Protecting You (A McCord Family Novel Book 1) (21 page)

Ava laughed lightly. "I think he'd say we would make a great couple. He said that same thing to me actually the last—" Ava blew a breath out. "The last day he was alive, right before he left my office."

Ashley smiled. "Well, there you go then. He'd be happy for both of you. Yet sad you would be leaving New York because I can't imagine Zane moving here. Are you willing to leave all of this behind for that man?"

"Isn't that what love is? Willing to do things you normally wouldn't."

"Yes, it is. The question is how much do you love him? I imagine if Jimmy is looking down on you, he's wondering himself. Wondering why you're not being aggressive like you normally are and fighting for what you want. I can see you want Zane. Quit sitting around like a child and start acting like a woman."

Ava smiled brightly. "This is why I love you, Ashley, saying it straight to my face. Maybe I will fight tomorrow, but I've run out of energy today. I have a little left for the baseball game, though."

"Alright, I've said all I will for now."

Ava let go of her hand and walked over to the remote still sitting in its original spot on the TV stand. She snatched it in earnest, finally winning the war against it and plopped back down on the couch. She turned on the TV, switching through the channels trying to find the game when Markus came back through the door.

"Are you women done talking girl talk? I even went farther down the block to give you more time to talk," Markus said as he threw the bags of chips he bought on the coffee table. He sat down next to Ashley and pulled her into his arms.

She smiled at him. "How did you know we wanted to talk girl talk? We did need chips, you know."

"I'm a detective, honey. It's my job to know things," Markus said with a grin. "Who are we playing tonight, Ava?"

Ava groaned. "The Dodgers." She glanced at Markus. "It's not a party without Mahone here when they're playing the Dodgers."

Markus laughed. "Good thing I already knew who they were playing then. I called him. He's on his way."

Ava grinned just as a knock sounded on the door. "Come in, Mahone."

The door busted open. "The party can start because the main event has arrived," Mahone said in a cheery tone.

He walked to the fridge, threw in the beer he brought over, grabbed one for himself, and scooted Ava over as he plopped down next to her.

"Looking good, Ava. Better than before," he said seriously.

"Feeling better, Mahone. Good to see your ugly face again."

"Yeah, are you going to be saying that later tonight when my Dodgers cream the Yankees all over the field?" he cracked.

"I think, even then. I missed all of you," Ava said sincerely. "Doesn't mean I'm going to hold back and not dish out how horrible the Dodgers suck and the Yankees rule."

Mahone grabbed Ava around the shoulders and squeezed her affectionately. "Ah, Ava, I missed you. Game on, darling."

They all laughed together as the crowd on the TV started roaring in disgust. "Way to go, Dodgers. Already hitting a home run on the first hit," Mahone yelled in delight.

Ava groaned. "Don't speak too soon, Mahone, the game just started."

Markus laughed. "Where are we watching the game tomorrow? I think they're playing the Twins. Be a good tribute to Jimmy."

Ava smiled softly. "Well, I think O'Hares would be good. In memory of him. I still miss him every day."

"We all do, Ava. We all do," Mahone said quietly. He lifted his beer in front of them. "To Jimmy."

They all raised their bottles to his and clinked together. "To Jimmy!"

Chapter 13

Austin made his way to the rear of the barn where they housed the goats until the new red barn was built. The goats settled into their new home with ease. He couldn't find Zane anywhere. Although, noticed over the past week since Ava had been gone that he tended to wander near the goats more so than he usually did.

They managed to build the frame already. He was surprised they got so far, but then sighed deeply. Maybe he shouldn't be surprised. Zane was consumed with nothing but work. It was getting bad. He worked from sun up to sundown. At times, not returning to the house until late at night where he fell into bed without a bite to eat. Austin already had to yell at him for working so late. He was going to injure himself, but he refused to listen. Austin was at the end of his rope, he didn't know what else to do. This new plan had to work.

As he neared the goat pen, he heard Zane say, "You know what I mean, Gerta. I just—" Zane whipped his head around when he heard Austin, stumbling up quickly from the bucket. "What are you doing sneaking up on me?"

Austin grinned. "I wasn't sneaking. Not my fault you're tense about anything and everything. Were you just talking to Gerta?"

Zane scowled. "No."

"Really? Because I swear I heard you just say to her 'you know what I mean, Gerta'," Austin said mimicking Zane's voice.

Zane deepened his scowl. "Do you have a point? Can I help you with something?"

"Yeah, how about you get your head out of your ass and go get Ava back already," Austin snapped. He pointed at Gerta. "You're talking to a damn goat. Don't even try to deny it. I heard you. It's not the first time I heard you talking to the animals. How about you try talking to your own brother?"

Zane dropped his scowl and frowned. "What do you want me to say to you?"

"I want you to tell me what's going on in that head of yours. You're working so much you're going to kill yourself. Don't make me remind you I already lost one brother. I'm not looking to lose another so damn soon."

