Protecting You (A McCord Family Novel Book 1) (12 page)

She shivered as she grabbed the cloth he pointed to on the table near them. She gently got it wet, wrung it out, and tentatively touched the goat.

"Are you cold?"

"No. Why?"

"No reason." But he knew she had shivered just then. Leaning closer to her ear, he said, "Don’t be afraid of the goat. You have to put a little muscle into it. It has to be thoroughly cleaned. Trust me, if you do it right, the goat likes it."

Ava started to rub the dirt and grime from the goat, pressing a little harder, and not long after, the teats were clean.

"Good. Now set the cloth down. Rinse your hands a little and grab that other bucket over there, setting it just a little in front of the udder."

Complete torture sitting this close to her. Why did he do this to himself? Regret had immediately consumed him after he snapped at her. He couldn't tell her it was easier to snap at her than to pull her into his arms.

She felt good. Her hair smelled like flowers. Every so often, he could still feel the shivers from her. Why did she keep shivering? Did she fear him that much? He would never hurt her. He wished she would realize that.

When she positioned the bucket, he leaned into her and put his hands on the goat's teats. He started to release the milk as he gently said in her ear, "Watch what I'm doing. It's tricky. Make sure your thumb and forefinger are tight on top of the teats here, and then with your other fingers, push down. Don't lose your grip on the top with your thumb and forefinger as you push your other fingers down. The milk won't come. Loosen your grip once all the milk is out so the teat can refill. That's when you milk another teat."

He leaned back, inhaling a deep breath. "Now you try. Don't be discouraged the first time because it's hard to find a rhythm sometimes. It's hard to work your fingers like that if you've never done it."

***

Ava still couldn't speak since he sat down. Listening to his rough voice whisper into her ear was torturous when his hard body was cradled to her slim frame. His breath was like a kiss upon her neck and wished his lips would follow. She took a deep breath, extremely glad he wasn't leaning into her anymore. It had been difficult to concentrate on his instructions.

She grabbed the goat's teat and tried to do what he said, but her hands just wouldn't work like his. Sighing in frustration, she let go.

He grabbed her hands, caressing them as he spoke softly in her ear. "Thumb and forefinger held tightly on top. Remember what I said. Don't give up." He held her delicate hands, placing them on the goat and adjusted their hands into the correct position.

His body pressed into hers again as he leaned forward, helping her to get the hang of it. What a sensuous, erotic moment they were experiencing. It shouldn't have felt that way. They were milking a goat. But the way he pressed into her and held her, it felt so intimate she almost couldn't stand it.

A good rhythm blossomed, as did the heat their two bodies created so close together. She thought about telling him she could handle it alone, her senses in overdrive with his body pressed warmly into hers. Her mouth opened to deny what her body wanted when he whispered, "Did you sleep with Jimmy?"

Almost losing her grip on the teat, he held her hands tightly and continued without a beat. "What?"

Still so close to her ear, he whispered softly again, "Did you sleep with my brother? Was your friendship more than mere friends?"

"Why would you ask me that?" she whispered back.

"You insinuated that you had at the festival last week in front of Dani. Austin heard it, too. I have to know," he said a bit harshly.

"She was pissing me off. Words slip from my mouth sometimes when I'm angry. I was very protective of Jimmy. He was the brother I never had. I emphasize the word brother. Just as you and Austin have become my brothers. I get protective of you. Those women don't deserve either of you." She suddenly needed to flee from his warm, strong embrace.

His words tickled her ear. "That didn't answer my question."

"No. I never slept with Jimmy nor had the urge to. He was a brother in every sense of the word. It would have been gross," Ava said to be as clear as possible.

Zane trembled. "Am I a brother to you, too, then?"

"Yes."

He stopped and let go of the goat. "That's all the milk we'll get today. Should be enough for Eleanor." He hastily stood up from the bucket.

She slowly stood up and turned toward him with a small smile. "Thanks for teaching me. It's quite an experience."

"You're welcome. I have other chores that I have to do. Do you mind bringing that bucket to Eleanor?"

