“Forget you, Jax,” I said aloud. “I don’t care that you can’t come anymore. I’m going to have an amazing birthday without you because I’ll be spending it with my family.”
But I didn’t end up having an amazing birthday after all. And I didn’t end up spending it with Aunt Betty, Uncle Tom, or Charlie.
They never made it to my dorm that day. I waited almost five hours for their call, feeling increasingly agitated and concerned with every passing hour.
When I finally received the call, it wasn’t from them.
It was from the hospital.
CHAPTE
R NINE
December 2003
Nineteen Years Old
JACKSON
Pledging Alpha Sigma Delta had been brutally tough. They didn’t call it Hell Week for nothing and my grades and other obligations definitely suffered because of it. I had no time for anything else outside of pledging, not even Chloe.
Through all the sacrifice, sleepless nights, and humiliating things the brothers put me through, I was terrified I wouldn’t make the cut. Nothing would be a bigger kick in the balls than if I’d gone through all this bullshit—and possibly upset Chloe in the process—for nothing.
But it hadn’t been for nothing; and tonight, I officially crossed into the house and was now a brother of Alpha Sigma Delta. I couldn’t wait to tell Chloe the great news the next time we talked.
After the initiation ceremony, it was tradition to celebrate with one hell of a party. It was like nothing I’d ever seen! Booze was everywhere and was thrown around like it was water. And like any crazy frat party, there were tons of hot girls. I’d had my share of girlfriends in high school, but these were college girls, and they were wild. Beautiful, sexy and very carefree with their bodies. It didn’t take much encouragement before they started stripping in front of everyone.
It was funny though, as much as I was enjoying it all and basking in the glory of being in a frat house with all of its benefits, my thoughts kept going back to Chloe. The thought of her caused my stomach to twist in knots with guilt. I couldn’t help but wonder what she was doing lately and if she was all right. We’d been virtually inseparable since the first grade, and now suddenly we were in separate cities going to different colleges six hours away from one another. I hated missing her so much and I sometimes wondered if she was as lonely and miserable as I was sometimes without her in my day-to-day life. Part of me wanted her to be happy, but mostly I hoped she was missing me too.
Other than a few quick text messages and emails, it’d been several weeks since we’d really had a chance to talk. I’d felt bad that I couldn’t make it to Philly for her birthday the previous month. Between the two of us, it was the first birthday we hadn’t spent together since we’d known each other. So I definitely felt bad that I broke our tradition because I got too busy. What made it worse was the fact that I’d promised Chloe that I’d be there. This was the first promise to her I’d broken. I felt like shit having to disappoint her the way I had, and I wondered if she was upset or maybe even mad at me for not being there for her when I’d said I would. I hoped, as my best friend, she’d understand and wouldn’t be too upset. If she was, I hoped that she’d accept my apology once I had a chance to explain to her what’d happened.
When I started pledging the house over two months before, I had no clue what I’d signed up for. No one told me that pledging a fraternity would take up every waking moment of my day. I practically signed my life over to the fraternity and was a slave to their every beck and call.
So on the night before Chloe’s birthday, when the brothers told my pledge class that there’d be a mandatory weekend “retreat” starting the following morning, I knew that I had to tell Chloe I couldn’t make it for her birthday. By that point, I was over halfway through with the pledge period and had sacrificed too much to quit then. Plus, I really wanted to be a part of that frat house. The brothers all seemed really cool and I’d really bonded with the other pledges in my class. I knew that if I wanted the ultimate college experience, this would be the perfect group of guy friends to experience it with. But before that could happen, I had to pay my dues to become a brother of the house. And as a pledge, I was at the very bottom of the totem pole. So as much as I’d wanted to go see Chloe, by then I’d learned the hard way that missing any of the pledge activities was just not an option. Not only would I face a punishment, my entire pledge class would face one as well.
As I continued to think about Chloe, I realized that the last time we’d actually talked on the phone had been the night before her birthday when I had to tell her I couldn’t make it. I remember receiving a few missed calls from her after that, but she never left a voicemail, which usually meant she was just calling to say hi but it wasn’t anything important. I’d been meaning to call her back to see how she was doing.
