Pirate Princess (39 page)

Before I could think of anything to say, we were dancing and I let myself forget everything for just a few hours. When we were finally given permission to leave by Jared, Eric left to make sure the preparations were ready for tomorrow and that he had everything that he would need. I went to my room and after changing lay on my back to stare at the ceiling. As long as Eric continued to just be friends, I could see myself easily enjoying the trip. I could imagine Finn’s face if he were here and the comments he would make about me going on an adventure with a man I barely knew to a place I had never been before. It was exactly what I had done with him and look at where that had gotten me. I would ensure that did not happen again.

What was Finn doing right now? Was he thinking about me? Did he even waste his time thinking about me or what I might be doing? Or had he shoved me from his thoughts as easily as he had shoved me off his ship?

The tears came again and I let them silently slip down my face. It hurt less, but it still hurt very much. I wished it hurt him this much, but knew that was a foolish wish. I had to be certain to seal my heart in several layers of the strongest substance possible and put it in an unbreakable box so that no one else could hurt me again. I believed Jared when he said some people could heal you, but I knew without a doubt that I would never love someone other than Finn. As much as he had hurt me, I loved him still. I cried more over the death of Jax and my dreams of pirating. I knew it was the best decision to make for myself, but separating me from her after so many years was almost as difficult as leaving Finn.

Chapter Twelve

I met my family for breakfast and found Jax’s mask hanging on the wall behind Jared’s chair. It looked sad, soiled, and broken, which was exactly how I felt. “I see you like my gift,” I told him with the best smile I could manage.

“The death of Jax is not something we take lightly,” he said stoically. “We will always remember her for her part in our lives as should you.”

I nodded my head. “I know.”

Faxon frowned at the mask. “I missed something important at the party last night, didn’t I?”

“Maybe you should attend important functions, like your King’s birthday,” Esmeralda scolded, “And you wouldn’t be left out of the loop.”

“Anyone going to fill me in?” he asked.

I looked at Jared who winked at me. Faxon hated being left in the dark and they were going to make him suffer for missing Jared’s birthday.

“Are you all packed?” Esmeralda asked.

“Packed?” Faxon asked, “I missed something else?”

“I’m going with Eric to visit Blith and explore it,” I explained to Faxon.

“You’re going officially, right?” Jared asked.

I nodded my head and said, “Princess Tilia of Crilan will be traveling across Blith to learn about her neighbors and allies.”

He nodded his head. “Perfect. They’re good people so I don’t think you’ll have any problems.”

“If you do, Eric is able to use a spell to communicate with us instantly and it won’t take us more than a day to breach their borders and wreak havoc upon them until you’re safely returned,” Esmeralda said with a perfectly pleasant smile. That was my aunt, beautiful, polite, and deadly. She could curtsy to you and say sweet things just as well as cut off your head. She was magnificent.

“I ever tell you that sometimes you are truly frightening?” Faxon asked her.

“Several times,” she said with the same smile.

“I think she’s magnificent,” I told them.

“I agree,” Jared said.

“You packed the money I gave you, right?” Esmeralda asked. I nodded my head. She had given me enough money to purchase an island, but no matter how much I tried to convince her to take some back she insisted I take it all.

“Is there anything I should know before I go?” I asked them, standing up and pocketing an apple.

Esmeralda exchanged silent looks with Faxon and Jared as they did that strange non-verbal communication thing they were so good at. “Well, we…”

“Good morning!” Eric called as he walked inside the dining room with an ear touching smile on his face. “Are you ready to head out?”

I nodded my head and ran around the table kissing each of my family on the cheeks before heading toward the door.

“Tilia,” Esmeralda said, “Your father messaged us.”

I stopped and faced her. “So, he is still alive and well?”

She nodded her head. “He is and…”

“Great!” I said. “I’ll send him a message when I return and tell him all about Blith.” I left the dining room before she could say the reason behind her nervous expression. I didn’t doubt it was about Finn and I did not want to hear it. I could hear about it from her when I came back. If he had been dead, she would have looked sad so I knew he was alive at least.

