Possession: Steel Brothers Saga: Book Three (6 page)

“Were any words exchanged between him and Talon Steel?”

I was an officer of the court. I could not lie to an officer of the law. And there was no need to. We had lots of witnesses. “Yes, words were exchanged.”

“What kinds of words?”

“Talon wasn’t happy to see Colin, obviously. And neither were his brothers. I don’t really remember everything that was said.”

“Did any of the brothers touch him in any way?”

I closed my eyes, trying to remember. Had Talon grabbed Colin? No. He and Jonah had both raised their hands to him, but they hadn’t touched him.

Thank God.

“No, they didn’t.”

“Good.” Steve looked visibly relieved. “What was the last thing Colin said before he left?”

“I don’t recall his exact words, of course, but he said he would see me in court on Monday.”

“And he didn’t show up for court.”

“That’s right.”

“Is there anything else you can tell me about this?”

I shook my head. “That’s all I know, Officer.”

“You can call me Steve.” He smiled.

I smiled back. “All right, Steve. I’m Jade.”

“Okay, Jade.” His lip twitched.

Was he nervous?

“Uh…would you like to join me for a drink after work?”

“
Y
esterday we told
my sister about what happened to me.” I gripped the now familiar green leather arms of the recliner in Dr. Carmichael’s office.

“And how did that go?” she asked.

“About as well as I expected. She was angry and hurt that we hadn’t trusted her with the information before now. She asked a lot of questions, wanted to know a lot of details—details I wasn’t comfortable sharing.”

“And how did you handle that?”

“I didn’t want to lie to her. I had only just shared some of the details with my brothers earlier. I didn’t want to saddle Marjorie with the horror of it all. So I just said I didn’t remember a lot of the details. She seemed to buy that.”

“Why did you feel she couldn’t handle the details?”

“I guess it’s not that I thought she couldn’t handle them. She’s my baby sister. I didn’t want her to
have
to handle them, you know?”

Dr. Carmichael nodded. “I understand. How else did she react?”

“She cried. She said it helped her understand so much now. And of course she wanted to tell…”

“Tell whom?”

“She wanted to tell Jade. Jade’s her best friend.”

Dr. Carmichael cleared her throat. “What did you say to that?”

“I made her promise not to tell Jade.”

“And did she?”

“Yes, she promised, but on one condition.”

“And that was?”

“That
I
tell Jade. When I’m ready.”

“I think that’s a good idea. I think you do need to tell Jade. But you don’t have to be in any hurry.”

“How can you say that? I’m in love with this woman. And she said she loves me too. I’m amazed every day at the fact that someone so wonderful could love me.”

“That’s exactly why I
can
say that, Talon. You have a long way to go to work through all of this. You need to understand that you’re worthy of her love, and you’re just not there yet.”

Dr. Carmichael was right. I sure wasn’t there yet. “You’re right. I’m not.”

“So is there anything you want to talk about today?”

Where to start? “I have no idea where to begin, Doc. So much happened, and so much of it affected me.”

“The last time, you said that the one with the phoenix tattoo seemed to be the leader.”

“Maybe that’s a good place to start,” I said. “The phoenix.”

“What about the phoenix?”

“I came across a similar image recently.”

“Oh? Where?”

I breathed in and let it out slowly. “Jade. She was going to have an almost identical image tattooed on her lower back.”

Dr. Carmichael widened her eyes. “Really? How did that come about?”

I rubbed my temple, my head beginning to ache. “Hell if I know. She said she found the image in one of the books at our local tattoo shop in Snow Creek. I went over, and damned if the image wasn’t nearly identical to the one I remember.”

“Odd that Jade would pick the same image.”

I nodded. “More than odd. She said the phoenix was a symbol to her. She got left at the altar and was humiliated, and the phoenix rising from the ashes pointed the way to a new and better life for herself.”

“That does make sense,” Dr. Carmichael said.

“It didn’t make sense to me.”

“It didn’t make sense to you? Or were you just so upset by the image that you didn’t even think about it making sense?”

God, I hated it when she was right. “That image…it’s hard for me to…” I closed my eyes, gripping the arms of the leather chair.

* * *

A
gain I focused
on the colorful bird on his forearm—the only thing I could focus on to keep myself from screaming or emptying my stomach. It was a menace, but it was also my safe place.

“Yeah, boy, that’s it, take it all,” Tattoo said, pumping into me.

Low Voice and the other laughed, jeered. “That’s it. Give it to him good. You know he likes to be fucked.”

Again, I stared at the bird. I’d learned not to argue with what they said. Did they really think I liked this? How could anyone like any of this? I hated it. I hated it to the depths of my soul. But I did what I had to do to survive. The first few times, when I screamed, “No, I hate this!” I’d been punished with a beating.

Why did I try to survive? Most of the time I wished I were dead. But still, every time they came, I did what I had to in order to survive.

Every damned time.

* * *

I
opened my eyes
. “That phoenix has been part of my life since then.”

“How so?”

I swallowed. “I always thought I remembered every single horrific detail of what I went through. But honestly, Doc, new memories surface all the time. Like, for example, I just remembered about the one guy missing a toe. How could I have forgotten that?”

“Talon, your mind does what it has to so that you can survive. You were ten. It’s only natural for you to block out some things.”

“But something as innocuous as how many toes one of my captors had? Why would I choose to block that out, when I remembered so many of the horrors?”

