Protecting You (A McCord Family Novel Book 1) (3 page)

"Including you?"

"I'm not planning to leave you here alone, if that's what you're asking." Austin sighed. "I would just like to see you guys talking again is all. Be nice to him when he visits. He would've come home for Christmas, if not for your attitude."

Zane glared at him. "I'll be nice. I promise."

Austin smiled slightly.

A knock sounded on the door. "Come on in," Zane yelled.

The door opened and Chief Robert Tanner of the St. Joseph's Police Department stepped inside looking forlorn. "Boys. How are you doing today?"

Zane stood up and shook hands with him. "Good. What brings you by, Chief?"

"You should probably sit down, Zane," Chief Tanner said, quietly.

"I think I'll stay standing, if you don't mind, Chief. What's wrong?" He didn't like the way the chief looked at him.

"I received a call earlier. The NYPD wanted to call, but felt a person-to-person visit was more appropriate. Not delay the news." Chief Tanner took a deep breath. "Your brother Jimmy died today in the line of duty. I'm very sorry, boys." Chief Tanner almost choked out the last words.

Zane's heart started to pound as the breath leaving his mouth almost suffocated him. He stood a few moments staring at Chief Tanner in disbelief. Did he really just hear the words he thought he heard? Perhaps he should've sat down.

"I'm sorry, Chief. Come again?" Zane asked, hoping he heard him wrong.

"I'm sorry, Zane. Jimmy died today. I wish I didn't have to say that to you. I know it's hard to take in," Chief Tanner said, solemnly.

The words pierced his brain, soaring straight to his heart as they became louder in his mind.

Jimmy died today
.

He suddenly dropped to his knees, burying his head in his hands. Deep retching sobs immediately poured out. The massive guilt settled right into his chest. It couldn't be true. His brother was coming home for Memorial weekend—Austin just said so. Yet, as he sat there breaking down, they settled in his mind. He would never see his baby brother alive again.

***

Austin still sat at his desk, staring at the chief, who looked as if he could cry as well. He glanced at Zane, who sat on the floor, sobbing. He had never once seen his big brother cry, not even when their parents died. He had heard him in his room once, the door closed, and he thought the sounds might've been tears. But talking about their feelings didn't occur between them. They didn't break down like this in front of each other—or other people.

He thought back to the words he just spoke to Zane about Jimmy coming home, about them making amends, the reality of it slamming into him. They would never make amends now. They would never talk through the problems and make Zane see how dumb he was acting. The plans he had started to form in his mind for Jimmy's trip home, how they could work it out. They all fluttered away as Austin stared at Zane's body shaking heavily. He imagined the same thoughts were running through Zane's mind. The guilt he must feel.

Austin stood up, grabbing onto the desk. He took a deep breath and made his way to Zane. The floor felt like it could open and swallow him whole. His world had just tilted off its axis and he had no idea how to respond. But he knew he needed his brother who was still here.

"Zane."

***

Zane slowly lifted his tear-stained face and pulled Austin into his embrace. He didn't think about what he was doing or who was in the room. He needed to feel his brother's strength, as all his had left him. They all loved each other. They never showed it with affection of this sort. Zane couldn't stop his emotions, or the intense need to anchor himself to his remaining brother somehow. Austin was all he had left.

As soon as Zane wrapped his arms around Austin, the dam burst. His tears mingled with his brother's, unable to hold them in, the reality of it all, tearing him up inside. They sat on the floor hugging each other as they both cried. It kept running through Zane's mind that Jimmy was coming home. He could make amends with him. Then it would slam into him like a punch to the gut that it wasn't a possibility anymore. His brother died, as he feared he would. He died thinking Zane hated him, mad at him.

Suddenly, Austin pulled away and grabbed his arm. Zane looked at him and saw in his eyes that they needed more information. They needed to understand what happened. He didn't want that. Ignorance was bliss. He wanted it all to go away and pretend it never happened. He wanted to continue talking to Austin about Jimmy's upcoming trip home, the plans for how they would celebrate Memorial Day.

Instead, he nodded at Austin. They stood up together as Zane wiped his face with his shirtsleeve. Get it together. He had to be strong. He was always the strong one.

Zane sniffed his nose and tried to keep the tears back. He opened his mouth, but nothing came out.

"How—" Austin cleared his throat. "How did it happen?"

