Promise to Obey (15 page)

‘She likes arguing with me,’ said Jessica. ‘It sharpens her mind.’

‘At some point, when I was totally stupid and inept, I asked you to marry me. And you said no. Quite rightly, you refused me. I was being a complete idiot and yet if I had said what was really in my heart, your answer might have been quite different.’

Lucas wasn’t making any sense, yet she wanted him to go on. She was still mesmerized by the sweetness of his voice. She was recognizing the honesty of every word he said. They were basking in the wonder of being together. She could not bear the thought of losing him. There were no halves, only wholes. She would give him her all, without thought, without reservation.

‘I don’t know what you mean.’

‘When I saw you there, standing in the pouring rain outside Eastly Station, it was as if I had been hit by a thunder bolt. You
bowled me over. Your beautiful blue eyes spat fire at me. Yes, that was it. Fire and ice. You were the fire, and yet you were frozen. That was the ice. I hardly knew what I was saying. I knew that you were the only woman in the world for me.’

‘I don’t think you know what you are saying now,’ said Jessica, stirring what was left of raspberry juice into the cream. It was a satisfactory pink. She dare not look at him, in case his eyes contradicted his words.

‘What I am trying to say is that I fell in love with you then, that very first moment, and I have loved you ever since. I’ve been waiting for you to fall in love with me. Is that so
impossible
? Even though I have made lots of mistakes, and said all the wrong things. I want to know. Could you ever begin to love me?’

Jessica’s knew she was trembling. She could barely look at Lucas. They were both so careful and guarded. It was like music that never stopped. She couldn’t answer his question without giving away all her thoughts and feelings.

‘When you asked me to marry you, I knew it was impossible, because I wanted to marry a man who loved me, the real me. You only wanted me for the children’s sakes, and for your mother. You even said that you would take your pleasures elsewhere. That’s what you said.’

Lucas sighed. ‘That was tactless of me and I don’t know what I meant. It was unintentionally cruel. I think I meant that I wouldn’t force you into anything you didn’t want. Our
pleasure
together would come later as we grew closer. I knew the moment the words came out, that I had said it the wrong way. The only woman I really want is you. Jessica Harlow, I want you as my wife, my lover, my sweetheart for the rest of my life. I love you and I always have, since that very first moment in the rain.’

The waiter hovered with coffee refills but had the sense to fade back into the shadows. He could feel the surge of emotion eddying round the table, strong enough to blow out the candle. The man and the woman were wrapped in a trance. The coffee could wait.

‘You love me?’ Jessica whispered, hardly daring to voice the words. ‘You really do? You always have?’

‘Dear heart, how am I going to make you believe me?’ said Lucas, reaching into his pocket. ‘I wonder if this will help you.’

He brought out a small dark-navy leather box and pressed open the lid, turning it to face Jessica. ‘Jessica Harlow, will you do me the honour of becoming my wife? I will love and honour you, but I can’t promise to obey.’

Jessica felt the world spinning round her. Lucas loved her. She saw the warmth in his eyes and the apprehension. He was not sure of her. Yet she loved him and need not hide her love any more.

‘And I love you, Lucas,’ she breathed. ‘I really do and I always will. It happened ages ago. I fell in love with you, not meaning to but it happened. I want to be with you for the rest of my life. I want to share in everything that you do, and the crazy way you live, those dreadful hours you work. I want to wait up till you come home, scrub your weary back. To help make life easier for you, if I can. Yes, I will marry you. I love you so much.’

He was looking at her with such tenderness, her heart went into a spiral. Nothing else in the world mattered at that moment. He touched her chin with a fingertip. His surgeon’s fingers were so light, so delicate.

‘I can’t believe it, you’ve agreed, at last. My sweet one, my darling. Just you being with me will make life easier,’ said Lucas earnestly. ‘To know that you are at home, waiting for me, ready to take me into your bed. You will take me into your bed, won’t you, Jessica?’

‘I think we might need a bigger bed,’ Jessica murmured, her coffee growing cold. ‘We are both rather tall.’

‘It’ll be the first purchase for our home together,’ Lucas promised. He moved the opened box closer to Jessica. She looked down at it for the first time. ‘Do you like it?’