Zane sighed. "I haven't been that bad."

"Don't lie to me. Don't lie to yourself. You've been bad. You know why. Go to New York and get her back."

Zane kicked his boot at a piece of hay, looking away from Austin. "I can't. I can't go back there. She probably wouldn't leave, just like Jimmy wouldn't."

"She's not Jimmy, you know."

"Yeah, she's different. She grew up there. She loves New York. She loves her home. You think she's going to leave all that, for this." Zane whipped his arms open and gestured around him.

"You don't know if you don't try. Let me remind you, you didn’t even tell her how you felt. You just let her leave. You owe it to her…no…you owe it to yourself to at least tell her how you feel. If she rejects you, which I highly doubt, then come back home and wallow in self-pity like you're doing now and I'll leave you to it." Austin stepped closer to Zane. "You need to do this. I guarantee the minute she sees you she'll know how you feel about her. She knows how you feel about New York and how you'll never go there. Show her she's worth the risk of that kind of trip."

Zane took a deep breath, a tear glistening in the corner of his eye. "I'm scared, Austin. I've never felt this way about a woman and I'm afraid she won't want me. She could've stayed here, but she chose to leave."

"You didn't ask her to stay. Why would she?"

"I know you asked her to stay and she still didn't," Zane whispered. "I've heard you talk to her within the past week on the phone. I haven't talked to her once. She hasn't called me or asked for me. What does that say?"

"It says she's just as scared about her feelings for you that you are for her. She didn't stay when I asked because I wasn't the man she wanted to ask her to stay. Trust me, Zane. You may think I'm a loose cannon when it comes to women, but I understand them more than you do. I always saw the way she looked at you when she was here. Stars in her eyes, man."

Austin stepped closer to Zane, laying a hand on his shoulder. "I won't make you do this alone. I'll come with you. She belongs in this family. She is family. Tell her you love her. I think Jimmy would approve."

"It's funny you say that. I can remember how long ago—before our argument—he said she'd be the perfect woman for me. Can you believe that?" Zane said sadly.

"I can believe that. Jimmy was the smartest of all three of us. He knew what he was talking about. He'd be mad knowing you're not making her happy. I have talked to her this past week and I'm telling you, you may think she's happy, but she isn't. I can hear it in her voice. Let's go to New York."

Zane stood there looking at Austin, then inhaled deeply and nodded once. "Okay. I'll go to New York. You'll come with me? I don't think I can do it alone."

Austin smiled deeply. "I'll come with you. We can do this together. It’s been a week too long for this." Austin grabbed Zane in for a hug. "You're doing the right thing. You're finally being smart for once."

Austin stepped back from Zane still grinning wide.

"If you call me dumb again," Zane muttered.

"I didn't call you dumb. I said you were finally smart for once." He started to walk away and gestured for Zane to follow. "Come on. We only have three and a half hours until our flight leaves. I'd hate to miss it."

Zane scrunched his face in confusion. "What do you mean our flight?"

Austin turned around with that same devious grin. "Oh, I already had the tickets bought for New York. You were getting on the plane no matter what, whether I had to hog-tie you or not. This is so much easier, you agreeing to it. Let's go. I already have our bags packed and the truck ready to go."

Zane still looked shocked, but moved slowly behind Austin. "I probably stink. I need a shower. Look presentable, at least, before I see her."

"Na. She smelled your ugly body the whole time she was here. If it bothered her, she would've never gotten within ten feet of you. You look fine."

"What about the farm if we're both gone? This is too quick. What about the animals?" Zane countered nervously.

Austin turned around still grinning. "All taken care of, Zane. The farm will be looked after. I promise. That's what cousins are for. Quit freaking yourself out. You can do this."

Zane muttered under his breath, jumped into the truck with Austin, and frowned. "How are you so sure this will end well?"

"Trust me, Zane, I just know. You've always taken care of me and Jimmy since we were little. Let me take care of you for once."

***

Zane watched his two brothers stand near the coffin with their hearts on their sleeves, the tears running down freely, looking alone and lost. He slowly walked up to them, getting right in the middle, grabbing a hand from each of them.

"We'll get through this together, guys. I'll always be here for you. I promised Mom I'd take care of you both and I swear I will," Zane whispered as he squeezed their hands lightly.

Austin glanced up at his big brother with tears glistening in his eyes, the pain strong and clear. "I'm scared, Zane. I miss Mom so much already. I want her back."

"Me too, Austin. Me too. But sometimes things just happen and we can't control it. Just lean on me when it gets too hard. That's what I'm here for," Zane said with a reassuring smile, trying to keep his tears at bay.

"I'm scared, too, Zane. Is she in pain? Does she know we're here?" Jimmy cried, sniffing his nose as he did.

"She's not in pain. Not anymore, Jimmy. It's probably better this way. I'm sure she's looking down on us as an angel—guiding us in the right direction. If not, I'm here to help guide you in the right direction," Zane said strongly.

