Protecting You (A McCord Family Novel Book 1) (20 page)

He grabbed her hips and stopped her. "Of course I do. But you're leaving and—"

"Pretend I'm not then. Just once. Please." She grabbed her gown and tossed it off.

Zane's eyes glossed over from ecstasy at the sight of her beautiful body. "Ava, you're killing me here."

She bent down and laid her chest against his as she pressed into him. "That's the point. I want you," she whispered in his ear, then lightly bit it.

He moaned at the contact and without thought, as fast as lightning, flipped her underneath him. Ava cried out in surprised delight, grabbed his butt, and pressed into him again. He met her beautiful body as she did that, kissing her fiercely on the mouth. They moved as one as the torture inside him started to build. He broke the kiss, sending spiraling kisses down her neck to her breast, sucking hard on her tip.

She screamed with pleasure and cried out. "Please, Zane. Break the barrier."

She pushed down his boxers. Now only her panties were a shield from his pleasure. He kicked his boxers off his feet, continuing the rapture of her breast as he slid his hands to her hips and slid her panties off with ease. He pressed into her softly, resting against her entrance as he begged to be let in. Lifting his mouth from her breast, he looked deep into her eyes. "Do you know what you're asking of me here? Do you have any idea what you do to me? Do you know how I will feel when you leave me?"

"No, I don't. Tell me," Ava whispered breathlessly.

Instead of answering with words, he entered her slowly, staring into her eyes. Moaning in satisfaction at the ecstasy of being inside her finally, she held him tightly as he kissed her neck with pleasure, moving slowly inside her.

He knew he would die inside the minute he had her. There was no way he'd survive her leaving now, not after tasting her this way. They moved as one, the connection between them tightening to extreme pleasure. He forgot what they were doing. That he never grabbed those condoms from the trashcan and moved effortlessly with her as she clung to his body.

Suddenly the pressure climbed to the top, just as he felt her climbing with him. He didn’t increase the movement, no need to, as the pleasure was too much already. The slow joining they were creating was enough for them. He kissed her hard on the mouth as they climaxed together, the amazing fusion of their bodies overwhelming.

He shuddered as he rolled her with him to lie on his back, her head resting on his chest again. He lay there silently, trying to control his rapidly beating heart and his heavy breaths that threatened to choke him. She lay there silent as well. The power felt between them required no words.

Neither spoke. Zane held her in his arms as he did every night and started lightly stroking her back. They made no move to redress either. He didn't know what to say and since she hadn't spoken yet, he stayed silent until he felt her breathing become even.

Knowing she finally fell into a peaceful sleep, he kissed the top of her head, and whispered, "Don't leave me."

Chapter 12

Her suitcase sat by the front door as her heart lay shattered in the bedroom. Ava sighed deeply and leaned back into the couch as she waited for Austin to finish using the bathroom before they headed to the airport.

Eleanor was busy in the kitchen baking cookies she suddenly insisted she make. Ava had already said good-bye, Eleanor replying she just hated to see her leave, but to have a safe flight.

Zane, well, she wasn't sure where he was. She saw him earlier in the morning as they finished their morning chores of feeding the chickens and goats. He had abruptly turned to her and snapped, for the first time in a long time, "Safe Flight. Good-bye." He left her standing there without giving her a chance to respond.

She wasn’t surprised their farewells to each other ended that way. Last night, he hadn't even come to her room to sleep with her. It had been a long lonely, cold night. The temptation to go to his room to find him and ask why swarmed her mind for a very long time. But she decided to take the coward's way.

Apparently, it was too much to ask to have one more glorious night with him. Just like the night they had taken each other with such passion. Tears settled behind her eyes, begging to fall. That's probably why he hadn't come to her again. So he wouldn't fall into temptation.

Was it because he couldn't resist her—or because he regretted what they did? Did she push him too far? She had craved him and hadn't wanted to leave without taking a part of him at least once.

"You ready?" Austin asked.

Ava sucked in a tiny breath to compose herself and gently smiled. "Ready when you are."

"You know, you don't have to leave just yet. Have you talked to Zane today? Did he say anything?"

"Yes, I did. He said good-bye. Let's hit the road, Austin, or I'll miss my flight." She grabbed her suitcase and stepped outside.

***

Austin sighed and followed her out. He drove to the airport in odd silence. He didn't know what else to say other than coming out directly to her about Zane. But he couldn't. He wouldn't mess in Zane's affairs that way. If he couldn’t tell Ava he loved her, then Austin wasn't going to do it for him.

He hugged Ava good-bye at the airport departure drop-off. He watched with sadness as she rolled her suitcase toward the double doors, not looking back once. He thought he brought her here to heal and he felt like he was sending her home just as broken—a new reason for it this time.

