“I’m not playing,” I insisted. I don’t know why, but I felt a strong need to defend his father. “You just don’t see the situation clearly because you’re too close to it.”
“What situation is that?” Jax sounded annoyed.
“I know it sucks that your dad works such long hours and is never here for you and your mom, but did it ever occur to you that it sucks for him, too?”
“Whatever,” he said dismissively, but I could tell from his voice that he didn’t want to talk about his father anymore.
“It’s obvious he misses you,” I persisted, feeling a little envious of Jackson and a little annoyed that he took having a father for granted.
“How would you know? You don’t even have annoying parents to know what’s it’s like!” he shot back.
His words shocked me and hit the mark right through my heart. I could tell he regretted them the moment they flew out of his mouth. His face went pale and his mouth was agape with the horror of his own cruelty.
My skin must have been equally pale and I could feel the hot tears brimming in my eyes. Somehow I was able to contain them just long enough to turn my back so he couldn’t see them falling onto my cheeks.
“Clo, I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean that.” I heard the anguish in his voice and knew that he was truly filled with regret.
Good!
He deserves to feel bad for saying something that awful.
Not having parents of my own was something that I’d always been sensitive to. It was never the same when Aunt Betty and Uncle Tom came to parent-teacher conferences or Parent Nights. So to have my own best friend rub that in my face was almost too much to bear. I wanted to hate him for it.
But what happened next broke my resolve and made me instantly forgive him.
“Clo, I didn’t mean it. Do you hear me? I didn’t mean it! I’m so sorry. You have to forgive me. Say you forgive me.” There was an unfamiliar tremor in Jackson’s voice that moved me to turn around.
When I did, I saw that his face was red and twisted in remorse, and his eyes glistened with tears, something I'd almost never seen before. I could hardly believe that he was so upset at the thought of having hurt me that he was moved to tears. It was the first time I’d ever seen him like this and it touched my heart in a way nothing else could have.
“I forgive you, Jax,” I said softly and he embraced me in a hug that was quick and hard.
“Really? You forgive me?” He sniffled, rubbing his face with my hair in a move that was gross yet tenderly sweet.
“Yeah, you’re a jerk but there’s nothing you could do that I couldn’t forgive.”
He hugged me harder. “Same goes for me. No matter what fights we may have or what mistakes we might make, I’ll always forgive you and be your best friend,” Jackson vowed.
I smiled and decided to change the subject to something lighter. “Now, are you going to help me with my algebra or not?”
CHAPTER
FIVE
November 2001
Seventeen Years Old
CHLOE
“Forget it. I change my mind! I don’t wanna go to college. It’s not worth the stress!” I cried out in despair. I felt buried alive under a mountain of forms. It turned out that filling out college entrance applications was a lot more complicated than I’d thought it would be and I was completely overwhelmed.
“If I can do it, you can do it.” Jackson gave me a pat on the back that caused my pencil to slip on the form I was filling out.
“Test scores, essays, references, extra-curricular activities? Ugh. I don’t have half of those things! And I haven’t even started looking at scholarship applications.” I huffed out a deep sigh as he sat down at the dining room table across from me and popped open a Mountain Dew.
“That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try. What about all those dreams you had of traveling the world? Unless you’re planning to join the army, I think you’re going to want a college degree for that.” Jackson flashed me one of his boyish grins. “And I think you’d be too much a distraction for the male soldier to be in the army,” he taunted with a chuckle. Sometimes he had the most annoying way of being right about everything and it drove me crazy.
“Shut-up, smart-ass!” I tried to glare at him, but all I could do was smile. It made him laugh, and before I knew it, I was laughing too. He had the best way of lightening the mood when I got stressed out.
“Okay, now quit distracting me. I’ve got to get this application done if I want to get into Penn. You told me if I came over, you’d help.”
“Actually, what I said was you should come over and we’ll get my dad to help you. He’s the one who works there, not me,” Jackson corrected with that cocky grin of his.
“Did I hear someone talking about me?” Mr. Pierce suddenly strolled into the kitchen with a welcoming smile. “Hi, Chloe. Working on college applications, I see. How’s that going?”
“Terrible!” I moaned. “I don’t play any sports. I don’t do any community service work. My grades are decent, but they’re not amazing. Why would they ever accept me?”
