Authors: Paige Weaver
Tags: #romance, #contemporary romance, #New Adult
Her tears dampened my shirt and the dirt on her face smeared into my
clothing. I didn’t care. I was just happy Eva was standing next to me
again. Safe. Whole. Home.
I could feel her bony shoulders under my hands. Her right arm was
bandaged in a grimy sling and her shirt was threadbare. Her beautiful
blonde hair that had always looked so perfect was now matted and caked
with mud. But she had never looked so good to me before.
Holding Eva’s gaunt body next to mine, I glanced at the other
riders. Gavin was slowly climbing out of the saddle, looking defeated
and weary. As Ryder’s older brother, he was the leader of the group.
The eldest and the most levelheaded out of all of them.
Brody practically fell off of his horse in exhaustion. A filthy
bandage was wrapped around his head and spots of blood dotted the
material. The injury didn’t stop him from keeping his eyes on Eva. I
knew his love for her was the only reason she was here now.
Cash brought up the rear. Always the loner, he remained in the
saddle, holding himself distant from everyone else. His cowboy hat was
pulled low over his eyes, hiding his expression and giving him a look of
detachment.
But there was one person missing.
I let go of Eva and focused on Gavin. “Where’s Ryder?”
Gavin limped over to me, still carrying his shotgun. His eyes stared
into mine, ignoring his mom and dad when they asked if he was okay.
Ignoring everyone except me. Stopping inches away, he towered over me,
tall like his brother.
The first thing I noticed was the amount of blood on his shirt. The
second thing I noticed was the expression on his face. Sadness, anguish,
and so much grief.
Oh God, no!
“Gavin?” I asked, my voice breaking. I took a step back. Then
another, suddenly afraid. With each step, the bile rose higher in my
throat.
Gavin shuffled forward, his hand reaching for me. “Maddie.”
That’s when I knew.
I started shaking my head, refusing to acknowledge what I read in his
eyes. Tears blurred my vision and I felt as if a hand was tightly
squeezing my neck, choking the life from me.
“NO! NO!” The words erupted from my throat like cries of
grief.
I covered my mouth, holding back a scream when I saw wetness in
Gavin’s eyes. Behind me Janice cried out in sorrow.
Gavin reached for me. The part of my mind still functioning noticed
that his hand was covered in blood. It smeared across my arm as he
grasped me and implored, “Listen to me, Maddie…”
I shook my head in denial and yanked away from him. He clutched his
side, his face contorting with pain. Limping closer, his eyes held mine.
I refused to acknowledge what I saw in them.
“Where’s Ryder?” I asked, forcing the words out.
When he didn’t answer, my tears fell harder.
“Oh, God! Oh, God!” I cried, rubbing my forehead and glancing
around. Everyone was staring at me with pity. I started pacing, taking
small steps back and forth in front of Gavin, unable to think
clearly.
This couldn’t be happening! It’s a joke. A cruel
joke!
I started pounding hysterically on Gavin’s chest, ignoring the way
his face turned white. “Where the hell is he?” I screamed, pushing
him back a step. “Where. Is. He?”
Gavin grabbed both of my wrists in one hand and shook me once, trying
to calm me down. “He was shot, Maddie!”
“NOOOO!” I cried. A sob ripped from my throat, followed by
another. My knees went weak and my body deflated. I started to crumble,
powerless to stand any longer.
Gavin managed to hold me upright, despite the fact that he seemed
ready to fall himself. Pulling me forward, he wrapped his arms around
me.
“I’m sorry, Maddie. I’m so sorry. I tried…I tried to get to
him,” he said shakily.
I grabbed handfuls of his shirt and burst into tears as the ache in
my chest became too much. I could hear sobbing and crying. Whether it
came from me or someone else, I didn’t know.
Ryder’s been shot! He wasn’t coming back to me!
Oh, God! Oh, God! Oh, God!
“He was right in the thick of the fighting. Shots were flying
everywhere but we were holding our own. Then more soldiers started
appearing out of nowhere. I tried covering him so he could pull back to
safety but we were outnumbered. I saw him go down,” Gavin said, sorrow
in his voice. His arms tightened around me. “Blood was soaking his
shirt and he was unconscious, just lying there in the grass.”
