Permanent Resident at the Purse Table (13 page)

Toni sat silent in Pastor Monroe's office at the House of the Lord church.

“I know I messed up.” Eric's eyes focused on the patched floor rug under the coffee table. “I want Toni to know I'm aware I hurt her, and if I could go back and do things differently, I would. I'm asking for a chance.”

Pastor Sandra, Pastor Monroe's wife, turned toward Toni. “What do you think about that?”

Toni tapped her fingers on the bright-colored throw pillow that kept their legs from touching. She agreed to come to a counseling session, but wasn't sure why. Opening up wounds wasn't anywhere near the top of her list of fun things to do. “I'm not sure what to think. I want to believe that's true, but when he chose to step outside of our marriage, our home, our life together, I was devastated. What's to say that a few years from now—shoot, a few months from now—it won't happen again?”

Clearing his throat, Pastor Monroe scooted to the edge of his seat. “Nothing in life is certain but God. Eric and I have been meeting for some time now, and I believe for certain God has changed his heart. Now, I can only speak from my perspective. Eric will have to earn your trust back.”

Eric placed his hand over Toni's fingers and she stopped tapping. “And, Toni, I'm ready to do that.”

“That's a good starting block. Take things slow and move forward only if you both are at peace. Also, pray separately and together. My wife and I wrote a couples prayer, and in it we talk about God's grace. So, Toni, I urge you to exercise the same grace toward Eric that God has shown you.” Pastor Monroe picked up his Bible from the table. “According to God's Word, divorce is not in His plan. I encourage you to give the Lord a chance and see if He can restore this relationship.”

Toni didn't want to make any promises she couldn't keep. “I can pray about it. In fact, I'd like to hear more about the couples prayer.”

Pastor Sandra walked over to the silver, thick-edged frame hanging on the wall. She unhooked the frame and handed it to Toni. “Here it is. We usually wait until our last counseling session for our couples who are in premarital counseling. But you can look over it and anytime you guys are ready, you two can recite the prayer together.”

Eric leaned over Toni's shoulder. They both read the prayer together. Certain words seemed to leap off the page: love, respect, forgiveness, purpose, and grace. God could do all things. So if it was His plan to heal their marriage, they would be open at least to the possibility.

Toni and Eric cruised out the church doors that morning wearing smiles. Had this been a few months ago, Toni wouldn't have been able to even imagine them walking anywhere together. Some hurtful and helpful issues were discussed in their counseling session, yet when she left, hope crept into her heart—hope of what could be, and could be healed in their relationship.

Eric's desire to go to the pastor's office showed he was trying. Before issues had turned too rocky in their relationship, Toni suggested couples therapy, but he repeatedly blew her off or ignored her request all together. What a change of events. He asked about counseling, then shared with her what God's Word said about divorce. And now, this step forward was a step toward reconciliation.

Eric put his arm around Toni's shoulder. “You want to grab a bite to eat?”

“I'm up for that.” Why not spend a little more time with him? It could be like a small celebration for their new direction. “Where do you want to go?”

“Doesn't matter to me.” He rubbed his stomach. “I'm just hungrier than a mug.”

“How 'bout that new place off of 610? The Chicken Shack.”

He chuckled. “Now that's a ghetto fabulous name if I ever heard one.”

“You know it's the hole in the wall places that have the best food.”

“True that. I'll follow you.” He hustled to his car.

Toni, ecstatic on the inside, didn't want to show her hand just yet. She coolly veered to her car. She got in, buckled her seat belt, and waited for him to pull behind her.

As she entertained herself with the good memories she and Eric made in the past for a few miles down the road, thoughts of Ava interrupted her journey down memory lane. She dug her cell phone out of her purse and dialed her friend's number.

“Hey, Ava. How you feeling?” she inquired after Ava picked up the phone.

“Much better these days. What are you up to?”

“Just left my first counseling session with Eric and the pastors.”

“Ahh, you said ‘first.' So there's going to be a second?”

“For now there is. I want to remain hopeful, but not be stupid.” She glanced in her rearview mirror at Eric following behind her. “Enough about me. How are you and the baby doing?”

“We're good. The week didn't start off too hot, but I did call that Dr. Moses whose name and number you left on my fridge. And thanks for the scripture. I seriously needed it.”

“That was a God thing, girl. I felt led to do it, so I did it.”

“Well, my session with Dr. Moses was a God thing too. I met with her on Tuesday and then went to the group session on Thursday.”

Toni bounced her head to an imaginary beat. “Yeah! That's wonderful, Ava. I'm glad you made the call.”

