Pieces of Us (7 page)

“I hope he didn’t say anything rude to you,” I said. “As far as I know, he didn’t know I was coming back, so it was a surprise when he found out who you were.” I tried to imagine what Cameron could have said to Owen.

“He seemed nice enough. Very polite. I didn’t give him any details about who I was, so I think he assumed I worked with your dad.” He shrugged, but I could hear the strain in his voice.

I sighed and sat down on the bed. “Owen, come here.” I tapped the mattress next to me.

He gave a weak smile and came to sit next to me. He put his arm around my shoulders and pulled me to lie against his chest.

“Are you okay with all of this?” I prayed he was. I couldn’t lose Owen. He was the only reason I hadn’t imploded.

“Yes. We both knew you’d run into his family when we came back here, and I think it’s important for you to face this issue before we get married. All I need to know is that when you talk to him, you aren’t going to run off and leave me. I couldn’t bear it,” he whispered, kissing my head softly.

I looked at him, my mouth hanging slightly open. “You
want
me to talk to Cameron.” It wasn’t a question, because I knew he did. Part of me wanted Owen to act possessive and demand that I never speak to Cameron again, but that wasn’t him. He only wanted what was best for me.

“I think you should get it all out. You must have things you need to say to him, and until you clear it all up, you’ll never have a complete understanding of the situation. You told me you never really talked to him after you found out he was cheating. I think you might need some closure so you can let it go and move on. As much as I hate the thought of you and him alone together, I know it will be best for
us
in the long run…and I trust you.” He ran his hands through the long strands of my hair that had come free of my clip.

I stared at him, feeling completely astonished. I’d never met a more selfless person. “How did you get to be so wonderful?” I asked, kissing him softly.

“Just lucky, I guess.” He chuckled as we broke apart. “But I’m saying all this as much for myself as you. I want you to feel free when we get married. I don’t want your past to be hanging over us forever.”

I turned to face him and grabbed his right hand, stroking it softly and kissing each of his fingertips. “I’m not going anywhere with
anyone.
I love you, Owen,” I said, continuing to stroke his hand.

He smiled contentedly and pressed his lips to mine. “Love you more,” he whispered as he broke away.

I felt his whole body relax as he lay back against the pillows and pulled me tighter to his chest. I ran my fingers absentmindedly over his hand until I realized I was lying here declaring my love to my fiancé in the same bed where I’d lost my virginity to Cameron. I was stroking the hand that Cameron had just shook. I tried desperately to stop thinking of my ex-husband and the way the moonlight had reflected off his hair tonight.

But no matter how much I wanted him out of my life and out of my heart, Cameron was all around me.

Chapter Four

The Beginning of Confusion

I
woke to a rustling sound and opened one eye to look around. It was still dark, and I sat up slightly, wondering what the noise could be.

“Oh, shit. Sorry, baby, I didn’t mean to wake you.” Owen sat on the edge of the bed and smoothed my hair with his hand.

“What are you doing?” I asked groggily.

“Looking for my boots,” he whispered before kissing the top of my head and going back to his search.

“Why do you need boots at…” I looked at the alarm clock on the bedside table. “Four-thirty in the morning?”

“I told your dad I’d go fishing with him today.”

“Have fun,” I grumbled, pulling the covers up over my head to block out Owen’s chuckling.

When I next opened my eyes, it was to the sound of chirping birds. I threw the covers off my head and squinted at the sunlight pouring in the window. The clock on my nightstand said it was 8:22. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, noting that the air in Fairfield felt fresher and easier to breathe.

It was weird to wake up in my childhood bedroom, and I giggled as I thought about how I used to lie here, the biggest stress in my life being what I would wear to school. The comparison to how complicated my life felt now was astonishing. I stretched and looked around. The room really did look exactly as I remembered it, except for the suitcases Owen and I had brought from Boston.

I forced myself to get out of bed. I slipped on my robe, tying the belt as I walked downstairs into the kitchen. I tried to imagine Owen on a boat with my dad and laughed. When Owen and I were in Italy, he’d gotten seasick on the gondolas in Venice, so I couldn’t see him faring any better in my dad’s dinghy.

I suddenly remembered my dad had taken Cameron out fishing as a way to welcome him to our family. It hadn’t gone well. Cameron fell overboard, and my dad yelled at him for scaring all the fish away. To add insult to injury, Dad made him ride home in the back of the truck because he smelled like pond water. My dad had never really accepted Cameron, probably because of my decision to forgo college and stay in Fairfield to be with him.

I quickly started a pot of coffee and opened the fridge for the milk, noticing how empty the shelves were. There was milk, beer, bread…and nothing else. Yet another reminder that I needed to get some groceries.