I clutched his shirt tighter as his words sank in.
Blood. Ryder. Lying there.
“They took him. After they shot him, they dragged him away like a
piece of garbage.” His voice took on a hard edge. “The bastards have
him.”
With his last word, Gavin stumbled against me, suddenly heavy. I felt
warmth against my abdomen. Looking down, I found blood soaking into my
shirt. Jerking my eyes up, I saw Gavin’s face lose all color a second
before his eyes rolled back into his head. He collapsed against me, out
cold.
With a cry, I caught him, struggling to keep him upright. Brody
rushed forward and grabbed Gavin before he collapsed and took me with
him. Roger and Janice were beside their son immediately, kneeling next
to him as Brody eased him to the ground.
I glanced down, nauseously eyeing the blood that smeared across my
shirt and arms. In my head, it was Ryder’s blood soaking into my skin,
not Gavin’s.
Tremors attacked every muscle of my body. My mind went blank and I
felt cold. Empty. Numbly, I took a step back. Then another, shaking my
head in denial.
This can’t be happening! First my dad
then Ryder! No, no, no!
Eva was beside me immediately, putting an arm around my shoulders and
holding me tight. “He might still be alive, Maddie,” she
whispered.
I prayed that was true. I hoped for nothing less.
I watched lifelessly as Janice ripped open Gavin’s shirt, revealing
a knife wound near his ribs. She applied pressure on the cut, using only
her hands. Gavin groaned loudly, flinching with pain.
“Bastards cut him when he tried going after Ryder. He’s lost a
lot of blood,” Brody explained.
His voice faded as Cash approached me. His gaze burned into mine,
flat and distant. His scruffy jaw flexed, reminding me of someone forced
to say something he really didn’t want to say. For a split second, the
wall he kept around himself vanished, revealing sadness and a weariness
that came from seeing too much, knowing too much.
I let go of Eva to face him, needing someone to tell me the truth.
Cash was that person. He wouldn’t sugarcoat anything.
“Is he dead, Cash?” I asked, barely able to force the words past
my lips.
Taking off his cowboy hat, he smacked it against his thigh. Dust
swirled around him, adding to the dirt already caking his clothes.
“He was shot in the chest, Maddie.”
I saw the truth behind his words. He didn’t believe Ryder was still
alive.
The roaring in my ears increased. I felt faint, my head lighter
somehow. The edges of my vision dimmed, making everything appear fuzzy.
I closed my eyes, just wanting to disappear.
My body slid into oblivion.
The last thought I had was of Ryder.
~~~~
Nothing.
That is what I was.
Ryder was gone. My world shattered like a piece of delicate glass
dropped on a marble floor. Tiny slivers of the life I once had lingered,
but they were broken. Useless. Just fragments of what they once were. I
had no hope. No prayers. No desire to go on.
I laid in bed for days. I refused to move and barely ate. Janice grew
upset. Gavin grew irritated. No one was happy. We had lost one of our
own.
I had lost him.
“I love you, Maddie. Remember to be strong. For
me.”
They were some of the last words he had said to me. They had been
haunting me for hours. I never wanted to forget them. I needed to hear
the words like I needed air to breathe. As I laid in his bed, his words
bounced around my head, refusing to let me forget.
I touched a fingertip to my lips, remembering our last kiss. I wanted
that minute back. Just one more second with him.
His scent wafted up from the cotton sheets tucked around me. It
caused the ache in my chest to grow, paralyzing me until I thought I
would never feel the same again. Tears soaked the pillow beneath my
head, just a few of the thousands I had shed already.
Sunlight filtered in through the window, brightening the room, but
only darkness surrounded me. The light in me was gone. Like a candle
without its flame, I sat alone and without purpose.
I heard voices from somewhere in the house.
They’re
leaving.
Last night, I had overheard Gavin and Cash talking. They
were going after Ryder today. It would be one of many attempts they
would make to find him.
“Be strong. For me.”
