Playing Well With Others (61 page)

Half of all sexually active people will contract an STI by the time they are 25.
¹
As we learn new ways to express our sexuality, and meet new, exciting folks with whom we want to express ourselves, we will be well served to develop skills and strategies for keeping ourselves healthy. The first step is to know what’s out there and where it hides.

Along your adventurous path you may come across blood, semen, mucosal membrane/vaginal secretions and ejaculate, breast milk, saliva, urine and feces — sometimes on their own, sometimes in various combinations. These are the bodily fluids that can carry and spread infection and disease.

Blood:
Human Immunodeficiency Virus (HIV), Hepatitis A, B and C Virus

Semen:
HIV, Hepatitis B, Chlamydia, Gonorrhea

Mucous Membrane/Vaginal Secretions:
hiv,
Hepatitis
b,
Chlamydia, Gonorrhea, NonGonococcal Urethritis/NGU, Syphilis, Trichomoniasis

Saliva:
May contain blood or mucous membrane secretions

Urine:
Pissing on unbroken skin carries no known risk. Internal watersports carry a theoretical risk of HBV transmission, though as of publication date, there have never been documented cases of HBV transmission through urine.

Feces:
Hepatitis A and E, E.coli, Influenza, Polio — feces may contain blood, or semen after unprotected anal sex

You will also encounter
Skin
, and lots of it. Skin-to-skin contact with an infected partner can transmit the following: Herpes Simplex Virus Types I and 2, Human Papillomavirus — HPV, Molluscum Contagiosum, Scabies, Pubic Lice.

Particularly at big events, you will also encounter the most common STI: Rhinovirus — the common cold.

This is a lot to remember. For many folks it is easier to just remember to avoid direct contact with blood, cum, cunt juice, piss, shit, urethral openings, pussies, and assholes. Easier still is to just focus on what barriers you can use to block direct contact. The precautions available vary based on the types of contact you are having:

Fisting and fucking:
Use a barrier: latex or nitrile gloves for fisting, latex or polyisoprene condoms, or a female/bottom condom for fucking. Avoid friction that can cause bleeding by using plenty of lube — non-oil-based lube is needed for latex, and non-petroleum-based for vaginas.

Rimming:
Licking the asshole can spread scat, STIs and STDs, so if you do it, use some plastic wrap, a dental dam, a condom or a glove cut in half.

Oral sex:
Many studies have proven the risk of transmitting STIs through oral sex. Herpes, Gonorrhea and Syphilis can all be easily transmitted through oral. We know that HIV, Hepatitis B, HPV and Chlamydia can be transmitted orally as well. So use condoms, dental dams, plastic wrap or cut a glove open.

Insertion:
If it — finger, dildo, nightstick — is going in a hole (such as a mouth, ass, or cunt), put a condom or a glove on it.

Before you use any furniture for play, clean it with an EPA-approved disinfectant, checking to be sure you know how long the disinfectant has to remain on the surface to be effective — some take as long as two minutes.

This all sounds pretty simple, and I bet this isn’t the first time you have heard about STIs and condoms. Well, it
is
simple, but it isn’t easy. It can be made easy, though, if you practice.

Chances are, you’ve practiced many different skills that you take with you into the play space. You may have even asked someone to teach you a thing or two, and tried many different tools to find the ones that you like. Take this same approach with condoms and other barriers.

Bring condoms into the light of day. Take them out of the package and unroll one. There are many different shapes, sizes and fits, thicknesses and textures. Experiment. Try masturbating with a condom on. See how the texture of gloves changes the way your fingers feel on your clit, or how you can use the condom to create extra friction on the head of your cock. Now, try it with a glove and some more lube. Nitrile gloves can be great sensation toys. Try making a dental dam out of a glove. Practice. Ask a friend or partner to practice with you. Then take the next step.

Set up a scene that will focus on experimentation with barriers. Try different gloves for sensation or rough body play. Spanking with gloves is a lot of fun. How can you incorporate condoms into humiliation play? Make your safer sex tools a part of your scene and a part of your play. Bring an assortment of condoms and share what you learned about them in a medical scene.

Speaking of medical play: GET TESTED. Many folks think that an annual exam or routine physical will include STI testing. Well, it may not, even if your provider knows you are sexually active. Many health care providers do not do STI testing unless you ask. And even if you do ask to be tested for everything, you may end up with just getting screened for Gonorrhea and Chlamydia. Look up the CDC recommendations for testing and go to your appointment prepared with a list of the tests you want done. Keep in mind that many people may think that they have had a complete STI screening and have no idea that STI testing is not typically included in yearly exams.

Dedicated exclusivity is another very simple way to control infections. Fluid bonding — exchanging fluids with only one partner after complete STI testing and satisfying all window periods — is a perfectly viable strategy. Keep in mind that it is, however, a strategy that relies on trust and open, honest communication, and should not be entered into lightly.

Dedicated tools are another option. Bring your own insertables and don’t share. If you are flogging or whipping to blood, dedicate the tools to that partner or use replaceable crackers on your singletails. Either way, limiting a tool’s or your own exposure to only one person’s bodily fluids greatly reduces your risks and helps to control infection.

Now, about this Rhinovirus: the most effective thing you can do to help prevent the spread of infection is to
washyour hands.
Wash before and after every scene. And if you feel like you have a cold or the flu, stay home and take care of yourself. There will be other dates and other parties. We have a responsibility to ourselves and our community to stay healthy. So please, don’t bring your Rhinovirus and Influenza into the dungeon.

