Promise Me Light (38 page)

“What’s her name?” Eva asked, peering around Ryder’s
shoulder.

“Emma,” he said, meeting my eyes. “For Maddie’s mom.”

This time I smiled.

“Where are we going?”

“Just taking a drive,” Eva said, glancing over at me, a wide grin
on her face. Raising one eyebrow, she dared me to argue.

I looked out the windshield, knowing it was fruitless to question her
further. Eva was going to do what she wanted to do. I was just along for
the ride.

The wind whipped around the cab of the truck, blowing hair into my
eyes. I pushed the strands back, holding them at the base of my neck
with one hand.

“You know Ryder’s going to kill me for taking off,” I said.

“Oh, screw him,” she muttered, her eyes glued to the road. “And
since when do you care what he thinks, anyway?”

She has a point.
I did what I wanted to do.
Ryder could yell at me all he wanted, in the end I had become the strong
woman my dad always said I would be. Secretly, I know Ryder loved me for
it.

Emma wiggled in my arms, her little fists pumping the air. Eva looked
over at her, a grin on her face.

“Do you like the blanket I made for her?” she asked, her voice
proud.

“Yes, it’s beautiful,” I said.

The white blanket was crafted from an old sheet that Eva had found
stuffed in the back of Ryder’s closet. What Eva didn’t know was that
it was the same sheet Ryder and I had used as children to build forts
with. Sitting beneath the makeshift tent, we would tell stories and
laugh. Sometimes we would fight off imaginary bad guys. Other times we
would pretend it was our home. We were just two kids having fun.

Now the sheet was wrapped around our daughter.

“It means everything to me, Eva,” I said, smoothing a hand over
the blanket. “You have no idea.”

“Don’t you make me cry, Maddie. I swear, I’ll pull this truck
over and kick your ass. Baby or no baby,” she said, her gorgeous face
turning serious.

I smiled, something I seemed to do all the time now.

A comfortable silence filled the truck. The sunshine streamed in
through the window, beams of light cutting across the old leather seats
of the truck. I never thought I would be riding in a vehicle again but
Brody and Cash had made it possible. Brody for his tinkering of the
engine and Cash for trading supplies for gasoline.

I cradled Emma in my arms, watching out the window as acres of ranch
land slowly crept by. Unlike in the past, Eva drove slowly, creeping
along at a snail’s pace. The road was almost gone, the pavement giving
way to weeds and grass. But she kept her eyes focused ahead, keeping the
tires on what blacktop she could see.

“How many times have we driven down this road? Listening to loud
music and letting the wind blow through our hair?” Eva asked, her hand
resting on the steering wheel.

“Too many times to count,” I answered, gazing out the window.

“All the nights we went out, coming home too late. All the football
games we went to,” Eva said, her mind elsewhere. “It’s all gone.
We’ll never do those things again.”

“Eva…” I started to protest, not wanting to ruin my good mood
with memories of things that I would never experience again.

“It seems like yesterday that we drove down this road to pick up
Ryder, on our way back to college.”

I remembered that day like it was yesterday. The memory of Ryder
standing in his parent’s doorway, looking at me with detachment, would
forever be a part of me.

“Did you ever think you would be here now? Holding his baby?” Eva
asked.

I gazed down at Emma, seeing Ryder in her even at her young age.

“Never,” I answered. “We were just friends. And he was such a
womanizer. I never imagined we would fall in love.”

Eva smiled with a knowing look in her eyes. I wanted to ask her why
all the questions about Ryder but as we turned a corner, I glanced out
the windshield, surprised to see where we were.

My old home.

“Eva, what are we doing here?” I asked, sitting up straighter. My
eyes ran over the overgrown yard and the peeling paint on the side of
the house. I felt an ache in my heart when I remembered what the house
had looked like a year ago - perfect.

Eva stopped the truck near the back porch, throwing it into park.

“Let’s go in for a little bit,” she said, avoiding my
question.