He made his way back home and parked the car, yanking the key out of the ignition with more force than was necessary. Damn his brother. What an idiot. He stalked around the farm until he found Zane in the hog barn.

"Do you have any idea how dumb you are?" Austin yelled at Zane's back as he mucked out a pig stall.

Zane didn't turn around, but kept at his task. "You know, I'm getting really sick and tired of hearing you call me that. I do recall throwing this manure at you before and I have no problem doing it again."

"Go ahead. Make yourself feel better if that's what it takes. I can take a shower and wash the shit off. How can you wash it off yourself? You can't. You didn't tell her. Why?"

"It's none of your damn business, Austin. What do you know about love? Nothing, that's what. You go around from woman to woman enjoying them, like that's what life is about and it's not. How about you come to me when you know what you're talking about and then maybe I'll listen to your asinine words." Zane whipped around.

"Love? You want to know what I know about love. Let me tell you about it. It takes a hold of you without a moment's notice and just as quickly, it rips your heart out. I fell in love once. I gave it all I had. I even told her. Well, it didn't end the way I wanted it to, but at least I had the guts to meet it head on. So maybe I enjoy women now. I had love once and decided it wasn't for me. But you…this is the first for you. Don't try to deny it because I know. You didn't even tell her and that's the coward's way out. So don't stand here and preach to me that I don't know what love is. I think I have a better understanding than you ever will," Austin spit out.

The shock twisted through Zane's features, then he sighed heavily. "I'm sorry, Austin. For you. For me. I guess I'm not as strong as you. Now if you don't mind, I have work to finish here and then a barn to finish building. We have too much work ahead of us. I don't have time to dwell on anything else." Zane turned back around and continued shoveling.

Austin shook his head in disgust and stomped back out of the barn.

***

Zane waited until he heard the barn doors close, then threw his shovel down hard onto the ground and slumped to the floor against the pen.

Knees bent, he lowered his head down and started sobbing deeply. The heart wrenching defeat consumed his body. He let it all fall out as he thought of Ava's beautiful face. The devastation she displayed this morning when he snapped at her. The glorious way she felt in his arms. The smile that lit her face when he cracked a dumb joke. The furious way she clenched her fists when she was consumed with protection over them. It all came out in deep sobs he couldn't control.

He regretted his abrupt good-bye, yet wouldn't want to change it. He hadn't even had the strength to sleep with her the last night. Standing in front of her door, almost twisting the knob, the pain he knew would come afterwards had him all but running to his room. He waited for her to come to him, thinking she may want to know why he wasn't there, but she hadn't.

He had her beautiful body once and it shattered him apart as he never experienced before. Risking having her a second time, he knew the pieces of his soul would never be found as he would explode from the pleasure and love for her. She would survive without him. Not once did she scream into the night from a nightmare. He had at least cured her of that turmoil.

A wet snout rubbed his face. He glanced up at a pig, who snorted at him. "What, you think I'm an idiot, too, do you?" Zane growled as he wiped his face with his sleeve.

The pig continued to stare at him with perceptive eyes. "Quit looking at me. It was for the best. She wouldn't have been happy here. She loves New York. She said so herself many times."

The pig snorted again.

"I couldn't tell her I loved her, I couldn't. Do you hear me?" Zane sighed as he stared at the pig. "I was scared, okay. I still am. I miss her so damn much."

The pig snorted in response. Zane laughed. "You miss her, too, huh? I am an idiot. I'm sitting here talking to a damn pig."

Zane stood up, realizing he sat down in the pig manure he was trying to clean out. Austin was right. He could take a shower to wash this off, but he couldn't wash it off inside. He grabbed his shovel, climbed out of the pen, and started to walk away when he heard the pig oink at him.

He turned around and glared. "Hey, just because we had a moment there, don't think you're a pet here. You're a pig. She's gone and can't say otherwise to me." Zane sighed. "Because if she did say you were a pet, I'd probably give in and say okay. I'd lose money on the farm if you all became pets, damn it. Do you hear me? You're nothing but meat to me. I'm not giving you a name either."

Zane started to walk away and stopped, turning again at the pig. "Your time is dwindling here. You're on my list to take to the local market, do you hear me? You can't change my mind. Go ahead and call her to save yourself." He took a few deep breaths to calm down. "Maybe I should call her. Am I that dumb?"

The pig snorted in reply. Zane glared. "Yeah, you're right, I am because I'm still talking to a pig. Forget I said anything."

Zane continued to the end of the barn, trying to forget everything. He had work to do. Yet, as he tried focusing on his tasks, he kept thinking of what Ava would name the pig. Georgy was a nice name. He suddenly dropped to the floor, sobbing one more time from the loss of it all.