I scolded myself for the happiness that brought me despite being unable to do anything about that. “I’ve arranged for horses to be ready once we reach Blith,” he told me.

“Great, I’ll have one of the guards return Duke from the docks once we arrive,” I told him. I grabbed my bags from the spot I had set them next to the main door. I put one over my shoulder and was about to put on the second, but he took it from me. “I can carry it.”

“I know you can, but I am a gentleman who was raised to assist women with heavy carrying. I will agree to you carrying one bag so that you don’t get irritated so early in our trip.”

I smiled at him. “You’ve become quite the diplomat since you were little.”

“Being a Commander forces you to learn diplomacy and how to calm situations or keep things neutral despite your own wishes and urges. It’s something my father was trying to teach me as a boy, but until I was in the King’s Steel I did not fully understand it.”

I looked at Eric out of the corner of my eye as we headed to the stables. Who was he really now? He seemed like he was a good person, but I knew everyone had secrets. What could his be? At a tad over six feet tall, he had the upper hand on me in regards to height since I was a mere five foot five. I had no idea how much he weighed, but judging by the prominent muscles over his body it was a lot. The double flip onto Finn’s ship meant he was agile even for being so muscular which suggested he was probably a quick swordsman capable of using his weight and his speed in a fight. If we ever did fight earnestly, I would have to figure out a way to incapacitate him or slow him down at the very least. A dagger to the leg would be the most likely option, but Jared had fought with two arrows in his back, a dagger in each leg and a dislocated shoulder and still killed many men. Eric wasn’t Jared by any means, but that didn’t mean that in a certain situation he could not prove to be as tough or determined.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” he asked.

“Just figuring out my best options for disabling you should you choose to try anything uncouth,” I told him somewhat truthfully. I stopped at Duke’s stall and pet his shoulder. “Hello handsome. Ready for a short ride?”

“I assure you that I will be a perfect gentleman on this trip and my only motives are earning friendship with you and having someone with me to explore Blith so I don’t have to go alone,” he told me with a serious expression.

“I’m sure there are
many
girls in Blith who would jump at the chance to travel with you,” I said. I opened Duke’s stall door and he walked out obediently, stood in the center of the aisle and waited for me to brush and saddle him.

“Yes, but none would be entertaining or as much fun as you. I am positive of that. None of our women are fighters and none understand the joy of fighting. You on the other hand can spar with me and with a smile on your face the entire time, even if you are cut or injured. They would fall dramatically if they were nicked with a blade and cry. I’ve seen you cut deeply and brush it off like a bug bite. Faxon had to physically restrain you once just so he could heal a wound you were bleeding from before you resumed sparring with Esmeralda.”

I had forgotten about that. Frankly, I had been angry that day and I was using the sparring session as a way to vent those feelings without telling anyone I was upset or having to explain why.

“Hopefully you understand that a wife should be demure and soft or you will never find a bride,” I teased him.

He sighed. “I know. I considered scouring Crilan for a bride, but most of the women who fight here are still not true fighters or don’t revel in the thrill of a battle. I’m sure one day I will find a woman who meets my needs.”

“I’m sure you will,” I said to end the subject. I finished brushing Duke’s back and put the brush in its basket in front of his stall. I tossed his saddle pad on to his back adjusted where it was resting so that it covered his withers. Duke wiggled his withers as though he were trying to get a fly off, but sadly for him the pad would not be falling off with such a feeble attempt. I hefted the heavy saddle onto his back, reached underneath him for the girth and tightened it to ensure the saddle stayed secure. Eric was surprisingly quiet the entire time and just watched us with a curious expression. Why was saddling a horse so interesting to him? Women in Blith had to know how to saddle a horse, right? I led Duke out of the barn to mount him since I didn’t feel like smacking my head on the rafters.

“I’ve never seen a horse who stood without being tied before or at least having a headstall on,” he said as he looked at my monster of a horse.

I patted Duke’s massive neck and said, “He’s a gentle giant and very well behaved, just a perfect gentleman.”

Eric mounted his horse and said, “I’ve always assumed you were inclined towards wild men, but a gentleman does seem fitting with you as well.”

