Protecting You (A McCord Family Novel Book 1) (4 page)

"Listen to me." Peter paused. "Sweetheart, Jimmy didn't make it. He died at the scene. Nothing you could have done would have saved him. It was instant."

Ava shook her head no—denial ringing in her ears. He couldn't be dead. It wasn't possible. He had to ask out Tiffany. He had to call his brother Zane.

She gasped.

Zane.

He probably wished her dead right now. He blamed her for his brother staying in New York. He would blame her for his death. It
was
her fault. She couldn't deny it. He did die because of her.

"Dad, Jimmy's okay. What room is he in?"

Peter squeezed her hand tighter. "No, honey. He's not okay. He died. I'm so sorry. I know how close you were with him. He saved your life. I, for one, will be forever grateful."

Ava shook her head again. "No, no. Don't say that. He's not dead. He can't be. I didn't ask for him to save me. I don't want him to do that. You're wrong. Where is he? I want to talk to him."

Peter frowned as she started to cry. He stood up from his chair, sat on the bed, and pulled her into his arms. "It's going to be okay, honey. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." He rubbed her back lightly as he did when she was a child.

Ava cried in her father's arms as she tried to lessen the pain in her heart, but it wouldn't come. She couldn’t believe she would never see Jimmy's beautiful face again, or hear him crack a silly joke. She just couldn’t fathom him not coming to her office and shyly asking about Tiffany.

Trying to handle the overwhelming grief was a struggle. She wanted to drown in her tears from the weight of guilt and shame. He should've never died for her.

"When is his funeral?"

Peter leaned away from her to look her in the eye. "I'm sorry, sweetheart. He was buried two days ago. They held a remarkable service for a great man. You've been out a week. Your injuries were significant. We almost lost you, too."

Speechless. No words came to her.

She had missed her chance to say good-bye, to be there when he was laid to rest. "Where was he buried?"

"Here. In New York. His brothers felt it was a proper place for him as he loved the city like he did," Peter said, pulling her back closer to him and continued to rub her back lightly.

"Both brothers thought so?" she asked tentatively. Zane hated New York. She found it hard to believe he would want Jimmy buried here.

"I don't know that for sure. I would like to think so. I never actually spoke to his brother Zane. Tried to at least. He took Jimmy's death hard, sweetheart. Austin asked about you, though, and is concerned—"

"Dad, stop. I don't want to hear anymore. I'm tired. I want to close my eyes for a while," Ava said, pulling away and turned her back to him.

Peter pulled the covers up closer to her chin and went to find the doctor.

Ava curled up under the covers and started to cry the minute her dad walked out. She didn't want to hear about Austin—or Zane. She ruined their lives. How would she live with herself? How would they live knowing she was the reason their brother wasn't here anymore? The reason, according to Zane, why he never went back home to Minnesota.

***

"No, no, move more to the left, Ava," Jimmy said, as he almost dropped his end of the couch.

"Ugh. Jimmy, I can't move any further to the left. This damn thing will never fit through the doorway. Why did you have to buy a new couch?" Ava asked, annoyed, as she tried maneuvering the couch like he told her.

"Because Austin is coming to visit for the first time, hopefully Zane will, too. I want everything to look nice. Like I'm doing well here. That other couch was disgusting and you know it," Jimmy said as he shifted his hands trying not to drop the heavy couch.

"It was disgusting. But if I knew this couch would be such a hassle, I would've never talked you into this one. You're doing well, whether you have a nice couch or not. It's not like they will make you move back home over a disgusting couch." She scrunched her lips up as she tried thinking of how they could get the couch in without destroying the doorframe.

Jimmy sighed. "You don't know my brother Zane like I do. He almost didn’t let me walk out of the house." Jimmy suddenly grinned. "Okay. Let's set it down while we ponder how to get this damn thing inside."

Ava smiled in agreement, walking carefully as they moved a few steps and gently set the couch down in the hallway. Ava plopped down on the couch as Jimmy sat down next to her.

"So, what do you think?" Jimmy asked as he looked at his front door.

"I think you should've asked someone else to help you get this couch home. It's heavy."

"Hey, you're the toughest one I know around here."

"Yeah, but I'm the smartest one around here. I brought beer to give us the brains to figure this shit out," Mahone said as he walked up with a case of beer. He plopped down next to Jimmy, grabbing three beers out of the case, handing one to each of them.

"That was pretty smart, Mahone. Doesn't happen very often for you." Ava laughed.

