Yes. Your insurance will cover twelve sessions with me once a week. Also, I'd like to recommend you come to our group session on Thursdays. That'll give you two sessions a week. A greater chance for success.” Dr. Moses grinned. “The group session is a small meeting of believers who share and pray for one another. And someone is usually going through or has been through what you are going through and can tell you what worked for them.”

“I appreciate you inviting me. I'll plan on being here.” Ava smiled. “Lord willing.”

“Great, I'll look for you. Also, don't eat dinner because we come about six and it's kind of a potluck thing. Then the meeting starts promptly at seven o'clock. You can share, not share. That's up to you, but I think it'll be beneficial for you.”

“Thank you for everything.”

“You're welcome. Be blessed and see you Thursday.”

God had snapped His fingers while Ava was in Dr. Moses' office. Her gloomy situation looked better already.