Playing With Fire (Sweet Redemption) (8 page)

“Sunday,” she said, confirming it to herself. That would give her enough time to travel, settle in and relax before her day of celebration.

Eric looked like he was barely restraining himself, but this time, there was no sexual energy to it.

He seemed furious.

“Fine,” he said, turning and storming out of her office, shutting her door behind him.

Janet stared at the back of her door in wonder.

CHAPTER SEVEN: NO ESCAPE

When she first started packing, Janet felt depressed—thinking about all the time she was supposed to spend alone in a beautiful location, a thing made for sharing with someone. But by the end of her packing, she was elated.

It was the perfect opportunity to let go of her past, and embrace her present. To clear her head and spend time with herself figuring out what she really wanted.

She was now feeling grateful for the opportunity to do some soul-searching, and think about the future.

Besides her reading material—some fluffy romances, a few autobiographies and more serious, literary fiction—she was bringing along her notebook of plans for a secret project she had started many, many years ago.

She didn’t know how, but she knew one day she wanted to embark upon getting the project off the ground—it had been with her for as long as she could remember, and she couldn’t imagine ever abandoning it. She just never had enough time to work on it and try to figure out what kind of resources—human and otherwise—she would need once she had left college and entered the job world.

Still, sadness enveloped her every now and then. It was the first birthday she’d spend alone in her entire life. David had finally gotten the message and was out of her life for good, and Eric hadn’t talked to her since he’d slammed the door to her office.

Janet had recently spoken to Liz who had wished her an early happy birthday by taking her out to dinner the night before since Janet had no plans to use her cell phone while away—not because of roaming charges, but because the whole point of a vacation to her was to get away. It wasn’t the time to get caught up in other people’s needs—she had to take the time to take care of her own.

She planned to check her emails, but that was about it.

As the cab dropped her off at the airport, Janet continued to remind herself that she needed this quality alone time, all the while trying not to think about how she still hadn’t received a call from Eric.

It had been five days since she’d heard from him.

Oh well
, she thought.
Better this way I guess—fifty-three more days till the end of my
abstinence journey.

***

Janet thought she was seeing things at first when she thought she spotted Eric in the airport.

She looked closer, then looked around at every dark head in a suit. Then she shook her head as if to shake off the thoughts and some sense into herself. Clearly she
was
seeing things.

She hated to admit to herself once again how much she wished he’d been able to come with her—so much so that she was imagining him being around.

Janet didn’t stop there—she scanned the airplane for him, and finally admitted to herself she’d been seeing things earlier, and was being outright ridiculous.

Yet when she got up to use the bathroom mid-flight, she scanned the airplane for him once more.

When she finally landed, she was smiling again. The fresh air, the rich foliage she glimpsed from the plane and that surrounded her as she was driven to her hotel, and the warm weather all greeted her like old friends.

She checked in to her hotel, admiring its interior decor, then excitedly hurried to her room, the bell hop not far behind with her two suitcases.

She tipped him generously once they arrived to her room, and took a breath before sliding the key in the door, looking forward to seeing what her suite looked like.

It was an island, so she wasn’t expecting what she was normally used to when traveling, but she knew her father would not disappoint; he’d get her the best.

As she swung open the door, her mouth dropped open. She didn’t even notice the bell hop drag her suitcases inside then take off with a knowing look.

There Eric lay quite comfortably on the king-sized bed, an I-pad in hand.

He put it down and turned to her, laying on his side, head propped up by his arm.

He simply stared at her with a slight smile playing at his lips.

Janet fought the urge to rub her eyes.

He was not a mirage—she was not going crazy. And yet...

“What on earth are you doing here?” she managed to squeeze from her mouth, finally letting the room door close behind her.

Eric raised himself up to a sitting position.

“Figured I’d take a vacation too. We’ll write it off as part of our project expenses. Research or something.”

Janet had so many questions she didn’t know where to begin again.

“Don’t worry—the expenses and time off have been approved. Got my briefcase with the files and all that. It’s legit.”

Still, questions flooded her mind.

He had only just arrived in the company—who would approve him for time off already? Who had told him where she was and how did he find out her exact room? How did he know...

“It’s really not that complicated Janet. I wanted to see you, and I knew I’d miss you while you were gone. Basically, I didn’t approve of you running away from us like that, so I did something about it. Don’t worry—only Brenda knows the details of all of this. I’m officially on a business trip while you’re on vacation. Now, what’s the first order of business, partner?”

Janet was still struck dumb.

Instead of answering, she dragged her suitcases over to the bed and started unpacking. She ignored the fact that some of his stuff was already hanging in the closet or stuffed in a drawer.

“You’ve made yourself at home here,” she said at last.

“What are we, twelve? You really think there’s a need for separate bedrooms? I mean, think about the Earth and all that.”

Janet giggled, and she wasn’t sure if it was actual amusement or if she was on the verge of hysteria.

She calmed herself by thinking of the answer to his first question: the first order of business beyond settling in.

“In no particular order,” she began, “we must do the following: lunch, lay out on the beach, snorkeling, kayaking, dinner, visit parks and museums, and perhaps a temple. And definitely a spa. And those are just some ideas to begin with—I haven’t sorted out what the week’s going to look like yet.”

His smile was so bright, she was surprised it hadn’t shorted out the room.

She couldn’t help smiling back.

Then her stomach grumbled.

“I lied,” she said, “lunch is first. The rest in no particular order. But most of them tomorrow or some other day because I don’t know about you, but when I begin a day by traveling, I just want to relax for the rest of the day.”