While I sat and sipped my coffee, I did everything I could
not
to think of Cameron, but it was impossible. He’d looked good, from what I could see of him from behind and in the dark. I recalled the moonlight reflecting off his hair and the silhouette of his shoulders. I remembered the way his muscles moved as he supported his brother and recalled how those same muscles looked without the shirt. Even after five years I could see his body clearly in my mind, and I closed my eyes, mentally tracing my fingers over his shoulders and down his chest, through the light smattering of hair. I sighed and shook my head. No good was going to come from that train of thought.

I poured the rest of my coffee down the sink and went upstairs to shower. I decided to go to the grocery store sooner rather than later so I could relax and unpack a little in the afternoon before Dad and Owen came home.

***

As I pulled into the parking lot of the grocery store, the clouds, which had been gathering all morning, opened up and the rain began.
Perfect timing
. Looking across the lot, I had a flashback of me telling Cameron I never wanted to see him again. I regretted those being the last words I might ever say to him, but it was the truth. Even five years later I didn’t want to face him.

I got out of the car and jogged across the parking lot to get out of the rain as quickly as possible. As I stepped into the brightly lit store, I found it exactly as I remembered. I wheeled a cart quickly down the first aisle and started looking for food my dad would not only like to eat, but could cook for himself.

Fifteen minutes later my cart was half full, and I was feeling quite proud of the selection of meals I’d chosen. I went to turn into the next aisle, but as soon as I saw the rows of cereal boxes, I stopped dead in my tracks and turned around quickly. Images of Cameron and Lucy flooded my mind, and I took a few deep breaths. Dad could eat toast for the next few days. I turned down the cosmetics row instead.

There was only one other lady in this aisle, and she had her back turned, examining some facial cream bottle, so I felt secure enough to stop for a moment, leaning against the cart for support. I hadn’t expected the cereal aisle to affect me so much, but I could still feel my heart hammering in my chest.

“I’m fine,” I said softly to myself. I could feel eyes on my back and looked carefully over my shoulder. I felt like I’d been kicked in the stomach when I saw that face cream lady was, in fact, my ex mother-in-law, who was now waving and making her way toward me at an alarming pace.

“Charlotte? Is that you?”

“Hello, Ellen,” I said awkwardly, looking around for a quick escape and finding none.

“What are you doing just standing over here?”

“Oh…you know, just looking at this,” I said as casually as I could, reaching onto the shelf and picking up the first box my hand touched. I stared at the item I chose, trying to keep a normal expression on my face. “Uh…spermicidal jelly.” Mortified, I dropped it into my cart.

“Oh…well, that’s very nice, dear,” Ellen said uncomfortably, clearing her throat.

As we stood in silence for a moment, I tried to think of something to say to her. “I’m sorry I left without saying goodbye,” I said softly, looking down into my cart.

Ellen’s hand grasped mine tightly. “I understand. We all understood.” She gave my hand a squeeze before letting out an “Oh!” of surprise and pulling away.

She stared at my finger, and I automatically moved my right hand over my left to cover my engagement ring.

“You’re engaged?”

“Yeah.” I stopped awkwardly. I didn’t know what to say.

Ellen cleared her throat again and gave me a weak smile. “So tell me, are you here visiting your father?”

“No. Actually we’ve moved back to town. My fiancé just got a job in Hartford, and we drove from Boston yesterday.”

“You were in Boston?”

I felt terrible that the woman I once thought of as a mother figure didn’t know where I’d been for the past five years of my life. I suddenly found myself questioning my decision to cut the Harpers off completely. Would it have been so hard to call or send an email just to let them know I was okay?

“Yes. It’s a lovely city,” I said, not knowing how to express my guilt.

“Well, I’d love to hear all about it — and about the rest of your life. Would you come to dinner next Saturday?” she asked, a genuine smile on her face.

I envisioned a big Harper family dinner, and my heart rate sped up. I wasn’t ready to face them all as if nothing had happened.

“Um…”

“Of course you’re welcome to bring your fiancé,” she added kindly, if not a little uncomfortably.

“Oh, well… Sure, I guess that would be okay. Can I ask a favor, though?”

Ellen smiled. “You want me to make my double-fudge brownies?”

I laughed. “Well, yes, actually, I would love that. But I was going to ask if it could be a small dinner…only you and David?”

She nodded solemnly. “Of course. I understand,” she said, squeezing my hand again. “Just me and David, I promise.”

“Thank you,” I said gratefully, giving her a half-smile. It was hard for me not to see Cameron when I looked at her, but I tried my best.

“Well, I have to get going — lots to do today.”

“It was good to see you.”

“You too, sweetheart,” she replied, giving me a quick hug. “See you next Saturday about seven. You remember how to get to the house?”

“Yes, I remember.” As if I could forget. I’d spent almost as much time in her home as my own while I was married to Cameron. I mentally walked through the rooms and could almost smell one of Ellen’s cherry pies baking in the kitchen.

“Goodbye, Charlotte,” she said, giving me one last look.