It was a ring, nestling in white satin. The sapphire winked at her from among a circle of diamonds. It was a magnificent ring.

‘It’s beautiful,’ Jessica breathed.

‘A beautiful ring for a beautiful woman. Sapphire to match your eyes. Will you wear it for me, Jessica?’

She slipped it on the ring finger of her left hand. It fitted
perfectly
. Surgeon’s eyes or a lucky guess? The diamonds flashed in the light from the chandelier above and the flickering candle flame on their table.

The head waiter nodded across the room. Another waiter disappeared and returned almost immediately with a bottle of Dom Perignon champagne, wrapped in white linen. He took it over to their table and bowed.

‘With the compliments of the management,’ he said. ‘And may we offer our congratulations to you both, with best wishes for your future happiness.’

He opened the champagne and the cork flew across the room with a sharp, dizzy burst of fine spray. He poured the
champagne
into tall crystal flutes, the tiny bubbles rising to the rims.

‘To you, my darling,’ said Lucas.

‘To us,’ said Jessica, smiling.

They were very late driving back to Upton Hall so it was already Daniel’s birthday morning. They could not stop
laughing
or holding hands, touching each other, to make sure that the evening was still real. They did not want it ever to end.

They went reluctantly to their own bedrooms. His
goodnight
kiss sent her pulses racing. They clung to each other, arms wrapped in a close embrace, their lips warm and seeking. Jessica had never felt this hunger for any man before. It was lust and liking and loving.

‘We’ll wait,’ he said quietly, on the landing. ‘We are both too tired and had little sleep last night.’

‘We could just sleep,’ said Jessica tremulously.

‘I could never just sleep with you. The temptation would be beyond my mortal body. I should want you so much. You would have to fight me off. But we will marry, very soon? Do you agree?’

‘Very soon,’ said Jessica, every nerve in her body clamouring
for him. His arms were still round her and she could smell the manliness of his skin.

‘We’ll make all our plans, when we have come down to earth.’

‘I’ll never come down to earth with you. I’ll always be in some kind of heaven.’

‘Dearest love, sleep now. I’ll see you at breakfast. I may shock Mrs Harris when I sweep you into an ardent embrace.’ He grinned.

‘I think she would enjoy it. Your mother is more of a worry.’

‘Leave Lady Grace to me.’

They drew apart, laughing quietly. Jessica went into her bedroom and twirled around the room, the chiffon floating round her like a pink cloud. They were going to be married. He loved her. Her dream was coming true.

Daniel’s birthday tea was a picnic in the garden. September had decided on one more spectacularly sunny day. It was warm enough to spread a rug on the lawn and Mrs Harris had gone to town with birthday tea treats and the garden table was laden with goodies. Lady Grace had a garden chair, padded with cushions. Lucas had raced back from the hospital to be there for his son’s birthday.

It was difficult to know if Daniel understood that it was his birthday. Birthday, years and age may not have any concept for him. A party was out of the question because he did not have any friends and would hate all the noise and confusion. But he seemed to like having tea in the garden.

Jessica had spent half the morning blowing up balloons and hanging them from the trees. They hung from low branches, swaying and bobbing in the gentle breeze. Daniel loved them because they made no noise. He started to help, putting them in lines, from low shrubs and bushes. The garden began to look full of globes of colour. Although Daniel’s face did not change much, his body looked relaxed and carefree. His shirt had come un-tucked and he did not seem to notice.

Lily raced around creating total confusion. That was her contribution.

‘When is it my birthday?’ she shouted. ‘Can I have balloons in the garden and a picnic tea?’

Jessica didn’t know. How awful. She didn’t know Lily’s birthday. Mrs Harris whispered, ‘February 21
^st
.’

‘It might be snowing,’ said Jessica.

‘Snowballs and snowmen?’

‘Perhaps. A snow tea, everything white.’

Lady Grace came downstairs, wearing the silvery pashmina which Jessica had safely returned. It was her ownership
statement
. Jessica made her comfortable in a garden and brought her a glass of dry sherry.

‘You might like something a little stronger than apple juice,’ said Jessica.

‘Glad to see you have more clothes on this afternoon,’ said Lady Grace.

Jessica was in indigo jeans and her flame red shirt. She called it her Brighton outfit. And she had tied her hair back with a matching scarf.