“I don’t know, but we
will
figure it out. You did remember the phoenix.”

True. “For a long time, the phoenix was the only thing I remembered about the whole experience. Other than the abuse, that is. I’m afraid that has always been etched into my psyche. I wish I could forget it.”

“Forgetting things and blocking things out come with their own problems,” the doctor said. “The fact that you do remember is actually in your favor, as far as healing goes.”

“I’m sure you know what you’re talking about, but let me tell you, remembering all of that is a curse.”

“The curse is that it happened to you. Remembering it will help you get through it.”

“I hope you’re right.”

“Let’s get back to the phoenix. That was the only thing you remembered about your captors. Why do you think that is?”

I had only just begun to solve the riddle of the phoenix. All those years had passed. I had named my horse Phoenix, for fuck’s sake. I’d had a poster of a phoenix on the wall of my room. Yet the phoenix represented hell to me. “The phoenix was the one constant in everything, Doc. The one thing I remembered about the guy. When they were…attacking me, I wasn’t allowed to scream, or I got beaten. I wasn’t allowed to throw up, or I got beaten. Basically all I was allowed to do was take it like a man, as they liked to say. So I had to find something to focus on, and I focused on that phoenix on his forearm.”

“So in a way, the phoenix became a haven for you.”

“I don’t know if I’d say that exactly.”

“Why wouldn’t you say that?”

“Because the phoenix represented the one who was the hardest on me, the one who was the meanest, the leader of the three. It was on his body.”

“Yet it provided an escape.”

“Maybe. It did give me something to focus on. And then, here’s the weird thing. Five years later, when I turned fifteen, my dad got me this awesome horse. Black as midnight and sleek as suede. I named him Phoenix.”

Dr. Carmichael twisted a strand of blond hair. “Really? Why Phoenix?”

“Honestly? I never really thought about it until recently. It just seemed like the name fit.”

“It may well have fit. But there’s another reason you named your horse after an image you detested. And it’s because you didn’t detest it. Not entirely.”

“No, I
did
.”

“I’m not denying that. Part of you did detest it. It represented hell to you. But it was also your escape. And what better name for a beautiful black horse that could run like the wind, on whose back you could ride and escape?”

Wow. Epiphany. She was right. Deep in the marrow of my bones, I knew she was right, even though… “I just don’t understand it.”

“In time, you will. Trust me. It makes perfect sense.”

“But when I was alone, at night in the dark, the walls seemed to close in on me. Sometimes they talked. I know it was in my mind, but it seemed so real at the time. And sometimes it wasn’t just the walls. It was the phoenix who would talk to me, taunt me.”

“That was the phoenix that represented hell. But the name you gave your horse was the phoenix that represented your escape.”

“I do understand what you’re saying, Doc. It really does make sense. But I don’t understand how it
can
make sense. How can one image have two opposite meanings for me?”

“Because it had two opposite meanings for you at the time. It’s a fairly common thing.”

I gripped my jaw. “If you say so.”

“It makes perfect sense, Talon. It makes perfect sense that you would name your horse—upon whom you probably rode fast and long and did a lot of escaping—after the one thing that allowed you some escape during your time in captivity, even if that thing also meant the opposite to you.”

“I’d prefer it to have no meaning at all for me.”

“I’d prefer that no one had to go through any kind of sorrow or mental illness in life. Of course, that would mean I’m out of business.” She smiled.

I gave her a half smile back. “Touché.”

“So you said Jade was going to get a tattoo, and it happened to be the same image.”

“Yeah. Luckily, she only got the regular ink transfer done, and I told her no way was she going to get a tattoo.”

“How did she react to that?”

“Not good. But that was the least of my concerns at the time. I tracked down the tattoo artist who did the original tattoo. But it’s been twenty-five years, so he couldn’t remember who he had done it on. He did say it was his original design though.”

“But it’s possible that someone else had done the same design or something similar.”

“Yes, it’s possible. But this was done in Snow Creek. And I was abducted in Snow Creek.”

“I see. So you talked to the guy who did the tattoo.”

“Yeah. Like I said, he couldn’t remember. Said he’d been stoned most of those years.”

“Did he keep records?”

“I have no idea. I asked him to check. He’s supposed to get back to me. I’ll lean on him a little.”

“Well, that’s a lead. Have you changed your mind about catching these guys? You seem to go back and forth.”

I let out a sigh. “I honestly don’t know, Doc. I’d love to see them pay for what they did to me. And as I’ve told you, I’ve had more than one fantasy about doling out my own idea of justice.” I held up my hand. “Yes, yes, I know. I won’t do it. I spent enough of my life in captivity. I don’t want to spend the rest of it in prison.”

“Good idea.”

“My brothers really want me to try to find them. They’d like to see them locked up too.”

“I would too,” Dr. Carmichael said.

“I suppose I could put a few high-paid PIs on the job. God knows I have the money.”

“Why don’t you?”

Good question. Why didn’t I? Better question. Why hadn’t I? “You need to understand. It’s only recently that I actually decided I could dredge this up and deal with it.”

“I do understand. But now that we’re working through it, maybe it’s time to hire those PIs.”

She was right. “Maybe it is time.”

“Our time’s about up for today, Talon,” Dr. Carmichael said.

I grabbed my cell phone out of my pocket and looked at it. I had turned off the ringer during my session. I had a text from Jade.

I need to see you. I’m coming over after work.