"Why'd you need a new couch, Jimmy?" Mahone asked, giving Ava a simple smirk and took a swig of beer.

"To impress my brothers, so they wouldn't make me come back home because I can't handle New York," Jimmy said with a straight face.

"Wow! You Minnesotans are weird. That makes no sense," Mahone said laughing.

"What makes no sense? Why are we having a party in the hallway on a couch instead of in the actual apartment?" Markus asked as he walked up to them.

"Jimmy has deep-rooted issues and buying a couch makes it all better," Mahone said sarcastically, handing Markus a beer, scooting over so he could sit down as well.

"Makes sense to me." Markus grinned at Jimmy.

Ava and Jimmy laughed as Mahone rolled his eyes.

Ava downed her beer and grinned. "I think I know how to get the couch in now."

"What for? It's working great out here." Jimmy grinned back as he reached into the case and grabbed another beer for her. "I think my brother's will be thoroughly impressed."

***

The tears flowed freely as her mind shifted from memory to memory of Jimmy. The laughs they had, the jokes they shared, the disagreements even. It all tore at her heart, knowing he was gone forever.

Her dad came back in, sitting down in the chair quietly. "The doctor will be here soon. Everything will be all right, Ava. I know what he meant to you," Peter said softly, putting a comforting hand on her back.

Ava kept her back turned, the sobs increasing in strength.

I know what he meant to you
.

He meant the world to her. He was the best friend anyone could ask for. She had plenty of great friends—Ashley and Julie, whom she had grown up with. Markus, Mahone, and a few other great detectives, but none of them, at the moment, compared to Jimmy. He had been the best.

She continued to cry as her dad lightly rubbed her back. Her mind floated back to the incident, wishing the blackness would take her back over. She didn't want to think anymore. She wished she had never woken up. It all felt like a terrible nightmare.

***

Ava was released from the hospital a few days later. Her dad wanted her to come home with him and recuperate, but she declined, wanting to be by herself. The choice wasn't his and he relented with a heavy heart.

Her door had become revolving with many friends and co-workers coming to visit, offering their condolences, their sympathies. She wanted to disappear into oblivion, forget it all happened. She wanted Jimmy to knock on her door and bug her about anything with his infectious smile. It didn't matter what the reason would be.

Her father told her shortly after she awoke that both officers who failed to secure the scene properly received suspensions until a full investigation into the matter was completed. She told him she didn't care and turned her back. Nothing mattered anymore. Jimmy wasn't coming back. Old Ava would have stepped into their faces with anger and irritation, informing them of the proper procedure. Now, she just didn't care.

Some people hated that about her. Her abrupt in-your-face attitude. She could be hard on people. She chalked it up to being a cop's daughter, learning at a young age that you needed a hard shell to make it in the cop world. She supposed it had been inevitable, working for the police department in some capacity. Her father had grown up a beat cop, turning into a detective, and then slowly moved up the ladder to become the Police Commissioner. Some say she got her position because of her dad. What were those people saying about her now?

She knew what she would say about herself.

Austin even tried to call her a few times, but she gave up answering the phone—for anybody. He left a message each time. She ignored it. She didn't want to hear what he had to say. It couldn't be anything pleasant. Jimmy died because of her.

Each time someone came to visit, they tried to get her motivated for anything. A walk in the park. A shopping trip to Times Square. A simple coffee down the street. She refused it all. She just wanted to lay in her bed and hide from the world.

Pure anger swept in daily. Mad at herself. Mad at Jimmy. He never should have done what he did. She'd rather be dead than him taking his life for her. It just wasn't fair.

***

"When did you know you wanted to be a cop?" Ava asked Jimmy as they watched the people walk by them without a care in the world.

They sat outside at a café near the Empire State Building. She had just shown him the magical feeling of looking at New York City from the top, in the dark of night, as the lights shined all around them.

"Oh man, since I was little playing cops and robbers with my brothers. I always knew," Jimmy said, taking a drink. "How about you?"

"Geez, are you kidding me? I call it destiny. My dad's a cop. I don't think I could have gone in any other field. It was natural, I guess." Ava smiled at him. "Why New York? Why not stay in Minnesota?"

"I don't know. I just always liked the idea of this place. Wouldn't change it for the world. Hey, wouldn't have met my best friend in the whole world if I hadn't left," Jimmy said, winking at her with a goofy grin.

"That's true. Glad you made the move. I like your brother Austin. He seems like a funny guy to be around. How come your other brother—Zane, isn't it—didn’t come with him?"