"Sure."

Before she could utter another word, Zane left her standing there. Confused by the whole encounter, her body still burned with desire from his touch. She yearned for him to do so much more than simply holding her as he did. If he only knew, he was no brother to her. He would have probably laughed in her face if he knew her feelings for him were growing stronger each day. Which was strange to her because he wasn't always nice. But when he was, a true gentleman emerged, tearing her barrier down a little each time.

Chapter 7

Zane stared at his computer in the study, afraid to be by Ava. He didn't trust his own body to stay away from her. He barely contained himself from exploring more than just her dainty hands this afternoon. The magnetic pull of her beautiful essence drew him in like a drug.

He had practically jumped from the bucket to adjust himself before she turned around. His feelings for her would've been very obvious if she had seen the way his jeans bulged out. It would be too much to hope for that she hadn't felt anything in that sense from his body. How embarrassing.

One word. That's all she said to him when he asked her a question he wished he never had.

Yes.

He was just like a brother to her as Jimmy had been.

Such a crushing jolt to his heart. That wasn't what he wanted to hear. The thought of sleeping with Jimmy had been gross, according to her. Then she would surely feel the same toward him.

His thoughts always strayed to her no matter how hard he tried to banish them away. Wanting them to stop didn't make it so. Just like his senses. He could still smell her hair and how it reminded him of wild flowers. Or her skin, so silky soft.

"Did something happen today in the red barn?" Austin asked tentatively.

Zane jumped in surprise as he looked up from his computer. Austin sat across from him. When had Austin walked in? That's exactly what he got for letting his mind wander. A surprise attack.

"Why?" If his brother only knew.

"No reason. Ava didn't say anything, but it just felt different at the supper table tonight. She seemed a little happier," Austin replied, as his brow rose with curiosity. "You not so much. Spill it."

Zane sighed. "I asked her about Jimmy and the answer is no." He went back to his computer.

Austin smiled. "This is good news. I think. Not that it would've changed anything for me if she had been closer to Jimmy than we realized." Austin's smile turned into a frown. "It doesn’t seem like good news to you, which is strange, because you just said this morning that if the answer was yes she would have to leave. The answer is no, and you're still all gloom and doom."

Zane continued typing away, ignoring Austin, not once glancing in his direction.

"You still want her to leave for some reason?" Austin asked.

Zane didn't look at him, his fingers still flying on the computer when he gave an abrupt, "No."

Austin raised his eyebrows at that. "So, what else happened?"

Austin sighed in defeat when Zane continued to ignore him. He stood up, walked to Zane and put a comforting hand on his shoulder. "I know you hate talking sometimes. I do, too. I wish you would talk with me about whatever's bothering you because I would understand no matter what it is."

Zane stopped typing and sat frozen. He didn't look at Austin or respond. Austin squeezed his shoulder once and started to walk away. When he got to the door, he pulled it open with his back still turned to Zane and said, "Well, whatever happened, she looked better than she has this entire week. Whatever you did, keep doing that. She responds better to you than me. Strange, isn't it? I always had a better rapport with her, while you barely got along with her." Austin continued through the doorway and shut the door quietly.

***

"That was a great show. I wish we had plays like this in St. Joe. What a great way to impress a woman," Austin said with a sly grin.

Ava laughed. Jimmy rolled his eyes at him and said, "You and your women." Jimmy looked at Ava. "He loves women if you couldn't tell."

"Oh, it's not hard to notice. He mentions a beautiful woman we pass by frequently," Ava joked as Austin winked at her. "You know, you could always ask one of those beautiful women out here, move to New York and bring her to a different play. Les Miserable is a great one, too," Ava said laughing.

Austin grinned. "That is a great idea. Not sure I'm meant for New York like Jimmy is here. I did enjoy Wicked, though. Never was a Wizard of Oz fan, but this play was surprisingly great. Thanks for dragging me out to see it."

"Ha! Dragging you out. You practically begged to be brought here because that gorgeous blonde woman at the coffee shop said it was great and you just had to see it," Ava said teasingly.