There is nothing fun about sexually transmitted infections. At the very least, you will be spending time at the doctor’s office and having difficult conversations with partners rather than having fun. It does not take much to protect yourself. Find barriers you like and use them. Get a cigarette case and turn it into your safer sex kit. Be creative. With a little planning and a little practice you can spend more time in the play space, and less time at the clinic.

General STI information from American Social Health Association and Center for Disease Control websites:
www.ashastd.org
,
www.cdc.gov/std/
. CDC testing guidelines as listed on ASHA page:
www.ashastd.org/std-sti/get-tested/testing-recommendations.html
.

4F: Sex, Gender, Identity, Orientation and Behavior By Aiden Fyre and Lee Harrington

More complex than “is it a boy or a girl,” the concepts of identity and behavior within sex, gender, and orientation are deeply entrenched in social and cultural norms. Although these genders are often viewed as a binary, they actually exist along a continuum with far more potential for flexibility than media and cultural messages would have us believe. In order to delve into gender and sexuality, we must first examine terminology.

Sex
refers to the biological characteristics that define humans as female or male. Assigned at birth,
sex
is determined by chromosomes (XX or XY), dominant hormones (estrogen/progesterone or testosterone), as well as internal and external genitalia (vulva, vagina, and clitoris, or penis and testicles).

However, even in nature, nothing is absolute. The umbrella term
intersex
refers to a spectrum of conditions involving anomalies of the sex chromosomes, gonads, reproductive ducts, and/or genitalia. Intersex persons have anatomy or physiology, often present at birth, that differs from the societal expectations of male and female. Additionally, sex can be altered medically with hormones, or surgically with reconstruction (SRS, or Sex Reassignment Surgery).

Unlike sex that can be objectively measured or observed,
gender
is a subjective set of social, psychological, and emotional traits that classify an individual as feminine, masculine, or androgynous.
Gender
dictates the economic, social, and cultural attributes and opportunities associated with being female or male, as well as the societal expectations for gender expression and role. Despite many misconceptions, gender expression, roles, and societal expectations are
not
universal; most people are a blend of stereotypically masculine and feminine traits.

• Gender attribution
  or
  assumed gender
  is the gender and corresponding pronoun assigned to a person based on gender expression; however, a person’s outwardly perceived
  gender identity
  may differ from their internal self-definition. A person may identify as man or woman, a combination of the two, neither of the two, butch, femme, third-gender, two-spirit, transgender, genderqueer, or a multitude of other possibilities.
  

  Singular pronouns in English are gendered, i.e. He/His/Him and She/Hers/Her; therefore, people identifying outside of the binary of man and woman may use gender-neutral pronouns such as Ze/Hir, They/Them/Theirs, and Yo.
  

• Sexual orientation
  refers to the inner feeling of who a person is attracted or “oriented” to sexually, erotically, and emotionally. A person’s
  sexual identity
  refers to a person’s internal sexual orientation identity, which may include labels such as straight, gay, lesbian, bisexual, bicurious, queer, questioning, asexual, omnisexual, pan- sexual, and more. While
  sexual identity
  is how people define themselves,
  sexual behavior
  refers to what a person actually does, e.g. MSM — men who have sex with men. While sexual orientation, identity, and behavior often correspond, there are some for whom the labels are not fully accurate, such as men on the “down low” who secretly have sex with men while publicly maintaining a straight identity. Regardless of how a person self-identifies, gender identity and sexual orientation are separate concepts; thus, a person who transitions from female-to- male or male-to-female may or may not identify as heterosexual.
  

• Many individuals have sex, gender, gender expression, and assumed gender which are in congruence with societal expectations; these individuals are sometimes referred to as
  cisgendered
  . However, some
  transgender
  individuals choose to transition socially, legally, medically, and/or surgically to have their identity and bodies present a more congruent expression, while still others choose to “play” with gender by trying on different expressions and manifesting a variety of gender expressions. Gender expression and assumed gender are unreliable indicators of a person’s physical body and how they choose to engage with it.
  

Individuals may or may not choose to disclose their sexual journey and/or body experience with others unless it is pertinent to their relationship. The basic rules of etiquette apply to all people — although it is okay to respectfully ask a person how they identity and what their preferred pronoun is, it is rude to ask a person what their genitals look like.

• Kink
  may also be an orientation, identity, or behavior in and of itself. Thus, someone may identify as vanilla (identity), yet still engage in bondage, flogging, and/or cross-dressing (behavior). Some individuals for whom kink is an orientation may choose someone kinky of a different gender than they might otherwise be attracted to over someone of their preferred gender who is not kinky (e.g., a gay leatherman choosing to playing with a lesbian leather- woman rather than a vanilla gay man).
  

  Each individual we encounter has lived their own life journey and thus may use a wide variety of terminology to express their experience. One person may use the same word to explain their orientation that another may use to express their identity. Behaviors, orientations, identities, and expressions often shift over the course of a lifetime. While some may stumble on these changes by happenstance, others deliberately try out different behaviors, orientations, identities, and/or expressions for an evening, a week, or a year, and some choose fluidity as a way of life. These shifts are indicative of an individual’s desires and personal journey along the natural continuum of the human sexual experience.
  

4G: Relationships Beyond Labels: Some Terminology You May Encounter, and What It May (Or May Not) Mean By Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy

As you explore the world of public sexual adventuring — parties, conferences, munches, gatherings, rituals, potlucks and all the rest of it — you may be doing some cruising or flirting. Thus, it behooves you to be aware of what kinds of agreements the people you’re coming on to may have made about their existing relationships, and how those agreements may affect what you’d like to do with those people.