Protecting You (A McCord Family Novel Book 1) (8 page)

She tried to watch where she was walking as she ate her second pastry. They truly were delicious, making her so glad she gave in to eat one. She had formed a habit of not eating, that it felt normal just to say she wasn't hungry. Looking in the mirror last night, taking in her appearance for the first time in a long time, she had to admit she looked ghastly and almost threw up. It was hard to change a habit that formed so easily.

Her mind reeled at the morning so far. Ava still couldn't find the right words about Zane accepting her as family. And she didn’t truly believe he was accepting her wholeheartedly. He was only acting this way for Austin's sake. When he said what he did, she didn't have it in her to argue. Last time she tried, he picked her up and practically threw her into bed. Then he threatened to dress her this morning, removing her clothes and all. She saw it in his eyes that he would've seriously done that.

The embarrassment would have flooded her face, as would the desire of him running his hands down her body to remove her clothes. How would his hands feel on her skin? Rough, smooth, or delicate? A combination of all three, perhaps—like they briefly felt yesterday.

No sense in finding out. That's why she had listened without hesitation and came out to the kitchen in the exact timeframe he gave her.

Zane first took her to another barn she hadn’t seen yesterday that was situated almost behind the house. Red finally gleamed back at her with brilliance. It was significantly smaller than the white barn in front. She had begun to worry they knew no other color.

Zane opened the door and held it open for her. The first thing she saw was chickens. She had never seen a live one before. A huge smile adorned her face as she walked up to the coop. Perhaps things wouldn't be as hard as she thought yesterday.

"They're so cute." Ava smiled, turning to look at Zane.

"It's a chicken," Zane replied dryly.

"Well, they're cute to me. I've never been on a farm, you know. It's all new to me," Ava said, embarrassed for saying anything and turned away from him.

Zane walked over to the chicken feed bag. "Feed them."

Ava turned back around in surprise. "Me?"

Zane shook his head with disbelief. "I didn't wake you up and say you had to help on the farm and then not actually make you help. So yeah, you." He picked up a bucket and handed it to her. "Scoop some feed into this bucket. Open the door carefully and pour it into the trough inside. I'll get them some fresh water while you do that. When we're done here, we'll head to the other end of the barn and feed the goats."

Ava tentatively grabbed the bucket from him, making sure to avoid touching his hand. She watched him walk away and then scooped a bucket full of chicken feed. Opening the door with a hesitant gesture, she stepped inside as the chickens started to circle around her feet. They followed along as she made her way to the trough, pouring the scoop in as evenly as possible. She stepped back as she watched in amazement as some raced over to eat.

***

"What are you eating, Mahone?" Jimmy asked incredulous.

"Uh? What, you never had octopus? What the hell are you eating?" Mahone shot back.

"Chicken. It's called chicken," Jimmy said dryly, putting a forkful in his mouth and chewed it with delight.

Ava laughed. "Chicken is good. Octopus? I'd have to side with Jimmy on this one, Mahone. Yet, every time we come here, you insist on getting that meal."

"He didn't say anything other than—chicken," Mahone said sarcastically.

"We all know what he meant. You're the only crazy one at the table," Markus piped in, as he cut into his fancy fish platter he ordered.

Mahone picked up a slice of the octopus tentacle and slowly put it in his mouth, overemphasizing the deliciousness of it. "Mmm. What I wouldn't do to catch my own?"

"Yeah, you sure have problems catching them octopuuuses around here," Markus teased, bawling out in laughter.

"You're sick!" Mahone growled.

Everyone else at the table laughed. "I'll stick with my chicken, thank you, Mahone," Jimmy said with a grin.

***

"Why are you lollygagging over there? Keep filling it until it's full. That's not enough. We have a lot to do today," Zane growled as he filled up the other trough with water.

Ava jumped with surprise that he was behind her. Did he wear no other expression than a glare? Why did he even want her to help? She clearly annoyed him. After wiping a few tears away, she continued to fill the rest of the trough up.

When they finished with the chickens, they made their way over to the goats and fed them as well. Feeding the goats didn't take too long and in his abrupt way, Zane told her they would head to the other barn. As they walked to the big white barn, Ava braved a question. Suddenly curiosity took front and center in her mind. Jimmy talked a little bit about the farm sometimes, but she wanted to know so much more.

"What are the goats for? You only have four. It seems like a small number. Are they pets?" she asked, trying to keep up with Zane and his long strides.

Zane stopped, almost making Ava bump into him. Before she fell into his hard body, she stopped her feet firmly in place. He turned around. "Pets? Really? We don't have pets here on the farm. What kind of dumb question is that?"

"You don't have to be so rude. That's why I was asking. I don't know anything about farms." She couldn't hide the hurt in her voice. Now she felt dumb. She started to turn around when he gently grabbed her wrist.

"We're not done. The day has barely started," Zane said softly.

Ava trembled as she turned around. "Please, let me go." She refused to look at him, but the tiny tingles flowing up her arm were too much. He had to let her go.

Zane let her wrist go without further argument. "I apologize for snapping at you. I'm trying here, even though I don't want to." Zane sighed. "My mom liked goat milk. We went to a farmer's market one time and she tried it there. The next day she made my dad buy some goats so she could have her own fresh goat milk. She passed away when we were kids from breast cancer. Eleanor enjoys cooking and baking with it, so we still like to keep them on the farm. Plus, it's in memory of my mom. Makes me think of her when I'm in the barn with them."

Her mind couldn't concentrate as she could still feel his warm hand on her tiny wrist. But the surprise didn't begin to cover what she felt. He actually answered her with such emotion. Yet, she still couldn't look at him. What would she see in his eyes?

