Promise Me Light (25 page)

He was right. I just hoped today wasn’t the day that the shit hit
the fan.

“Hit it again.”

Brody leaned over the table and slapped the handheld radio on top,
making the static disappear and a garbled voice break through the
silence.

“The ground is painted red. I repeat, the ground is painted red,”
a man’s voice said, breaking up every few seconds.

We listened, hoping to hear more but the national Anthem started
playing, a tinny sound that made me wonder how in the world it was being
played since most electronics were fried months ago.

“What the hell does that mean ‘the ground is painted red?’
Sounds like something from a bad spy movie,” Eva said, her eyes wide
as she looked first at Brody then at the rest of us.

“Sounds like some kind of secret code to me,” Cash said, his
fingers flipping a knife open then closed. Open then closed.

I watched the movement of his fingers, growing irritated. He had been
doing that for the last few minutes, driving me insane. Reaching my
limit, I leaned across the table and snatched the knife out of his
hands.

He looked up, shocked. Holding his palms out, he looked at me as if
to say ‘what the fuck’ but I knew Cash would never utter those
words.

“You’re driving me crazy with this thing!” I said, shaking the
closed knife at him.

The side of his mouth quirked up in a boyish grin he sometimes let
slip when he thought no one was looking.

“I think what’s
really
driving you crazy
is knowing Ryder is out there with his brother,” he said, “talking
about Lord knows what.”

I narrowed my eyes at Cash, giving him my best don’t-go-there
stare.

He chuckled and reached into his pocket for something. A moment
later, another knife appeared in his hands.
Ugh

Eva rubbed her hands together with eagerness, ignoring the dirty
looks I was throwing Cash’s way. “Oh, that’s right! Finally some
excitement around here. I’ve been missing my TV shows but I can always
count on my good friend, Ryder, to bring me some drama.”

I rolled my eyes. Eva was being typical Eva, which was good
considering everything she had been through, but I really didn’t need
her attitude right now.

“It’s not funny, Eva. I don’t think you would be smiling if you
found out I kissed a girl, thinking you were dead,” Brody said.

“What are we talking about?” Janice asked, walking into the room
with a few cans of soup in her arms.

“So what are you saying, Brody?” Eva asked, ignoring Janice’s
question. “Are you saying that you would kiss someone else if I
wasn’t here? Is that what you want? Someone else?”

Janice froze, looking from Brody to Eva with confusion. Like her, I
was wondering what was going on between these two.

Brody rubbed a hand over his face, exasperated. “No, I don’t want
someone else. That’s not what I’m saying. I’m trying to say that
Ryder’s going to be pissed. Any normal guy would be. It’s not a
joke, Eva. They have a baby on the way.”

Eva crossed her arms over her chest, sticking her chin up. “I’m
fully aware of that, Brody,” she said. “I’m going to be a pseudo
aunt soon and I’ll be holding Maddie’s hand when she pushes that
thing out so I don’t need
you
to remind me that
she is going to have the devil’s baby.”

“Nice, Eva. You have such a way with words. Maybe you deserve Ryder
instead because you’re a witch!” Brody snapped, looking annoyed.

Whoa.

I saw hurt cross Eva’s face. Brody looked away, his own face red
with either embarrassment or rage. I couldn’t tell which. I knew I
needed to step in before Eva jumped across the table and strangled
Brody.

“I don’t know what’s going on between you two but I think we
all need to--” I never got the chance to finish the rest of my
sentence.

WHAP! The back door slammed open, hitting the inside wall. It
immediately bounced back, a hole appearing in the wall’s sheetrock
from the door handle.

I jumped, my heart racing. Eva squealed beside me, a sound I’ve
never heard her make before. Cash popped up, his chair flying back. A
pistol appeared out of nowhere, pointed at the man barging into the
kitchen.

Ryder.

And he was fuming mad.

Ignoring everyone else, Ryder stared hard at me. His mouth was set in
a firm line. His body was coiled, ready to strike. The ferocity aimed at
me was impossible to miss. It was obvious I suddenly had made his
shit-list.

“Ryder?” I forced out.

“Hon? What’s going on?” his mom asked.