"He did, didn't he? I was just going to say the same thing," Jimmy said, smirking at Austin, who shrugged lightheartedly. "You know, if you ever want to stay for a while, I have a spare room. I would love a roommate." Jimmy looked serious.

Before Austin could answer, Ava piped in. "I have a spare room, too. Jimmy and I can argue which would be the better roommate."

"Me, of course," Jimmy said, pointing to himself.

"Yeah, but my fridge is always stocked with beer and I put the baseball game on every night. What goods you got?" Ava asked as she raised an eyebrow with a grin.

"A full container of Dubble Bubble gum," Jimmy said, glancing at Austin, who smiled wider at that. "And I can keep my fridge fully stocked with beer."

"Boy, you both make it hard to resist—and choose." Austin threw his arm around Jimmy's shoulder. "Ava's prettier than you, though. It might not be that hard to pick."

Ava was walking on the other side of Austin when she threw her arm around his shoulder. "Yeah, and I put baseball on, remember? Who doesn't love the Yankees?"

Austin's face went into mock horror and said to Jimmy, "You're my roomy, buddy. I can't room with a Yankees fan."

Ava busted out laughing, Jimmy and Austin right alongside her.

"Good point," Jimmy said, grinning at Ava after the laughter died down.

***

Chores needed to be done around the farm, as they always did. But as the days went by, it became harder to resist Ava. Confusion swirled around Zane as he noticed Ava open up a bit more—to Austin, anyway. Austin had told Zane to keep trying because she responded better to him. Whenever he saw them laugh together, or walk in the fields enjoying the sunny day, it didn't look like that to him. Anger and frustration bottled up inside him as he thought back to the moment that may have triggered her change. Milking the goat. Why did she always turn to Austin? He needed to leave for a while.

He packed a bag that night and planned to tell Austin a conference popped up he forgot about, intending to leave early in the morning. He figured that if Austin lied to him where he went that one time, he could too. There would be no waking Ava up either. He might change his mind if he did.

He fell asleep with a good plan. Of course, Ava jolted him out of sleep with her screams. Why the hell did it scare him? He should've gotten better at managing them by now, but he wasn't. On autopilot, so familiar with the routine, he rushed to her side as he always did. When he went to pull her into his arms, he wasn't prepared for her swinging arm and she knocked a good one in his face.

He swore loudly and clutched his nose, waiting for the blood to pour out.

"Zane?"

He looked at Ava stunned, who was suddenly wide-awake and clutching the blankets to her chest. Unable to feel any bleeding, he moved his hand away and scrunched his nose, trying to dull the pain. She had hit him good.

They stared at each other for a while before Ava finally broke the silence. "What are you doing in my room?"

Zane wiggled his nose again. "You were screaming. I was just trying to calm you down…from the nightmare. You got me good in the face."

Ava put a hand to her mouth, almost laughing. "Sorry about that. I didn't realize I screamed out loud, or threw punches in my sleep."

Zane grinned. "You normally don't throw punches."

Ava lost her smile instantly. "This isn't the first time you came in here?"

Embarrassment flamed his cheeks. He screwed up. "No, it's not."

"How many times?"

"Do you really want to know?" He shifted on the bed, ready to leave the room.

"Yes," she whispered.

Zane looked at her, dreading her response. "Every single night since the first night you fell asleep. You scream in terror and the words break my heart when they cry from your lips. I can't stand to hear it. You always calm down when I rub your back. You fall back asleep and I return to my room." Zane shivered from the memories—good and bad.

Zane watched as she processed it all, but spoke no words. He couldn't tell if she was mad, hurt, disgusted. Nothing was obvious in her expression. No way she wanted him in here anymore. He started to stand up when a small hand grabbed his arm.

"Please, don't go."

Zane turned toward her and saw fear. Why the fear? Always with him.

Before he could ask, she said, "I never sleep well. I think I knew you were coming in here and just chose to ignore it because I could actually sleep. It was selfish of me."