He let go of their hands, putting his arms around both of them, squeezing tightly. "I will always be there for you. I swear it. When you need me, just call my name. I hurt right now, too, but I'll do anything to take your pain away. Just tell me what I need to do to help you guys. I love you both so much."

Austin squeezed him back. "Just be with us right now. Let me lean on you right now. My knees are shaky and I just want to fall to the floor." Austin glanced over at their dad, who stood, accepting condolences from the arriving guests who came to show their support for the family. "I want to be strong for Dad and I don't think I can without your help, Zane."

"You're strong, Austin. So is little Jimmy here. But when you think you're not, I'll be strong for the both of you. Just lean on me then," Zane said as he held them both tightly, glancing at his mom, who rested peacefully in the coffin.

***

Ava stood in front of her dad's desk and handed him an envelope.

Peter reached out with a grim expression. "What's this?"

"Open it up," Ava said with a shrug.

Peter slowly opened the envelope, pulled out a letter and read it quickly. He slapped it onto his desk and stood up. "You're resigning. Ava, let's think about this before we make any rash decisions now."

Ava walked away from his desk and looked at the plaques on the wall. All her dad's accomplishments displayed proudly, just as hers had been. He worked hard, just as she had. She couldn't continue in this job, though. The amount of effort it took to come up to his office had been painful. She had yet to go back to her office, not sure she would be able to do it. Every corner around this place reminded her of Jimmy and it hurt. She had to leave.

A hand touched her shoulder and gently turned her around. "What's going on in your mind? Talk to me, Ava," he said encouragingly.

"I can't do it, Dad. It was hard coming up here just to deliver that letter. Trust me when I say my heart is pounding double time right now."

He pulled her into a hug. "You're right, I can feel it. It's okay." He rubbed her back reassuringly for a minute and then pulled away from her, taking her hand and guided her to the couch to have a seat. "What are you going to do, sweetheart? You know I support anything you choose to do. I know how hard you worked to get where you are. I hate to see you lose it all."

Ava sighed. "I'm not losing anything, Dad. That would mean I wasn't leaving on my own esteem. I thought hard about this. I'm not sure what I'm going to do. Be honest. Did you think I was coming back after I've been gone almost four months?"

Peter sighed solemnly. "No, I guess not. I was just hoping you were taking your time to come back. You're an asset here. You'll be missed."

Ava grinned. "Not by everyone, though. I could be harsh."

Peter grinned back. "True, but you were still respected. You have no idea what you want to do now? You know I'll give you money if you need it to hold you over until you find something."

"Thanks, Dad. I'm fine for now. I've been thinking things through. I'm not positive if I made a decision yet, but I was offered a job somewhere else."

Peter looked surprised. "Really? Where? Who offered it to you?"

"Chief Tanner with the St. Joseph's Police Department…in Minnesota."

"Wait, the same chief who you threatened? The same one who threatened to lock you up?" Peter laughed.

"Yeah. Apparently, I made a good impression on him. I just have that kind of way with people," Ava joked.

Peter chuckled. "You sure do, sweetheart. Does this decision have anything to do with one of those McCord men?"

Ava shied away from her dad's knowing look. "Maybe."

"Ava, look at me. What happened at the farm?"

Ava looked at her dad and saw his encouraging smile. "They helped me heal. I felt better and a little more whole inside. Then I got on a plane and felt broken again."

Peter grabbed her hand. "Why would you feel that way? Because they're Jimmy's brothers? Is the only way you'll feel better is to be with his family?"

"No, Dad. Surprisingly, it's not." Ava paused for a moment, trying to gain strength inside. "It's because I fell in love with one of them and can't seem to move on. I just miss him so much."

Peter raised his eyebrows in surprise. "Can't say I expected that to happen. Which one? Austin? Why did you leave in the first place? I wouldn’t have been mad."

Ava smiled. "I know you wouldn’t have been. It's complicated. Didn't you ever struggle with Mom?"

"Yeah, she was a firecracker. I guess you get that from her," Peter mused. "You didn't answer my first question."

"Zane."

Peter looked taken aback. "What? Now I never expected that one. How does he feel about you?"

Ava shrugged. "Not sure. I think he has feelings, just not how deep they are." She grinned at him. "I'm still thinking about my choices here. But fear not, I'll be going back to at least tango with him."

"Tango, as in asking him to dance? Or tango, as in probably argue?" Peter said with a laugh.

"Maybe a little of both. I've never danced with him. I imagine it would be nice."

"Hmm. My daughter's in love finally. I feel like an old man and thinking I need to clean my guns out," Peter jested.

Ava laughed and stood up. "Dad, keep your guns locked up if you ever come face-to-face with Zane. I can just imagine how that conversation will go. I should let you get back to work now that I've poured my heart out to you."

Peter hugged his daughter again and whispered, "I'm always here for you. Don't forget that even when you're all the way in Minnesota."