***

After lunch, they agreed to lay out by the pool.

“I saw you have some books with you, but what were you going to do the whole week by yourself? Just read?” Eric asked her.

Janet thought about it before answering. She figured there was no harm in sharing her project with him.

“I’m working on a personal project,” she said. “Since I’m not going to be a social worker, I’m working on something else for helping at-risk children.”

Eric’s eyebrows raised and he looked impressed.

Then he said softly:

“You’re a remarkable woman Janet,” and when she looked at his face, his expression had changed, matching the tenderness in his voice.

Her heart stirred.

“Don’t look at me like that,” she said, turning away from him on her lounge chair as she found herself suddenly fighting back tears.

“Like what? Why?”

You’re gonna make me fall in love with you. A look like that—there’s no turning back.

She knew better than to say the words running through her head out loud.

He reached over to coax her to turn back over.

She let her body cooperate but didn’t meet his eyes.

“It’s okay,” he said. “I promise you, it’s okay.”

Once again, something about him made her want to spill her truth.

“You’re a danger to my future,” she said, finally looking at him again.

His forehead creased, and she looked away again.

Janet had never felt at anyone’s mercy since Sean. She was so in love with Sean, she had been willing to give up her inheritance for him, didn’t care that her father threatened to disown her for dating such a deadbeat. Even her mother, though she had pulled her aside to say she understood her need to ‘experiment’ looked at Sean as if he were the result of some science experiment gone wrong. No one had really gotten what she saw in him. Even she couldn’t put her finger on it.

“I almost fucked up my entire life because of a guy once. I fell in love when I was eighteen, which of course means I fell into stupid. I believed in the love fairytale—I’d been surrounded by it with my parents married most of my life, Disney movies etc. I truly believed that someday my prince would come, that I’d get swept off my feet by some handsome, slightly devilish—but in a cute way of course—bastard who would take care of me and love me like I was the most precious thing in the world to him. We’d live happily ever after and have our proverbial two and a half kids and white picket fence. Actually, in my fantasy, we’d have more kids than that—I’m at three now, but back when I was a teenager I imagined up to seven biological and some adopted. They’d be multiples—twins, and then a quintuplet set. I guess I wanted a lot of kids but didn’t want to actually be pregnant more than a few times.”

She smiled, looking at him briefly.

“Anyway, you wouldn’t believe how close I came to giving up everything because of this guy—and I mean everything. I almost dropped out of college. If he had proposed to me and required that of me, I would’ve done it. If I had gotten pregnant, I would have kept the baby, wanting to keep him. My education, my inheritance—I would have given it all up to be barefoot and pregnant for him. You bet my dad threatened me too but I didn’t care about my stupid trust fund—all I cared about was that Sean loved me, and wanted me, and wanted to wife me. He was an artsy type, his family didn’t have money, but I would have lived through cardboard box times in hopes of hitting it big with him when he accomplished what he wanted to someday, as long as I was with him.”

She sighed and shook her head.

“I still can’t believe how I completely lost my mind over that guy, all at the tender age of eighteen. I’m glad things went the way they did—I’m glad he shattered my heart when he cheated on me. And then to add insult to injury, he dumped me later after I went back on my word to myself to not stay with a cheating bastard like him. But I’m glad he gave me a reason not to romanticize him for too long because today, I see what a fool I’d been. And I can see very clearly now how unhappy I would have eventually been.

“One day, I would have awakened and resented him for everything I gave up—I would find him lacking in some way, and be mad at myself through him, for letting myself get to such a level for someone who wasn’t even worth it. I would have found my best years gone, time I could have used to advance and improve myself and be okay with myself, closer to self-actualization, and I would’ve hated him for it, blamed him for it. And eventually, I’d probably just hate myself for being so stupid, for letting myself get caught up in someone else’s dream. I promised myself when my heart finally stopped aching and I had no more tears for him and that particular broken dream, that I would never let a man do that to me again. Thank god I went through with getting my degree and from there, started building my own life, started my own path.”

“But in a way, didn’t you let some man do that to you again? What about your father? Didn’t you give up things for him?”

Janet suddenly felt struck, hurt. She knew he didn’t mean to send a missile, but one had found her with his words.

She realized she had fooled herself into thinking she had done everything since that time in her life for herself.

“What did you major in for example?” Eric continued. “Is that what you wanted?”

“Accounting. And no—you’re right. I did it to prepare myself for working with my dad’s company.”

“So what did you really want to do?”

“It would have been liberal arts all the way I figure—the Humanities. I minored in Education because that was one way I could see myself helping kids. And I’d thought briefly about social work. Anyway, my dad only had me left so I didn’t have much choice. He was relying on me.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, my parents adopted a little boy when I was thirteen, and by the time I was in college, my brother was dead. Some teenager ran him over while texting and driving—my brother had run across the road to retrieve a ball. He was nine at the time. I think that was the beginning of the end for my parents—things weren’t the same. They divorced by the time I was out of college, and I think in a way my dad blamed my mom. Then when she died of cancer two years after they divorced, I don’t think he ever got over it. I generally didn’t see him much growing up, but after coming back home, he encouraged me to go back out there and get my master’s. I had applied to a few places anyway, and with his legacy, got in a program easily. Anyway, I learned a bit about the foster care system because of my brother and I’ve always loved kids and I’ve always wanted to find a way to help them so that’s what my ‘secret’ project is about.”