***

Ava closed her apartment door with a soft click booming loudly in her ears. She tossed her suitcase in the middle of the room, losing all her strength for the day. Her flight had been long, her thoughts jumbled in a hectic mess. When she saw her dad, she pasted a smile on her face and hugged him, hoping for the pain to seep out of her. It still lingered.

He took her to one of their favorite restaurants, a little dive only locals swarmed to that had the best Chinese food around the city. They talked about her time in Minnesota, about Jimmy, how she was doing with the loss. She rarely mentioned Zane and her dad didn't inquire much about him. She saw he felt secure knowing she was on the mend and that's all that mattered.

She kicked her shoes off, walked over to the fridge and sighed heavily after she pulled it open. No food. Yet, the idea of stepping out of her apartment wouldn't come. Her stomach wasn't grumbling with hunger. Thirst was an entirely different story.

She headed to her bedroom to change from feeling flight dirt when a knock sounded at her door. A deep breath escaped as she walked to her door and opened it.

"I've come bearing gifts and a beautiful woman," Markus said with a grin, holding a case of beer as Ashley stood next to him rolling her eyes.

"How sweet of you. It's so good to see you guys. Did my dad call you?" Ava asked as she gave them each a hug and closed the door after they stepped inside.

"Yeah. He said you were coming in today. He called a little bit ago saying you looked good. Just wanted to make sure you were still okay when you got home," Markus said. "You look good, Ava. We were all worried."

Ava smiled. "I feel better. I'm sorry for the way I acted before. I—"

"Ava, please don't apologize for anything. We've all had to deal in our own way. You had it the worst and it's okay. You look better now. That's all that matters," Markus said with conviction. "How was the farm? How's Austin? He was always a nice guy. Real down to earth like Jimmy. Not sure I want to know how Zane was. He was nice to you, wasn’t he?"

Ava tried to smile, to hide away her pain. "It was great. It was the best medicine I could've asked for. It's peaceful there. We had a few rough patches, but I think it helped all three of us. Austin is good. Zane was a gentleman as well."

She grabbed the beer from Markus to escape the unhappy thoughts running around. She shoved the beer in the fridge as her mind tried to forget Zane's handsome face. She pulled three out and walked back over to them, handing them each a beer.

"We thought we'd put on the Yankees game," Markus said with a grin.

"I like that idea," Ava said.

Ashley suddenly turned to Markus with a sweet smile and her bright blue eyes shining with mischief. "Honey, can you run down to the corner store and grab some chips? We forgot those. I'm sure Ava doesn't have any snacks yet."

Markus looked confused. "Really? Do I have to?"

Ashley raised an eyebrow. "Yes."

Markus sighed, handed his beer to her, and headed for the door. "I'll be back."

Ava smirked at the display and headed for the couch. Ashley followed her. "Spit it out, girl. What's the matter? And I don't think it's Jimmy this time."

Ava took a deep breath as Ashley's concerned look washed over her and spilled her guts on everything. Ashley listened to her despair and heartache. When Ava finished, Ashley looked at her confused. "Did you tell him how you feel? Why did you leave if that's where you want to be? I can hear it in your voice you'd rather be there."

A few tears fell. "No, I didn't tell him, but he didn't say anything either and I didn't want to look dumb. I didn't want to overstay my welcome there."

"The Ava I knew would've gotten in his face until he told her how he felt, not walked away without even trying. Your body may have been injured, but your mind is still intact. Be that Ava again. Go back to him and find out how he truly feels and don't leave until he tells you."

"I can't. I'm scared."

"Yeah, love is scary. I'm scared sometimes and I'm married. You know we're trying to have a baby. Or at least talking about it. Markus is scared, but I didn’t know that or why until I asked him. I just threw him subtle hints on my feelings, hoping he'd figure it out what I wanted, and when he didn't I got angry."

Ava looked surprised. "You want kids?"

"Yeah, don't we all. I'm not getting any younger here. Nor is life predictable. When I finally got the courage to confront him about ignoring my subtle hints on having a baby, he was shocked. He had no clue what I was trying to tell him, and then he shocked me by saying he was scared. He said losing Jimmy had been hard and he didn't think he could have kids. He didn't want to suddenly not walk through the door and leave me and a baby by ourselves." Ashley grabbed Ava's hand. "We all struggled with his death in our own way. Markus is now scared what happened to Jimmy could happen to him. I told him that it's possible, but I'm not willing to risk waiting around for it to happen. I want kids. I want to live my life. He's slowly coming around to the idea. It has taken some persuading on my part, but at least I talked with him about it. You never did with Zane. I think you should."

Ava squeezed her hand and smiled tentatively. "Maybe I will. I guess I'm like Markus and have to build my courage up a little. He is Jimmy's brother and I have a hard time with that as well. It doesn't seem right, you know."

Ashley shook her head. "No, I don't know. How do you think Jimmy would feel? What would he say if he was here right now and knew you loved his brother?"