“You’re smart, caring, and a quick learner. You have a lot of great qualities any university would be a fool not to want. You just have to know how to put yourself in the best light,” he explained. I blushed under the praise. It felt good to hear that. It gave me hope that maybe things weren’t as impossible as I’d thought.
Jackson looked at his watch and said, “Hey, Dad, Sarah’s coming over any minute. We have to work on our lines together for the play next month. Do you think you could help Chloe while I go study with Sarah?”
Ugh
, I thought in annoyance. If I’d known that Sarah was coming over to hang out with Jackson, I probably wouldn’t have stopped by. Sarah was Jackson’s new girlfriend. They were recently cast as Romeo and Juliet in the school play, and after spending a lot of time together, she’d asked him out. She was blonde, with a perfect body, and she always wore her short cheerleader skirts around school. I didn’t like her because I thought she had the most annoying personality. Still, she seemed to make Jackson happy, so I tried to keep my feelings of disgust hidden from him.
Mr. Pierce must have seen the roll of my eyes, because he put his hand on my shoulder and said kindly, “Sure, I’m always here to help.”
Just then, Sarah showed up at the front door. She greeted Jackson with a kiss and pressed her body up against his. When she whispered something in his ear, Jackson abruptly said, “Okay, we’re going up to my room to study. See ya later, Clo! Thanks again, Dad!”
He took Sarah by the hand and led her up to his bedroom, with her blonde ponytail bobbing behind her as she giggled. Her hips swayed suggestively as she walked, and when her giggles reached the end of the upstairs hallway where Jackson’s room was, I heard the door shut behind them.
The whole scene made me want to gag. I thought about shouting out,
Practice safe sex!
just to embarrass Jackson. But with his father standing right there, I didn’t think it was a good idea.
Mr. Pierce must have been thinking the same thing, because he shook his head and said, “I think I’m making a mistake letting those two be alone together. Tell me, do all girls your age act the way she does?”
“No, not all the girls,” I said emphatically. “Don’t let Sarah give you the wrong impression. There are plenty of girls at school that don’t act like her, but guys do seem to pay more attention to popular girls like her.”
“Ah, come on now, Chloe. A beautiful girl like you, with those eyes and that amazing smile? You must get asked out by every boy in school.”
I felt myself blush under the compliment. I wasn’t used to being noticed and complimented like that. It felt nice to be called beautiful, but a part of me wished that I could hear it more often from boys my own age, like Jackson. “Thanks, but I’m not like Sarah. I’m too much of a klutz to be a cheerleader, and I’m pretty plain and not popular.”
“I’m sure your boyfriend doesn’t call you plain,” he said with an encouraging smile.
I looked down, feeling bad for myself. “I don’t have a boyfriend at the moment.” There had been a few guys I’d gone on dates with, and had two guys that I’d called boyfriends in the past. But I was never that into them for things to get too serious.
“Well, believe me, you’re far from plain. One day you’ll be with a real man who will make you feel the way a woman should. You’re incredible, Chloe—smart, funny, charming. One day, you’ll have men lining up to be with you.”
Something about the way he looked at me when he said all those things made me feel a little uneasy, and I felt my throat go dry. They were good compliments and I liked hearing them, but I was suddenly very aware of the fact that we were alone together.
“Well, I don’t know how smart I am. I’m having a hard time with the essay for this application.” I said as I took a small step back, and tried to change the subject back to the college applications. I cleared my throat. “If you have any pointers, I’d really appreciate if you could take a look.”
He blinked, and as if he’d snapped out of a trance, he straightened up and gave a polite smile. “Yes.” He cleared his throat. “Of course.” Then he paused again, as if he were having a debate with himself about something. Seconds later, his expression changed again, and he flashed me a wider smile than before. “You know what?”
“What?” I frowned, confused by his behavior.
“You’re my son’s best friend. He practically treats you like his younger
sister
.” He smiled.
I wasn’t sure why, but I felt a ripple of disappointment wash over me when he mentioned the word, “sister.”
Did Jax really think of me like his sister?
I forced myself to push aside the thought and turn my attention back to Mr. Pierce.
“…and as a prominent professor at Penn, I shouldn’t just be giving you some advice. I should be doing more. A good recommendation letter from me can do more to bolster your application than anything else.”
“You think so?” I looked at him hopefully, completely forgetting about the unease I’d felt moments ago.