He didn’t answer either one of us. Yanking off his gloves, he
tossed them into a nearby chair, never missing a step as he stalked
further into the kitchen.

He was after one thing and I was it.

Frozen in place, I watched as he came at me like an animal about to
attack. I was surprised he wasn’t showing his teeth and growling.

When he got close enough, he reached down and grabbed my elbow,
putting just the right amount of pressure on my arm to pull me to my
feet.

“What are you doing?” I asked him, digging in my heels when he
headed back to the door, dragging me along with him.

Stopping, he glowered down at me. Eyes full of nothing but cold
shards of ice drilled into me.

That’s when I saw it. Hate. For me.

He knew. Jesus, he knew.

“Let her go,” Cash demanded, blocking Ryder from walking further
out of the room with me. The pistol he held earlier was now stuck in the
waistband of his jeans, within easy reach if he needed it.

Ryder stared at Cash, his lips curling in a snarl. “Back off,
Cash” he growled, stepping in front of me, putting his body in front
of mine.

“I can’t do that, Ryder,” Cash said. “I know you’re pissed
and you’ve got every right to be but you’ve gotta calm down. You
don’t want to hurt Maddie or your baby.”

Ryder looked around the room, seeing Eva and Brody on their feet.
Seeing his mom standing near the table, her spine straight, her lips set
in a thin line.

Fury rolled off of him. I could feel it as he kept me behind his
back, almost protecting me from himself in some twisted way.

“I’m pissed and I could probably kill right now but hurt Maddie?
Or my child? Who the fuck do you think I am?” Ryder snarled.

No one said anything. That was all the answer he needed.

“Yeah, that’s what I thought,” he said, scoffing with disgust.
“I might be a sonofabitch but don’t worry, I’ll pack up and leave
before I hurt a hair on her head.”

Without another word, he took me with him out the door.

The cold wind hit me, slapping me in the face with a chill that went
straight to my bones. The backdoor slammed shut behind us, the wind
forcing it closed like it was locking us out.

“Ryder, slow down!” I exclaimed, almost falling down the porch
steps as he held onto me. His long legs covered more ground than mine
did. I think sometimes he forgot that. If his hand hadn’t been clasped
on my arm, I might have landed face first in the dirt.

Without saying a word, he dropped his hand away from me and continued
walking, leaving me standing alone. Acting like I didn’t even
exist.

I watched his back as he headed for the barn.
What
was his deal? First he grabs me and hauls me out of the house and then
he gives me the cold shoulder? I don’t think so, buddy…

Close to losing my temper, I stomped after him, following in his
footsteps. Ready to have it out with him.

“Ryder, listen to me, I know what’s wrong but you need
to…”

He stopped suddenly, almost making me run into his back. Swinging
around, his eyes shot down to me, full of disgust.

“Don’t tell me what I need to do, Maddie. You don’t have that
right anymore,” he said, looking straight into my eyes and letting me
see the loathing there.

I felt a stab in my heart, like one of Cash’s knives was slowly
carving it in half.

Ryder started walking again, stalking off like he was leaving for
good. I followed him, ignoring the pounding of my heart and the sight of
his muscles moving under his jacket.
Stay focused,
Maddie. He’s pissed. Keep it together.
I was so focused on
trying to maintain my anger, I tripped over a large rock.

Ryder’s hand shot out, grabbing my arm and keeping me from
falling.

“Watch where you’re going, Maddie. I might be fuckin’ mad right
now but if you break a leg, I’ll lose what little sanity I have left
seeing you in pain.”

Keeping his hand around my arm, he continued pulling me along, never
pausing in his pursuit of wherever we were going.

I glanced up at the overcast sky, my breath leaving me in small puffs
of vapor. A tiny snowflake fell on my nose, melting instantly. Two birds
caught my eye, flying by on the wind, their large wings flapping in the
air. Their inky black feathers were dark against the grey sky,
representing danger and foreboding. Landing on a tree branch nearby,
they squawked loudly. The sound sent a chill through me.

“We need to talk about this,” I said, bringing my attention back
to Ryder.

“Oh, I’ll talk to you but you won’t like what I have to say,”
he said, his words clipped.