Chief Tanner stood in the same spot waiting for them to compose themselves. "He was responding to a crime scene. It wasn't properly secured and the suspect was hiding in the closet. The suspect fought with a crime scene tech and they went out a window. Jimmy just got to the scene when he saw his fellow co-worker fall. The suspect was able to grab a gun and went to shoot the crime scene tech, but Jimmy took the bullet instead. He shot the suspect in the process as well. He and the suspect both died at the scene. I'm so sorry. He was a good man. He was a good cop, I was told. I have contact information for you…for you to call them or go to New York. Or doing both," Chief Tanner said as he held out an envelope to Austin. "Let me know what you boys need. I'll be here for you."

"Thanks, Chief. I'm sorry you had to be the one to tell us. I'm also glad it was you," Austin said, putting a reassuring hand on Zane's shoulder, who still hadn't spoken.

What could he say? His brother was dead. Died thinking he hated him.

"I'm sorry, too. Like I said, let me know what you need. I'll leave you boys now," Chief Tanner said, almost tearing up again. "I'll stop by the house and tell Eleanor. Stay strong, boys."

Austin nodded. The chief walked out. "I'll call New York and get us some tickets out there."

Zane simply nodded. He didn't know what else to say. What was there to say? His brother was dead trying to save the life of someone else. It sounded like him and it made Zane mad. He wasn't supposed to die so young. He should have stayed home and helped run the farm.

Zane pictured his face and the last time they spoke, the anger that swirled between them. The words spoken that couldn't be taken back, or the silence that endured within the past six months. He dropped back to the floor, sobbing from all the regret and guilt of never making amends with his brother.

Chapter 2

Zane stood next to Austin as the coroner placed the sheet back over Jimmy's face. He sucked in a silent breath to keep the tears from falling. They arrived in New York late last night. They hadn't been able to see his body until today, the next morning. Zane had insisted and nobody argued with him.

He looked so pale, so colorless. It broke Zane's heart that his brother lay on a cold slab of metal, never to wake up again. Never see his smile or his ridiculous laugh. Never argue with him again. Never say sorry for treating him the way he did. Never make it up for not protecting him like he should have—loving him as he should have.

***

The door slammed, rattling the house. "Austin! Jimmy!" Zane stomped into the living room where the two were playing video games. "What are you two doing? Dad told us to clean the stalls and you two are in here playing games."

Jimmy turned around with a tentative smile. "Sorry."

"No, no, no. Don't go that way," Austin exclaimed at the game. He threw the controller down when the music sounded at his character's death.

"Austin," Zane hollered.

Austin suddenly turned his head. "Oh, hey, Zane. Didn't hear you come in?"

Jimmy laughed. "How couldn't you hear the slamming and the yelling he's doing?"

Jimmy looked over at Zane, who glared, and his smile dropped as he stood up. "Sorry, Zane. We were just finishing the game. We were going to help as soon as it was over."

Austin stood up. "Please. Don't apologize. Zane loves shoveling shit more than us anyway. That's your form of fun, isn’t it, Zane?"

Zane glared at them and walked back out of the house.

***

The coroner said he died instantly. That he hadn't felt anything. The bullet pierced his heart, not stopping, slamming into the other person whose life he saved. Zane wanted to feel better with the knowledge he saved another life, but he struggled with that.

Thank God, Jimmy felt no pain. It would've been ten times worse to think his brother had suffered. He still didn't know who he saved. It didn't even matter. Nobody's life was more important than his brother's. Apparently, Jimmy had thought otherwise.

"I'm so sorry for your loss again, gentlemen. Perhaps we could walk outside here and talk about his funeral arrangements," Deputy Commissioner John Rudy said, gesturing his hands toward the door.

"I wish everyone would stop saying that. I don't care if you're sorry," Zane growled as he walked past Rudy.

***

"Wow. Look at that one there. Looks like a nine-millimeter handgun," Jimmy said with a smile.

Zane glanced at Jimmy and shook his head in amazement as they all three were sprawled in the fields looking at the clouds. "You always think that way. Why?"

Jimmy turned his head to Zane. "I can't wait to be a cop, Zane. It's all I ever want to be. That’s the weapon I'll have when I move to New York and become a cop. Can't you see it in the clouds?"

"Kinda specific. I see the shape of a gun, though. How about over there? That looks like a naked woman," Austin said as he pointed to the left with a grin.