His statement made several conflicting emotions swirl around in my head. I didn’t respond because I didn’t know how to respond. I liked fighters personally, but my horse was a different story. I didn’t think he was trying to insinuate something, but men were still a mystery to me. Thankfully he didn’t seem to want or need a response and we let the statement stand.

We rode in silence and slowly the tension left my body. Duke plodded along and I moved with him and tilted my head up to be warmed by the sun.

We started to pass the fields and I saw Natalie working with her father. I stopped Duke and waved to her to get her attention. She jogged over and smiled up at me with dirt smeared across her forehead, most likely from her wiping her hand across it. “I didn’t even know you were back,” she said.

“I’m actually leaving again,” I informed her, “but I wanted to at least say hi.”

“Always off on adventures,” she said, “I feel sorry for you princesses.”

“I’ll bring you a souvenir,” I promised.

“Where you going this time?”

“The Kingdom of Blith,” I said.

“Oh, they’re finally making you go be social and political with the other royals? Now I really do feel bad for you.”

I laughed and said, “I’m sure it won’t be too bad.”

She glanced over at Eric from beneath Duke’s neck so he couldn’t see her looking at him. “I’m sure it won’t.”

“It’s not like that,” I told her defensively.

“Well just remember to share and it couldn’t hurt to mention your hard working, very nice friend Natalie in conversations occasionally.”

I laughed and said, “I’ll do just that.”

She waved as we continued passed and Eric asked, “Is she a friend of yours?”

I nodded my head. “Natalie was one of the only to accept me even as crazy as I am. She’s a true friend and doesn’t even let me bring her to events or balls because she doesn’t want to take advantage of our friendship.”

“That’s rare to find,” he said.

“Yes, I am lucky to have found Natalie.” He was silent and I said, “She is going to make a great wife for someone.”

He laughed and shook his head. “I don’t need you setting me up, Tilia. Although I appreciate the sentiment.”

“I wasn’t doing it for you,” I corrected him.

“Ah, well I’m sure some man in town will scoop her off her feet and take her away from the farms soon.”

We passed the school and I realized I had only attended a couple days there despite the plan of attending all the time. I waved to a few of my former classmates and they waved back with shocked expressions. At the edge of the docks, I found a guard and asked him to please ensure that Duke was returned to the castle stables. I said goodbye to my horse who I was definitely neglecting and followed Eric to a ship with Blith’s seal flying high above it.

“Last chance to back out,” he told me with a smirk.

I nudged his shoulder with mine and said, “I don’t give up that easily. I at least need to step foot on Blith ground before I come back.”

We walked up the ramp to the ship and a steward bowed to me. “We are honored that you are visiting us, Princess Tilia.”

“I’m honored to be asked to visit,” I said with a pleasant smile.

Eric and I headed to the bow to be able to see Blith when it came into view. I set my bag down and leaned against the railing. If I closed my eyes and listened to the ocean and smelled the scent of the ship I could almost pretend I was with Finn again. I could feel his arms around me and see the joy on his face as he pointed out things to me while we sailed.

I pinched myself and opened my eyes. That was enough of that!

“You do seem much more at ease aboard a ship,” Eric commented.

“In time I will dismiss that and learn to love the land the same way I love the ocean,” I said to assure myself more than him.

“There’s nothing wrong with loving sailing,” he said, “New memories can be made to replace the painful ones.”

“Can we please not discuss it?” I asked him angrily. “I didn’t come with you to be reminded of the cause of my…” I almost said broken heart, “discomfort.”

“I’m sorry,” he said, “I wasn’t trying to upset you. I won’t bring it up again.”

“Thank you,” I said and turned away from him.

The ship set sail and I watched Crilan disappear behind us. I couldn’t stop the memories from coming and the pain was almost too much. It was the strongest since I had returned. Eric looked like he wanted to console me, but he kept his distance. My fists were so clenched tightly that my knuckles were white. It took about fifteen minutes, but I shoved the feelings down as hard as I could and partially succeeded. “So,” I said in a rough voice, “What are we going to do in Blith first?”