The wind pushed against me, depositing more tiny snowflakes on my
hair and face. The creek lay to the left, running parallel to Ryder’s
property. I avoided looking in that direction, afraid the memory of
making love in the water months ago would be too much right now.

Within seconds we were standing in front of the large barn doors. The
grey sheet metal looked old and worn but I knew it was thicker than it
appeared.

With a flick of his wrists, Ryder slid the door open. The smell of
musty hay and cow manure hit me. Tears bubbled up in my eyes,
remembering the cattle that had to be killed. But maybe the tears were
more for what I was afraid was coming.
I might actually
lose him. This may be the end of us.

Slamming the door behind him, Ryder led me into the barn’s
darkness. Stopping, he faced me, towering over me by a good foot or two.
He looked like a savage man, someone close to losing it. His hair was
tousled, falling into his eyes but unable to hide the scowl aimed at
me.

Taking a step toward me, he invaded my personal space. I stood my
ground, at least for a few seconds.

“So you gonna tell me?” he asked, advancing on me slowly.

I took a step back, putting my hand on his chest. “About
Gavin?”

“Yeah,” he answered, not paying attention to my hand on him.

“So I guess he told you?” I asked, biting my lower lip nervously
as I continued to walk backwards. My hand dropped off of his chest. Even
through the layers of clothes he wore, I couldn’t handle touching him.
It caused a need, a craving that was just too much right now.

His eyes darted down to my lips. I realized my lower lip was caught
between my teeth, being bitten to death. I let it go. My teeth left
little indentions on my lip that I could feel with my tongue.

“Did you fuckin’ do that for him?” Ryder asked, watching my
mouth. “Bite your lip? Tease him?” He looked back into my eyes.
“What else did you do for him? Huh?”

What? How could he even think that!
I saw red
a second before I exploded. “Don’t you dare say that!” I shouted,
shoving him. He didn’t move, just kept walking toward me, stalking me.
He didn’t stop until my back hit the horse stall behind me.

Leaning over, Ryder placed his hands on the warped wood behind me,
pinning me in. Beneath his jacket, the muscles of his arms flexed. I
knew that they had the power to break me with one flick of his wrist or
hold me tight as I came with him deep inside of me. I wanted to slap him
for making me feel that way.
Damn him for making me
think of sex every time I was around him!

I tried to control my breathing as his large frame blocked my escape.
His body heat wrapped around me, soaking into my skin. Touching me in
places where his fingers and hardness had only touched.

But his words caused a different kind of reaction.

“You kissed him, Maddie. You. Fucking. Kissed. My. Brother,” he
said, leaning closer, staring at me with a mixture of hate and hurt.

I flinched with each word, hating that it was true. Hating that he
knew. Hating myself for hurting him.

But not enough to cower.

I bent down and quickly ducked under his arm. Before he could stop
me, I rushed toward the barn doors but he had other plans and they
didn’t include me leaving.

“DID YOU KISS HIM?” he roared, his voice bouncing off the walls
of the barn.

I whirled around to face him.

“NO! He kissed me!” I shouted back. “He thought you were dead
and believed it was his duty to take care of me. You made him promise
that he would! You said he was perfect for me! How could you?” I
yelled, poking my index finger into his chest when he got close enough.
“You can’t just give up so easily, Ryder! Sometimes you are
so
frustrating…” I took a deep breath, trying to calm down but it wasn’t
helping. “The kiss meant nothing, Ryder! NOTHING!”

He nodded, like he understood. I felt relief. The pressure in my
chest disappeared. But then his next words hit me, slapping me like a
two-by-four upside the head.

“Nothing? Since I’ve been back, I’ve seen things, Maddie,” he
said, taking a step closer. “I saw him put his hands in your hair.
I’ve seen the way he looks at you and I’ve seen how close the two of
you have become since I’ve been gone. Hell, I couldn’t resist you.
No one can. So tell me what else have those lips done to my
brother?”

It was like a shot through my heart.

My chin quivered and my throat closed up tight. I was a mess. But I
was still holding on, fighting for us even if he wasn’t.

“These lips didn’t do anything to him! You were with countless
girls and you are furious with me because your brother kissed me? It was
one freakin’ kiss!”