Promise to Cherish (18 page)

Jack cleared his throat and put his tea cup down. He smiled at Christine’s mother and nodded.

“It was really nice of you to—” Margie spoke up.

“Ma,” Christine said. “Maybe you could wait out in the foyer for a few minutes?”

Margie lifted her chin, miffed, but honored her daughter’s request. Neither Christine nor Jack spoke until the parlor door shut behind Margie.

“Listen, Christine, it wasn’t the way things should’ve gone. I didn’t think you’d still be upset about it.”

“Still upset?” Christine set her tea cup down too harshly and the hot liquid scalded her skin. She winced.

“Here, let me,” Jack said and scooted over to her. He took her hand lightly and dabbed her hand dry with a rich-looking burgundy linen napkin.

Christine was amazed by his gentleness. She looked down at her hand in his. They didn’t even look like the same hands that had hurt her but they were. She pulled them away from him. His touch made it harder for her to talk with him with clarity.

“Christine, don’t do that.”

“Jack, I just came because we really need to talk.” She put her hands in her lap and looked at him. His eyes were as brooding and handsome as they ever were.

“I sent you flowers. You didn’t write me and I didn’t even see you at church. I figured you weren’t interested.”

“I wasn’t—I’m not—I mean.” She stopped and shook her head before she started again. “It’s not that simple.”

Christine looked up at him. Her hands were clasped so tightly together that her fingernails dug into her skin. She hesitated for several long moments, considering what her mother had said about her womanly wiles. Was she supposed to seduce him or cry all over him to gain his sympathy before she told him? In a few seconds she considered all of this but decided she had to just come out and say it. “I’m pregnant.”

Jack’s head tilted at her and he cleared his throat. He leaned back in the couch and wiped a hand over his face.

“And you think it’s mine?” He smiled.

She nodded.

“I’ve never—” she inhaled, “—with anyone else. You were the first—only—man I . . .”

Jack stood. “How do I know that’s even true? You didn’t seem so innocent to me that night with the way you downed the beer and how you, well, everything else. If I remember right, you kissed me first when we stopped the second time.”

Everything he said was true. She couldn’t deny it. Her eyes went down to her wringing hands before she gathered the courage to speak again.

“All I can tell you is that I know this baby is yours. It’s impossible for it to be any other man’s. I thought you should know so we can discuss what should be done.” It wasn’t that she expected him to bend down on a knee and propose marriage to her. Even if he did, she would have great difficulty ever trusting
him. But the truth that she’d driven him to it pricked her heart. She would have to say yes and would have to find a way to make this work. It was her fault this happened.

“You’re not suggesting we get married, are you?” He began chuckling in a way that clearly explained how unlikely he thought this was. “You can’t really mean that, right? We aren’t the same, you know.”

Again, he was right. How could she refute that?

“Who have you told?” He stood and began pacing.

Christine released a heavy sigh. She wasn’t going to entertain his question.

“All I know is that because you are the baby’s father, I knew I needed to at least tell you. I thought that maybe—”

“What? Maybe you could get some money out of me? Is that what you want? You and your family are so poor this is how far you’re willing to go to get money?” He pulled a wad of money out of his pocket and threw it at her. Bills fell everywhere.

“It has nothing to do with money.” She was getting angry. She stood and grabbed her coat. “I just thought you’d want to know that you’re going to be a father, that’s all.”

“Right. You know, you should go down to the slums and let a dirty doctor take that baby out. If it were mine, and it’s not, that’s all I’d give you money for.”

“I would never do that. You’re sick!” she was yelling now. “You know that. You’re sick.”

“Jack, dear.” Margie flung the door open and reentered the parlor. She walked up to him and laced her arm through his. Though he didn’t welcome it he didn’t push her away either. She led him to the couch to sit and sat next to him. Christine was stunned into silence.

“Mrs. Freeman, I don’t know what Christine said to you, but—”

“My daughter told me that both of you made some poor decisions that night.” She patted his hand and then put her own
hands in her lap. “You’ve always been an upstanding young man, Jack. I know your mother has done a lot for our community and for our church. She just loves to go on and on about how well you’re doing in school and how your grandfather has a great job waiting for you.”

“Mrs. Freeman, I—”

“Now, I’m sure that you—”

“Mrs. Freeman,” Jack said loudly and stood.

Her mother stood also.

“I can’t marry your daughter.” He looked into Christine’s eyes.

“And why not?” Christine could hear her mother’s confidence waning.

“I’m already engaged to be married. Besides, it’s probably not even mine.”

Margie gasped. Christine’s knees were weak.

Margie tried to speak, only her mouth gaped open without a sound. Christine grabbed her arm.

“Come on, Ma,” Christine said, then looked at Jack. “We’ll let ourselves out.”

Her mother resisted for several steps but Christine didn’t relent. As they left the parlor she looked back and her eyes found Jack’s. The arrogance in his eyes reminded her that he wasn’t the gentleman that he pretended to be.

Her mother was shaken up and barely able to drive home. The skin over her knuckles tightened as she gripped the steering wheel. Occasionally she mumbled something Christine couldn’t understand. Christine looked out the window. As she watched everything pass her by lonesomeness consumed her. This was her life.

CHAPTER 14

C
hristine returned to the hospital after the failure with Jack. Margie was still in shock when she said good-bye. Christine slept fitfully that night and packed all of her things on Sunday while giving Jeanne the news about her mother and Jack. Monday morning she put her uniform on as always and didn’t make eye contact with anyone as she walked to Mrs. Phancock’s office. The damp weather crept through the hazy windows and moved inside of her, chilling her, making her shiver. She clasped her hands together, hoping to stay her trembling. Her hand touched the doorknob and turned it quietly. When she stepped inside she imagined her lips going from red to a sick pink and her rosy cheeks becoming gray. Nurse Phancock and Nurse Minton stood at her entrance.