With a sleeping baby in my arms, I followed Eva into the house. It
smelled old, locked up. I was no longer afraid to walk inside. There was
nothing but happy memories here now.

The kitchen looked the same. My dad’s old coffeepot still sat in
the same place. The empty vodka bottle was still on the table. Right
where Ryder had left it the night I found him at the house.

“I’m going to go check the other rooms. I’ll be back,” Eva
said, turning away.

“Eva, wait!” I exclaimed, taking a few quick steps to follow her.
Just because I wasn’t afraid of being in the house didn’t mean I
wanted to be left alone.

But Eva either didn’t hear me or she was just ignoring me.
Whichever it was, I was left standing in the kitchen alone.

Holding Emma, I glanced around the room. I couldn’t help but
remember all the memories this house held. Ryder. My father. Growing up
here. Spending my summers running in and out of the house barefoot.
Bundling up before leaving the house in the fall.

I could picture my father, standing here telling me to be safe at
college. Reminding me that I would always be his little girl.

And then there was the memory of sixteen-year-old Ryder, standing in
the doorway. He had been cocky and so full of himself. Beyond
good-looking. Smiling proudly, he had asked if I wanted to go for a ride
with him the day he got his driver’s license. Of course I had said
yes.

I could still picture him years later, sitting in a kitchen chair
while I doctored his cut and bruised face. His hands on me, pulling me
between his legs. Telling me what he would do to me if I were his
girlfriend.

I smiled, remembering it all. This house was full of memories.

But there was one more left to add.

A knock came at the backdoor. A knock loud enough to be heard through
the entire house. A knock that sent shivers up my spine.

Only strangers knock.

I straightened, my heart pounding louder in my chest. Holding Emma
tightly, I felt panic rush through me.

Men still traveled along the deteriorated road nearby. Men who were
hungry and desperate. Willing to hurt and kill to get what they wanted.
This war had brought out the worst in mankind. I just hoped whoever
stood on the threshold wasn’t one of them.

Emma started to cry, her tiny face turning red. I hushed her quietly
as my eyes moved around the kitchen, looking for something I could use
as a weapon.
I have to protect Emma.

The knock came again, louder this time. My heart threatened to jump
out of my chest as I made my way to the hallway, trying not to make any
noise. Peering down the hall, I listened for Eva. Nothing. No sound to
tell me where she was.

“Eva?” I called out in a loud whisper.

No one answered.

Where is she? She was just here.

The knock came again, softer this time. The door handle rattled. I
heard the shuffling of booted feet on the porch.
A
man’s heavy boots.

“Maddie, it’s me.”

The deep timbre coming from the other side of the door sounded
perfect, a voice I would recognize anywhere. Anytime.

A sigh of relief whooshed out of me.
Why was he
knocking? What’s going on? If this is a new way to get me angry, he
was doing a good job at it.

Holding Emma with one hand, I unlocked and opened the door. A cool
breeze blew against me, tossing my hair around my shoulders. The
sunlight blinded me for a second, making me squint against the glare.
But it didn’t matter. I only cared about the man standing before
me.

Ryder.

From his boots to the top of his perfectly tousled hair, the man was
magnificent. He took up most of the doorway. His muscular chest was wide
and his stance was one of power. His five-o’clock shadow made him look
dangerous and deadly. His strong jaw flexed, making me want to reach out
and touch it. But it was his eyes that always got to me. They could make
me burn with desire, heat me with rage, or look at me with love. But
today his eyes were hidden behind the shadows of a hat.

“Ryder, you scared me to death! What are you doing here? And why
are you knocking?” I asked, irritated.

Without answering me, he shifted to the right. That’s when I saw
everyone behind him. Janice, Roger, Brody, Cash, Gavin, and Eva.
Eva?
She stood with a big grin on her face, a satisfied
smile that had me concerned.

“Ryder?” I asked, my voice barely a whisper as I looked back at
him.

He just stared at me, not saying a word. A closed off expression was
on his face, one that I had seen so many times.
What’s
going on?