My simple trip to the grocery store had turned out to be quite stressful. Of course I knew I’d be bumping into people from my past life, and I’d even suspected I’d see the Harpers around town, but I never expected to be confronted with them all within the first few days.

I finished up the last of the shopping as quickly as I could so I could return to the safety of my dad’s house. I was piling my items on the conveyor belt at the checkout when I heard an excited voice.

“As I live and breathe — Charlotte Harper. I didn’t expect to see you back in town,” the cashier drawled.

I flinched at my married name and instantly recognized Amanda Foster, a girl I went to high school with.

“Hello, Amanda. It’s Charlotte
Barnes,
actually.”

“Oh, of course. How rude of me. Habit, you understand,” she said with a shrug. She blew a bubble with her chewing gum as she started swiping my items over the scanner.

The ten years since high school had not been kind to Amanda. She’d gained at least thirty pounds, and her once-auburn hair was now showing signs of gray.

“How’ve you been?” I asked, hoping I could keep her talking about herself so she wouldn’t have a chance to ask anything about me.

I only half listened as she droned on about having married Ethan Davis, our high school quarterback and my senior prom date, and how they had four children. Not soon enough, she had all of my items scanned, and I paid her.

“Bye,” I called over my shoulder as I carried the bags out as quickly as I could.

Before I could turn to see where I was going, I smacked into someone and fell to the floor, my bags spilling everywhere.

“Shit,” I whispered under my breath, frantically picking up my fallen groceries and shoving them roughly into the brown paper bags.

“I’m so sorry, miss. Let me help you,” a deep voice said from above me, stopping me cold. It was Cameron. I’d know his voice anywhere.

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!
I tried to think of an escape plan.

I kept my head down and allowed my hair to hang over my face as I finished collecting my items. The only thought in my mind was to get away from him as quickly as possible, so I didn’t want to look up or speak — I knew he would recognize me. I prayed he wouldn’t bend down to help.

Once I had the last of my items, I sprinted out the door without acknowledging him at all. I was grateful that the rain had slowed, but I still had to maneuver around some of the larger puddles. I dumped all the bags in the backseat and ran around to the driver’s door. I could hear deep laughter coming toward me, and my hand froze at the door handle. Cameron was behind me.

“Miss, you um…forgot your spermicidal jelly,” he said, chuckling.

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!
I had two choices. I could jump into my car, ignore him completely, and have him think I was just some rude bitch, or I could turn and face him. I chose option one and wrenched the door open, ready to speed off down the street.

“Hey, miss,” he said more firmly.

Then everything came to a standstill.

Cameron’s hand clamped around my wrist, and his fingers rubbed the back of my hand. I sucked in a deep breath and closed my eyes as he spun me around to face him. He was silent for a moment, but he didn’t let go.

“Char — Charlotte?”

I kept my eyes closed and tried to teleport myself anywhere else on the planet, but the chilly air and warm hand holding me in place did not change. With a sigh, I slowly opened my eyes, but I looked at the ground, not wanting to see his face.

“Hello, Cameron,” I whispered, my voice cracking and barely leaving my throat as I stared determinedly at my shoes.

“Oh, this is yours,” he said awkwardly, holding the jelly out to me.

“Thanks.” I grabbed the very edge of the box, keeping my fingers as far from his as possible. Touching him was not something I was willing to do.

I could feel tears starting to burn in the corners of my eyes, and I wanted to get away from him, but he was still holding my arm. I pulled against his grasp, and he let go, as if he hadn’t realized he was still holding on.

“Charlotte…”

“There’s nothing to say, Cam. I’ve moved on,” I said as strongly as I could, but my hands were shaking and my voice wasn’t as steady as I would have liked.

He looked at me sadly and nodded. My curiosity finally got the better of me, and I looked up to see him properly for the first time. I had to bite my lip to swallow back the sigh.

He was my Cameron.

Sure, he was older — he had small lines around his eyes, and he’d lost weight in his face — but it was him, and part of me cried out to hold him. I wanted to soothe the dark circles from under his eyes and run my fingers across the stubble that covered his chin. My body was betraying me again, as easily as it had five years ago, so I stepped back, pressing myself against the side of my car.

“Are you happy?” he asked, looking at me with his soulful, dark eyes.

I froze and gasped for air. Eye contact with Cameron was paralyzing, and I didn’t know how to break out of his hold. He just stared straight into my eyes.

I wasn’t going to let him suck me in. I was already emotionally vulnerable, so I had to be extra strong. I gave my head a quick shake to clear my thoughts and folded my arms over my chest.

He noticed my change in demeanor and straightened his posture. “I… I’m sorry,”

I looked at him incredulously. Did he really think a simple apology would mean anything to me now? “I don’t need your apologies, Cameron. I meant what I said in this parking lot five years ago. I don’t want you in my life.”

I was quite proud of myself. Inside I felt like jelly, but I didn’t think I gave any indication of that to Cameron. I turned to get into my car, and he grabbed my arm again.