‘Last night was special,’ she said, but added nothing more. They had not told anyone yet. ‘What do you think about another swim soon? Would you like me to ring your friend, Arthur, and find a free afternoon?’

Lady Grace seemed to think about it, gathering her strength, finding it difficult to be unpleasant. ‘Yes, I would like that.’

‘No barbed wire in their pool,’ said Jessica, without thinking.

Lady Grace went white, her hand trembling. Jessica took the sherry glass from her, cursing her own thoughtlessness. ‘How did you … know?’ she whispered.

‘I’m sorry. Please don’t distress yourself,’ said Jessica, going down on her knees and stroking the old, veined hands. ‘Lucas told me. He was there when you came back from Brighton on that awful day. He saw all the cuts and tears on your legs. We know that the beach at Brighton was heavily defended during the war, concrete blocks, landmines and barbed wire. There
could so easily have been some barbed wire embedded in the sand, unseen, waiting for someone to tread on it, to become entangled.’

Lady Grace was gripping her hand tightly. ‘It was barbed wire, Jess.’ She choked on the words. ‘My feet were caught up. I went down in the water to free myself but I couldn’t do it. I ran out of air. I was struggling to come to the surface to breathe. The tide was coming in fast and the longer it took, the deeper it got. I panicked. Sea was washing into my mouth, choking me. I thought I was drowning and I nearly was.’

‘You were so brave,’ Jessica assured her.

‘I took a great, deep breath and went down under the water again. I could hardly see for all the swirling water and sand. The barbed wire was twisted round my legs and my ankles. I had to drag them free or I would drown.’

‘But you did,’ said Jessica. ‘You managed it. You are here now.’

‘Someone helped me. I don’t know who it was. There was someone dark and slim, swimming, tearing the wire away with their bare hands. Suddenly I was free and I shot to the surface. I was in such a state of shock, I never stopped to thank them or find out who it was. All I could do was somehow stagger home. I don’t even know how I managed that.’

‘And you never went back?’

‘I couldn’t face them.’

‘So you don’t know who saved your life?’

‘My one regret is that I never thanked him. It’s been a heavy guilt to carry all these years.’

‘He must know,’ said Jessica. ‘He must know, in his heart, that he did a really brave thing and saved your life. He doesn’t need your thanks. Because he knows that you are still alive.’

‘Maybe he has gone, died, after all these years.’

‘He will still know,’ said Jessica. ‘Thoughts travel. Send him your thoughts. What do we know about how radio and television work? It’s all thoughts and words on invisible waves. Air that we can’t see.’

The children were racing out into the garden with Lucas. Lily had dressed up for the occasion. She had added a net curtain train and tinsel in her hair. Floppy Ears was also wearing tinsel but not the train. Jessica gave Lady Grace back the sherry glass and stood to greet her family. For they were going to be her family now. Lucas, Lily and Daniel. Even Lady Grace.

Lucas came straight over and kissed her lightly on her cheek. It was all she needed. No one seemed to notice the gentle embrace.

‘Hello, beautiful,’ he said.

‘Hello, Lucas,’ she said, no need for more words.

The September afternoon swam into a sultry softness. Daniel loved his presents. He was in ecstasy with the pads of paper, the pencils, the books that he didn’t understand yet. Mrs Harris gave him a big cake made in the shape of an eight. Lady Grace gave him money. He wouldn’t know how to spend it.

And Lucas had another present for Daniel. It was a rocking chair. Daniel loved it instantly, climbed into it, rocking himself, a sketch pad on his knee, drawing leaves, the trees, the clouds. He was lost in his own world.

Lucas sat on the rug, eating everything in sight. He’d had no lunch. It had been a heavy morning. He shifted so that he was leaning against Jessica’s knees. She had one of the garden chairs. He looked up at her and took her hand.

‘I heard about yesterday morning,’ he said. ‘I want to thank you for saving my mother from falling and getting hurt.’

‘How did you find out? We weren’t going to tell you.’

‘I know, but Mrs Harris told me. She changed her mind. She said the man had to be stopped from returning at some future time. And I was the only person who could do that. She was right. I have made quite sure that he will never bother you again. You can safely forget him now.’