Jimmy paused for a moment, watching as a toddler pulled on his mother's arm to move faster and then burst into tears it didn't go his way. "Zane isn’t exactly happy I moved here. He never wanted me to leave the farm. He's just being protective of me like he's been all my life. You know that because I've said that before. Our dad died two years ago and just expected all of us boys to stay on the farm. I thought briefly, I should, because Dad was gone, but this was my dream. It was the first time—ever—in my life, I didn't listen to my big brother. I always listen to him. You'll probably never meet him because he made it clear he'd never step foot in this city."

Ava frowned at his sadness. "I'm sorry to hear that. I would love to meet him. You’re a great guy, so I imagine he's just as great."

Jimmy smiled as if he never looked forlorn. "He is great. Stubborn, grouchy guy he is. He'd have my back in a minute if I called asking for his help. He doesn't always show his emotions well, but I know how he feels. Just like how I feel. I love my brother."

"Hey, so I remember Austin chomping at the bit for some good places you were supposed to find, and there is a great club down on the east side of Manhattan. Good place to know for the next time he visits."

"Oh, yeah. He'd like that," Jimmy said, getting up as Ava did. He saw her mischievous smile. "What aren't you telling me?"

"I think there may be someone there we know. Tiffany?" she said with a sly grin.

Jimmy's eyes got wide. "I don't know a Tiffany. Do I?"

"Don't play dumb with me. The new woman who just started in the lab. I saw the way you looked at her. You have the hots for her. I just happen to know she will be at this club. Ask her to dance or something," Ava said, grabbing his arm and linking it into hers as they walked toward the subway station.

"You're nuts, Ava. I'm not doing that. She is cute. Probably doesn't even know I exist," Jimmy said blushing.

"Jimmy, trust me when I say, there's no woman on earth who wouldn't know you exist. It'll be fun," Ava said as she dragged him along.

Chapter 3

Austin sat in a chair outside the commissioner's office. He watched the hustle and bustle walk by him as everyone went about their day as if nothing was wrong. There probably wasn't anything wrong in their life. Not like his.

It had been two months since his brother's death. Two months of sorrow and discontentment roaming the farm. He barely spoke with Zane, who had a worse temper than before Jimmy died. He knew guilt ate at Zane. Ignoring the pain and torment Zane was experiencing ripped him up inside, but trying to talk with him wasn't going anywhere either. Nothing worked. He lost one brother in death and he was losing another in life.

***

"Hey, Old Betsy's calf looks good, don't ya think?" Austin asked Zane, who looked lost in thought as he shoveled one of the pig stalls out.

"Quit calling her Old Betsy. She's not a damn pet."

"I think Eleanor wanted some goat milk. You want me to get it or do you?" Austin tried again, ignoring Zane's angry response.

"Sure."

"Sure you'll get it, or sure I get it?" Austin asked for clarification.

Zane looked at him finally, almost throwing a pile of manure his way. "Whatever, Austin. Get the damn goat milk."

Austin sighed, almost walking away, the silence between them hurting him inside like nothing else. "I tried calling Ava again to see how she is. She was hurt badly. I—"

"Get the hell out of here. I don't give a damn about that woman. She should've died for all I care. Don't ever speak her name in front of me again." Zane threw the shovel over the pigpen, climbed out, and stomped away, leaving Austin in the same state he had walked in with.

***

His other problem had been Ava. He hadn't seen her once since it all happened. Though, it had nothing to do with his lack of trying. He had been consumed with arranging Jimmy's funeral to not making Zane mad that he never visited her in the hospital. Once she awoke and went home, she hadn't wanted to see him.

It hurt a little, but he understood. He even tried calling, with her not returning his calls once. That hurt, too. His worry increased each time he hung up the phone. She was going through something, just as he and Zane were.

Her connection with Jimmy had been strong when he was alive. It magnified tenfold when he decided to risk his life. He wanted to make sure she was all right. He struggled with helping his brother, so he decided to focus on someone else—Ava. See if she even needed help since he hadn't spoken to her.

"I'm so sorry for the wait. I was on the phone with the Mayor and couldn't tell him to bugger off like I wanted to. This seems more important than him," Peter said as he stood in front of Austin.

Austin looked up in surprise. Talk about being lost in thought. He stood up and shook hands with the commissioner. "It's no problem. I did come unannounced. I appreciate you seeing me like this, Commissioner Rainer."