Feeling stunned, I watched as Janice walked around Ryder. Stopping
beside me, she reached for Emma. Dazed, I let Janice take her from me.
She smiled, tears in her eyes.

Ryder never took his eyes off of me as his mom returned with Emma to
stand beside the others. I shifted to my other foot, growing warm under
his scrutiny. My body hummed, something it did quite a bit around him.
With just one look, he could make me want him. Need him like nothing
else. It was very unfair.

He grabbed the brim of his hat and pulled it off his head. Holding
the ball cap in his hands, his hair blew in the wind. He ran his fingers
through the strands, making it spike up all over. His eyes slowly moved
up my body, touching me everywhere. Where I wanted his hands to be.

I felt a blush color my cheeks. He noticed it too. His eyes flared
with desire before dropping to my lips.

“Ryder, what’s going on?” I asked, taking a step toward
him.

“There’s something I want to do,” he said, holding out a hand
to stop me from coming closer. “Something I should have done a long
time ago.”

As he spoke, everything disappeared. The breeze wrapping around me.
The sunlight shining down on us. Our family watching us. There was only
him and me and this moment.

He swallowed nervously, his eyes on me.

“This is where I was standing when I first met you,” he said,
pointing to the wooden porch at his feet.

“I remember,” I whispered.

“And I’m still the same boy that stood here when I was nine,
looking at the girl that would drive me crazy for the rest of my
life,” he said.

Taking a step closer, he stood in the threshold.

“This is the door I walked through a million times to get to you.
The door that always led me back to you,” he said, hoarsely.

Without warning, he reached around me, tossing his hat into the
kitchen.

I watched as it missed its mark and fell beneath the table, landing
on the old floor.

When I looked back at him, the world fell away. My lungs forgot to
breathe, my heart forgot to beat. I never heard him move. I never saw
what was coming.

He stood in the doorway, towering over me. In his hand was a small
box I recognized. A box from my past. A box I knew would be my
future.

“This is the spot where I want to marry you, Maddie. The spot where
we first met. The place where I met my best friend.”

Words escaped me. Tears filled my eyes.

Taking a step inside, his body brushed against mine. I started to
step back but he grabbed my hand, keeping me close to him, his fingers
holding mine.

“This is where I want to marry the woman I love.” His voice
dropped, his words barely a whisper. “Marry me, Maddie. Right
now.”

Letting go of my hand, he opened the small box. My mother’s box.
The one I had seen my dad handle with care. Reaching inside, Ryder
pulled out a simple gold band. My mother’s wedding ring.

“Ryder?” I asked, looking up at him with shock.

“Your dad gave it to me the night we made it home.” he said.

Tears ran down my cheeks as the memory of that night returned.

“That night you left the bedroom but he asked me to stay.
Remember?” Ryder said.

I nodded, wiping the tears from my cheeks.

“I told him that I loved you and that I’d always love you. But he
surprised me and said he already knew and saw it every time you and I
were together.”

I smiled sadly, remembering how my dad always teased about Ryder and
I giving him grandchildren.
You were right,
Dad.

“I told him that I was going to marry you,” he said.

“But that was before you admitted you loved me,” I said,
surprised.

“It’s always been you, Maddie,” he said, brushing a stray tear
away from my face. “I told your dad that no matter what happened, no
matter what hell we had to go through, I would always take care of you.
I loved you too much not to.”

His hand went under my hair, grasping the back of my neck gently.
Lowering his head, his lips brushed against mine. A gentle kiss, one
that promised much more.

“I may be a sonofabitch but I’ll always love you,” he whispered
against my lips. “You’re my everything.”

“I love you,” I said. “Forever and always.”

Looking down, he slipped the ring on my finger, holding my hand in
his. As soon as the ring was on, his lips captured mine, a promise
behind his kiss of things to come. A promise of forever.

Then he whispered the words that I would remember until the day I
took my last breath.

“I love you, Maddie. You’re my past. My present. My future.
You’re my life. And I will always love you.”

Taking my hand, he pressed something into my palm.

I looked down.