"You both are too much." Zane sighed. "What's wrong with the farm? It's great here."

"For you it is, Zane. You've always loved the farm, but I want more." Jimmy turned to Austin. "I think your naked woman is kinda specific, but I can see it."

Austin laughed. "Have you ever been with a woman yet, Jimmy?"

"Oh, man. I'm not having that conversation with you, Austin—ladies man that you are. How about picking on Zane?" Jimmy replied, his cheeks blooming a deep red.

Zane glared at Austin, who chose not to utter a word. Zane lifted himself up from the grass and brushed his pants off. "Dad will wonder where we are. He wanted that barn cleaned today."

He walked away without them.

***

Austin looked sheepishly at Rudy. "I'm sorry for Zane. He doesn't mean to be rude."

"No need to apologize, Mr. McCord. He has every right to grieve in his own way. I take no offense to anything," Rudy said reassuringly.

They started to follow Zane out. Austin abruptly turned back around just as he reached the doors and watched as the coroner slid Jimmy's body into his compartment. The ominous clicking of the door shutting close felt like a shockwave, as if he had been standing right next to a bomb and it exploded at his feet. The sound deafened him. It had been hard to look at him, but like Zane, he had needed to see him one more time.

To think he would never see his brother walk into a room, grinning that goofy grin of his. Hear his voice speak with such eagerness, such happiness.

***

"Hey, Austin. Man, it's so great here. The lights, the sounds, the people. It's everything I imagined. I met a woman today—Ava. Whew! She tore me a new one at a crime scene. Reminded me of Zane and thought they would get along really great, actually," Jimmy said laughing into the phone.

"Zane, with a woman? He's too grouchy for women. I'm not sure I've ever seen him on a date before, not that women don't try. Now I was with a beautiful one yesterday. She had these legs—"

"Please, Austin. I don't want to hear. All your women are the same." Jimmy laughed again.

"That's true. But her legs—man. I'm glad to hear you like it. Zane's not happy. You know that though. I'm happy for you, worried, but happy."

"Don't be worried about me. It's just like being a cop in Minnesota. Anything can happen."

"Well, hey, I'll be there to visit soon so we can celebrate. I'd love for you to show me New York. Better find the hot spots for us to pick up some gorgeous women," Austin said chuckling.

Jimmy laughed with him. "Yeah, that will probably not happen. I can't wait to see you. I'll try talking to Zane to come with you."

"Good luck with that."

***

Zane paced the tiled floors, eager to leave. Finally, Austin stepped outside the doors.

He had to keep reminding himself that Austin mattered, too. It was difficult to do as the grief threatened to overwhelm him. He broke down immediately when he first heard the news, but had yet to succumb to that point since. Keep it together. That's all he had to do. Breaking down in front of Austin wouldn't happen again. He had to be tough. He had to be strong.

"I apologize that Commissioner Rainer couldn't be here. His daughter was also injured yesterday in the incident and he's at the hospital with her, otherwise he would've been here," Rudy said with sincerity.

Austin looked surprised and concerned all at once. "His daughter? How was she injured?"

Zane stopped pacing and waited for Rudy to answer. What was with the abrupt change in Austin's voice?

"She was the crime scene investigator that responded to the scene. She fought with the suspect and sustained a few injuries from the fall. She was stabbed in the left shoulder before she fell from the window and then she was shot in the right shoulder when the bullet—" Rudy paused. "When the bullet passed through Detective McCord into her. He really did save her life. He knocked her over a bit when he went in front of her. The bullet would've hit her directly in the heart. He's a true hero. She lost a lot of blood. She's not in the clear yet, so that's why he's not here. He wanted to be, but—"

"No need for explanation. It's understandable. What's her name? I think I may know, but I just want to make sure," Austin asked, refusing to look at Zane.

"Ava Rainer," Rudy said.

Zane gasped in shock as Austin rocked back on his heels.

***

"Ava, it's good to meet you. Jimmy failed to mention how gorgeous you were," Austin said with a suave smile.

"Ooo, Jimmy failed to mention you were slick with words," Ava replied as she shook his hand.

Austin laughed and patted Jimmy on the back. "I like this woman, Jimmy. You found a good one."

Jimmy turned red in the face. "She's a friend—a co-worker, Austin. Behave, please. Keep your hands to yourself. She's been showing me the ropes around here. I've been very appreciative."

"He's a good cop. You should be proud," Ava said to Austin.