I squeezed my eyes shut as the words forced themselves into my brain
again. I didn’t want to be strong. I wanted to crawl beneath the
covers and never emerge. I wanted to dissolve into the floor and
disappear.
Like a leaf falling into a fast moving river, I wanted to float away.
But there was one thing keeping me from sinking deeper under the dark
waters.
My unborn child.
There are certain days that I will never forget. Days that changed my
life forever. When my mom died. Meeting Ryder for the first time. The
night I gave him my virginity. The moment when the EMP hit, taking
electricity from the United States. The day my dad died. Finding out I
was pregnant. Standing under the stars as Ryder asked me to marry him.
So many important days - some happy, some sad. But the day that changed
my life forever was the day Ryder didn’t return. That day, my world
crumpled. Now all I had left were memories.
“Maddie Jackson, get out of that tree!”
Grasping the limb beneath me, I leaned over so I could glance down at
Ryder. He stood with his feet apart, his arms crossed over his chest. He
looked mad enough to climb up the tree and get me down himself. I wanted
to roll my eyes. Ever since he turned thirteen, he just wasn’t fun
anymore.
“What’s wrong, Ryder, afraid I’ll fall?” I laughed, swinging
my legs playfully in midair.
“Hell yeah, I’m afraid you’ll fall! Get down before you break
your neck!” he yelled, squinting up at me from beneath his ball
cap.
I giggled at the scowl on his face and swung my legs again, this time
sending my feet higher into the air.
“Maaaddie,” he warned, drawing out my name.
I ignored him. He was harmless and wouldn’t dare touch a hair on my
head.
With a smirk, I glanced up, wondering how much further I could climb.
The green leaves beckoned, teasing me to reach for them. I wanted to be
at the top, able to look down and see everything.
The sun filtered through the branches, blinding me. I closed my eyes
and felt the heat on my face. The wind shifted, cooling my cheeks.
Opening my eyes, I let go of the branch beneath me and grabbed
another.
“Don’t you dare!” Ryder yelled, adding a cuss word I’d never
heard before. His bad language didn’t bother me. My daddy said not to
repeat anything Ryder said and I never did, but sometimes I thought all
his cussing sounded silly.
“I’m gonna try to get to the other branch. Maybe I can see my
house from up here,” I said, balancing myself as I rose to my feet. I
didn’t dare look down when Ryder started pacing back and forth beneath
the tree, muttering something I couldn’t hear.
“I swear, Maddie, I’m going to kick your butt when you get
down!” he yelled, stopping right below me.
“You’ll have to catch me first!” I shouted, chewing on my lower
lip as I concentrated on pulling myself onto a higher limb. Bouncing up
and down, I tested the strength of the branch. Leaves danced frantically
at the end of their little sticks, producing a rustling noise. I loved
the sound. It always reminded me of summer.
“Oh, I’ll catch you, Maddie,” Ryder said, shading his eyes
against the sun so he could see me, “and when I do, you’ll be sorry
for scaring me.”
“Thought nothing scared you. You a sissy?” I teased, knowing my
name calling only made him mad.
He made a funny noise deep in his throat, reminding me of the stray
dog that growled at me last year. I wondered how Ryder made that noise.
I needed to ask him. Maybe he could teach me. Might come in handy when I
was frustrated with Eva.
A wave of dizziness hit me when I glanced down at him. He seemed so
far away that for just a fraction of a second I grew afraid. Then I
shook off the feeling and grinned at him. I wasn’t going to turn into
a wuss. I could do this.
Pulling myself to a higher branch, I held my breath as it protested
under my weight. Holding on tightly, I waited for the limb to break.
Nothing. I was safe.
“Hey, look Ryder! I made it!” I shouted, smiling triumphantly
down at him.
“Good for you. Now get back down here.”
Ignoring him, I squinted against the sun and tried to peer through
the leaves for the top of my house. I just knew I could see it from
here. Suddenly, the sun glinted off of something shiny in the
distance.
“I see the barn roof!” I cried out, feeling excitement.
“Great. Now get down,” Ryder snapped, impatient.