The first time he met Ava's father, he had been intimidated. A tall, burly man with silver-gray hair and striking brown eyes that exuded confidence, strength, and wisdom. He dressed meticulously that shouted he was a man of great importance. Austin grappled with his emotions, why he even felt intimidated, because her father had been heartbroken and remorseful for losing Jimmy the way they did. Briefly reminding him of his own father for a moment when he touched his shoulder in a sympathetic gesture. Perhaps the mere title of Commissioner frightened him, or the plain fact, he was Ava's father. He didn’t understand it or even try to understand. It hadn't mattered in the long run.

"You're always welcome here," Peter said with a genuine smile and gestured for Austin to follow him into his office. He closed the door behind Austin and took a seat on the couch that sat positioned along the left side of his office, instead of behind his desk that sat centered in the middle. He put out a hand for Austin to take a seat as well.

"How are you doing, Austin? And your brother Zane?" Peter asked concerned.

"I wish I could say good. Zane's still taking it hard and I'm walking around trying to fix it and can't. I'm worried about Ava, though. She won't talk to me. I was wondering how she's doing," Austin said, getting straight to the point.

Peter inhaled deeply and leaned back into the couch. He seemed to be struggling with a decision when he sat back up and looked Austin in the eye. "Not good either. She's taking it just as hard. Ava blames herself and struggles daily with finding any peace. She should be back at work by now, but she refuses to even leave her apartment."

Austin raked a hand through his hair. It was worse than he thought. He had hoped she was doing okay and just ignoring him, but it sounded as if she was ignoring everything and everyone.

"She shouldn't blame herself. Jimmy knew what he was doing. I don't blame her."

"I'm glad to hear that. Maybe she should, too. I think it's hard for her not to blame herself because he would still be here if he didn't do what he did. I've tried talking to her about it and explaining things to her, but she won't listen to me anymore. She either turns her head or walks out of the room. I'm to the point where I don't know what to do anymore. Maybe professional help is required," Peter said as the sadness floated from his eyes.

"I'd like to help," Austin said, mulling over a sudden decision.

"I would appreciate any help you can offer. She's not only mentally doing badly, she's looking bad as well. She barely eats." Peter paused. "It pains me to say that I haven't helped matters either. I've been enabling it all. So has everyone else. We keep her place stocked with food. We don't make her go out. We let her stay hidden within her apartment. I shouldn't, and yet, I do."

After hearing all that, it instantly came to his mind and wouldn't leave. He knew what he had to do. For Ava—and for Zane. For the sake of his mind—his livelihood.

"I have a proposition for you, Commissioner. I'd like to have your help and support in it."

Peter leaned toward Austin with eagerness. "Please. Anything to bring my baby girl back to life. I know she'll never be the same person she was, but anything is better than what she is now."

Austin smiled and leaned forward as well as he began to explain his plan. He left the commissioner's office an hour later, having hashed everything out, and made his way to Ava's apartment.

***

Ava sat on the couch curled up in a blanket staring blankly at the television. Should she turn it on? She had no intention to watch what she turned on, but the silence was starting to bother her, deafening her to the point of madness. But the remote sat delicately by the television and that required her to move from her miserable spot. That entailed more than her body, her mind could handle. Silence for a little while longer wouldn't hurt.

Hanging on the wall to the side of the television, her clock mutinously ticked along. It was ten o'clock, reminding her that she had yet to receive any visitors today. Normally she had at least one in the morning, surprising her by the lack of company. They normally handed the remote to her. God, how pathetic.

Nothing mattered anymore. Not even the stupid remote that sat nicely perched on the television stand, staring at her, daring her to get up and grab it.

She raised her arm to throw a pillow at her cruel remote when a knock sounded on the door. She looked over at the door. It was about time. She really wanted the remote control.

***

"Hey, it's about time you got here. The game is about to start," Ava said as Jimmy closed the door and took a seat next to her. "Hey, Markus, grab a beer for Jimmy when you come back," she shouted.

"Traffic was horrendous. You know how it is." Jimmy looked at Markus as he handed him a beer. "Thanks, man. Where's Ashley?"

It was just Markus, Ava, and Mahone sitting around the television.

"She had to work late tonight on a deposition. She has a high profile case tomorrow for court—the Delhune brothers—murdered their mom and dad in their sleep. You know their father owns that fancy bank near Rockefeller Center," Markus replied as he plopped down on the floor near the couch.

"Oh, yeah. I remember that one. She's coming later?" Jimmy asked as he took a swig of beer.