Zane scooted further onto the bed, grabbing her hand holding his arm and held it tightly. "I don't mind coming in here. I can't stand to hear the horror of your nightmares. I like comforting you. I just want to help with the pain like Austin does. I didn't know if you knew and I was afraid to ask. I guess that was selfish of me."

Ava smiled slightly and then turned her head down. "Will you please stay with me until I fall asleep? I don't think I can fall asleep any other way. My mind…my body is used to yours."

Zane needed no further encouragement. He pulled her into his arms, lying down with her, careful to stay on top of the covers while she lay underneath. The temptation would be too great for him otherwise. She asked him to stay for sleep, nothing else. He knew how she felt towards him anyhow—brother-like. "I won't go anywhere until you're breathing easy. I promise."

***

Ava snuggled closer to him, already feeling content. His hands rubbed slow circles on her back, savoring his gentle touch. When she first realized he was in her room, she couldn't form any words. He was half-naked. Nothing on but boxers. Her eyes couldn't seem to remove themselves from his sculpted chest. What would it feel like to run her hands all over him? She never imagined he looked that sexy under all his clothes. She should've known, too, because they fit expertly to his frame.

Now the temptation became worse as he cradled her so perfectly. What would he say if she started to caress his chest? How would he react? His possible horrified reaction kept her from the impulsive decision.

Her shock had dissipated, but it still made her mind reel with awe. Every single night. He came in her room every single night to calm her down. No wonder why she slept so well here. There was no other reason why. She could never fall back asleep in New York.

He had a way of calming her like no one else. He had from the moment she arrived on the farm. Subconsciously, she knew he was the reason. She had thought him pulling her into his arms every night had been a dream. A sweet dream she felt guilty having.

No wonder her body ached for him. It was accustomed to his touch, his loving embrace, his delicate caresses. She had been ignoring the obvious signs in front of her for fear he would stop coming if he knew she knew. She couldn't sleep without him.

"Thank you. I'm sorry for being so loud and waking you up. I appreciate you staying with me."

"Ava, you have nothing to be sorry about. You shouldn't blame yourself as you do. Jimmy made his choice whether any of us like it. It was obvious that I didn't like you in the beginning. I blamed you for a lot of things. The minute I heard you cry and saw you thrashing around…it all never existed…the hatred for you. I'm the one who's sorry for treating you as I did. It was in that moment I wanted to help you. You've helped me, maybe you don't know that, but you have."

"You don’t still hate me?" she asked, breathing in his wondrous scent, relishing in his sensuous touch.

"No. I was wrong to hate you. I didn't give you a chance like Jimmy asked me to. I don't think I could ever hate you anymore. I'm sorry for my cruel words. I lash out when I purposely ignore my own faults—regrets."

"Regrets like not talking things through with him?"

He sighed deeply into her hair, his hot breath flowing straight through her. "Yes. I was stubborn. I still am. But he died thinking I hated him."

Ava pulled away from him. A tear fell, running down his cheek. She wiped it away with a slow caress. "He visited me in my office that day. Making excuses why he was there just to gain info on a woman he liked. I was lost in thought when he came in—thinking about you and him. The massive guilt I had for creating such tension. He knew I was lying when I dodged what I was really thinking about. We had the same conversation we had every single day from the day you stormed out of my office."

Ava stopped talking to gain her strength. It was hard to talk about Jimmy, especially with Zane.

"What do you mean every single day? What conversation?" Zane asked.

"I asked him from day one if he called you. To make amends. I told him someone had to be the bigger person and it should be him. He was so damn stubborn and refused every single day."

Zane smiled and continued to rub her back lightly. "I guess he gets that stubbornness from me. You really asked him every day if he called me? You cared that much?"

"Of course I cared. Jimmy was one of my best friends. I hurt when he hurt. It was partially my fault for butting in like I did. I should've never grabbed the phone from him when he was talking to you. I just hated the sad look on his face. He, of course, said it wasn't my fault and that it was a long time coming. That you needed to respect him and the decisions he made."