“I'm actually glad too. I met some good people with struggles of their own. Helps me to remember I'm not alone.”

“Great. But you will never be alone, girlfriend. I will bug the bejesus out of you before you think you're alone.” Toni meant it, too. She could easily move in with Ava until she came out of her mood if she needed too. Glad the situation didn't come to that though, because now she and Eric may need some privacy every now and then.

“You know what I mean. But there were a few folks with a lot more skeletons in their closet than I had. Not proud of what I did, but I know I can recover after talking with them.”

“Awesome. So what's next?”

“I don't know. Just take one day at a time, I guess.”

“That's what they say works best. That's what I plan to do with Eric.”

“So there is a plan?”

“There is. I'm going to throw mine out of the window and give God's plan a try.”
Lord, I sure hope You know what You're doing.

“Sounds promising. I'll do the same.”

Toni pulled into The Chicken Shack. “Well, Eric and I are getting a bite to eat and we're here, so I'll give you a call a little later.”

“Okay, that'll work.”

“And Ava.” Toni turned off the car. “I'm really glad you're doing better. You had me worried for a minute, but I knew you'd eventually come around. Now if we can just get you and Rene to make up, that'd complete the task at hand.”

“Yeah, well, one miracle at a time please. And like Rene said, I won't hold my breath. I'll continue to work on myself and take care of this baby, and we'll see what happens. But if you talk to her, please let her know I miss her.”

Grabbing the strap of her purse, Toni hopped out the car. Eric's handsome swagger was headed her way. There were so many tangibles about him she loved, but one that could never be mistaken or misplaced was the way he carried himself. His clean-cut persona, tailored suits, and confident steps drew her in. In more ways than one.

Toni always believed he could be a model as well. A dream of hers was for them to one day do a shoot together. Even if the pictures were for their eyes only. They were a beautiful couple on the outside, no doubt. What she was concerned about was their inner man and woman. Mainly his. Their relationship was in God's hands now though. And Toni wouldn't move until He said move. And not a step sooner.

Rene paced in front of Ishmael's mom's house. As she hit the twenty-minute mark waiting for him to arrive, anger grew and surged through every part of her body. Focused on Ava giving birth to Ishmael's child, she wasn't sure what she might do when she saw his face. She feared one of her many emotions might take over and she'd heave an object through the window, but she didn't want to end up on the five o'clock news. Her cell phone read a quarter to four. That'd be just enough time for the local station to get a camera out to Ishmael's mother's house and film the breaking news.

Loud music caught her attention. She looked up to see Ishmael's car bumping down the street. He turned into the driveway at a snail's pace. Rene's hands shook. What did the word “now” mean to him?

When he stepped out his beat-up car door, she darted at him and swung at his face. “Ava is pregnant! And you're the father.” Just saying those words fueled the anger that already resided in her. It was like Rene hovered over the scene, watching herself. Holding anything back was not an option. She wanted to watch herself knock him out.

“What?” He put up his hands to block her right hook.

She nicked his head, knocking off his baseball cap. “You heard me, you son of a—”

“Rene!” Ishmael's mother yelled out of her window as she pulled behind his car in the driveway. She exited her vehicle and hustled to the scene.

Exploding into tears, Rene pushed his broad chest. “I can't believe this is happening. What is wrong with you? Shoot, what is wrong with me?”

Ms. Carter inserted herself between Rene's and Ishmael's stern stances.

Ishmael held his mother by the arm. “Momma, I got it. Go on in the house.”

“I'm not going anywhere, son.” She removed his hand. “Rene has every right to be upset, but I'm staying to make sure she doesn't do anything she'll regret later.”

Rene laughed in relief. “Ms. Carter, sorry to say, but your son's not even worth it. I'm glad I found out before I walked down the aisle.”

“I know I'm wrong, but please don't make any hasty decisions. Everything's just messed up right now.” He stepped closer. “Rene, I love you and still want to marry you.”

Was he serious? Maybe his past chicks took him back after infidelity, but this chick wasn't having it. “Don't do me any favors. Not only are you a dog, but you will now have two baby mommas you'll be dealing with. I can't stand to see you or Ava's face.”

Ishmael conjured up some tears. “Rene, please. I'm sorry. That was a moment of weakness that will never happen again. I need you in my life. I'll fix this.”

Rene stepped back. What was he smoking? “Fix this? You can't do nothing to fix this.”

Ms. Carter pushed her son back from Rene. “Baby, just leave her be. I don't know why you feel you gotta lay down with everythang that looks good to you.”