"Yeah, she loves the Yankees just as much as Ava here. Remember the time we all went to the game and those two nearly bit the heads off those Tiger fans." Markus laughed as Ava stuck her tongue out at him.

"They deserved to have their heads bitten off talking smack about my beautiful Yankees. No better team than them," Ava said, nudging Jimmy in the side.

"Don't get me started, Ava. My Minnesota Twins would school them in a heartbeat." Jimmy laughed, nudging her back.

"You're all gonna make me puke. The Dodgers are the best team around, so shut your mouths," Mahone muttered. "Turn the damn TV up. I can't even hear the announcers as they trash talk the Yankees. And this popcorn, what kind is it? It tastes like cardboard."

Ava glared, as she reached for the remote sitting on the side of the couch and turned the volume up. "First of all, the only trash talk going on will be about the Orioles playing tonight against my beloved Yankees. Second of all, if you're going to come over, Mahone, then deal with the food and drinks I provide or the doors over there." Ava pointed toward the door as she smirked at him.

Mahone laughed at her as a knock sounded on the door.

"Maybe that's Ashley already," she commented, as she glanced at the door.

***

The knock sounded on the door again. She hadn't answered in response. Her mind never seemed to maintain a fluent pace as it did before the terrible tragedy. The littlest things would remind her of Jimmy, where she would float to that happy memory, never wanting to come back to the miserable place of her now so-called life.

"Come in," Ava said so quietly, even her own mind barely heard it. But whoever it was, heard her and opened the door.

Ava slowly looked at the door as it fully opened and watched with surprise as Austin stepped through the threshold.

"Austin? What are you doing here?"

Austin closed the door and gaped at her. His expression went from shock to anger in a few swift seconds. "You weren't answering my phone calls. You didn't even return my phone calls. I was worried."

Ava jumped in surprise by the anger. She knew he would hate her, glossing over the fact that he said he was worried. Relief overwhelmed her when she realized Zane wasn't here. Yet, hearing Austin's anger was an unknown entity. She knew what to expect from Zane, she had never dealt with it from Austin.

"Are you going to answer me? Or just continue to stare at me?" Austin asked, the anger still etched on his face.

"I don't know what to say," she said softly, looking away from him.

Austin stalked over to the couch and yanked the blanket off her. "Come on. Get up."

"Why? You clearly hate me. Just leave me alone," Ava said, still refusing to look at him as she tried to reach for her blanket.

Austin stepped on it and got into her face. "Look at me, damn it." He waited for Ava to raise her eyes. "I don't hate you or blame you or wish you dead. I'm worried about you and concerned. Have you looked in the mirror lately? You don't even look healthy. You're thin as a bone."

"I haven't been hungry. I'm fine," Ava said as she looked away.

"You're not fine. Get up," he snapped, grabbing her arm gently. "Go get dressed and pack a suitcase."

Ava stood there as Austin held her arm and pointed toward her bedroom. Expressionless and noncompliant.

"Ava? Are you listening to me? Go get dressed and pack a suitcase, or I will do it all for you," Austin said gently, his anger starting to dissipate. When she made no move to the bedroom or speak, he added, "I mean I will do it all. Get you dressed and everything."

"But, why? I'm not going anywhere," Ava said as she extracted her arm from his gentle grip.

"Yes, you are," Austin said and pointed again at the bedroom.

"Where do you think I'm going?"

"Home—with me. While you're getting dressed, take a look at yourself. It's not okay how you look. You can get through this and we'll do it together. He was my brother and I miss him every damn day, but he wouldn't want you like this. He didn't save you so you could act like this." Austin took a deep breath. "Go get dressed."

Ava sat down on the couch instead. "I can't go home with you. Zane would surely kill me."

"He would never touch a hair on your head. He's full of hot air most of the time. This will be good for all of us. You were the closest to Jimmy in the last few months. I'd love to hear about him and things I may not have known. Please, go pack. You're coming with me whether you like it or not," Austin said firmly.

Ava stared at the lonely remote control, wishing for silence again. "What makes you so sure? I can just call my dad and he'd make you leave."

Austin pulled his phone out and held it for her to take. "Go ahead. Call him. I assure you he's on my side. He's just as worried. I already spoke to him this morning and he agreed about you coming home with me." Austin waited for her to grab the phone, or get up and change. She did neither. "It's either come home with me or enter a facility where they can help you."

Ava stood up stunned. "What do you mean a facility? I don’t need help."