Already buzzed from several shots I had just taken, I felt a strong urge to hear her voice.
I’ll call her now!
Thinking that was a great idea, I pulled out my cell phone and looked for a place quiet enough to call her. The back porch seemed like the only place, and I headed for the back door.
“Hey, where are you going all by yourself?” A pretty, half-naked redhead cut me off before I could make my way out the door. She was clearly drunk as she eyed me up and down with a glazed-over expression on her face. She wrapped her arms around me, pressing her breasts against my body and slurred, “This frat house is just so
big
.” She grabbed a hold of my crotch when she said “big” and I felt my cock twitch in a knee-jerk reaction. “Wanna show me upstairs and give me a private tour?” she whispered into my ear.
“Sorry, I can’t right now,” I slurred as I peeled her off of me and took a step back, almost losing my balance. “I need to call someone, and”—I stumbled forward and waved my finger at her—“you’re not her.”
“Oooooh! Gotta girlfriend?” She started to giggle as she leaned against the door frame for support. “I don’t mind. Why don’t you invite her to join us if you want?”
“Sorry, I’m not interested. And no, she’s not my girlfriend. She’s just my best friend.”
The redhead laughed without humor. “So you’re about to go call a girl who’s just your
friend
when you’re at a raging frat party and you’re one of the guests of honor?” She scoffed. “Sounds like somebody’s got a boner for a prude! She’s not even your girlfriend and you’re pining away for her like some pathetic loser.”
“You have no idea what you’re talking about.” I wasn’t sure why I felt the need to reason with her, but her words seemed to hit a nerve. Feeling annoyed, I tried to push past her to get to the back porch.
But she stopped me and grabbed my hand. “Forget her and let me show you a good time. You’re young and you’re in college. Now’s the time to really live and have fun! Why are you pining after someone who’s clearly not interested in you, or else she’d be here celebrating with you?”
Her comments pissed me off and I wanted to ditch her so I could call Chloe. Suddenly, one of my new frat brothers, Tyler, came up from behind and slapped me heartily on the back. He shoved a tall glass filled with a strange murky-colored liquid into my hand. “Yo, man, taste this shit! It’ll give you a killer buzz!”
“I’m game!” The redhead grabbed the glass from me and took a swig before I could stop her. She handed it back to Tyler who drank about half of it before passing the glass back to me. I didn’t want to look like a dud in front of my new frat bro, so I took the glass and gulped down the rest.
It smelled terrible and tasted even worse. “What was that shit?” I coughed and tried not to gag.
He shrugged. “Who knows? Who cares? Kyle made it in the chem lab when the professor wasn’t watching!” Tyler laughed.
Tyler wasn’t joking, the homemade brew hit me hard and the room was already starting to spin. And when my cell phone in my hand started to ring, I had forgotten I was even holding it.
Before I could step away to answer the call, Tyler grabbed the phone from my hand and looked at the screen. “Who’s Chloe Sinclair?”
The redhead between us cackled. “That must be the non-girlfriend he’s pining over! Let me guess, she calls and you come running like a love-sick puppy? Meanwhile she’s not even putting out for you. Am I right?”
I knew this crazy girl’s words weren’t true, but it was hard to not let them affect me. “It’s not like that,” I said through gritted teeth as I tried to grab my phone back from Tyler.
Tyler laughed as he stumbled back a step to avoid my reach. “Dude, I think this chick’s right. You’re whipped, aren’t you?”
“Come on, bro.” Even in my drunken haze, I knew reasoning with someone who was clearly wasted was pointless.
“Let me talk to her. I’ll tell her you’ve found a real woman who can actually fuck!” The redhead took the phone from Tyler and before I could stop her, she pressed answer.
In a state of panic, I finally grabbed the phone from them, but they had already hit answer and I could hear Chloe’s voice coming through the line.
“Hello? Jax?”
“Hey. Yeah, it’s me. What’s up?” I tried to play it cool.