“Not now, Momma.” Ishmael put his hand up as a sign to silence his mother.

“Well, Ishmael, you're going to have to live with the consequences of your actions.”

“Listen to your momma and leave me alone. I'm done. Forever!” She marched to her car. Ishmael sniffled. “Rene, you'll see. I'll take care of it. We'll be back together. You watch.”

Could he hear what he sounded like? A stalker in denial. She was finished with his mischievous ways and all the pain he'd caused her heart.

As she opened her car door, he yelled, “I'm here when you're ready to patch things up.”

Rene paused and shot him a glance that could've sent the fibers of his shirt into a blaze. Going back and getting in one more lick would somewhat satisfy her rage, but she was ready to get out of there. She planned to never have to lay eyes on his face again. And if he continued to pursue her, the lawyer in her had no problem getting a restraining order.

Why had she always been attracted to bad boys? The relationship always ended poorly. Rene was the walking definition of insanity. Going after the same type of man, yet expecting different results. Hopefully, this would be the last time she got taught this lesson.

 

 

Ava studied the scriptures Dr. Moses had given her in their session. As she read, she prayed for understanding and the ability to live out the scriptures daily.
I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
That verse didn't match up with what she thought of herself. At least she could admit it, and work toward thinking that way about herself. She could fake it until she made it.

Two knocks on her front door interrupted her quiet time. She walked over to the door and looked through the peephole. “Who is it?”

“It's Ishmael. I need to talk to you.”

What in the heck was he doing at her door? The only person she hated more than herself was Ishmael. “What do you want?”

“I just want to talk. Can you please open the door?”

He wouldn't get back in her apartment easy like the last time. She hooked the chain onto the latch and opened the door enough to show her face. “We have nothing to talk about. You should leave.”

He flicked the chain. “Really, Ava. Is this necessary?”

“Yes, it is. I don't want you thinking you are welcome in my apartment for any reason. Now, if you have something to say, say it.”

Ishmael folded his arms. “Rene told me you're pregnant and you think it's mine.”

Think.
She rolled her neck. “It is yours.”

“And you plan on having it?”

“Of course. I haven't decided if I want to give the baby up for adoption, but I am going to have it. It's not the child's fault we couldn't control ourselves.” Adoption did sound like the best option. The poor child would have a better chance of making it in the world the farther he or she got away from Ava and Ishmael.

“Do you really think that's a good idea? I mean you're supposed to be Rene's best friend.”

“And you were supposed to be her fiancé.” Ava could admit her responsibility in the fiasco, but Ishmael acted as if she performed the act alone. He assumed no blame and no concern for anybody but himself. She figured what his solution was, but wanted to see if he'd come out and say it. “What do you suggest I do?”

“You need to get rid of it.”

Ava scrunched her face. “Get rid of it?”

“You heard me. You don't need this baby any more than I do. When Rene and I get back together that kid will be a constant reminder of us sleeping together.”

Ava chuckled. Ishmael was as delusional as he was coldhearted. “You and Rene getting back together? Sorry to bust your bubble, but the Rene I know is done with the both of us. So you can hang that up now.”

He scratched the back of his head. “Listen. I don't care what you think. I know she loves me and will eventually forgive me. And I don't need you and this kid standing in the way of that. I can get you the money for the abortion if that's what you're worried about.” Yep, she knew it. Calling him coldhearted had been an understatement.

She placed her hand on her hip. “Get me the money? You couldn't even put gas in Rene's car when you had it. And what I'm worried about is not ending the life of an innocent child.” Ava pushed the door to close it.

Ishmael stiffened his hand against the door to stop it from closing. “Ava, you're not ending anything. It's not even born yet.”

“I feel this baby growing inside of me.” A flutter tugged at her soul.

“Look, I'm giving you a chance to do the right thing. Next time I come back, I won't be so nice.”

“There isn't going to be a next time. And I am doing the right thing. It's about time I start doing the right thing. Now, leave me alone or I'll call the cops.” She slammed the door and bolted the locks. Who did he think he was?

“Either get rid of it Ava, or I will,” he yelled through the door.

Ava heard his footsteps thunder down the steps. She leaned against the wall and slid down to take a seat on the floor. Tears uncontrollably ran down her face. Who could she talk to? Rene wasn't talking to her. Toni and Ava's brother would overreact. And the embarrassment of walking into the police station to file a report of his threat would be too much.

A voice inside her spoke aloud.
I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
“Yeah, right.”