Zane shuffled his feet a little, then, in his abrupt-like manner, as if he never shared such a personal memory, said, "Do whatever the hell you want. They're not pets, though. I have to check on the hogs now."

Zane turned around and started toward the white barn. She couldn't leave things like that, especially when he opened up to her as he did. She raced after him.

A deep breath left his mouth as he pulled the door open and stepped aside to let her walk in first. She didn't look at him once or say anything else. Just grateful he let her into the barn after she tried to run away. Because that's exactly what she had been trying to do. Run away.

They saw Austin already in the barn and made their way over to him. Without one word, Zane walked away.

***

Austin stared at his brother as he stomped away and then looked at Ava. "What happened?"

Ava looked at him. "Nothing."

"You say that every time when I know something did. If he said something that—"

"He didn't say anything. Everything's fine."

Austin frowned and relented. "You don't have to help out here, you know. To be honest, I never expected Zane to make you come out here. I was surprised when Eleanor told me what he said to you about family. I think of you that way. I'm just shocked that he is so accepting of it."

"Me too, actually. I don't think it means he accepts me that way." Ava looked down at her feet and then glanced at Austin nervously. "I know I haven't given anything a chance here. I'm sorry. It's selfish of me, but it hurts just being here." Austin started to speak, but Ava cut him off. "But it's been fun. Sort of. I've never been on a farm and it's fascinating. I don't mind helping. So the pigs are in here. What do we do in here?"

Austin figured she was trying to change the subject and decided to go with it. Pure happiness had filled his heart when Eleanor told him that Zane made her come out here. He didn't want her hiding in the house. That wasn't why he brought her here. He hadn't lied to her either. He was genuinely surprised Zane even made the effort. There would be a talk later. Hopefully Zane cooperated with that conversation.

He pushed the continuous worries to the back of his mind and walked over to the pigpens to show Ava what needed to be done. He explained they had automatic feeders for water and feed for the pigs. The pigs themselves activated the feeder when they were thirsty or hungry. Every morning they filled them all up and made sure everything was in working order. Sometimes they got clogged or broke. Nothing lasts forever.

He explained how they cleaned out the pens and used the manure in the fields for nutrients. The cows grazed out in the pastures and required little work from them, but he explained they still made rounds checking on them to make sure everything looked good. He told her maybe later in the day they could take some horses out and ride along the fences to make sure everything was secure. Rarely did it happen, but occasionally a section of fence needed repairing.

He smiled wide at Ava as he motioned for her to follow him as he continued down the line, feeding the pigs.

***

Nothing lasts forever.

Austin's words from earlier were seared into her memory. Ava took those words with more meaning than intended, thinking he was absolutely right. If things did last forever, Jimmy would still be here.

She tried to dispel those words from her mind as she sat at the dinner table. Her body was sore, even though she hadn't done too much heavy work, and she was actually hungry for once. Eleanor made roast beef with potatoes and corn. Ava ate half of her plate, the most she had in a long time. She told Eleanor it was delicious again, who beamed with pride at the wonderful compliment.

Since the moment Zane walked away in the barn, she hadn’t seen him all day until they all sat down at the supper table. They sat in the same spots where she could feel his eyes on her again. She didn't know why he insisted on staring at her, but she refused to look up and see the reason in his piercing green eyes.

After supper, Zane immediately left the table again and went to the study. All Ava wanted to do was go to bed. Her body was sore. Her mind was tangled with words that hurt. But the thought of sleep frightened her as well. She really just wanted to snuggle under the covers and forget all of her worries. Actual sleep brought nothing but nightmares.

Because every time she tried to fall asleep without thinking of Jimmy, it never worked.

***

"Hey, Zane. Can I join you?" Jimmy asked as Zane swung freely on the porch swing.

"Have a seat," Zane said, moving over for him.

"Are you going to come visit me in New York? I leave in two days and won't see you for a while," Jimmy asked tentatively.

"I don't like the city. You wanna see me, you'll have to come home. Don't even want you leaving. Just lost Dad, now I'm losing you," Zane muttered.

"Come on, that's not fair. I'm still right here sitting next to you. I'm not really gone like Dad is. I want this. I can do it. I know I can."

Zane looked at him and smiled. "I have no doubt you can. I just don't want you leaving is all. You belong on the farm with me and Austin."

"I'll always be your brother no matter where I'm at. I'll come home. I was just hoping you would come see me, too." Jimmy looked away as he helped push the swing along.

Zane grabbed him around the shoulders and gave him a small hug. "I say it now that I won't, but maybe my mind can be persuaded later. I'm gonna miss you."

***

"Zane, you alright?" Austin asked, sitting down across the desk from him.

Zane looked up from his computer. "Yeah. Sorry, I was lost in thought."

"That's been happening a lot around here. I guess we're all thinking about him." Austin sighed.

"I guess so."

Austin leaned forward, playing with a paperweight, twirling it around. "Thanks for making Ava come out to the barns this morning. Not sure why you did. You made it pretty clear how you felt."

"Not sure why I did either. You were right. She's in bad shape." Zane stared at Austin as he played with the paperweight, the anger, the pain ripping through his body like wildfire. Zane forcefully grabbed the paperweight from Austin and threw it behind him. "It's not right. None of it is. I can't hate her anymore and I hate that."

Austin leaned back in his chair, clearly not afraid of Zane lashing out at him. "What changed your mind about that?"

Zane glanced at Austin. "I don't know. I don't want to talk about her." He started to go back to his computer and ignore Austin, when he muttered, "She ate more tonight than yesterday. She started crying when she fed the damn chickens. They're chickens." He blew out a small breath. "She wanted to leave yesterday and I made her stay."