“Hold on a sec.”
I looked up. There was a nice, thick branch above me. If I could
reach it, maybe I could see my horse, Buttercup, grazing in the
pasture.
I lifted my foot and reached for the branch.
“Maddie! NO!”
A strong gust of wind hit me, pushing against my small frame. I tried
to hold onto the tree but the rough bark slipped through my small
fingers. With a shriek of alarm, I lost my balance and fell backwards.
Frantically, I tried to grasp the nearest branch but I couldn’t stop
my fall.
It happened in a split second. One minute I was in the tree, the next
there was nothing but air around me. My back hit a tree limb as I fell.
My head smacked against a thick branch, sending a shot of pain through
me. My hair snagged on small sticks, leaving behind strands as I toppled
down. I think I screamed but I don’t know.
I felt myself fall smack into Ryder. The force knocked us both to the
ground.
“Oh, shit! Oh, shit!” he said frantically, scrambling out from
under me.
I cried out as my arm was jarred against the hard ground. Pain like I
had never felt before exploded from every muscle in my body.
Ryder kneeled down and touched my wrist. Pain shot up my arm. I
screamed, feeling like someone was pulling my arm apart.
“Oh, Jesus!” Ryder exclaimed as tears rolled down my face. “I
think your arm’s broken.”
“It hurts, Ryder,” I sobbed, my arm lying uselessly at my side. I
tried moving it but the pain was too much. I cried out again, a
combination of a scream and a cry of agony. Through my tears, I saw the
panic on Ryder’s face. I swore then never to call him a sissy
again.
“I gotta get you back to the house,” he said under his breath,
talking more to himself than to me.
This was my fault. I had begged him to go with me today. We used to
spend all our time exploring the fields around our daddies’ farms but
since he became interested in girls, we didn’t do those things
anymore. I missed him. But I was glad he was with me right now.
Clutching my shoulder, I tried to sit up, but it hurt too much.
“Don’t move. I’ll carry you home,” Ryder said. He scooped me
up, one hand under my knees and the other behind my back. As if I
weighed nothing, he started walking across the field with me in his
arms.
Tears streamed down my face as he rushed across the bumpy, uneven
ground. He glanced down at me a few times and I think he tried to talk
to me but the pain in my arm was too terrible to pay attention.
I cried all the way home but when I saw my dad everything seemed
better.
“Daddy!” I wailed as Ryder carried me through the yard.
My dad looked up from the old lawn mower he was fixing. Rays of
bright sunlight gleamed off of his brown hair and made him squint to see
me clearly.
“Maddie?” he asked, looking stunned to see me in Ryder’s
arms.
“She broke her arm, Mr. Jackson!” Ryder shouted.
My dad dropped the screwdriver in his hand and jogged across the
yard, meeting Ryder halfway.
“What happened?” he asked, helping me out of Ryder’s arms.
“She fell out of a tree.”
“A tree? Maddie, how many times have I told you not to climb so
high?” my dad asked, irritated.
More tears raced down my cheeks. My dad never got mad at me!
“It was my fault, Mr. Jackson. I dared her to go that high,”
Ryder lied, facing my dad with no fear. I wondered why he was protecting
me but sometimes Ryder just did things like that.
My dad sighed heavily and gave Ryder a frustrated look. “I’ve
warned you two before…” He shook his head with resignation. “Never
mind. I’m taking her to the hospital. You go on home, Ryder.”
“No, I want to go too,” Ryder insisted, surprising me again by
standing up to my dad. I think only Ryder could get away with doing
that.
My dad led me over to his truck, digging in his pocket for the keys
while keeping an arm around me. “Go home,” he said over his shoulder
to Ryder.
“No, sir, I won’t. I have to make sure she’s okay. I’m not
leaving her.”
My dad stopped. Turning to face Ryder, he looked at him with calmness
despite his earlier anger. “I’ve got her, son. You don’t have to
worry about her.”
Ryder swallowed hard and glanced at me before looking back at my
dad.
“All due respect, Mr. Jackson, but I’ll always worry about her
and I’ll never leave her. She’s my best friend.”