She wallowed on the floor a few minutes more, and then waddled to her bedroom. The best thing to do would be to go to her group therapy session. Confiding in her newfound friends would hope to prove easy. Instead of receiving judgment, she could receive prayer. Maybe someone would have an answer for how to handle Ishmael's threats.

When she arrived at the CCC, folks cleared out from the five-thirty session while others for the seven o'clock meeting time strolled into the building. She headed for the beverage station and poured herself a cup of coffee.

A well-built man brushed against her arm. “Excuse me, ma'am.”

“It's all right, but I'm not a ma'am.” She looked into her cup and stirred her coffee.

He grinned. “It's a respect thing, not an age thing.”

“Oh, well, thank you.”

“You're welcome.” He stuck out his hand. “I'm Kevin.”

“I'm Ava.”

She smiled, then turned to walk to her meeting room and remembered seeing that same man pray a powerful prayer over someone during her first visit to Dr. Moses. Was he single? Married? Ava couldn't get a good look at his ring finger.
Lord, help me to stay focused.

During the group meeting, a handful of people shared their stories and how they affected their lives the past week. Ava went to speak up a couple of times, but couldn't quite put the right words together. And whether it was the embarrassment of her situation or the fear of Ishmael that resided in her, she chose to keep quiet.

By eight-thirty the meeting came to a close. Dr. Moses asked if anyone wanted prayer. Ava's heart beat fast against her chest. She was sure everyone in the room heard it.

“I'd like prayer, please.” She took a deep breath, not sure if she wanted to divulge all the details of her personal life. “My current situation has taken an ugly turn and I ask that you pray for wisdom and protection for me.”

Dr. Moses led the group's prayer, highlighting all the requests and thanking the Lord for handling them in His own way. A few yeses and amens were added by members of the group. As she prayed, one lady spoke in tongues during the entire prayer and this seemed to put Ava at ease. Only God knew what the woman said, but the scene caused Ava's eyes to swell with tears.

When Dr. Moses finished speaking, everyone hugged and said their good-byes. Ava threw her paper cup in the trash and spun around to find Dr. Moses standing behind her with a big Kool-Aid smile.

“Glad you came.”

“Me too. I didn't feel like coming either, but I felt I needed to be here.”

“Well, happy you did.” Dr. Moses grabbed Ava's hand. “When you don't feel like it, that's when you need to be here the most. Things not going so well?”

Ava looked down at her shoes and rubbed her midsection. “No, not really. The father of this baby is pressuring me to have an abortion.”

Dr. Moses took Ava by the arm and pulled her over to a more private corner of the room. “And you told him where he could go with that, right?” She smiled. “In a godly manner, of course.”

“Yes, I did. It's just I was hoping to never see him again and wasn't prepared when he popped up at my house talking that mess.”

“Remember Who you serve, and remember the fact that you don't have to listen to any of his garbage. Stay prayed up. And if you need to, get a restraining order. Be encouraged. God is with you.”

“Thank you, Doc.”

“You're welcome and we're here if you need us.”

Ava dug her keys out of her jeans pocket, while Dr. Moses sashayed over to a man who stood waiting to talk to her. She waved at a couple of people on the way out then settled into her Chevy Cavalier.

On the drive home, Ava switched back and forth between the R & B station and the Christian station. She wasn't interested in hearing any commercials. As she passed McDonald's, the thought of a juicy cheeseburger ran across mind and taste buds, but she decided to pass. She had a good-sized portion of her chicken and veggie casserole in the fridge.
One small change at a time.

When she turned down the winding road that led to her apartment complex, a car zoomed up behind her and flashed its headlights. Someone must've been in a hurry. She slowed down and moved over to let the car pass, but the vehicle was glued to her tail. Ava pushed the electronic button to roll her window down and motioned for the driver to go around her.

The automobile revved up and bumped her car. A few choice words escaped her mouth as nervousness flared in her body.
Lord, forgive me.
What was going on? She sped down the dark street. Ava just needed to get to the gate. People were always standing out in the parking lot of the apartment complex.
Just get to the gate.

One more turn to make, then she'd be at the front of the apartments. She reached for her phone, but it slipped down in between the seats. As she hurriedly approached the turn, the car behind her revved up louder than before and blasted her car across the other lane. Losing control of the wheel, her car bounced up off the curb. Her vehicle headed straight for a massive oak tree. Ava's body tensed up as she braced herself for the impact.

Everything went black.

Not sure how much time passed, she made out a voice coming out of her rearview mirror speaker. “Hello, this is your OnStar operator. What is your emergency?”