Austin pulled Jimmy into a side hug. "Oh, I'm proud. He's wanted this since he was little. I'm glad he found a great friend to help him along."

"She is a great friend. Don’t know what I would do without Ava," Jimmy said with pride. "I'd do anything for her."

***

The look of shock on Zane's face couldn't be interpreted in any other way. He couldn’t believe it. The one person he despised and blamed for the discord between him and Jimmy had caused his death. He died for her.

If he thought he hated her before, he truly hated her now, despised her with every breath in his body. Her life was not more important than his brother's. She didn't deserve to live more than him. It was all wrong.

He could care less if the Police Commissioner came and spoke to them. In fact, he didn't want to speak to the man and told Rudy as such.

"I don’t wish to speak with the commissioner. Ever. Or hear anymore about Ava Rainer. Excuse me," Zane said as he walked away.

He couldn't be near people right now. He was bound to explode and he wished not to do it towards Austin.

He wanted to rush to the hospital and explode in Ava's face as he did the last time, but knew she couldn't fight back. It didn't seem fair. He needed a good fight. Hearing the news she was the one Jimmy laid his life down for was beyond devastating.

Catastrophic.

***

"Jimmy, it's time to go," Zane said through clenched teeth.

Jimmy slowly stood up from his desk and tried not to look embarrassed as his fellow co-workers looked on at the spectacle. "Zane. What are you doing here? Why are you telling me it's time to go?"

"I won't have that woman speak to me that way or fill your head with nonsense any longer. You belong at home, not here."

"You spoke to Ava. I sure hope you didn't say anything rude. She's my friend. No, actually, I would say she's one of my best friends and I won't have you treating her with disrespect. My life's here in New York and has been for five years. Accept it or get the hell out. I won't have you treating me like a child anymore because I'm not one. I love you man, but you need to stop."

"If I walk out of here, I won't talk to you again. You're taking her side over mine," Zane said with quiet anger.

"She hasn't done anything wrong. I'm not taking sides. Please, just support me," Jimmy pleaded. "I won't stop you from walking out that door if you can't accept where my life is at."

Zane inhaled a deep breath, turned around from Jimmy's shocked face, and walked out of his life.

***

Austin looked shameful again. "Ava and Jimmy were good friends. She could see how much he needed some support in this big city and they became fast friends. Zane doesn't get along well with her because of it. He's just taking Jimmy's death hard. He doesn't mean it. I would like to know about Ava's recovery. It all makes sense now. Jimmy loved her like a sister," Austin said, a tear forming in his eye.

"Yes, I know. She tried to save him, I was told. The other officers tried to tell her he was gone, but she wouldn't listen. She doesn't know he died. She passed out before the paramedics even reached her. Like I said before, I take no offense to anything. Let's go over the funeral arrangements. I know it's not easy, but it has to be done," Rudy said, gesturing again for Austin to follow him out of the morgue area.

"Of course. Thank you for all your kindness," Austin said as he followed Rudy out.

The dismal walk out of the corridor was almost as bad as the walk into the morgue. It was hard knowing his brother lay back in that cold room. It was hard knowing his other brother was struggling. Austin felt in limbo as he followed Rudy out of the building, concerned where Zane ventured off, yet knowing he wouldn't show himself until he wanted to. Perhaps that was for the best.

***

The slow beeping sounds awakened her, producing a steady rhythm that wanted to lull her back into a deep sleep. She found comfort in it for some strange reason, just as she found comfort in the hand embracing hers. She slowly opened her eyes and saw her dad smiling.

"My baby girl. You finally came back to me," Peter said, kissing her hand, the relief plain in his eyes.

Ava looked around the room. Flowers sat adorned on the table across the room, on the side ledge by the window as well. Small cards peaked out from the bouquets. Balloons stood near the flowers displayed with 'Get well soon', 'Thinking of you', amongst other things. Larger cards also lined the ledge in front of the flowers.

"What happened?" she asked with a croak, her mind still a little groggy.

Peter hesitated, the worry clear. "You were shot, stabbed…and fell two-stories. Don't you remember anything, sweetheart?"

Ava drew in a small breath and tried to focus. Suddenly, it all came rushing back. Shivers consumed her. Her father held her hand tightly to control it.

"It's okay, sweetheart."

"Where's Jimmy? Is he in recovery, too? I stopped the bleeding really well," Ava whispered.