A sympathetic smile crossed over Phancock’s face. She had always been a fair administrator, but none of this would be pleasant for either of them. Nurse Minton, on the other hand, had always been difficult to work with. Christine didn’t know why she had to be involved with this. She wasn’t her superior on the ward, only more experienced.

“Hello, Nurse Freeman,” the older woman said. “You may sit down if you like, but this meeting should be brief.”

Christine pushed her glasses up. She repeated the movement a few moments later. She was sweating.

“It’s so unfortunate that we are meeting today. You were such a conscientious student and you’re doing well as a young nurse. We hate to lose you.” Nurse Phancock’s voice reminded her of rolling hills. The tempo of her speech even seemed to stop on the top of the hill before sliding downhill again.

Despite the head nurse’s friendliness, her heart pounded and her lungs began burning. She realized she was holding her breath. She tried to let it out evenly.

Nurse Phancock’s hands shook when she picked up a clipboard. Her eyes scanned it.

“Is it true what Dr. Norton reports to us?” Her voice went almost breathless.

“Nurse Freeman?” Nurse Minton pressed, her eyebrow lifting high into her forehead.

“I’m sorry.” Her voice wavered. She looked at the carpet beneath her feet. It was flat and a dingy shade of navy blue. She wanted to sink through the floor. She didn’t lift her head when she finally spoke. “Yes, I’m sorry to say that it’s all true.”

“Excuse me? Please speak up.” Nurse Minton’s clipped words were loud in the small office.

“It’s true.” She raised her voice a degree and cleared her throat. She lifted her head for a moment, then lowered her eyes back down.

“I still can’t hear you.” Nurse Minton’s mouth was tight as she spoke.

Nurse Phancock put a hand up to quiet the other nurse. Minton closed her mouth and tucked her chin back.

“Nurse Freeman, I know you are aware that this is unacceptable.” Her voice was kind, yet firm.

“Yes, I—” Christine began.

“She’s a loose woman.” Minton’s thin lips were so pinched Christine wondered if they would stay that way. “And her condition speaks volumes of her character.”

“Ms. Minton, Christine is a skilled and capable nurse. The staff and patients speak highly of her. She has nothing else negative in her file. I have no complaints.”

Minton’s jaw dropped and her mouth stayed wide and open as the head nurse spoke.

“Nurse Phancock, you would defend a woman like this?”

“Carol, for goodness’ sake, will you cool down? She doesn’t have to explain anything to us.” She looked from the older nurse to Christine.

Hmph.
Minton raised her nose, glared at Christine, and walked out, fairly slamming the door.

Nurse Phancock tilted her head as she smiled at the young nurse. She walked over to her and took her hands and led her to sit across from her at the two chairs in front of the desk.

“Christine, dear, do you need someone to talk to?”

The warm, soft hands against her own made Christine break down. After a minute Christine pulled a handkerchief out and wiped her eyes. She took several long breaths and thanked Nurse Phancock.

“I told him no and he didn’t listen. I’d flirted with him and led him on. I know it’s my fault,” she spoke into the head nurse’s friendly eyes. They curved downward a few moments after she spoke.

“Oh, that’s hogwash. It’s not your fault.”

She was the first person who had said this.

“But, I let him kiss me and touch me and—”

“Did your mother tell you that men can’t handle hearing
no
or that they can’t control their
needs
?”

She nodded.

“Last I heard there was nowhere in the Bible that says that men can’t control themselves. It does say that a man should respect a woman.”

She looked over at the administrator. “You sound like a feminist.”

Nurse Phancock’s eyebrow lifted. “Maybe I am.”

The older woman paused for a moment, then patted Christine’s knee and spoke. “You know, I’ve been almost exactly where you are, only I was seventeen.”

“You were? What did you do?”

“The only thing I could do. My parents sent me away and told everyone I was with my great aunt in Ohio.”

“You weren’t in Ohio?”

“No, I was in Ohio, but I didn’t have a great aunt out there. I was at a home for girls who were
in trouble
. I was seventeen and pregnant and I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl and never got to hold her. The nurse wouldn’t even let me see her before my baby’s new family took her immediately. I still don’t know what color her eyes were or if she has my curly hair or crooked nose.” She smiled as she sighed. “I don’t even know if she’s still alive.”

“I don’t know what to say.”

Christine could see in Mrs. Phancock’s eyes that she was reliving those moments years ago. The older woman stood and took several steps away and cleared her throat. When she turned back her eyes were glassy.

“My heart tells me that Sarah’s okay.”

“Sarah?”

“I heard the new mother call her that when she cradled her. I was glad she had such a pretty name.”

The women paused for a long moment. Only the ticking of the clock could be heard. Christine’s hands moved to her abdomen. Even though she wasn’t sure she loved the baby that was growing inside her, the thought of someone just taking the
baby away from her the moment it was born didn’t sound quite right either.

“Where will you go? I’m sorry to say the powers that be here at Hudson River want you out by tomorrow night.”

Christine nodded then shrugged. “My ma insisted I tell the father, hoping he would marry me—not that I actually want to marry him.”

“What did he say?”

“He’s engaged to be married.” She paused. “My ma has already brought up sending me to a home.”

“Don’t let her send you to one. Don’t let someone take this baby from you.” Mrs. Phancock squeezed Christine’s arms.

“But I can’t raise a baby on my own. I don’t know what I’m going to do. I have nowhere else to go.”

Christine hibernated behind her locked door for the day, not wanting to see anyone. Maybe they didn’t know yet. But if they did know, would they shun her or console her? Nurse Phancock’s words had been a comfort, but she had less faith in the average person she worked with. Millicent. Gussie. Eli.