“Are you free to talk? Something’s happened recently, and it’s all my fault. I really need you right now.” Her words came out in the tremble.
As the room started to sway around me, I couldn’t quite understand what she was talking about, but I felt like something was wrong. She sounded so fragile and vulnerable. All I wanted to do was go to her and hold her and tell her everything was going to be okay.
But I couldn’t. My body stopped listening to me. The alcohol inside me had worked its way through my system and I was feeling really sick. I dropped to the floor to sit down, hoping it’d stop the room from moving so much. As my head swirled, I knew there was no way I could go anywhere. I also knew there was no way I was going to get up from this floor anytime soon.
I wanted to say something to comfort Chloe, but I noticed that Tyler and the redhead had attracted a crowd from the party and they were all listening in now.
“Hello? Jax, did you even hear what I said?”
“Yeah, I heard. I’m so sorry, Clo. I wish I was there for you.” Then I heard all the snickering and laughter from the crowd. “But listen, I can’t really talk right now. Can I call you tomorrow morning?”
“Oooohhh! Can I call you tomorrow morning?” a number of the guys from the crowd chanted sarcastically. To them it was all a game, but I could tell Chloe was really hurting. If only I could focus and think through the fog, if only I could get up and find a way to get to her, then maybe I’d know what I could say to comfort her right then.
“I guess so.” Her voice was barely audible and then the line went dead.
I wanted to call her right back because I knew that I had somehow upset her. But instead, my body felt heavy and I sprawled onto the floor. As I drifted in and out of consciousness, the crowd standing over me laughing, slowly disappeared and all my thoughts went to Chloe. There was a nagging feeling that pricked at my insides, and I had an odd feeling that she wasn’t okay.
I’ll call her first thing tomorrow morning. She’s my best friend and I need to be there for her.
That was the last thought that went through my mind right before I finally passed out.
***
But I didn’t call her the next morning.
When I woke up the next morning on one of the couches in the frat house, I immediately leaped up when I saw the time on my phone. I raced out of the door, hoping I could get back to my dorm room to grab my backpack and then make it to my Econ. 101 class before it started fifteen minutes later. I knew I couldn’t miss any more classes that semester or I might fail out. With everything that was happening between my parents and their divorce, I didn’t want to stress my mom out more if I flunked out of Harvard after just one semester.
But in my rush to get to class, I’d accidentally left my cell phone behind at the frat house. By the time I finished my last class of the day and returned to the frat house to pick it up, another party was already in full swing. Luckily everyone was out in the other room playing beer pong, and I found my phone where I’d left it on the mantel of my fireplace next to the couch. I cringed with guilt when I switched on my cell phone and saw that I’d received several missed texts from Chloe.
I quickly shot a text back to her.
Me:
Hey Clo. Sorry, I left my phone at the frat house all day and just got it now and saw your texts. You okay?
To my surprise, Chloe texted me right back.
Chloe:
Hi Jax. A lot has been going on and I need to talk to you about it.
Me:
Sorry I’ve been MIA. I finally crossed into the frat, so I’ll be more free now b/c I’m not a pledge anymore. What’s wrong? Talk about what?
Chloe:
That’s great Jax. I know getting into the frat was important. I haven’t said anything b/c I wanna tell you over the phone. I also didn’t want to bother you if you were busy.
Me:
I’m not busy. I can call you now, if you want.
I was feeling a tinge of guilt grow inside me as I texted back and forth with Chloe. It seemed like something serious was going on with her that she’d been waiting to tell me.
Then another text came through from her:
Chloe:
I’m about to get off work in 15 mins. Should be home in 30 and can talk any time after that.
Me:
Okay. I’ll call you in 30. :)
As I put away my phone and made a mental note to call Chloe at six-thirty, I wondered why she hadn’t mentioned she had a job.
I’ll ask her when I call her in a bit.
Before I could think about it for any longer, I saw Tyler and the redhead from the night before walking toward me. It was clear from the way the girl had her arms around Tyler that they’d hooked up.