“Definitely.” He beamed confidently at me. “Chloe, I’ll tell you what I can do for you. I’ll write a recommendation for you that is so compelling, it will practically guarantee your acceptance at Penn.”
“You’d do that for me?” I squealed with delight. “That’s more than I could ask for. That would be so awesome if you can.” My words rushed out quickly as I made no effort to hide my excitement. I felt like some of the worry that I’d felt for my future had just been lifted from my shoulders.
“Of course. It’d be my pleasure. Come on back into my office and I’ll get you taken care of.” His smile was warm and I eagerly followed him down the hall with the application in my hand.
His office was impressive, with a beautiful carved oak desk, shelves packed full of books, a leather sofa, and a state-of-the-art computer.
“You have a beautiful office.”
He closed the door behind us and directed me to sit on the sofa by the window. I expected him to sit in his desk chair, but he surprised me by sitting on the cushion right next to me.
“So, I’ve known you since you were a child, but we haven’t talked much in recent years,” he started as he put a gentle hand on my knee and looked into my eyes. “What are you really passionate about? What are your goals and dreams?”
I didn’t know how to answer his questions. They weren’t the questions I’d expected him to ask. All I could think about was the feel of his firm, warm palm on my bare knee just below where my skirt ended, and it felt incredibly awkward. I knew he was just trying to help me, and I knew he was an affectionate person (he was more like Aunt Betty than he was like Uncle Tom in that respect), but I wasn’t used to such an intimate gesture from an older man. I remembered Jackson once mentioned that his father was twenty when Jackson was born. Thirty-seven seemed so old.
Suddenly, I heard Jackson’s voice shouting from down the hall, “Hey, Dad! Can Sarah stay for dinner?”
I wasn’t sure why, but my stomach lurched when I saw the doorknob twist. A second later, the door swung open as Jackson looked in. Mr. Pierce got up from the couch and appeared to be brushing off some dust from his shirt. “Yeah, sure, Sarah can stay for dinner. Your friends are welcome here anytime.”
For a split second, there was an odd expression on Jackson’s face as he looked over at me and then at his father. But then it disappeared. “Great! You should stay too, Clo! We’ll get a couple of large pizzas. My Dad can finish helping you with your application and then Sarah and I can act out the scene we’ve been practicing for you guys. It’ll be like dinner and a show.”
I stood up and fumbled for my papers. “Actually, I can’t stay tonight. Sorry. I promised Aunt Betty I’d be home for dinner.” I walked quickly to the door where Jackson stood. “In fact, I’d better get going now.”
“What about your letter of recommendation?” Mr. Pierce asked.
As much as I needed the letter, at that moment, something inside me just wanted to get out of there. I wasn’t sure why I felt that way, but I felt like I’d just done something wrong and was caught in the act.
“Thank you for the offer, but I didn’t realize it was already so late. I guess I’ll have to skip it.”
“Don’t be ridiculous. I’ll still write it for you and you can pick it up tomorrow. You have everything going for you, Chloe. There’s no reason you shouldn’t get to go to Penn and make the most out of your life.”
“Thanks.” I flushed. I suddenly felt bad for feeling awkward around Mr. Pierce. He wasn’t a bad man. Maybe I was just upset about Jackson getting it on with Sarah upstairs and it put the thoughts of sex on my mind. What I thought had just happened between me and Mr. Pierce was nothing more than my own imagination. Still, the idea of coming back to get the letter from him made me a little uneasy.
If only there was a way to make sure Jackson would be here, too.
“Sounds great. What time will you be home from football tomorrow, Jax? Maybe we can hang out when I stop by.” I looked at Jackson expectantly, hoping I sounded casual.
“Sorry, Clo.” He shrugged. “Can’t. We’ve got late practice every night until the playoffs. If you want, I can just bring the letter with me to school tomorrow and give it to you that way?”
“Perfect!” I sighed with relief.
***
The next day in homeroom, when Jackson handed me Mr. Pierce’s letter of recommendation, I felt like the worst person in the world for not wanting to personally get it from him in person. Every line of the letter of recommendation made me sound like a far better person than I knew I was. It was very generous and kind of him to have spent the time to write this recommendation and I knew I should really show more appreciation and gratitude for all his help.
As I tucked the letter of recommendation neatly between the pages of my biology textbook, I made a promise to myself:
If I get accepted into Penn, I’ll really need to properly thank Mr. Pierce for help. I’ll owe him big time.